http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/rcl/chapter-2

SOME BASIC RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

Some excerpts from this chapter:

SOME REASONS WHY RELATIONSHIPS DETERIORATE

1. Lack of education in effective communication.

2. Poor examples - Role models. We learn through imitation. We contain within us much more of our parents’ programming than we are aware of.

3. We do not take responsibility for our reality. Our beliefs create our reality. If we want a new reality, we will need to change our beliefs about ourselves, others and the world around us.

4. We expect the other to fulfill our needs and expectations. We believe that the other, in some magical way, is going to supply us with what is lacking within us.

5. Fear of what the others think. We create considerable tension when we want to place limits on or seek to change our loved one’s behavior so we can be accepted by others.

6. Lack of energy. I have seen a number of relationships fall into disharmony and even separation because one or both of the partners let their energy level fall to a dangerously low level causing them to become a negative element in that relationship.

7. We carry the past around within us. We do not live in the present. Throughout the years, we have formed a mental image of who the other is and now we see our image and not the person.

8. We cannot imagine harmony. Many of us cannot imagine a harmonious relationship. This may be because we have experienced negative childhood role models, or perhaps we have lived for so long in a negative relationship (or have had a series of negative relationships) that we cannot imagine ourselves in a positive one.

9. Inner Conflicts. Inner conflicts often externalize as conflicts with our loved ones. When beliefs, needs, values or desires conflict within us, we project those conflicts onto those around us, especially those closest to us. We believe they are in conflict with us, limiting or resisting us, when in reality, one part of ourselves is limiting or resisting another. Then, when we harbor feelings of resentment or blame toward the other, he or she in turn feels abused, as he or she feels innocent of our accusations.

10. Need conflicts. We will discuss the problem of need conflicts in our relationships and possible solutions to them in later chapters.