Getting To Know Each Other

Life Coach Training

Lori

User Name        Lori

Email                my_devil@bellsouth.net

MSN Messenger  my_devil@bellsouth.net
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State                Louisiana (originally Missouri)

Country            USA       

Gender             Female

Age                 41

Relationship      15 year committed relationship

Profession(s)     Internet Marketing Consultant, Hospitality Consultant, Small Business Consultant, Website Designer, Writer

Children            None

Hobbies            Carpentry, Woodworking, Soap and Candle Making,  Embroidery, Cooking, Reading,
                       Photography (digital and traditional), Writing

Interests           Astrology, Tarot, Numerology, Enneagram, Erotic Art, Mythology, Technology and high tech gadgets,
                       Philosophy, World Religions. Actually there is not much in which I do not have an interest or
                       about which I do not pursue knowledge.

Related Studies    Holistic and herbal healing, Meditation, Coaching (life and relationship)

Other Studies       Bachelor's Degree - English Literature (gothic and Middle English)

                          Bachelor's Degree - Speech Communications - Specialty in Technical Theatre and Male/Female Communication

Travel                  Brazil, South Africa, Kenya, Tanzania, Morocco, Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe), Italy, Portugal, US

I am 13 years clean and sober (alcohol, marijuana, and amphetamines). I have also successfully controlled a food addiction for nearly 8 years. I am 5'3" and at my most overweight I weighed 210 lbs. Over the course of several years I have lost approximately 80 lbs.

I am the youngest of three children, and for the best and worst of it "my father's daughter." I was guided, by my father, to be extremely individualistic and independent. I had a very close relationship with him.

My father was a homosexual who lived his entire life in "the closet." My parents remained married until my father was stabbed to death by one of his "intimates." I was 25 when he was murdered. He was 52. My world fell apart the day my sister found his body. Within a few months of his murder I was offered a transfer from St. Louis, my childhood home, and I ran from St. Louis. I thought I had escaped the overwhelming grief and feelings of emptiness when I lost him. I have learned that I simply stuffed it down inside and am now dealing with it as best I can.

I inherited my addictive personality and chemical imbalance from my father, as did both of my siblings. However, despite the difficulties my father suffered including physical and sexual abuse he was able to help me to overcome (or at least deal with) my own mood disorders and addictions in a reasonably successful way. When he was told I should be put on lithium at the age of 13 to control my imbalance, his response was "Over my dead body will you drug my little girl so she can make it through the day. Either she learns to deal with this, or she goes down fighting."

That was how my father handled most situations, and the example that was set for me. I have followed that example for most of my life, but now know that as much help as he gave me, I developed emotional scars from his raging temper and watching him pursue a self-destructive life path, one I emulated for many years.

My upbringing was shrouded in shame by the behavior of both of my parents. My father attempted suicide twice while I was under the age of 5 years, and until I was nearly 21 it was referred to as "when Pop was in the hospital when you were little." My father was arrested twice for soliciting sex from undercover police officers, and again that was a "secret" until I was nearly an adult. Even the circumstances of his murder were "secret" to most people including my mother's 3 sisters. After my father's murder my brother, who is the oldest, came to the realization that he had been molested by my father when he was a child. That has remained a "secret" from most of our family also. Shame and secrets are huge issues within my upbringing and are issues I am now trying to resolve.

My intimate relationships with men have been continuations of my relationship with my father. I have chosen controlling men who have been abused in some way, and tried to heal them in a way I could not help my father heal. About 2 years ago I met a man who has helped me to see what I am doing and has helped me to heal many of the wounds I did not know I was trying to cover by my bravado. We hope and plan to share a life together, but we know he and I both have much to learn about ourselves and each other before the time for that relationship to fully blossom comes. Although I am in a loving relationship and care deeply for the man I am with currently, I know I must end that relationship because it has begun to stifle my growth in many ways and he is suffering because of my unhappiness and feelings of being unfulfilled by the relationship.

Eight years ago my mother became profoundly depressed and was hospitalized in St. Louis. Neither of my siblings could care for her so I brought her to live with me and my significant other. A year ago she had a third heart attack and under went bypass surgery. Since that time she has sunk deeper and deeper into depression and it has begun to overwhelm me. The unresolved issues between her and my father have surfaced between her and me. There is a daily power struggle between us, but it is passive/aggressive on her part and the longer I continues the more I become my father in conduct. My sister has agreed to have my mother live with her, because the stress of this relationship has begun to take its toll on my emotionally and physically.

I am blessed because I am aware of the issues with which I have to deal and those I need to resolve. One positive thing about living in such a dysfunctional world is that you cannot live in denial for very long. I am also blessed because despite the world in which I grew up I never wondered if I was loved. Both of my parents were always loving and supportive.

I have always been a pleaser and care taker for those around me, and have now accepted that I have cared for some of them to their detriment, weakening them by my excessive devotion. My mother's illness has forced me to face that because she has become dependent on me to the point of me feeling suffocated, and rebelling against her dependency.

I proudly refer to myself as a Phoenix, frequently bursting into flames and rising in splendor from my own ashes. I know it is time to stop that behavior and to have an identity that is not based so heavily on being "my father's daughter."

Reading Robert's work has helped me to see more clearly the things I  have been trying to avoid and deny about myself and my life, and I know that this course and the tools I will acquire will help me, and with them I will be able to help others to do heal themselves.