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Unconditional love If we may define love as a function of our ?autonomic nervous system?, then unconditional love may be defined as an operation of our ?central nervous system.? In short, Love is falling into a ?blind, uncontrollable, instinctive, automatic state,? (taking famous love stories of the world as the exemplary); it is a faculty opposite to the faculty of ?reason? as it is traditionally described, while unconditional love is mainly a conscious mental process making use of both love and reason. It may be called the dialectical ?synthesis? of one of the most traditional philosophical opposites: love and reason. Love may not last, because human beings as Sapiens, as creatures who think and possess a conscious mind can not stay in any ?blind, uncontrollable, instinctive, automatic? state for long. While in a state of unconditional love, humans are expected to use and apply their unique quality of ?mind, mental faculty, reason, awareness, consciousness? and in one word, whatever that makes them human and different from other living creatures in addition to their more primitive, unconscious, instinctive feeling that is called love and perhaps even without it. Unconditional love may be described as the evolution of love as the result of the growth of ?mental, conscious faculty? in humans. The more humans grew out of their ?unconscious, natural, intuitive? state of being, and started to replace it all with ?reason, conscious scientific thinking?, the more they needed to make a conscious act of their most basic instinctive states such as love. In other words, ?unconditional love? is the creation of ?scientific man? tired of living in a ?cold world of failed, futile, illusory loves.? So far it seems that our faculty of reason has been growing at the expense of our faculty of love. In this way, and particularly following the serious attack of the Age of Rationalism, and its rapid dominance over the other world-views, Reason seized over other human faculties at the most devastating price of humans losing their immediate direct interchange with Nature (Cosmos in fact). Rationalism demands humans to show reasonable, logical behaviors at the price of suppression of all possible instinctive, emotional, spontaneous acts that they may be capable of. It can achieve this goal by making the individuals to conform with and adapt themselves to its rules In this way, the whole world naturally has changed into a vast stage that everybody has to REACT some pre-mediated role designed for her/his on a pre-set stage of Rationalism and rational living way of life. The other possible ways of living which actually means ?different ways of being in the world,? such as the sensual, instinctive, intuitive way, are only allowed to function within a rational logical framework. The only domain that fortunately, has managed to escape the dominant Rule of Reason and Logic has been the domain of Arts. Only there one is still allowed to act spontaneously, unreasonably, illogically. It has been the only domain left to the Rule of imagination, play, wild passions, instinctive behavior. And what follows is one way of understanding the Drama that has been on the Stage so far. Thus was the domination of Homo Sapiens over Homo Sentient (now perhaps still surviving only in Artists) and the resulting supremacy of Knowing over Understanding. Now we all rather know about human life, than to have an immediate direct experience of it. When we are curious about a foreign land, we would watch a documentary film about it or/and look at its photos or/and read all about it in books, instead of taking the hassle to go and live there as once a curious human being -- voluntarily or involuntarily (due to primitive system of transportation) ? used to do. And if we finally go to this land (primarily because we have to go on a holiday and it is customary to spend holidays in this way), we go as a ?tourist? rather than a ?traveler,? an explorer. And in fact this is how one of our most distinguishing human characteristics, that is curiosity, is now being satisfied: By knowing about another person?s view on the object of our interest, and thus obtaining only second hand, stale, non-personal knowledge. And what about our other claimed human characteristic, the very one our Poets, Mystics, Spiritualists, Religious Men, have been boasting about it since the immemorial time: Love? What are we doing here, in this sphere? Normally, after trying our personal relevant illusions and imaginations that originate from what we have seen, what we have heard, and what we have been told and what we have listened to and what we have read in books or have watched in movies and failing in almost all our human interactions and relationships involving love (from our relationship with our family, to our intimate interactions with other human beings, that which is called ?friendship,? to our real love-relationships and finally to our relationships with our children), some of us might pause and probably ask ourselves: ?wait a minute. So: What is love if it is not what I think it should be?? And for some of us the real search starts from this moment on. So we start to go from this religion to that religion, from this school of thought to that school of thought, from this ideology to that ideology, from this sect of spiritualism, to that sect of spiritualism, from this poet to that poet; from physic-ism to metaphysic-ism and back and forth. Until our head starts spinning, like a top and the spinning starts to extend to the rest of our body and then it appears that as though the centrifugal force the spinning has produced throws us to some distant foreign land, and we find ourselves standing behind what appears to be a city gate, with this huge statute reminding us of the Greek sphinx, and with this hope that we might find a remedy for our ?love-sickness? in one of its apothecaries, we step forward to cross that city gate when we hear this voice telling us ?you can cross this gate only if you would offer an acceptable answer to the question "what is love?" And we think ?that is interesting! The answer that Oedipus gave to the riddle of the Greek Sphinx was ?man? (the animal that in the morning goes on four feet, at noon on two, and in the evening upon three). And now this Sphinx asks the question that supposedly only humans can answer, at least according to mystics and spiritualists. So let us see what ?we know? about what love is? According to what we know, love consists mainly of two aspects, a physiological (instinctive, sensory) and an acquired(mental or subjective) aspect (and perhaps with some fictional or true spiritual aspect too.) We leave the physiological aspect to the scientists and medical researchers to explore and limit ourselves to its acquired aspect. It appears that this mental or acquired part still has its roots in that archetypal thinking of eternal love and ?they lived happily ever after? that was then more established with the hands of morality and tradition, to finally being eternalized in Arts. It is this mental aspect of love that is really causing problem even when its content deals with the physical aspect (pornography may be seen as the production of mind although it aim is the physical body?) So now in the era of relative permissibility of ways of being (postmodernism) and the serious trembling and collapse of the so far solid columns of traditions and morality, when a good part of Mind is witnessing the results and consequences of its dominance, what can be love? Is it just an illusion? If so then what about the Jungian concept of ?collective unconsciousness? and Piaget?s ?genetic epistemology? and the notion of ?attitude of man still being of an archetypal mythological nature? and the idea of myths continuing to exist in us through their transformation into epics, folks stories and novels? Can we not say that all these fashionable talks about positive and negative attitudes and energies might very well be a transformed form of the primeval war between gods and giants (Cyclopes, Monsters, Gorgons, Devas (in Iran) and Ahuras (in India)) of myths and then the god and devil of religions that later changed to ?good? and ?evil? of moralities? What is perhaps interesting in this relation is the fact that in nearly none of the accounts of the emergence of the ?first man and woman? (whether in Myths or Religions) there is not any reference to the existence of ?love? at least in the ?poetical sense? between them. On the contrary, there is a tragic aspect to love between man and woman whenever it is mentioned either in the sense of Greek-like mythological and epical forms or in the sense recorded in the world?s literatures in the form of some enforced ?separation? whether because of the immediate conditions of the lovers or the death of one of them. In religions (mainly referring the story of Adam and Eve), the tragic ending is their expulsion from Heaven. Therefore if the notion of ?collective unconsciousness? is true we should have both the tragic and blissful forms existing simultaneously in our Psyche. The memory of tragic form makes us fear love and that of the blissful one motivates us to look for it. This inner war would be reflected in the fearful-loving approaches of one to one?s object of love (whether another human being, or a pet or money or work or power or...) which depending on whether we would approach it fearfully or lovingly it gives rise to the corresponding reaction that then becomes an action to produce another reaction ad infinitum. Up to know the tragic fear inspiring aspect has been ?controlled? with the help of religious faith, traditions and social laws, all agreeing on one point that ?a woman should go with the white dress of wedding to her mate and leave him with the white cloth of coffin.? Now all those faiths, traditions and corresponding social laws are at their weakest state of their existences. The inhabitants of the land of ?reason? are living shoulder to shoulder with the peoples of the land of ?love? and in the cauldron of Intelligence, this characteristic quality of human being, western trend of philosophy, attitude and way of life is being churned with the eastern philosophy, attitude and way of life. And as the result, any form of ?identity? is being questioned. We are living in a period of absolute confusion about the immemorial question of ?Who am I? Where do I come from? Where do I go?? Up to now, the loneliness that such questions produce has always been cured by the panacea of ?love.? So if we can accept that myths do not die but only transform according to the necessities of time, what could be the present transformed form of myth of ?love? and its two tragic and blissful archetypal mental aspects that are based on the tragic feeling of the fear of loneliness and the blissful feeling of unity? Logically, if we like to vote for the latter, it is necessary to overcome and if not ?control? that fear. And one way to control this fear is through the notion of ?unconditional love.? Like wisdom it is a more ?civilized human way of ?control? because it appeals to one?s self or a higher self, rather than to another ?fearful, insecure? self, or some outer ideas that even if it appears as a solution for that essential fear and insecurity at the beginning, once established it uses the same fear and insecurity for its maintenance (through the idea of hell and prisons for the dissident). In other words, the war between the tragic and blissful aspect is now turned inward and the bliss is searched inside and not outside. And this again is felicitous as it is the first time in the history of mankind, that humans are giving up the idea of expecting ?somebody else,? i.e. Lover including God, to give her/him the elixir of Bliss. It is perhaps the first time in the history of mankind that humans are taking the responsibility of creating their own happiness, rather than expecting another individual or god to create it for them. Unconditional love seems to be the remedy of the spiritual-intellectual species of our era for that Dis-ease of loneliness that has always been treated by love. But is it a remedy or a mere analgesic? We should be aware that it can even be a mere placebo. What is unconditional love, anyway? First of all it can be said that it is a view, an approach, an attitude, and then a belief that like any other belief creates its own reality. What is it going to ?treat? to ?cure? to ?heal?? The angst and agony of being. In other words, in the same way that ?wisdom? can lessen our fears of Unknown, unconditional love lessens the pain of being a lonely human being on this plant with the ever lasting questions of ?who am I? Where do I come from? Where do I go?? Love without conditions, expectations, says the teaching of ?unconditional? love. But how on earth can this be possible, when our whole life on this earth is totally conditional? This is when the mind comes into play. After all it is the faculty that has undergoine the greatest degree of growth at least since Renaissance. With the help of reason and intellect we can try to materialize an unrealistic therefore abstract idea. If we succeed it would mean that it has a survival value. After all it seems that genus of homo sapiens called mystics, those first preachers of unconditional love have survived somehow miraculously through the ages! So, let us assume that loving without conditions and expectations is possible despite our totally conditional life! As there are supposed to be no expectations, there is going to be less failures, less set backs, frustrations, despair, inner mental dialogues and in one word that ?mental state? that is the basis of so many psycho-mental-emotional-physical disorders and disturbances of our generation. It thus helps us to stay relatively happy and healthy and holy as one of the main causes of human suffering and misery is always ?unfulfilled expectations.? So what is the effect of ?loving unconditionally?? Through unconditional love, the archetypal association of love and happiness (now perhaps in the form of soul-mates) is kept intact (the myth or the archetypal thinking is revived), while the death of love, that happens as the result of the failure of ?the other person in making us happy? is controlled. Like wisdom, it is perhaps the present way of spiritual-intellectual man to control his fears and insecurities for being such ?inconsiderable? (of course meaning ?unimportant?) being, a mere speck in the seemingly infinite vastness of the universe. Again so far the basic antidote for this human existential fear has always been the idea of love. The idea of ?two-ness,? ?family-ness,?É ?god-ness? replacing the essential feeling of ?alone-ness.? It is the very idea, that gives one the courage to live and to search even for other possible ways of overcoming that fear, that loneliness. And when in history have humans ever been so ?lonely?? and therefore in need of love? When in history have humans experienced such a thorough collapse of all ?values,? ?traditions,? ?beliefs,? ?faiths,? ?ideals? in one life-time? That is all those things that helped humans to overcome that fear so far. And as all these things, that is values, beliefs, faiths, ideals produce expectations, it is natural that when they collapse, the expectations would collapse too and thus arises the idea of ?unconditional love.? So it may be said that unconditional love is the mental-psychotherapeutic antidote of fear of loneliness and the accompanying insecurities. And while love may be seen as the outer manifestation of the will to live, fear is the instinct, chemistry, or the biological base of the same will. Therefore it is important to know what exactly we are doing here and where it can lead. In other words is it just like one of those chemical drugs whose far graver harmful effects were known only later? In other words, is it just a short-term acting analgesic or a remedy? Before attempting to look at this question, let us look at ?love? from that ?poetical? point of view too, the only involving mainly passion (which is a feeling) instead of compassion (which is rather synthesis of feeling and mind). ********************************* Who is Roya Monajem? Like every body else as a soul in search of herself she studied medicine to learn about human body and psyche for six years, then studied, worked, wrote articles and carried out research on acupuncture therapy and Iranian herbal medicine for years. A few of her researches were published in American Journal of Acupuncture. Meanwhile translating and publishing over dozens of books that she found helpful in her own search for a "theory of health and disease" in the field of medicine, psychology, mythology, philosophy, occult and also a few novels. Participated in producing a TV serial on "man in search of equilibrium" that was banned, although it won a prize in a documentary film festival (Roshd) in Iran. She started to realize that with demystification of mysteries, the age for certain relationships such as "master-disciple" is over. Now the whole world is like a temple and one's relationships is one's best spiritual master in "knowing oneself." So she started to look for a world-view that could make one independent of the need to have a spiritual guide or master in the traditional sense of the word, and the results of this search was presented in her book Womanhood-Motherhood (http:/irannet.com/books/womanhood-) and presented workshops on the subject for about five years. She worked as a freelance translator for Payvand.com for a year or so and now has a Roya's Corner at the same site (www.payvand.com/news/Roya's Corner, where she publishes pieces on what she considers to be the major concepts of life. She has been constantly casting away her overused old limiting selves, and acting as these dead selves' mortician and grave digger as far as she remembers, as any kind of self-identity stimulates the fear of loneliness and insecurity and thus lowering the power and inclination to love "selflessly." Since her high school years in England she has been reciting Robert Frost's little poem: I am nobody, Who are you? Are you nobody too? Then that makes a pair of us! ********************************* |
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