|
||
subscribe to Clarity and Gain Membership priviliges for free confirmation email in 24 hours, send us request for subscription to webmaster@holisticharmony.com _______________________________ Clarity E-zine View new and old issues of Clarity. Suggested Steps to Clarity & Happiness New Email Courses FREE NOW Great new ebooks Greek Link "Keimena sta Ellinika" Very Interesting Articles1. Check out these Articles for yourPersonal Harmony & Ezine Publishers Self-Acceptance Motivation and Positive Thinking Dealing With Emotions Health Healing Our Inner Child Contemporary Parables Meditation Spirituality Love Virtues Death and Dying Helping Our Children Images of our Retreat Center and Seminars ********** 2. Receive Click for Free membership Free Membership & Subscription to Clarity ********** 3. Get your 40% discount on the Psychology of Happiness ********** 4.Discover a Wealth of Wisdom at Articles for Human Harmony 5. Research Subjects of Vital Importance ********** 6. Use our Life Clarification Process ********** Connect with a Life Coach Holistic Harmony Life Coaches ********** Send us your Inspiring Thoughts & Ideas ********** Useful Related Sites - Check out websites affiliated with the Holistic Harmony Network. Emotional Freedom Techniques Articles on Health And spiritual Growth By Friends of Holistic Harmony Articles by Friends 
Syndicate Robert's articles on your site! Fast, Easy & Free! Greek Link About Angels Holistic Life Greek "Efimerida" Become a Holistic Harmony Affliate Make money while you help others. You can sell our ebooks from your site or email list. And receive 50% of all sales that take place through you. It is free! About Holistic Harmony Who are we, what we do. Ezine articles for Personal Harmony and Publishers Smaller articles ideal for publishers of ezines, websites, magazines or newspapers. Books, Cassettes and E-books Browse our store for valuable gifts of wisdom to yourself and others Research Articles Gain immediate access to all the articles in the member's area, organized subjects which interest you. Life Clarification Process Life Coaching - We enable your clarity on goals, needs, emotions, life issues, relationships, decision making and inner conflicts. Monthly Articles with links to Member Article sections. Also check out the various classes at Coachville.com coachville.com Related Sites - Check out websites affiliated with the Holistic Harmony Network. Become a Holistic Harmony Affliate Make money while you help others. You can sell our ebooks from your site or email list. And receive 50% of all sales that take place through you. It is free! Life Coach with 33 years experience An overview of how you can benefit from this site. |
Why Your Needs Do Not Get MeetRobert Elias NajemyRelationships and need conflictsWe perceive him or her as the cause of our unhappiness. We are controlled by our needs and our relationships suffer when we feel that they are not being fulfilled. When a need is not being fulfilled, there are four basic possible reasons why. Understanding these reasons will allow us to determine what we can do to solve the problem 1. One reason might be that we have not been communicating our needs clearly enough. Perhaps we are afraid to express our needs because of a fear of indifference, rejection or conflict. Thus, in such a case our lesson is to express our needs more assertively but with respect for the other through an I-message which emphasizes what we need without criticizing, threatening or complaining. We simply express our need, why we need it and how we feel when it is not satisfied. 2. Another reason why a need might not be fulfilled is that we have a subconscious block to that happening. Although we may want something, we may also feel subconsciously that we do not deserve it or fear that we may be in danger if we have it. One example is a woman who had been complaining that her husband was not doing enough at work or at home. When I asked her to imagine him doing more, she panicked, because she had been getting her self-worth from doing more than he had and being the "victim". Another example is a person who complains about not finding a suitable relationship partner, but tends to connect with married persons or persons living far away or those who declare that they are not interested in a serious relationship. In such a case this person who wants the relationship also probably feels that he or she does not deserve one or will be in danger of being abandoned, suppressed or hurt in some way. Thus he or she is subconsciously blocking the fulfillment of this need. 3. A third reason we someone is not fulfilling our needs is that we are doing something or have done something in the past, or are playing some role which is causing the other to be unable to respond to our needs. A woman, who was complaining that her husband is aloof and does not respond to her, discovered that her tendency to criticize him was causing him to close up. This husband might find that this aloofness is causing his wife to be critical and thus not fulfill his need for acceptance. People who tend to be over-responsible or perfectionists can attract irresponsible behavior from those around them. 4. A fourth reason might be that we have come to a point in our evolutionary process where it is time to transcend that particular need and feel secure, worthy and fulfilled without it being satisfied by a specific person or perhaps at all from the outside. Our evolutionary process is asking of us to find inner security, self-worth and fulfillment. Thus until we learn this lesson we "need" not to have our needs filled from outside and from others. Having said the above, we might want to try out the following experiment. We can print two copies of the following list of possible needs. We can fill out the one and have our loved one fill out the other. (This list has been made for love partners, but all needs except for sexual ones can also be investigated in other relationships, especially parents and children.) The whole family can also do this. Possible Lessonsa. To communicate more effectively concerning exactly what you need. b. To remove any subconscious fears or guilt which may be obstructing your manifesting this in your life. c. To adjust your behavior so that others are free to respond. d. To transcend this need at this time and be happy without it being fulfilled. In the case you feel that at least one of your lessons is no communicate more effectively without criticism, accusations, threats or complaining, then you can share with each other what you have discovered and seek to respond even more to each otherŐs needs. Depending on which lessons you need to learn you will need to proceed differently. We will discuss each of these possible procedures in future articles. The question at this point is which of the following do you need more of in this relationship. 1. Love (or greater or more specific expression of it) 2. Respect 3. Understanding (of what?) 4. Acceptance 5. Acknowledgement and affirmation 6. Trust 7. Freedom to think and function as we believe and in accordance with our needs. 8. A peaceful environment 9. Affection 10. Support and encouragement in the cultivation of our abilities and powers. 11. To listen to us without criticizing or giving advice. 12. To be satisfied with us. 13. To inspire us. 14.To be just with us - to behave towards us as he or she would like us to behave towards him of her. 15. To respect our beliefs and ideals. 16. Tď express his or her true feelings, needs and beliefs. 18. Freedom of movement 19. To keep our agreements 20. To have patience with our weakness. 21. To support us during difficult moments. 22. To express gratitude for all that we offer him or her. 23. To acknowledge our positive qualities. 24. To be able to be alone when we do not feel well or when we have the need. 25. To get out more often 26. For more rest 27. For more help in the chores. 28.For greater attention when we speak 29. To do more things together 30. For greater responsibility on his or her part. 31. To be on time 32. For more help and cooperation in keeping order and cleanliness. 33. To be able to behave as we like in our home. 34. To take care of him/her self. 35. Erotic contact. 36. To be sexually devoted to only us Other (add needs which are not above)________________________________ Your complaining Your criticism Your impatience Your refusal to cooperate Your reactions Your conflicts and arguments The games which you play Your competitiveness Your teaching and sermons Your anger Be Well*************** Reference Box for Publishers ***** ************************************ (Robert Elias Najemy's recently released book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/holisticharmo-20 and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html . His writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.) ************************************ Return to index of shorter articles ********** "The Psychology of Happiness"by Robert Najemy is available at Amazon.com at:Amazon.com Or you can get it at a 40% discount atThe Psychology of Happiness with 40% discountView OnlyView The Psychology of Happiness********* Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Subscribe to Clarity - FreeFree subscription May you be well on all levels of your being. | |