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Forgiving Others
Robert Elias Najemy www.HolisticHarmony.com

As with all goals we simply need to realize the obstacles towards letting go our resentment and then forgiveness is natural. Forgiveness, love and peace are our natural inner qualities. They are obstructed only when our beliefs and fears cause us to engage in various emotional defense mechanisms.
Thus, by methodically removing each such belief and emotion, forgiveness and love become our natural state.

Here is a process we use in our self-knowledge seminars.

A. List the persons you feel you need to forgive:

Make a list of people and what they have done.

1. Name of Person 2. What he or she did

B. List of reasons we might not want to forgive:

For each of these make a list of reasons why you hesitate or feel resistance towards forgiving.

Consider the following possible obstacles to forgiving others:
1. We still feel vulnerable and are afraid of being hurt again if we forgive and prefer to keep an emotional distance,
2. We believe that forgiving means admitting that the other is or was right and do not want them to think so.
3. By not forgiving we are able to perhaps control them and make them seek forgiveness from us. If we forgive, we would lose this power.
4. We want to place the blame for our dissatisfaction with our selves of our lives on someone else who is responsible. Forgiving would mean that we would either have to be happy or be responsible for the fact that we are not.
5. We falsely believe that forgiveness or love require that must let this person do whatever he or she wants ? regardless of ethics or justice ? and that this would be totally unacceptable.

Note: Forgiving and loving does not mean that we are obliged to allow others to do whatever they want, even it is unjust or unethical. We can feel unlimited love for them while we also assertively confront them concerning such behaviors. This is actually for their own good, as evolving souls. This is also important for us and our society as a whole.
This should be done steadfastly but also with as much love and understanding as possible.

C. List of reasons we want to forgive:

Consider some of the following reasons for wanting to forgive:

1. I will then be free from these negative emotions which are stressing my body and mind.
2. I will become more mature, taking responsibility for my reality.
3. I will free myself from the belief that others create my reality..
4. I will be free from the fears and illusions, which obstruct my ability to forgive.
5. I will experience love again.
6. Since I would like others to forgive me for my mistakes, I would also like to forgive them for theirs.
8. Since I too have made mistakes and have behaved egotistically and defensively at times, then it is natural that I forgive the others for the same.
9. Only in this way, can I move forward to create conscious love relationships.

You may want to also refer to this list of truths, which can aid our forgiving others.

Truths Which will Help Us Forgive

Some truths which will help us forgive others are (some are based on various spiritual beliefs or Christian concepts which might not be acceptable to you or applicable to the issue):

1. All happens according to a divine justice and wisdom which brings me exactly what I need at every stage of my evolutionary process in order to learn the next lesson.

2. Others are simply actors in my life drama, the script of which I write daily.

3. Others are the hands of the divine showing me the direction in which I must go.

4. All are souls in evolution, who act negatively out of ignorance and fear.

5. Forgiving does not mean saying that what the other did was right, it simply means that I forgive his ignorance and weakness as a fellow soul in the evolutionary process.

6. Forgiving does not make me vulnerable. Still needing something (security, affirmation, love ) from the other makes us vulnerable. Forgiving and loving without needing any thing from the other is my real protection.

7. I am the sole creator of my reality. I abuse others when I hold them responsible for what I create.

8. I have the power to create my life and need not hide behind excuses that I cannot because of something which others have done or are doing.

9. As souls in the process of evolution we all make many mistakes. This is natural. What is unnatural is not forgiving ourselves and others for these mistakes.

10. The other is a divine creation. Although he may not realize it, the divine is functioning through him. Not forgiving him, is to not forgive the divine.

11. We create as much pain in the world when we feel hurt as when we hurt.

And the words of Christ

12. "Let he who has not sinned, throw the first stone."

13. "Judge not, that you be not Judged."

14. "You will be judged with the strictness with which you have judged."

15. Peter asked Christ, "How many times should we forgive someone for what he has done, seven times?" Christ answered, " No Peter, Seven times seventy times."

D. Now, pick a person and issue to work with

Name of Person _________________What they did to us___________________

A. Write the reasons why you do not want to forgive
B. Write the reasons why you want to forgive

E. Working on the Various Obstacles

Now that we know the reasons we want to forgive and have discovered reasons we are resisting to forgive, we can employ various methods to proceed.

1. Analyzing what we believe which causes us to resist forgiving and work on transforming that belief.
2. Discovering our childhood experiences, which have conditioned us to feel that way and transform our childhood interpretation of those experiences. (For this we might find professional help through regressions, rebirthing, EMDR, TFT and EFT.)
3. We can use positive affirmations, which will allow us to program our minds more positively.
4. We can keep a high level of energy by eating healthily, exercising and / or dancing regularly, as well as by regular breathing exercises.
5. Sincere spiritual or religious faith can help overcome most negative emotions.
6. We can remember all of the mistakes we have made and understand the other?s weaknesses.
7. We can take responsibility as souls in evolution for the reality we are creating.
8. We can correct the disturbed energy field, which is creating these feelings. This is possible through new methods of "Energy Psychology" based on Dr. Callahan?s Thought Field Therapy. (A simplified version can be found at http://www.emofree.com) (Once you learn how to perform the technique you can learn to employ it towards various goals at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/eft/index.asp

Some helpful Affirmations might be the following. You will notice that the affirmations first seek to allow us to understand, accept and love ourselves exactly as we are with our negative emotions and then declare our choice to be free from them. We might need to work with various aspects in order to get totally free.

While working on forgiveness we might need to work various aspects such as:

I. Emotions which we might have because we have not yet been able to forgive what happened

A. Even though I feel some guilt (shame, self-rejection, self-doubt) because I have not yet been able to forgive _____________ for ___________, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept) to be free from this (emotion) ______.

II. Resistance towards forgiving

A. Even though I feel (emotion) ____________ about the idea of forgiving (person) ______ for (act) ______ I deeply and profoundly love myself.
B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept) to be free from this (emotion) ______.

III. Emotions we have about what the other did

A. Even though I feel (emotion) ____________ concerning what (name of person) _____ did, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept) to be free from this (emotion) ______.

IV. Emotions which we had in the past when we first experienced the event.

A. Even though I felt /feel (emotion) ____________ because of what(name of person) _____ did, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept) to be free from this (emotion) ______.

V. Physical problems associated with emotions involved.

A. Even though I have this (physical phenomenon) ____________ in my (part of body) ___________, I deeply and profoundly love myself.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept) to be free from this (physical phenomenon) ______ in my (part of body)_____.

VI. Childhood experiences similar to this event which make us more susceptible

A. Even though I feel (emotion) ____________ concerning what(name of person) _____ did ________(in Childhood), I deeply and profoundly love myself.

B. I choose (want, deserve, allow myself, accept) to be free from this (emotion) ______.

Important Note

We may need to first forgive ourselves and love and accept ourselves as we are with all our faults, mistakes and weaknesses as souls in a process of evolution before we are able to forgive and love others as they are.

If we care for our bodies and minds, they will care for us.

Be Well

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***** Reference Box for Publishers *****
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(Robert Elias Najemy's recently released book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available at
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/holisticharmo-20
and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html .
His writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.)
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