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Return to list of books Click below to be taken directly to the samples: v Table of Contents v COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS v HOW OUR PERSONAL REALITY IS CREATED v BREATHING OUT TENSION v ANXIETY ABOUT GRADES v FEAR THAT HE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR v SEVEN CENTERS OF CONSCIOUSNESS v WHY SOME OF US DO NOT REALLY WANT TO IMPROVE OUR LIVES v WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM ILLNESS v WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM A RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN v WHAT CAN WE LEARN THROUGH THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE v WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM LOSS v WHAT MIGHT WE LEARN FROM A COURT CASE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TABLE OF CONTENTS Chapter Page Life Story no 1 Communication Problems 10 Chapter 1 How Reality is Created 12 Technique no. 1 Breathing out the Tension 17 Life Story no. 2 Anxiety About Grades 18 Chapter 2 Attachments, Attachments, Preferences 20 Technique no. 2 Hot bath or Massage 26 Life Story no. 3 Fear that he is having an affair 27 Chapter 3 How to Analyze and Emotion 29 Technique no. 3 Dancing our Emotions 35 Life Story no. 4 Alcoholic Father & Husband 36 Chapter 4 The Psychology of Evolution 38 Technique no. 4 Regular Exercise 44 Life Story no. 5 Mother-in-law 45 Chapter 5 The Seven Centers of Consciousness 47 Technique no. 5 Deep Relaxation 53 Life Story no. 6 The Absent Spouse 54 Chapter 6 An Outline for Managing Emotions 56 Technique no. 6 Writing How we Feel 62 Life Story no. 7 Self-evaluation 63 Chapter 7 Concepts and Tools for Self-transformation 64 Technique no. 7 Channeling Energy 68 Life Story no. 8 Self-suppression 69 Chapter 8 Understanding and Overcoming Fear 70 Technique no. 8 Emotional Release 80 Life Story no. 9 The Intimidator 81 Chapter 9 Understanding Emotions 83 Technique no. 9 Dealing with Criticism 92 Life Story no. 10 The Interrogator 93 Chapter 10 The Twelve Pathways - Getting Free 95 Technique no. 10 You are not the Target 101 Life Story no. 11 Aloof 102 Chapter 11 Being Here Now 104 Technique no. 11 Positive Projection 110 Life Story no. 12 The Victim 112 Chapter 12 Interacting With Others 115 Technique no. 12 Contemplating the Opposite Emotion 120 Life Story no. 13 Cannot Be Happy when others are not 122 Chapter 13 Awareness 123 Technique no. 13 Putting Ourselves in the Others? Position 129 Life Story no. 14 A Change in Program 130 Chapter 14 Positive Thinking 131 Technique no. 14 Guidelines for Positive Projection 145 Life Story no. 15 Perfect, Strong and Conscientious 147 Chapter 15 Why Some People Do Not Want to get Well 149 Technique no. 15 Transferring Attention to the Body 156 Life Story no. 16 Fears Concerning the Children 157 Chapter 16 Written Affirmations 159 Technique no. 15 Affirmations 168 Life Story no. 17 Parental Pressure 169 Chapter 17 Learning to Love Ourselves 171 Technique no. 17 Healing Love Energy 187 Life Story no. 18 Loud Neighbors 188 Chapter 18 Learning from Life's Difficulties 189 Technique no. 18 Repeating a Positive Phrase 201 Life Story no. 19 The Good and Righteous One 202 Chapter 19 Facing Loneliness 204 Technique no. 19 Spiritual Truths 211 Life Story no. 20 Weak incapable and Dependent 212 Chapter 20 Stages of Love 213 Technique no. 20 Meditation 219 Life Story no. 21 The Rebel 220 Chapter 21 Our Life Purpose 222 Technique no. 21 Resolving Emotions to their Source 228 Life Story no. 22 The Savior 230 Chapter 22 Reconciling Inner Conflicts 232 Technique no. 22 Selfless Service 245 Life Story no. 23 The Guilty One 246 Chapter 23 Healing Our Inner Child 248 Chapter 24 Forgiveness and Freedom 258 Chapter 25 Coping with the Death of Loved One 267 Chapter 26 How to be Really Beautiful 278 Chapter 27 Energy and Emotions 282 To Index ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Life Story no. 1 COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS Anna enjoys sharing her feelings with her husband Paul. She also needs to know what he is feeling and thinking in return. When she is unable to communicate with him, she feels neglected and unloved. Although Paul does love Anna, he does not enjoy communicating as much as she does and feels very uncomfortable sharing his feelings, mostly because he is not very familiar with them. Also, when he is aware of his feelings, he is ashamed to share them because he fears this will lessen his "manhood". This constructs a conflict of needs. The more Anna pressures Paul to open up and communicate, the more he withdraws and avoids her. If she pressures him too much, he angrily pushes her away. As a result, Anna feels rejected and unloved, while Paul feels pressured and suppressed. The more Paul avoids Anna and does not fulfill her needs, the more negative, critical and accusatory she becomes. In response to Anna?s negative reactions, Paul avoids her even more. He feels she does not understand his needs and refuses to accept him as he is. She feels he does not love her and that he rejects her as a woman and a partner in life. Anna is unhappy and completely unsatisfied with her marriage. Her needs are not being fulfilled. Paul directs his attention to other activities, such as work, sports and recreation with friends. Both are susceptible to others of the opposite sex who they believe will truly "understand" them. In this case, two individuals, who actually love each other, have become victims of their own programming and needs. Their attachments, fears and lack of communication skills are destroying their relationship and their happiness. They both need to understand the beliefs creating their fears and attachments in order to put themselves in the other's position, understand the other?s needs, and communicate more openly and clearly. This book is dedicated to our freedom from such mechanical robot-like interactions. Belief Analysis Anna might be limited by some of the following beliefs: 1. I need to share my feelings with people I love in order to feel safe and also to feel close to them. 2. In order to feel close to others, I must know what they are thinking and feeling. 3. If others do not want to share with me, there must be something wrong with me. 4. If others do not want to communicate with me, I feel that they do not love me. 5. I cannot feel safe with someone I do not know emotionally. 6. I must share my problems with my loved ones and receive their input and support. 7. I am the victim and have suffered a great injustice. 8. I am responsible for Paul's happiness. 9. My self worth and security are dependent upon how much my husband cares for me and shares his feelings with me. Paul might be limited by some of the following beliefs: 1. I am in danger when communicating feelings. 2. Emotions are for women. Action is for Men. 3. I am in danger if I have feelings of weakness. 4. I must never show weakness. 5. She is suppressing my personality and I am losing my freedom. 6. She does not accept me as I am. I am in danger because she wants to change me. 7. I am the victim of her criticism. 8. I must avoid her in order to preserve my freedom. Anna might benefit from developing some of the following beliefs: 1. I feel close to my husband regardless of how much he can share with me. 2. I am safe and loved even when my husband is unable to communicate. 3. Life provides me with exactly what I need in order to learn my next lesson. 4. I dynamically create my reality with or without my husband. 5. I accept and love myself regardless of his behavior. 6. I understand his difficulty to communicate and love him as he is. Paul might benefit from developing some of the following beliefs: 1. I feel safe and comfortable communicating my feelings to my wife. 2. I accept my feelings and share them with my loved ones in order to create deeper love relationships. 3. I am free to be myself in every situation. 4. I enjoy sharing my inner world with my beloved wife. 5. In each moment life provides me with exactly what I need to learn my next lesson. To Index ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHAPTER 1 HOW OUR PERSONAL REALITY IS CREATED A Change in Attitude I was sitting on a bench in the National Park in the center of Athens, Greece while three children played nearby. They were playing "basketball", trying to throw a ball into a garbage can. The older boy, about seven years old, had thrown the ball in four times, and his young girlfriend had thrown it in twice. His little sister, however, who looked to be about five years old, had not been able to make even a single basket. The game continued with great earnestness, with exciting joys and devastating disappointments. Every time they tossed the ball into the can, they immediately looked over to see if I had been watching. I became very emotionally involved without saying a word, but was rather worried about the attitude of the youngest girl, who still hadn't managed to put the ball in. The score was now 6 to 5 to 0. I noticed she was more concerned about the fact that she wasn't getting the ball in the can and the disappointment involved, than she was in concentrating on the aim of her toss. She had come to believe that she couldn't do it, and didn't even take the time to seriously look at the basket she was shooting for. Instead, she was already prepared to show her disappointment, which usually consisted of jumping up and down two or three times with both feet, and banging herself on the head. Sometimes she spun around in a circle (which, by the way, was similar to the way her brother acted when he was successful, only his hands would be raised in the air in triumph). The little girl was becoming more and more desperate, even resorting to kicking the ball away, so the others would have to chase after it. That made them angry and they retaliated by telling her how bad she was at the game. At other times, she would grab the ball and run away with it, making her brother chase after her and forcibly snatch the ball away from her. I was practically in tears by now, although not one word had passed between us. I then closed my eyes and focussed my thoughts on the little girl, mentally communicating to her that she must concentrate and think positively. I continued doing this for about three minutes. Then I opened my eyes and kept this idea in my mind and my eyes on her. Her next try was another failure, but she didn't seem quite so upset. The very next time she did something completely different. She took the ball in her hands, and looked at it closely, and began to talk to it with conviction and authority, telling it that it MUST go into the basket and that if it didn't, it would be punished. Then she looked lovingly at the ball and kissed it, turned toward the basket and threw it directly in. I was so happy for her that I could hardly remain seated. I actually started to cry. The little girl continued with this more positive technique for the rest of the game, and the final score was 10 to 8 to 6. My little friend had 8. Now, it is not difficult to understand the point. The little girl lacked confidence and concentration, and because of this, she set herself up for failure. When she failed, she became even more convinced of her inability, and set herself up physically and psychologically for each successive failure. She stopped making a serious effort. She simply went up to the line with failure in mind and threw the ball without trying. Perhaps my concentration and prayers were picked up by her subconscious. Perhaps they weren?t. Then, for some reason, she changed her behavior and employed more concentration and optimism. She told the ball what it had to do and she became very sure of herself. The ball went directly in, guided by her positive and convinced state of mind. When the ball went into the can, the little girl?s opinion of herself completely changed; now she was a success. Her entire physical reality changed, and she made more baskets in the remaining time than the other two children combined. Children can alter their reality relativity easily through a change of attitude and behavior because of their less rigid belief system. For us adults, who have many more years of conditioning, such a change might take more time. But it can be done and more importantly, in many cases, it must be done, if we are to enjoy a life of happiness, success and growth. Many of us set ourselves up for failure because of our habitual negative thinking and basic beliefs concerning our impotency. In the following pages, we will discuss the techniques by which we may recondition our thought processes and change our reality WE CREATE OUR REALITY Most of us would like a happier, healthier, more harmonious reality. In order to improve our reality, we must understand the mechanisms of its creation. Most of us feel that "things simply happen in our lives" or that we just feel "this way" or "that way." Few of us actually investigate how our reality is created. We might say that our reality is constructed of two basic factors: 1. What is happening or has happened. 2. What we believe, and consequently how we feel about ourselves, in relationship to what has happened, is happening or will happen. This belief system or programming, which creates our subjective perception of reality, is a result of our past experience. A description of how elephants are trained will help us understand the relationship between our past, our beliefs and our reality. SELF LIMITING ELEPHANTS Elephants born in captivity are restrained by a chain that attaches one leg to a metal spike driven into the ground. This prevents them from roaming. They become accustomed to the fact that, as long as the chain and spike are next to them, they are unable to move. As they grow older, their minds become programmed. When they see the spike and chain, they "believe" and accept that they will not be able to move. They become so conditioned that when their owners place a small rope and wooden peg next to them, they make no efforts to step away from it, because they "believe" they are unable to. In truth, their actual power as adults is so great that they could easily pull up a chain and spike of any size. Their programming or "belief," however, allows this tiny rope and wooden peg to limit their movement. We are all very much like these elephants. We allow the weaknesses, fears and rejection we experienced as children to program us into a life in which we lack power, peace, love and happiness. We become controlled by false childhood assumptions we have made about our ability, strength and self worth. We can move away from these "pegs" of self-limitation, but we must chose to do so. This is a very simple description of an extremely complicated and intricate process, which we will analyze in greater details throughout this book. THE STIMULUS The first factor in the creation of our reality is called the stimulus. This is an event that we observe or perhaps even fanaticize or project. 1. Some external stimuli include events such as the following: We receive love, admiration, attention, gifts, money or success at some effort, or we are rejected, falsely accused, suffer a loss of someone or something important to us, or experience failure at some endeavor. 2. We might also be affected by internal stimuli, such as thoughts about the past or future. 3. Our emotions or thoughts may become stimuli for other emotions, such as when we feel anger or self-rejection when we observe that we have allowed ourselves to become aggressive or fearful. 4. Other more subtle stimuli might be the state of our hormones, chemical balance or energy state. We have all experienced days when we were more emotionally vulnerable, perhaps due to low energy. This is especially but not exclusively so for women, because of hormonal changes. THE EVALUATION OF THE STIMULUS As these stimuli pass into the mind, it evaluates them seeking to determine whether they are supportive of or endangering to our basic needs. 1. If our subconscious programming determines them to be supportive, we feel relaxed, happy and loving. 2. If we conclude that they are endangering, we experience fear as well as and a wide variety of other emotions, such as pain, disillusionment, bitterness, injustice, depression, jealousy, envy, anger, hate, etc. Our emotional state constitutes the greater portion of our subjective personal reality. It is not so much what happens in our life that creates our reality but how we perceive and react to what happens or to what we imagine is happening or will happen. This is the first basic premise of what we might call the "Psychology of Happiness" or the Psychology of Evolution or of Transformation. We create our own reality by the way we interpret and react to the events and other stimuli mentioned above. Many might think of situations in which this might seem false or difficult to perceive, however, deep examination of this concept will prove that it is true in all cases. Our belief system creates our reality. AUTOMATIC PROGRAMMING If we want to be happy, we need to transcend our automatic, mechanical emotional reactions. We need to understand why we automatically react in certain ways, such as with fear or anger, and how we can begin to free ourselves from undesirable emotional responses. Otherwise we are not free. We are under the control of the programming of our childhood, our past, our lack of clarity, and our lack of awareness. We are "asleep" to our real personal nature, and the true nature of the reality surrounding us. This book is intended to serve as a "wake-up call". We are in a state of evolution from our animal nature through our human nature to our divine nature. In reality, our essential being is beyond this temporary body and mind. We are aspects of Divine Creation, and thus we embody love, knowledge and power. Mistaken conditioning has caused us to lose contact with this inner nature. THE LION CUB The story about the lion cub more graphically describes this process. Once there was a great lioness who went hunting with her newborn cub. While chasing and attacking a flock of sheep, the she-lion made a wrong move, fell off a cliff and died. The cub was left without a mother and grew up in the midst of the sheep. As the years passed, the cub became a full-grown lion, but it was instinctually conditioned to behave as a sheep. It ate grass, made a bleating sound, and developed a fear of all other animals, just like the sheep. One day, another lion attacked the flock, and in the chase, was shocked to see the ridiculous sight of a full grown lion running away with the sheep bleating "bah bah" in fear. He caught up to the sheepish lion, and asked, "What are you doing? Why are you acting in this ridiculous way? You a great, powerful lion acting like a lowly powerless sheep? What has come over you? You should be ashamed of yourself." The sheepish lion explained that he was a sheep, and that the flock had taught him to fear and bleat and run in horror from the powerful lions. The adult lion took the sheepish lion down to the river and asked him to look at the reflection of his own face. He saw that he was like the lion and not like the sheep. The lion then woke up from his ignorance and discovered his previously ignored inner courage, strength and majesty. We are like the sheepish lion. The sheep represent our human nature, our personality, which moans, fears, complains and worries. The Lion is the spiritual aspect of our being, which is a source of great power, wisdom, creativity, goodness and love. Great spiritual teachers have appeared throughout history with the same message of our "LION NATURE", the untapped spiritual power and greatness that dwells within us. OUR MISTAKEN IDENTITY All our problems are simply the result of our mistaken identity. We have learned to suppress what is naturally good within us. We have learned to mistrust others and compete against them, rather than cooperate and share with them. We have learned to be neurotic and fearful of new persons and situations. We have lost the ability to be open and loving, as we were when we were children. We have been taught that we must fight for what we need even at the others? expense. Such beliefs have been instilled into us, as a way of "being smart", or "being successful". Many of us who have followed this philosophy find ourselves isolated, secluded and lonely. We may have everything that society programmed our minds to believe was important, but do we have love, health, peace of mind, self-understanding, harmonious relationships or happiness? One natural disaster, such as an accident, fire, earthquake, war, or death of a loved one, can destroy our happiness instantaneously when it is based on external factors. EFFORT WITHOUT ATTACHMENT This in no way means we should not seek to create the reality we desire for ourselves, our loved ones and our community. It means we need to make our best effort towards a better life, but without attachment to the results of our endeavor. This requires a delicate balance. Some of us make very little effort to improve our selves or our lives, and thus we obtain limited results. Others try extremely hard, but are so greatly attached to the result that they experience anxiety, fear and stress. Attachment to some particular source of happiness is often our main obstacle toward the happiness we seek. In this book, we shall learn to understand which attachments limit our happiness and how we can transform them into preferences. To Index of Chapters ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Technique no. 1 BREATHING OUT TENSION Why this technique is useful 1. Breathing is an extremely powerful and effective key to the nervous system, energy and mind. 2. By controlling the breathing process, we can release tension that might be accumulating in the muscles. 3. As we relax these muscles, our energy flows and the mind becomes more peaceful A simple technique for handling tension is to: 1. Inhale slowly and deeply, 2. Hold your breath for about 5 seconds and focus on the area where the tension is accumulating. 3. As you exhale, feel that tension flow out with the exhalation. This technique can be performed: 1. In the morning upon waking in order to vitalize the body for the day. 2. In the evening in order to release stress, relax and rejuvenate the mind for evening activities. 3. Any time you feel tense or tired in order to release stress, relax, and /or rejuvenate. Note: This should not be done for more than 5 minutes at a time without the assistance of an experienced guide. Never hold the breath for more than 5 seconds. To Index . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Life Story no. 2 ANXIETY ABOUT GRADES John and Barbara have three children in junior and senior high school. Their house is the site of frequent battles concerning how much the children need to study and what grades are acceptable. The main battle is with their youngest child, Peter, who refuses to study. The more they pressure him, the more rebellious he becomes. He now perceives them to be his enemies, and a great power struggle takes place between them. Peter lacks self-confidence and self-acceptance, and is tired of being compared to his older sisters. He would like to have good grades, but the fear of trying and not succeeding is unbearable for him, and thus, he prefers not to try at all. He would much rather play at the computer or search the net than study subjects he feels have nothing to do with life. He prefers to partake in activities he can control and succeed at, rather than those which hold the risk of failure and create anxiety. John and Barbara attach great deal of importance to grades, success, economic status, and most of all, to how they and their children compare to other families and what others think of them. They find it difficult to decide how much responsibility they have for Peter's future, and whether it is their duty to pressure him. Still, what creates even more anxiety for them is the fact that they are programmed to believe his "failure" is their "failure." They measure their self worth as persons and parents by their children?s grades and accomplishments. They are ashamed to admit to others that Peter is not doing well. They feel lessened in other's eyes. Peter realizes this and is hurt by the fact that they are allowing what other people think to be more important than how he feels. He feels misunderstood, rejected, and unloved. His parents feel the same. He needs to be accepted and loved for the person he is, regardless of his grades. His parents do love him, but their fears concerning his future, their own self worth as parents, and what others think of them, prevent them from expressing their love without inhibitions. Peter would like to make them happy, but his fear of failure and need to protect his freedom and self worth by rebelling against their pressure, become obstacles in his ability to do so. They all need to analyze and free themselves from the beliefs and attachments preventing them from experiencing and expressing the love they have for each other. Belief Analysis Their beliefs cause them to be caught up in this situation. John and Barbara might be limited by some of the following beliefs: 1. Our child is our creation. We are totally responsible for what he becomes. 2. Our self worth depends on how he turns out: his grades, his health, his success, his behavior, etc. 3. Others will judge us according to our children?s success or failure. 4. Our self worth is dependent upon what others think and say about us. 5. Our child will be able to succeed and be happy only of he obtains high grades and a university degree. 6. This is a difficult world and we must protect and prepare our child for it. 7. Later in life, our child might hold us accountable for the fact that we didn't push him enough. Peter might be limited by some of the following beliefs: 1. I am not smart; I cannot succeed at school. 2. My self worth is dependent upon my grades. 3. My self worth is dependent upon how I measure up to my sisters and others. 4. My parents will love me more if I have high grades and less if I do not. 5. I will probably not be happy or successful in life if I don?t get good grades. 6. I am a failure and no one loves me. 7. I am living in a prison and have no freedom to live my life I as I chose. 8. My parents want to control me in order to satisfy their own needs. By adjusting their belief system, this family could solve many of their problems. John and Barbara might find peace in some of the following beliefs: 1. Our child is God's creation and has within him the blueprints of his life. We are here to aid him in his search for himself. 2. Our child is like a seed that knows what it needs to become. We are here simply to water the seed and nourish it, not to tell him how to live his life. 3. Our self worth depends solely on our motives and effort to help our child, not on the result. 4. We are worthy of love and respect regardless of our children?s grades. 5. We are worthy of love and respect regardless of what others think or say. 6. Our child has the ability and inner guidance to create success and happiness regardless of his education. 7. Life gives us and our children exactly what each of us needs for his/her growth. 8. We offer love, guidance and support to our child, but allow him to make his own choices and grow through living the consequences of those choices. 9. We understand and respect our child?s fears and seek to help him believe in himself. Peter might be helped by some of the following beliefs: 1. I am intelligent and totally capable of succeeding in school and life. 2. I deserve love and respect regardless of my grade level. 3. I am special and unique from my sisters and all others. 4. I will create success and happiness in my life. 5. I am worthy of love and respect exactly as I am. 6. I understand my parents? anxiety and need to pressure me to study, and feel their love behind those actions. 7. I understand their fears and accept them as they are. 8. Real freedom is the freedom to intelligently direct my energy in ways that benefit my life and future. 9. My parents love me and are trying to help me in their own way. To Index ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Life Story no. 3 FEAR THAT HE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR Wendy is sure that her husband Mark is having an affair. She has no concrete proof but she just knows it in her heart. She is afraid, deeply hurt and disappointed. She feels rejected, demeaned, betrayed, and quite insecure, not to mention angry. Mark is not actually having an affair yet, but is interested in another woman. Until now, they have had long conversations, but both are very hesitant to make that step of coming together physically. Mark wants to continue to see Marsha without Wendy. He does not even want her to know about this "contact." He wants to be with someone who "understands" him. Wendy frequently complains to Mark about family problems and how she is the victim of this situation in which she is sacrificing her time and her professional satisfaction to be with the children. She feels hurt that Mark does not appreciate her sacrifice and needs him to show her more love and affection. Ever since the children were born, it has been difficult for Mark to see Wendy sexually, and she is not receiving the affirmation she needs from him as a woman. She feels used. Also, her incessant nagging makes her even less inviting to him. Now he avoids her, physically and emotionally. She perceives this as rejection, and now that she suspects he is seeing someone else, her need for affirmation is even greater. She has become increasingly critical, accusing and demanding. The further she pressures him for attention and love, the more he feels the need to avoid her. The more he avoids her, the more rejected and betrayed she feels. In her own way, she is pushing him away from her. By not giving her what she needs, he is augmenting her negativity, which then bounces back at him. They are growing further apart and no longer enjoy each other's company. Belief Analysis Both need to look at and transform their belief systems in order to create a more lively and truthful relationship. Each needs to take responsibility for his and her reality. They can help each other create happiness. Wendy may be limited by some of the following beliefs: 1. My self worth is dependent upon being loved exclusively by my husband. 2. I am not enough for my husband. 3. I am the victim in this situation. 4. A wife should sacrifice her career for her husband. 5. I have lost something important in life by leaving my professional life. I am a victim of social programming. 6. My husband does not love me. 7. If my husband does not love me, I am not worthy 8. I am not safe in the world by myself and especially with the children. 9. I am in danger of being alone. 10. I need my husband in order to feel safe and worthy. Mark may be limited by some of the following beliefs: 1. My wife doesn?t understand or accept me. 2. When she complains, she is rejecting me and I am demeaned. 3. I cannot feel my self worth when she is rejecting me. 4. My freedom is in danger. 5. I might be happier with someone else. 6. I need someone who accepts me as I am and doesn?t complain. 7. I cannot be happy when suppressed by this family situation. 8. I cannot feel sexual with my wife when she is trying to control me. 9. I cannot see my wife sexually when I think of her as the mother of my children. Some beliefs which each could develop in order to free up their love and solve the problem: Wendy might benefit from some of the following beliefs: 1. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of my husband?s interests or behavior. 2. I am a vital and interesting woman, enough for any man. 3. I create my reality and life gives me exactly what I need to learn my next lesson in my growth process. 4. My husband and I have equal rights and responsibilities toward work and the family. 5. Whatever I do with love cannot be a loss. I have lost nothing by giving myself to my children. The highest profession on the planet is that of the mother: our future depends upon it. 6. My husband loves me, but is controlled by inner obstacles towards expressing that love. 7. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of my husband?s feelings or behavior. 8. I am safe in the world as I am. 9. There are millions of beings with whom I can connect if I feel the need. 10. I am safe and worthy in my self. Mark might benefit from some of the following beliefs: 1. I want to understand and respond lovingly to my wife's insecurities at this time. 2. I recognize her complaints as an expression of her unfulfilled needs and seek to fulfill them as much as possible. 3. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of my wife?s satisfaction or behavior. 4. I am a free soul. 5. Happiness exists within me and does not come from an outside source. 6. I accept and love myself as I am. 7. I love my family and gladly surrender my other needs for their welfare. 8. When I focus on my wife, I perceive the being I originally loved on all levels, even physically. 9. I love my wife. I want her to be happy and I behave accordingly. To Index ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 5 THE SEVEN CENTERS OF CONSCIOUSNESS The life energy that flows through and sustains all beings is referred to by various schools of thought as bio-energy, cosmic energy, life energy, prana, chi, ki, orgone energy, etc. This energy is dispersed throughout the whole body, but is focused in the spinal column in various centers of energy according to the level of awareness and motives of the individual. There are seven possible centers in which energy can enter, accumulate and function. Each energy center functions with a different set of needs, desires, motives and activities based the basic beliefs and thought-forms of that level of awareness. Most of us experience predominately the lower three levels of consciousness, occupying ourselves with satisfying our basic needs for security, pleasure, affirmation or power. As we evolve, we will begin to experience the "higher" more refined states of consciousness associated with the upper four centers. We can consciously facilitate this process of evolution leading to the higher centers, which will subsequently provide a more pleasant and fulfilling experience. Let us briefly examine the seven centers. Note: The concepts set forth in this chapter are ancient and agreed upon by many systems of philosophical and evolutionary thought, but this particular presentation has also been inspired by Ken Keyes, author of the Handbook to Higher Consciousness. a. THE COSMIC CONSCIOUSNESS CENTER b. THE CONSCIOUS - AWARENESS CENTER c. THE CORNUCOPIA CENTER d. THE LOVE CENTER e. THE AFFIRMATION - POWER CENTER f. THE PLEASURE CENTER g. THE SECURITY CENTER Diagram: THE SEVEN CENTERS OF CONSCIOUSNESS CENTER 1: THE SECURITY CENTER We all require the basic elemental securities such as sufficient food, shelter, and safety from danger. As mentioned, it is unlikely that we face the danger of not being able to fulfill these needs. Yet, it is equally unlikely that we have relaxed our concern about our present, and especially our future security. We tend to continue accumulating money, objects and food far beyond our natural needs, often at the expense of health and harmonious relationships. Security addictions dominate our emotional life. When functioning from this level, we become attached to certain relationships that we call "love" relationships, which are, in truth, "security" relationships. We can experience true unconditional love only when we are free of insecurity, fear, and from needing the other. Love gives and wants the other to be well. Attachment needs to depend upon and take from the other. These two often conflict when they coexist. Ultimately, security can be established only from within, and must be based on an experience of or faith in our true spiritual nature. There can be no real insurance in the material world. There can only be the inner assurance that, no matter what happens, we will continue (even beyond death of the physical body). A study of past fears and anxieties will probably prove to us that there is no need to fear whatever might be destined to happen. We have gone through so many situations where we feared, worried, and thought that the world might come to a crashing end for us, and yet here we are reading this text. Everything in the past has passed, and everything in the present and all that we shall encounter in the future will also pass - both the pleasant and the unpleasant. Life is change. There can be no external security in a world of change. Only the inner self, the soul, does not change. There lies our only true security - - within us. When we are dominated by addictions based in the security center (which is associated physically with the bottom of the spine), even when everything is fine in our present, we will still find some imaginary future insecurity to concern us. Thus, the security center is, for most of us, a constant source of suffering and worry. CENTER 2 THE SENSATION CENTER This center is associated physically with the area some fingers below the navel. This is the center of our pleasure needs. We may enjoy various objects, persons, substances and situations as sources of our sensual pleasure. The most common are food, sex, cigarettes, drink and various chemical stimulants and relaxants, legal and illegal. Whenever these needs demand satisfaction, they have the potential to turn many of us into slaves, preventing us from relating freely and honestly to people and situations. Our sex addictions prevent us from relating to others as souls or with pure selfless love. We tend to perceive them as possible objects of pleasure or threats to that pleasure. Addictions to food, nicotine, alcohol and drugs obviously destroy our health, willpower, and self-confidence while they simultaneously distort our perception of reality. We become more interested in satisfying our addiction than enjoying the beauty and love within and around us. Because we are often unable to fulfill our addictions, we tend to experience discontentment. On the other hand, even when we manage to satisfy a sensation addiction, the pleasure is usually short-lived and we quickly desire the same sensation. There is little potential for lasting happiness as long as these addictions absorb and monopolize our time, money, energy and thoughts. At some point, we will become bored with this endless cycle of desire -- momentary satisfaction -- and reoccurring desire. We will then feel the need to free ourselves from this slavery and transform these addictions into preferences, or in some cases, rid ourselves of them completely if they are destroying our health. When we prefer, we enjoy pleasurable sensations when we have them without becoming anxious when we can?t. Another interesting point here is that many of us have first indulged in some of these addictions as symbols of freedom. We interpreted our ability to smoke or drink as expressions our freedom from control by others. Ironically, in the end, we lose our freedom completely to these needs. We are free from control by others, but not from control by our addictions. On the other hand, we also need to free ourselves from any guilt that may rise upon satisfying our needs. If we seek freedom from pleasure addictions motivated by feelings of guilt and shame, believing we are less worthy of love when we satisfy these needs, we face a probable backfire for a number of reasons which we will discuss later. Such changes are best made simply because we realize that they are intelligent choices that work for our benefit, and not because we feel guilt or perceive them as ways to be more loved or accepted by others, or by God. CENTER 3 THE POWER CENTER This center is located in the area of the solar plexus area. When we operate from this center, we are interested in power and affirming ourselves in relation to others, often by manipulating and controlling them. We will find it difficult to give or experience love when we view each person an object to be manipulated or a threat to our control. Such games are played more intensely in political, business and sexual relationships, as well as in parent - child relationships. In such a competitive atmosphere, there is little room for thinking about others. Pride, selfishness and egocentric behavior flourish. Instead of using the ego as a vehicle for our expression, we allow it to control us and create a false front, which, in turn, stimulates negative reactions in others. This addiction to power can also be manifested in subtle ways, such as by appearing ill, weak or helpless in order to gain others? attention, sympathy, cooperation or even service. If we observe when we are being controlled by power addictions and learn to change these addictions into preferences, we can allow others to be themselves and flow lovingly with what is happening. Our energies will then be free to rise into the next level of consciousness. Our need for affirmation from others is perhaps the number one driving force in our lives. Most of our actions are based on this need. The importance which we give to our: Physical appearance, Professional position, Knowledge and intelligence Sexual virility, Economic and social status, Professional, social and family connections, Professions, How many books we have read, How spiritual we are, How many countries we have visited, How "good" we are, How many people we have helped in our lives. All of these factors can, in many cases, be important to us because we believe they make others accept us more fully, respect us more deeply and love us more completely. We are very much controlled by the belief that our self-worth depends upon the way in which others perceive us. Thus, most of our waking hours are spent doing whatever we believe may be necessary to do in order to make us acceptable to others, especially those who are important to us. CENTER 4 THE LOVE CENTER When our addictions are transformed into preferences, we can begin to experience unconditional love, in which we no longer need, seek or expect anything from the other person in return. We accept and love others, even when they are unable to comply with our preferences. Our feelings of alienation and defensiveness dissolve and we spend much less time and energy building up ego images to hide how we honestly feel. We sense a greater unity with others. We understand that others are being dominated by their addictions and cannot help occasionally engaging in selfish behavior. We forgive them and feel compassion for them. We do not, however, feel superior. We feel neither superior nor inferior. We play fewer games and are more honest. We are more relaxed in our relationships, which allows others to feel more relaxed, more accepted and more secure in our presence Love flows more freely. Obviously, this center is associated with the heart center. If you have ever been with a being who has loved you unconditionally, you will realize what a healing and transforming experience it is. We all deserve to be loved in this way and all others deserve that we love them in this way in return. Loving unconditionally does not mean we must accept the others? negative actions or behaviors. We can accept them and love them as beings even when their actions are not acceptable. Thus, we can accept them, but assertively ask that their actions be more aligned with the truth that exists within them. This is similar to the love of a mother for her child. The mother continues to love the child although she may be unable to condone certain aspects of the child's behavior. This is important for parents to understand. We can let the child feel that our love is continuous, but that certain types of behavior are unacceptable. Thus we make a distinction between the child and his or her behavior. The same distinction is also very helpful when dealing with adults, and also when confronting ourselves. Until now, our love has seldom been pure, but rather love mixed with needs and attachments. We "loved" the other because he or she offered us security, pleasure or affirmation. If, later, he or she stopped fulfilling those needs, or started to obstruct our fulfillment of those needs or offered all they had offered to us now to someone else, does our love remain? Or do we feel hurt, rejected, betrayed, cheated, bitter, and perhaps anger, hate and a desire for revenge? If this is so, then, what we were feeling, was not unconditional love. It was love mixed with needs and attachments that were being fulfilled by the other. The truth is that we can experience pure love only when we do not need anything from the other. Otherwise, when he or she does provide us with what we need, our feelings will change, especially if he or she gives it to someone else. PURIFYING GOLD ORE We need not feel guilty that our love is not pure. It is natural at this stage of our evolutionary journey. If we had already completed this lesson, it is likely we wouldn?t have needed to incarnate. Our love now is like the gold ore when it is first taken out of the ground. It contains other impurities that must be removed. Our relationships are the crucible in which our love is heated, and its impurities come up to the surface. Our every love relationship, be it with spouse, child, parent or friend, gives us the exact stimuli we need in order to see the impurities which still exist in our love, and remove them, perhaps with the help of the techniques offered in this book. We can recognize these "impurities" (our attachments, aversions and fears) by the negative emotions they provoke in us. Every time we feel negative emotions towards a loved one, let us ask ourselves: 1. "What is it that I want from him/her, that he/she is not giving me at this moment? 2. Can I love him/her in spite of his/her inability or refusal to give me what I want? Or is this a prerequisite I am placing on my love? 3. Can I love unconditionally?" CENTER 5 THE CORNUCOPIA CENTER The "Cornucopia" center is located in the center of the throat. Cornucopia means "horn of plenty". Ken Keyes has designated this name, because when we operate from this level of consciousness, we will find ourselves in a harmonious union with life. When this occurs, life itself provides all our needs without our effort. Having satisfied our needs for security, self-affirmation and pleasure internally, our feelings of isolation from others and the world diminish. Everything that we need in terms of food, security, shelter, books, information, guidance, etc. is supplied through the support of nature. This is a truly wonderful state in which life gives us exactly what we need at every moment. Life becomes a "continuous miracle" in which our needs are easily fulfilled, and feel deep gratitude for receiving so much grace in the form of even the simplest gifts. As we are no longer wasting so much energy and thought on how to fulfill demanding addictions, we embody much more energy, love and clarity with which to live life and proceed on the evolutionary path. We have activated the heart center and will most probably be using our energies and power to make the world a better place to live, in whatever way we can. This center may be identified with Christ?s promise that if we live according to the Father?s Will, then He will provide for all our needs just as He does for the birds and lilies in the field. When we cease living only for ourselves, realize we are all cells in the body of humanity and begin to live like cells, serving the whole in every way we can, we will experience the miracle of material, emotional and spiritual affluence. We will then live lightly on the earth, using and taking little while offering much to our fellow beings with whom we share this beautiful planet. Rather than live like parasites, steadily devouring the planet?s resources, we will leave the earth a better place than we found it. We will be happy, content, fulfilled and at peace with ourselves. CENTER 6 THE CONSCIOUS WITNESS CENTER As this center gradually opens, we become increasingly objective witnesses to our life drama. We identify more with the soul and less with the particular personality and body, which we are momentarily occupying and expressing our Selves through. We experience a growing detachment and a calm, peaceful clarity in all situations. Although there is absence of codependent emotionalism, there is no lack of love. We enjoy freedom from addictions and the particular life roles in which we had been imprisoned. While we may be engaged in many of the same activities, we are also simultaneously witnessing the whole drama in a detached way. We are not the doer, but the witness of the actions. Many may say, "How boring! I would never like to be like that, so cold and unemotional." It is difficult to understand what it would be like while stuck in our present level of consciousness. When we were young, we had many toys, dolls and games, which we could never at that time have thought we would ever give up. But slowly we lost our interest in these objects and activities. If someone had told us then that we would lose our interest in them, we would not have believed them. Yet it happened. It is very probable that, given time, we will also become bored with the suffering created by our present attachments and "games," and eventually prefer the detached peace and unconditional love of these higher centers. In observing highly evolved individuals, I can certainly affirm that they experience and express much more love, peace and happiness than we do. They perceive individuals as parts of themselves and love all equally, while not demanding anything from anyone. Attachment and emotionalism are related to lower forms of selfish love. Selfless love is only possible from a self-fulfilled state of consciousness. CENTER 7 THE COSMIC CONSCIOUSNESS CENTER Our vocabulary has been developed based on the lower three levels of consciousness and miserably fails us when we try to describe this highest level. Here all separation is lost. We are the completion of the evolutionary process. There is no other. We are all. We are all beings and the entire world. We are the Divine. We are security, sensation, power, love, fullness of life and the witness of it all. This state may be described by various names such as heaven, paradise, samadhi, nirvana, satori or liberation. Christ described this state when he said to his followers, "I am in you. You are in me. I am in the Father and the Father is in me". In the remaining chapters, we will address ourselves to the process of freeing our minds and emotions from the lower centers of consciousness so we can begin to experience the higher centers of increased love, peace, clarity, vitality and unity with all. To Index ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHAPTER 15 WHY SOME OF US DO NOT REALLY WANT TO IMPROVE OUR LIVES When we have decided to make an effort toward self-transformation or self-improvement, we might encounter various types of subconscious resistances. Understanding them might help us free ourselves from them and proceed more smoothly and effectively. Diagram RESISTANCE TO DEVELOPMENT. What are some of those resistances? Refer to figure RESISTANCE TO DEVELOPMENT. 1. Some of us may be caught up in resistance toward what others would like from us. We might have developed rebellious or antagonistic relationships with others, and become determined not to let them have their way or get what they want. Perhaps we do not want to allow them to believe they might be right about something they are asking us to do. Thus, even though we want to make a positive change in our lives, we subconsciously refuse to do so in order to make sure we don?t give this satisfaction to someone who is trying to pressure us, change us, or who does not accept us as we are. In such cases, we might function in self-destructive ways. Many adolescents go through this stage, occasionally resorting to narcotics or other self-destructive lifestyles. I have seen persons refuse to finish one last course which they need in order to complete their university diploma simply because they do not want to give that satisfaction to their parents who have "suppressed them or rejected them", or as means of making a statement against the "system". Some of us carry this obstacle of rebelliousness with us all the way to the grave. In such a case, we must distinguish between freedom and rebelliousness or reacting. Rebelling or reacting is a form of programming in which we are forced to do the opposite of what others or sometimes even we ourselves want. We are not free in such cases to do what is truly in our best interest, but rather are forced by our programming to do the opposite of what is asked. 2. A second obstacle is the inertia of habit. We get locked into habits that then become our familiar reality. We become accustomed to this reality and feel safe in it even when it is painful or self-destructive. For many people, familiar suffering and limitation are preferable to unfamiliar happiness and freedom. Many of us prefer to stay in the narrow confines of the familiar and known, rather than risk the freedom of the unknown. Improvement and change mean moving beyond the known. Also, these habits can engage our energy patterns in ways that control our minds without our conscious awareness. For example, we reach for food, a drink or a cigarette, turn on the TV, zap through the channels, pick up the phone and call someone, all mechanically without being conscious of what we are doing. We do not consider whether what we are doing is actually beneficial for us or even if it is what we really want to do. When the mind loses its ability to control these unconscious movements, we suffer from compulsive acts and thoughts. Such problems are seldom solved through analysis alone. They require a strong decision and a willingness to endure the pain of withdrawal symptoms by placing ourselves in a situation in which we simply cannot get to what we mechanically desire. Centers for detoxification offer such opportunities. Twelve step groups consisting of people with similar addictions can also be very helpful. Being in the presence of those who have actually freed themselves from that particular habit, and also with those who still have the habit but have vowed to get free, is a very powerful support mechanism. Perhaps the first and most important step in this process is our ability to recognize that we are stuck and to admit that we have, until now, been incapable at overcoming it. The third main door to freedom in such situations is faith in God. Developing a relationship with the Divine (each according to his own beliefs and perceptions) is a very powerful solution for transcending habits. This relationship offers us feelings of protection, support and love. We also sense a deep inner caring coming to us from this Universal Being, who will never betray us. This love relationship is our only lasting and invulnerable one. The security and self worth which we receive from this relationship will allow us to go beyond the needs that are at the root of our addictions. Thus, if we are held back in our process by strong self-defeating habits, we would do well to complement our analysis with the following actions: a. Find a place where we can live for a time without having access to our habits. b. Seek membership in a group of people who are working on the same problem. c. Develop our relationship with the Divine. 3. Conflicting desires and needs can be obstacles to change. We may have needs which conflict with our original goal of self-improvement. For example, we may want to experience our own creative expression, but we might also fear that others would not accept us if we do so. We might feel a need to have a relationship, and on the other hand, have a need to be free to do whatever we want whenever we want. We may have the need to lose weight or create health, but also desire sweets and chocolates. These are conflicting needs that will have to be worked out through analysis and inner dialogue. In such cases, we will need to analyze our conflicting "sub-personalities" and see what each part of ourselves actually needs and which beliefs create those needs. We have the right to choose security and social recognition over our freedom and growth, if that is our choice. 4. We may have fears that may cause us to avoid change. Although we may desire to something better for ourselves, we might also fear we would lose something important if we change. The following chart points out a number of those reasons. ========================================== WHY IT MIGHT NOT PAY FOR ME TO GET WELL OR TO SUCCEED, OR TO BE WITHOUT A PROBLEM 1. If I get well: a) They might not pay attention to me anymore. I might lose their attention and love. b) I will be expected to assume responsibility for my life (work, survival, etc.). I am incapable of doing that. c) It will be necessary to tire myself and I will lose my comforts. 2. I can control others though my illness: a) They must serve me. b) They must not make me worry. 3. Others are responsible for what happened to me. a) I have been treated unjustly, so others are unjust whereas I am justified, correct and good. b) This way I punish them with my illness. I make them feel guilty. 4. I am guilty and I don?t deserve to be well. I must be punished; I must suffer. 5. Without my illness, I am not important or interesting enough. 6. If I admit to being happy or well, my contentment could be followed by something horrible. =============================== Just a few words about each of these, as they are most likely self explanatory to most readers. a. Some of us have come to believe that others will pay attention to us only if we have problems. This may have actually been our experience until now. We may believe we have nothing else interesting about us, and thus fear we will not hold others? attention if we no longer have a problem. Thus, although we suffer from our problem, we are subconsciously afraid to let go of it. Do we really want others to be this person who others pity or want to save? b. Some of us have come to believe we are incapable of coping with life, responsibilities or the rat race of survival. IN such a case we can use our "problem" as a subconscious excuse for not facing up to all this. In this way, others must protect and help us. If our problem is solved, we will then be forced to face life by ourselves, something we fear. This then will act as a subconscious obstacle to solving the problem. c. When we are lazy, we might find that having a problem is a good excuse not to exhaust ourselves. Thus, although we may suffer and ask for help, we subconsciously prefer to have this problem which prevents others from asking much from us. d. Some of us discover that we can control others when we have problems. Since we have a problem, others must treat us in a special way. They must not ask much of us. They must serve us and help us, try to solve our problems. In such a case, the only thing we need to do is hook up to someone who is playing the role of the savior or who feels responsible for others, and get them to try to solve our problems. We are then able to control them and consume their attention. e. In the same situation, they also must not worry us. They must not ask much of us, or speak harshly to us, or ask us to carry our load. They must do what we ask and not cause us to feel hurt. They must never ask us to see ourselves because that might upset us. In such a case, why should we let go of our problem? It is our greatest "asset and protection." f. Those of us who have come to identify with the role of the abused, the martyr and the victim need to keep our problem because our self worth is based on being wronged by someone, at least by life, if not by specific persons. Being wronged by others serves as verification that others who do us harm are wrong and evil, and that we ourselves are right and good. As victims, we create a false sense of self-worth by being abused. If we have no other source of self-worth, then, although we may complain about the problem and how others are mistreating us, we subconsciously need this abuse in order to feel our self worth. Thus, we undermine any solutions. If asked to imagine that the problem has disappeared completely and that that others treat us, exactly as we desire, we will most likely feel an emptiness, depression or even panic. g. Some of us may use our own self-destruction to punish those whom we consider responsible for our pain. For example, some children go into a mode of self-destruction as a form of blackmail, control and revenge towards their parents. As long as we are locked into this game of blaming others for our reality, we will feel the need to cling to our problems because they make others feel guilty. Solving our problems allows them to let go of their guilt, something we are not ready to allow. h. Negative childhood experiences can create the false belief that we are not worthy and thus do not deserve a happy problem- free life. Although we want to create a happy reality, we fear we are not worthy of one, and thus subconsciously undermine our own attempts to create happiness because we do not believe we deserve it. i. Our illness or problem may become our life focus, our connection with others. We have become that problem. If we do not have it, we do not know who we will be, what we will do, or how we will interact with others. We have no other frame of reference. Life without our problem is unfamiliar and scary. In such a position, we frequently play the "yes ? but" game, in which we present our problem to others, so they can get hooked into trying to find the solution. For every solution they suggest, we will have a very good answer as to why it will not work. They keep seeking the solution as we drain all their energy by monopolizing all their attention and effort. This is the way we energize ourselves. This is why it is essential when others play this role that we leave the responsibility for the solution to them by simply asking questions which might help them decide what they want to do. j. Those of us trapped in a belief system of clear cut opposites, such as good and evil, happiness and pain, success and failure, may fear that allowing ourselves to accept that we are happy might attract evil. Those who believe in the "evil eye" will be more prone to such a problem of not being able to accept that everything is wonderful. SETTING REASONABLE GOALS We proceed more effectively when we can define specific goals in small reachable increments. One of the obstacles we encounter in our growth process, or in any endeavor, is that we perceive the problem or the goal as very large, complex or almost unattainable, and thus we discourage ourselves for getting started. We look to the top of the mountain and say, "It is too high. I will never be able to do it", and make no effort. An alternative would be to look at the next step up that mountain and say, "I can do that", and take it". Then we are confronted with the next step and again we realize that " Yes, I can do that." With perseverance and patience, we arrive at the top. Of course, in order to specify what exactly the next step is, we will need to see the top of the mountain or at least know its direction. Thus, we occasionally reevaluate to determine in which direction we want to go, and then take the next step. We can regularly redefine our goal or life purpose and take the next step toward fulfilling it. Then we watch for signs, such as coincidences or messages from within or without, concerning the next step. We continue moving forward until we come to the next crossroad, and the next question or choice comes to mind. Having established our present goal, which might be material, physical, emotional, mental, social, economic, spiritual, etc., we then continue to determine as specifically as possible the steps we want to make this week, or at least this month, toward realization of that goal. Some questions which might help us with this are: 1. "How would I express my goal at this point? What is it that I want to change, create, attain or transform first? What do I want to act on first?" 2. "Why have I chosen this? Why is it important for me? How do I hope to benefit from this change or effort? How is my life less pleasant by not making this effort?" Establishing why we want to make these changes produces the awareness, motivation and momentum to develop the necessary discipline. 3. "How do I plan to start? What will be my first step?" Here we want to reach as specific an answer as possible. "I will begin to love myself more," is not a specific answer. More specific is, " I will offer myself a massage once a week." " I will work on my relationship with my spouse (or child)," is not specific. More specific is, "I will arrange to have a deep discussion with my spouse (or child) this week in order to explain what I have discovered." 4. "When exactly will I do this and where? Can I be more specific about days or dates?" Now we are being asked to commit ourselves to a more specific plan like, " I am free on Saturday morning. I will get my massage then, or I will arrange to have a discussion with my spouse (child) on Sunday morning." Once we have clearly defined what we are going to do, it is much easier for us to proceed forward. We still may, however, be under the influences of various resistances that may undermine these decisions. After a week or two, we will want to evaluate how our decisions went. If we discover we have not acted on them as of yet, we should avoid getting into the role of the teacher or parent and rejecting ourselves. We need only to seek to objectively answer these questions again. 1. Do I want to do it? 2. Why do I want to do it? 3. What are its benefits for me? 4. What is the step I want to take this week? Was the previous step perhaps too difficult? Would I like to start with something else and build up to that one, or will I work again on the same goal? 5. When and where will I take these actions? This goes on week after week until we have accomplished our goal. Then we ask these same questions about the next step. When we have not accomplished what we set out to do, we must simply work through it again with self-acceptance, patience, perseverance and determination. If we see that the resistance perseveres, we may want to work with the following questionnaire, which will aid in revealing possible thought-forms that might be obstructing our process of growth. To Index ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM ILLNESS I remember a story told by Dr. Jayadeva of the YOGA INSTITUTE OF BOMBAY. "Once an enlightened being was asked ?Who was your guru?? He answered, ?Sinusitis.? The enlightened one went on to explain that in order to free himself of his sinusitis he had to change his diet completely. Then he started doing exercises and breathing techniques to purify and remove the stresses from his body that intensified the problem. After that, he started practicing deep relaxation and meditation in order to quiet the mind and nervous system, which seemed to be at the root of the sinusitis. Finally, he had to completely alter his understanding of himself and the world around him, so as to remove the basic causes of imbalance in his body and mind. As a result of all these efforts and changes, his body and mind became so purified and in tune with the Spirit, he became enlightened." Some possible lessons we might learn from illness are: 1. To improve our diet: Choose to eat healthier foods in proper quantities, so the body and mind will be strengthened and able to function effectively and clearly, biologically, mentally and spiritually. 2. To adopt healthier living habits: Learn to exercise, breathe and relax regularly, so as to create a body that has the strength to protect itself from microbes and various malfunctionings. 3. To analyze and correct any negative thought patterns that may create emotional, mental or physical blockages. 4. To learn to be more humble and compassionate through this rather humbling position in which we are temporarily weak, vulnerable, and perhaps even dependent upon others. 5. To learn to accept, love and care from others: Some of us cannot accept affection or even simple compliments from others. We always want to be on the giving side. This can sometimes be based on egotistic motives. 6. To think more deeply about the meaning of life: Why are we here? What is the purpose of life? 7. To reexamine our goals and value system: What do we want from life? What is important to us? Are we living in such a way as to achieve our goals? 8. To develop mental powers of positive thought projection so as to send healing energies into the various parts of our body and heal it. 9. To take a more active role in the creation of our health, happiness and harmony: Only we can create our illness and health. 10. To surrender to God?s will: Although we do everything we need to do in order to create health, we must also be able to accept whatever the results may be in order to unite our will with the Divine Flow. 11. To concentrate more on our contact with the Divine through prayer and meditation. 12. To realize that we are not this body and begin to dis-identify with it, feeling ourselves as an immortal spirit. To Index ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM A RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN A divorce, separation or, in general, any relationship breakdown is an unpleasant experience which may provide us with various lessons. There are many lessons we need to learn before we come to the conclusion that we must separate from someone. But if the other leaves us or this separation has already happened, we might be able to benefit from the following. 1. To examine our behavior to see how we have contributed to the problem: It is unlikely that we are 100% innocent. The other was probably mirroring some aspect of our character that we need to study in greater detail. 2. To learn to love the other in spite of his or her behavior, regardless of whether we stay with that person or not: We can continue to love the other even when our personalities are not suitable for mutual habitation or work. Some may remain in a relationship while harboring bitterness and hate, which is detriment to our happiness and spiritual growth. 3. To discover that we can live without this person: We often believe we will never feel secure or happy again without a particular person, but life shows us differently. We discover that happiness, security and love are internal states which are always within us, if only we allow ourselves to experience them. 4. To develop greater inner strength so as to feel confident to face whatever may come to us in the game of life: we need to realize we are strong and capable, as opposed to weak and dependent. 5. To change our self-image: We may find that one of the problems in the relationship was that we did not enough self esteem, and thus, did not inspire the other?s respect, acceptance and love. We need now to learn to accept, love and respect ourselves more, so that we do not create the same problem in our next relationship or in life in general. 6. To direct our energies in a spiritual direction and develop a relationship with God: By focusing on our relationship with the Universal Being, we are no longer vulnerable nor so dependent on others to give us the feeling of security and love we need. We receive these through our relationship with the One Being, who will never leave us, not even when we leave these physical bodies. Once our happiness, security and love have become internalized, we can feel real love towards all we meet without fear. Then we can experience unconditional love. To Index ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT CAN WE LEARN THROUGH THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE The death of a loved one is considered to be the most painful life experience. Many of us would prefer to die ourselves rather than face life without someone who meant so much to us. Some mourn for years, experiencing depression, bitterness and resentment toward life and God "who has dealt us such an unfair blow." If we accept that life is a school, and that every experience is an opportunity to move forward our evolutionary path, there will be some very useful lessons to be gained even in this most unpleasant experience. Let us look at some of them. 1. Accept that loss is a basic part of our life cycle. Whatever is born must die. Whatever grows must decay. These are universal laws. Did we forget that these physical bodies are mortal? Everything we see around us will one-day decay and cease to be. That includes all plants, animals, people, buildings, cities, the planet earth, the sun and even the galaxy. Everything in the physical universe is temporary. When this fact is understood and accepted, we will begin to seek another source of security and happiness which does not depend on these temporary, animate and inanimate structures. 2. We can live and be happy again. Some feel that we cannot go on or ever be happy again without our loved one. But time slowly heals the wounds of the heart, and we dare to laugh again (at first when no one is looking, lest it not be proper). We begin to discover that there is more strength within us than we knew. 3. We can increase our faith in the wisdom and justice of the universe. We might feel anger towards God when our loved one leaves his or her physical body. When we lose our faith in the wisdom and justice of the universal laws, we cannot accept that this event could have been a part of a greater plan simply because it was not a part of our own plan. Nor can we envision this event as essential to our evolutionary process. We can learn to have faith and accept that there must have been a reason for this event. There are no accidents. 4. Develop a relationship with God: After seeking happiness, affirmation, love and security in various relationships, we begin to realize there are two main obstacles to succeeding in that effort. The first is that most people are not yet mature and/or strong enough to really love us as unconditionally as we want to be loved. We, in general, do not even love ourselves enough, so it is difficult, if not impossible, to find someone who is spiritually advanced enough to love us unconditionally and make us feel secure. The second obstacle is that the bodies, which those souls we love presently occupy, are mortal. Thus, even if we find someone who is capable of giving us what we need and want, we may lose him or her at any moment. It is a certainty that some day we will be separated by our or the other's departure from the physical body, and although we may have a happy relationship, we might at times be unable to enjoy it completely because we fear losing it, especially if the other is ill. When we develop a relationship with God, we cultivate an inner source of security and love which does not depend upon any other. We can then enjoy all our relationships with the ability to give and take love without fearing loss, or becoming emotionally devastated upon the departure of our loved one from his or her body. We can love without attachment or dependency, which is much more rewarding for us and others. 5. Confront death: We need to ask, "what is death?" What is the nature of that energy, that power, that consciousness which, when it was in that body, caused it to think, speak, move, love, feel and create? Now that it is gone, there is a mass of cells that will soon decompose. What is life? What is its purpose? A number of us have been forced by the death of the loved one to investigate these questions. Death forces us to look deeper into the nature and purpose of life. 6. Reexamine our life values and goals: Contact with death awakens us to the fact that someday we too will die. This generates a number of questions. Will we have fulfilled our life purpose? Why have we come here to the earth? Why have we taken this physical body? Is our life part of some greater plan or process? If so, what does it require of us? How can we live our lives more in harmony with that purpose? Answering these questions might motivate us to change our life style, live a more meaningful existence, improve our character, purify our love, or investigate the deeper truths of life. We may also discover that life feels more meaningful when we value others and their needs. 7. Develop discrimination between the body, mind and soul. The body and personality are temporary vehicles for the soul?s expression here on the earth. We do not cease to exist when it breaks down any more than a car ceases to exist when our car breaks down, or a radio station ceases to exist when a radio stops functioning. Awareness that our physical existence is temporary allows us to give more importance to the spiritual aspects of life, which are eternal. We will then pay less attention to accumulating temporary objects and expand more energy toward the development of love, wisdom and self-knowledge. To Index ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM LOSS The fear and the pain of loss are two of the most destructive human emotions. They consume tremendous portions of our emotional, mental and physical energy, and create suffering on all levels. Why is this? Our basic life needs are security, pleasure, freedom and affirmation. In hope of satisfying these needs, we seek to accumulate or attach ourselves to objects, money, relationships and social or professional positions. We become attached to these, believing they give us our strength, security, freedom, contentment and self worth or success. We fear that if we do not have these, we will be vulnerable, and thus at the mercy of the world around us. We cling to our possessions, relationships, money and positions, believing we must have them to be well. Life, however, is change and nothing that we see or depend upon is free from the possibility of changing or disappearing in an instant. In a split second, our money, job, spouse, parent or child can disappear. They are all merely temporary waves on the sea of life. Adaptation and the ability to let go of the past are not only essential for evolution and growth, but also for overcoming suffering. The old must pass on in order for the new to develop. This is the law of both the material and mental worlds. If the blood in our veins refuses to move on from where it presently is, it will damage the body. Stagnant water spoils. A vessel must be emptied in order to be filled again with a new substance. If our bodies and minds are attached to what we "are" and "have," refusing to release them, there is no possibility of growth into new and higher levels of consciousness. The child must pass on in order to become an adult. The seed must split and cease to exist in order to become the tree. The egg must burst to become a caterpillar, and the caterpillar must perish in order to become a butterfly. From this perspective, every loss is an excellent opportunity to discover that we have the inner power to continue on even without what we have lost, and that we are much greater than we had originally believed. SOME USEFUL LESSONS WE MAY LEARN FROM LOSSES IN OUR LIVES Let us look at some possible lessons we may acquire from losing whatever is important to us, such as a watch, a wallet, important papers, jewelry, a job, a social position, money, our house, our land, our car, a camera, furniture, etc. (We have already discussed the lessons to be learned from losing a loved one.) 1. One possible lesson we may learn from losing or nearly losing something is to discover the value that it has for us. Often we do not realize how important or valuable something is to us until we no longer possess it. 2. Another lesson may be to discover that, in truth, we do not need that particular object as much as we had previously thought. We may need to realize that we have the strength to face life and be happy without it. Every attachment causes us to feel a little weaker. When we lose the object of attachment, we are given the opportunity to realize that we are stronger than we had once thought. 3. We can learn that these external objects do not bring real lasting security, contentment or affirmation, and that they are subject to change. 4. We may learn how to have, use and enjoy objects without becoming attached to them or allowing them to enslave us. The example of the bird on the branch mentioned earlier is a good one. The bird rests on the branch and enjoys its support. When a wind comes and shakes the branch, it does not experience fear because it is confident of its ability to fly and is also aware that there are plenty of other branches. In the same way, we may enjoy what life has to offer us while remaining aware that we have the inner strength to live and be happy without these objects. 5. We may learn that we must be more careful, more aware or more conscious so that we do not lose things unnecessarily due to a lack of concentration and care. 6. We may be forced to analyze the inner meaning of this loss. What is life trying to teach us with this loss? What does this message mean about our lives, our actions and our way of living? 7. We may need to learn how to try to retrieve that which we have lost, or even perhaps fight for it, but with love and without attachment to the results of our effort. That means that while we make our best effort to regain what we have lost, we are able to accept our new reality should our effort not succeed. We can learn to protect and care for our possessions without anxiety or fear. 8. We can develop faith in Divine Wisdom, and thus accept the fact that nothing can happen which is not controlled by the just and wise powers of the universe. A faith in the Divine Plan allows us to accept that only the best for our spiritual evolution will ever be allowed to take place. 9. We can learn to surrender to the will of God, realizing that all is given and taken from this one universal source of all that exists. We come into this world naked and will leave it naked. All that we accumulate in between is simply on loan for us to use for our survival, service, and spiritual growth while on earth. 10. We may be forced to discover, face and change any negative beliefs that may be provoking such losses. We may hold beliefs such as "the world is full of evil", "I am not capable of holding a job", or "I am not capable of protecting myself," which may create unnecessary losses simply because they are merely manifestations of our belief system. These and many other lessons can be learned from any loss. We would benefit by adopting the attitude that whatever occurs in our lives happens for a reason. We can then seek to discover what we can learn from that, making every material loss a potential emotional, mental and spiritual gain as we develop inner strength and discover how full and complete we are within ourselves without external crutches. The real secret is to enjoy what we have without becoming dependent upon it. When we worry about what we do not have or what we have lost, we lose what we do have. If we stop to think how much we actually have to be grateful for, our losses will seem insignificant. To Index ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT MIGHT WE LEARN FROM A COURT CASE Independent of the reasons we are involved in a court case, there are some basic lessons that we can learn in each situation. These lessons will not only help in our spiritual growth, but will also allow us to be more objective and efficient in our handling of the case. We will be able to face the situation with greater clarity and discrimination, thus protecting our inner peace and health. 1. We will be forced to develop our mental powers by researching and planning the case. In most situations, it is best not to leave the case completely up to our lawyer, just as it is best not to leave our health completely up to our doctor. These experts are in a position to give us good advice, but in the end, it is our life and we are responsible for making sure we are sufficiently informed, through them, to make the final decisions. 2. We must face and overcome the temptation to use false witnesses or information in order to win the case. This holds true even in cases where we may be innocent, or where the opponent is obviously using all types of falsities to prove his argument. It is much better to protect the truth and lose the case than it is lose the truth and win the case. The saying is that "Those who protect the truth will ultimately be protected by the truth." Of course, in order to be protected by the truth, we might first be tested as to how far we are willing to protect it. For example, are we ready to stand by the truth, even if it means we will make less money or lose our position, our money, our family, or even our life? History is full of examples of great spiritual beings who endured great losses as they were being tested in this manner. Today's judicial system, in which the truth is sometimes sacrificed for the personal gain of a few who have contacts and power, offers a wonderful opportunity to the soul to test its inner strength and determination to function in an honest and honorable way, even in a system which has lost its moral basis. Life is eternal. We may succeed in protecting our small temporary interests with lies, but in the end, we will be brought to court for those lies in the " higher court of life." 3. We will have the opportunity to overcome negative feelings toward our "opponent." We must remember that everything that happens in life occurs for one of two reasons: a. To balance accounts for something we have done in the past. b. To offer us experiences which stimulate our further spiritual development and alignment with the higher laws of life. We must understand that our "opponent" is not responsible for this situation, for it were not that particular person, it would be another. The other person is simply a puppet in the theater of life. Our own decisions, choices and need to evolve have attracted this situation to us, regardless of whether we can remember or are aware of them. We may feel that a great injustice is being done because we are innocent and correct. In such a case, we need to have faith in the wisdom of divine justice that brings us these potential lessons in our spiritual growth process. In the case that we are the ones who are bringing the other to court, we would do well to remember that, in reality, we are not the victims. Whatever has been done to us, or taken from us, has been made possible because we have created that situation through our decisions and choices until now (even if we are unaware of them). Another may be motivated to harm or cheat us, but he or she can not manifest this unless we have created the conditions for that experience. That experience offers us some type of stimulus for our evolution. This, however, does not mean there are no unjust actions and that we should let the wrong act go uncorrected. If we did so, society would fall apart morally, economically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. We are taking this person?s action to court, not the person himself. We can continue to love the person and send him healing light while simultaneously realizing that, for his good and for society?s good, his act must be called into account. This may seem like a contradiction, but although there are obviously actions and behaviors that are immoral and unjust, there are actually no victims. These immoral actions are wrong and must be corrected, but we could not be their recipients unless we have attracted them as stimuli for our growth process. Thus, it is our obligation to bring all transgressions against the law to court, so their behavior may be corrected and that they may serve as an example for others. Still, this must be done without hate, anger, bitterness or feelings of revenge toward the person we are prosecuting. Lawbreakers are often unfortunate victims of abuse, pain and alienation, which have subsequently brought them to a state where they are capable of harming others. They are confused and need help. Their self-image and attitudes toward life and society need to be healed. Our prison system needs to become efficient at effecting such modifications in behavior. We need to turn our energies toward the real rehabilitation of law transgressors rather than simply containing them, punishing them and abusing them. They are victims of our society's lack of love, understanding and unity. In a sense, we, as a whole, are guilty for their acts. Their acts are the result of the inequality, alienation and indifference that abound in our society. Putting them in prison without making any attempt to correct the family, school and social conditions that created their mental state is no solution. We must fight for our rights with all our energy and clarity because such acts must not pass uncorrected. On the other hand, we must fight impersonally, compassionately and without negative feelings toward the other. This we should seek to do regardless of whether we are the accused or the accuser. 4. We can use this opportunity to develop faith in divine justice. A court case is an opportunity to remember that there is, in fact, divine justice, and only that which is best for our mutual growth will take place. IN THE CASE WE LOSE We have all heard many times that it is not important whether we win or loose, but how we play the game. Despite that, we seldom practice this philosophy in our daily lives. We want to win in every situation, and we feel very unhappy and react badly when we lose. We are also prepared to play the game in any way we must in order to win, even if this means cheating or lying. What is really important is how we have played; whether we have played fairly, with dignity and integrity, not doing to others anything we would not like done to us. Whether we win or not is simply not important from the spiritual point of view. This brings to mind once more the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi: "DEAR LORD, Grant me the peace to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can change, and the discrimination to know the difference between the two." In the event that we do lose, there are still a number of lessons we can gain from that experience. 1. We can accept that this loss is the best possible experience for our spiritual development. We can realize that we can continue to live happily without whatever we have lost, be it our money, our possessions, or even our freedom of movement. 2. Love, compassion and forgiveness towards our opponent will free us from the need for future lessons of this kind. We can realize that the other person has nothing to do with our loss, but is merely a puppet in our life. He is not responsible for our reality. We have used him to give ourselves the opportunity for these lessons. 3. In the event that we are actually imprisoned, we also can use this situation for our spiritual growth. We will have more time to perform spiritual disciplines, such as meditation, prayer and reading, which can bring about significant changes in our level of awareness. Sri Auribindu had his first cosmic experiences as a political prisoner of the British in India. Many have found God in prison. If we are optimists, we will see the opportunity in every problem rather than the problem in every opportunity. The message in this chapter is that everything that takes place during our lives is an opportunity for us to learn lessons that further our emotional, mental and spiritual growth process. Perceiving events in this light allows us to deal with them much in a more positive manner. Conveniently Purchase the ebook "The Psychology of Happiness" through ClickBank New See our Free Email Courses See our other Books and ebooks Great new books Return to list of books To Index |
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