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Truth or Death -
Petro is transformed by his near-death experience.
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Truth or Death -
Petro is transformed by his near-death experience.
Available now only as an ebook.
Below you will find the following chapters:
Prologue
Chapter 6
Chapter 14
These will give you an idea of the book.
Prologue
Let me give you a little peak into the future.
************
We are four couples sitting together in Stefanos¢ mountain home in front of three thieves with guns pointed at us.
The Boss of this gang is really enjoying himself. "Okay, my friends, it¢s time for the game of your lives. You will now either be freed from your fear of the truth or you will die here tonight. Let me explain. Each of you will take turns telling truths about yourselves that the others don¢t know. The truths that you tell must be ones you feared telling until now."
"Also, because you are all such hypocrites there¢s another prerequisite. You each must be able to accept the others even after having heard their deepest and dirtiest secrets."
"Now, because the person most likely to be upset by your secrets is your spouse, I want you to change your positions and sit as couples. This way, I¢ll have more fun watching the expressions on your faces as you learn the deepest secrets of your spouses. Remember, in order to pass this test you have to be able to accept the other no matter what he or she says. You¢ll need to tell the truth about how you feel when you hear the secrets kept by your partners and friends."
"Just in case you plan to keep some secrets, I think I¢ve already showed you that I know what you¢re hiding." He looks at me. "Isn¢t that right, Mr. Come-Back-From-the-Dead?Spiritual-Seeker?"
This is both scary and comforting. It¢s scary because they have guns which they¢ve already used and seem capable of actually killing us. Comforting because we are obviously in the presence of an exceptional being. I nod. "Yes, but how do you know all this?"
Now that he¢s obviously in control, he¢s speaking with less anger. "Books can only teach you so much. Life and pain are even greater teachers. You are seeking to know yourself through books, seminars and techniques. This is a waste of time. You can know yourself only through total truth and acceptance of all that exists in yourself and others."
This is a very strange setting for spiritual teachings and yet he makes sense. If it wasn¢t for the gun in his hand, I¢d consider that I¢m in the presence of a spiritual teacher. "I see what you¢re saying. But wh the guns?"
He continues. "You need fear of death in order to overcome your fear of truth and your resistance to acceptance. You need energy to overcome these forms of stagnation within you. Your fear of these guns will give you the energy to make this change."
I continue with my questions. "And if we don¢t overcome our fear of truth and cannot accept each other as we truly are, then what? Will you actually kill us?"
He looks penetratingly into my eyes with an eerie self-confidence. "Yes, we will kill you. Why? Because if in this situation you don¢t have the guts to tell the truth and accept yourselves and others as you all are, then you¢ll never do so and your lives are not worth living. You might as well die and start over again."
"You¢re being given a chance to free yourselves from your fear of truth. This is also an opportunity to lose your fear of what others think about you and of what they will think and do if they know the truth about you. If you refuse this lesson, you don¢t deserve to live. Your life has no meaning as long as you live in fear of others. This fear prevents you from being yourself. If you¢re not yourself, you don¢t actually exist. If you don¢t exist, your death doesn¢t remove anything from the world."
This horribly brutal theory of life oddly makes some sense to me. Everything he said, except for the fact that we don¢t have the right to exist, makes sense. We actually don¢t exist when we cannot be ourselves. He¢s right. We¢re living with false masks that hide who we really are ? all of this because we fear rejection if people really know us. This is indeed a strange situation. We¢re being taught genuine truths from a thief and potential murderer.
He turns his gun to me. "Start!"
His gun has now become an evolutionary force, pushing me into the depths of my fears and hoefully beyond them. This is truly a strange sequence of events. I continue to stall. "If I speak now, I won¢t do so because I¢ve overcome my fears. Rather, I¢ll speak in fear that I¢ll lose my wife¢s love and my friends¢ respect. So I won¢t be free from fear as I speak."
The Boss is shaking his gun again. "You¢re stupider than I thought. No one is without fear until they do what they fear. Of course, you¢ll have fear as you speak and you¢ll do so because you fear death even more than losing your wife¢s love and your friends¢ respect. That¢s how you¢ll overcome the fear. This is acting parallel with your fear. You feel your fear and you do what you fear anyway. So start now!! I¢m losing my patience."
***********
But let us start at the beginning.
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Chapter 6
IN BED
After cleaning up, brushing our teeth and showering, we lay together in bed. I¢m feeling close to Maria and feel like being affectionate and perhaps even making love. I reach out and begin to caress her head and back. She doesn¢t respond. I continue to caress her allowing my hands to move towards her breasts. She still doesn¢t respond. As my intention to make love becomes clear, she resists saying, "I¢m too tired and not in the mood."
Unable to switch my desire off immediately, I ignore her words and continue to caress her.
After a few minutes she rebuffs me more strongly. "Petro, I told you I¢m tired. Leave me alone!"
I turn over mumbling, "Okay, Ms. Ice Woman."
Fortunately, I too, am tired and am able to fall asleep.
I sleep deeply but have one dream just before waking. I dream that Maria is with another man and that she doesn¢t really care about me. I¢m pleading with her to love me but she just ignores me as if I¢m a bother or a problem for her. The more I plead, the more she rejects me and seeks to get away from me.
I feel panic and pain. I¢m helpless to do anything. There¢s nothing I can do to make her want to be with me. She is with this other man and I¢m alone and unloved.
Others are watching me and laughing at how weak and needy I am. Then I see Maria and her new man doing the same. She¢s actually laughing at me. I feel betrayed and cannot believe that this woman I love so much and have decided to live again for, is actually scorning and rejecting me and laughing at my need for her.
As I try to get away, my feet are heavy like lead and I cannot move. I¢m stuck. I¢m hurting deeply, fearing this rejection and humiliation in front of all these people.
I wake up sweating profusely. It takes some time to realize that it was a dream. I lay there feeling these dream feelings. They¢re still strong. My body is tense and shaky.
I remember that breathing will help and begin to breathe consciously, slowly and deeply. I breathe using the full capacity of my lungs, holding my breath for around 5 seconds each time before exhaling. As I do, my emotions and the tension in my body begin to subside. I¢m relaxing. Thank God for these breathing techniques. They change my emotional and energy state quite effectively.
Maria is still sleeping, but it¢s the time that she usually gets up. I decide to wake her by holding and caressing her. I need to feel her respond to me and verify her love to me.
Her back is to me and I place both my arms around her and hold her with my chest hugging her back and my arms around her breasts. She begins to stir showing signs of waking. I remain there holding her and making slight movements as I occasionally hold her more and then less tightly in a pulsating manner.
She still doesn¢t respond. She doesn¢t reject me but I¢m not getting the warm response I need. I abruptly release her and move away with clearly angry movements.
Maria notices but chooses not to comment.
I move into the bathroom to shower. In the middle of my shower she comes in and uses the toilet. I shout, "Don¢t flush the toilet, I¢ll get burnt". I say this angrily, not so much to warn her but rather to let out my anger at her lack of responsiveness.
She retorts, "Okay Mr. Dictator, we lowly subjects will obey your commands." She walks out of the bathroom, slamming the door, obviously angry.
I dry off and get dressed and find her in the kitchen making coffee.
I get right to the point. "Why did you slam the door? Are you angry? Did I do something wrong by reminding you not to flush the toilet so that I won¢t get burnt by the hot water? You¢ve done it a few times."
She looks up angrily. "That was years ago. When was the last time that happened? Anyway, I didn¢t like the tone of your voice. You were obviously angry about something."
I¢m in denial. "Just because I reminded you about flushing the toilet, I was angry? You really have a problem. Maybe you¢re projecting your own anger on me. It seems that you¢re angry at me and that makes you think I¢m angry at you." I¢m obviously not saying what I really want to but my emotions rather than my logic are controlling my words and reactions.
Now she¢s really getting angry. "What the hell are you talking about? When did I speak to you angrily? Are you imagining things?"
"O Yea, Ms. Ice Cube. Then why do you never respond to me? You obviously don¢t love me and are interested in someone else. Anyway you told me so a year ago in the hospital when I was almost dead. Whatever happened to Mr. Wonderful who made you feel so great and for whom you wanted to leave me?" I¢m really surprised at what¢s coming out of me. I guess I¢m really insecure about myself and my self-worth.
I can¢t stop. "You¢re so cold and unloving. You keep rejecting my approaches and find every excuse to reject me and avoid me and not make love to me. What am I suppose to believe, that you love me?"
She looks surprised. "Wow, what is all this? When did I do all this? When did I reject you? Just because I¢m tired and don¢t want sex, that means I don¢t love you and want someone else? I¢m surprised at you, Mr. Guru, who is supposed to be so self-dependent and free from negative emotions. Anyway, haven¢t you repeatedly said that each of us creates his own reality? Then you must be creating this reality now. Why are you creating this reality and what is your "lesson", as you always refer to it?"
I¢m being given a dose of my own medicine. She puts me right in my place. What¢s happening here? Why am I so insecure? Why do I need her affirmation?
"Maria, I¢m sorry. I guess the truth is that I¢m projecting my own fears onto you. It seems I haven¢t totally recovered from hearing that you enjoyed the company of another man. If you don¢t respond to me when I approach you, I feel rejection, pain and self-doubt."
She¢s still on the defensive. "You mean we have to have sex every day in order for you to believe that I love you? I simply don¢t feel like it each and every time you want to. Is that so horrible?"
I try to explain. "No, it¢s not. It¢s just seems that you no longer respond with the same enthusiasm you did when we first met. Nine out of ten times, you don¢t want contact. I don¢t need the sex as much as your openness. I need an affirmation of your interest so that I can feel there¢s unity between us and we¢re a couple. This is necessary for us to balance our energies and experience unity together."
I continue. "This isn¢t the only way I experience unity. I also experience it when we dance, when we communicate on a deeper level, when we eat or watch TV together, when we walk and joke and work together. All of these help me feel oneness which is what I consider to be the whole purpose of the relationship."
"I guess I came on to you angrily because both last night and this morning I approached you and you rebuffed me. Also, I had a nightmare in which I dreamt that you left me for another man and that you all laughed at me and my need. I felt horrible and woke up horrified and sweating."
She looks at me in surprise. "Petro, I love you. How can you doubt that?"
I myself try to understand why I¢m feeling this and think out loud. "Well, I guess I¢ve been affected by that dream that you were with another man but in order to have that dream, I must also be influenced by your responses to me. First of all, I haven¢t overcome the shock of your telling me on my deathbed that some other man makes you feel good. That¢s a great blow to a man¢s ego. It¢s not easy for me to forget."
"Also, you aren¢t as sexually responsive as I need you to be in order to feel that you really feel close to me and love me. I guess I need more affirmation of your love and that¢s one way I feel it. But you as I told you earlier, it¢s not so much that I actually need the sexual act because lately I prefer not to lose sperm. I feel drained afterwards, relaxed but also drained for about one day. What I need more is affection, holding and closeness - a feeling of unity. Also, I feel closer to you when you surrender yourself to me, when you allow all your barriers down and we become one. So it has more to do with unity and becoming one rather than eroticism or sex. Can you understand what I¢m saying?"
Maria replies, "Yes, but not totally. I feel connected to you even when we don¢t have this contact. I feel especially connected when we openly discuss what we¢re feeling."
"Maria, I agree with you. I, too, need this type of clear and open communication. I also need to feel that you¢re physically open to me. Tell me, don¢t you feel that need? Don¢t you feel the need to be held, caressed and to be physically intimate?"
"Petro, of course, I have these needs and very much so but I don¢t always want to become sexual. I¢m afraid that if I respond to your affection, you¢ll become stimulated and want to have sex, something I don¢t want. So, I choose sometimes not to respond to your affection. Do you understand?"
"Yes, I do and that¢s the problem. When you don¢t respond to simple affection, we don¢t exchange energies and balance ourselves and we drift apart. Then, I feel an even greater need for you to surrender yourself physically and then you become even more distant. We live in a vicious circle which is separating us. I think we need to talk and analyze what¢s going on in more detail."
"Petro, I can¢t stand all your analyzing. I¢m tired of it."
"Would you prefer that we have conflicts like the one we had today? Would you prefer that I feel rejected from you and you be fearful of my approaching you? This is not the kind of relationship I want to have. I don¢t want you to force yourself to do something for me. I want both of us to understand what we¢re feeling and how we¢re creating this reality."
"For example, I¢d like to understand why I need you to respond physically in order for me to feel unity with you. What is my belief which causes me to need this from you? Also, I think you need to look at your feelings about sex and why you want to avoid it. By understanding ourselves and each other, we have a chance to solve this problem. By leaving it as it is, tensions will build and we¢ll have frequent conflicts. What do you say?would you like to look more deeply at what¢s going on?"
She sees that I¢m right. "Okay, but don¢t pressure me. When I say stop, you have to stop."
"Oka, let¢s begin with myself. That way you might feel more comfortable about doing the same. Why do I need you to be open to me physically? I guess, for one thing, I need affirmation that you love me and are open to me in general. I need this in order to feel my self-worth as a person and even more so as a man, a spouse. I also need it in order to balance my energies. When we hold each other I feel energy moving from me to you and from you to me. Our energies merge and that brings about a balance and a healing for both of us."
"Everyone and every being need this. I notice our cats and dog, how much they need to be caressed. Even an elephant I used to visit in the zoo liked to be caressed. I notice that our cats sometimes stop eating as if seemingly full. They come over and get a few strokes from me and then go back to eat more. It¢s as if this affection, this exchange of love and energy allows them to eat more."
I realize that I¢m a sermon mode but decide to move on just a little more. "All beings need this contact, affection and exchange of energy. In fact, one major reason why many people are so focused on sex is because they have little energy exchange in other softer modes such as holding, hugging and caressing. In their energy starvation, they see only sex as a way to fill that emptiness."
"So, what I¢m saying is that if we could agree that holding and caressing each other doesn¢t mean that we have to move on to full sexual intercourse, perhaps you could relax. That would let you open up and we could at least exchange these healing energies in this way. That would better for me than no contact at all. What do you think?"
She responds with some hesitation. "Do you think you can do that? Can you hold and caress me and not feel the need to move on to full sexual contact? I thought that you men cannot do this."
"Well, I think it¢s worth trying. I¢ve been reading about Tantra. It is a total philosophy of life. But there is one technique in which a couple chooses to come together and stimulate and unite their energies but rather than proceed to have orgasms, they concentrate on bringing that energy from its sexual center up to the heart center or to the head. In that way, energy is generated by the contact but not lost in the orgasm. This energy is then used for creative or spiritual expression. It¢s not easy at all, but considering our circumstance, I¢d very much like to try it out. What do you think?"
Maria is still hesitant. "Sounds pretty strange. Why do you have to come up with all these abnormal solutions? Why can¢t we just be like everyone else?"
"Maria, what are the other options? Being like everyone else means one of the following options. Many have sex regularly and both enjoy it. Some, who don¢t enjoy it, force themselves to surrender to their love partner so as not to create conflict. But they feel unhappy and suppressed. This usually leads to conflict at some point. I don¢t think you want to do that. Others refuse, like you, to make love if they don¢t feel like it but then their partner feels rejected and angry. The first solution is fine, but what happens when one needs more contact than the other? Either one suppresses himself or herself and it¢s usually the woman who makes this sacrifice, or one feels injustice, rejection, unhappiness, dissatisfaction and anger. Do you prefer these solutions?"
She was beginning to see the issue more clearly. "Well, the way you put it sounds pretty logical. I never thought about it this way. I guess there is some value in analyzing some issues. But what does this mean practically? I do need to have an orgasm once in a while. It relaxes and rejuvenates me. I¢m not like you. I don¢t feel tired afterwards. I don¢t want to do this Tantra thing all the time."
"Fine, I feel the same. We simply need to create some type of signals between us before and after our contact so that you give me a message as to whether you just want hugging and affection or whether you¢d like to have an orgasm."
Maria finds this strange. "You mean I have to decide?! This is not something we discuss and analyze and then I say I want or don¢t want to have an orgasm. This is something we feel."
"I agree with you. I understand what you¢re saying. It¢s simple. I¢ll approach you or you¢ll approach me and I¢ll know that unless you make some type of a movement which indicates that you¢d like to go further than simply hugging, kissing and caressing, then our contact with be limited to those. I¢ll always assume that unless you give me a message of some type, our contact will be simple affection. How does that sound to you?"
She¢s beginning to soften on the idea. "Okay, let¢s assume that. If I don¢t give you the impression that I want you to go further, we¢ll simply be caring and affectionate. In that way, I can be freer and more responsive to your approaching me."
I approach and take her in my arms and hold her gently. "Maria, let yourself be peaceful like a child in my arms. Just hold me."
I hold her gently experiencing love for her. I focus on allowing energy to pass from my heart center to the center of her chest. I experience a shift of my energy towards her, moving into her. This is a penetration of energy rather than of the physical body.
I guide her. "Focus on your chest area and feel the energy flowing from my heart center into your chest."
I allow her a few minutes to experience that. "Now, allow the energy in your chest to flow into my chest. Just imagine it. Allow it."
After a few more minutes, I continue. "Now feel or imagine yourself as an energy and me as an energy and that you are merging with me as energy. That we¢re becoming one energy."
I imagine the same and we remain in that state for about 10 minutes as I occasionally encourage her to let go of thoughts and be present and feel the energy.
We do nothing else. We just experience this energy flowing between us for about a total of 15 minutes. Then as I gradually separate myself, I ask, "How did you feel? Were you able to feel the energy?"
She¢s so much more open and peaceful now. "Petro, it was so nice. I relaxed so deeply. I felt lost in that feeling of energy and peace. I liked it a lot. I feel much more energized now. Thank you for insisting."
She then came forward and kissed me over and over on my lips and we made love.
Note from the future:
After that experience, we frequently touch and hold each other every day. Most of the time, it¢s simply a passing of energy and affection. And, occasionally, when Maria feels like it, we also make love.
We never did analyze why Maria was feeling closed. I suspect that she has had some negative experiences as a child, perhaps being approached by some uncle or cousin. But I left well enough alone.
Perhaps we can look at that in the future. For now, it seems just knowing that she¢s in control and that nothing that she doesn¢t want will happen, allows her to be more open and responsive. That¢s enough for me for now.
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Chapter 13
Truth or Death
On the way home from the taverna, we continue to sing some of the songs we heard while eating. Spontaneously, one or the other starts up the next song and we join in. I¢m enjoying this unity between us. The others seem to feel the same.
It¢s interesting that singing can bring us much closer than discussing. While singing we agree. Often in discussions we disagree.
We¢re pulling into the highly inclined driveway and notice that lights are on in the house. We wonder who left them on. As we get out of the car, Stefanos says that he¢s sure he turned them all off except for the outside lights.
As I look at the others, I realize that we¢re all feeling fear. We approach the house fearing what we¢ll find. Stefanos is in front and Manolis, Kostas and myself behind him with the women further behind. As Stefanos touches the door, it swings open. It doesn¢t seem to be broken into but rather to have been opened with a key.
Our fear is increasing along with our self-preservation instincts. Stefanos grabs a knife from the kitchen as we walk through. I¢ve already picked up a stick from outside. The blood is racing through my arteries as my heart pounds intensely. We don¢t talk at all but proceed as a group from the kitchen down the hall towards the living room where the lights are on.
As we move through the hall, I feel my fear increasing and I don¢t know what to do. I look at the others and they obviously feel the same. There are sounds coming from the living room ? vices ? male voices.
As we come to the doorway, we¢re greeted by three men sitting there drinking wine, holding guns and pointing them in our direction. They seem to be foreigners yet they speak perfect Greek. "Welcome, gentlemen," the one in the center greets us. "We¢ve been waiting for you. Have a seat."
We¢re dumbfounded. We don¢t know how to react. We¢re all sweating profusely. These men are dressed in old, dirty, dark colored clothing. They¢re unshaven and have been drinking. They seem to feel totally comfortable in Stefanos¢ home. They¢re holding these guns at our faces. They speak with an accent which is difficult to determine. They could be foreigners or village people. They appear to come from a low economic class.
The one in the center is larger and seems to be the leader. He motions with his gun. "Have a seat and ask your wives to come in and sit with you."
Stefanos is outraged. "What the hell are you doing in my house? Ge out immediately or I¢ll call the police. I¢m going to have you arrested." The rest of us don¢t know what to say. It¢s difficult to comprehend what¢s happening. These are not thieves who want to take something and run. They¢re sitting comfortably in his living room waiting for us to come. We have no frame of reference for this in order to react. These guns pointed at our chests totally disorient us.
The leader looks to his comrades laughing. "We¢re sitting comfortably holding guns, drinking their wine, inviting them to have a seat and they¢re threatening us." They all laugh together and we feel even weaker and more disoriented.
Then the leader looks to us angrily. "Shut up and sit down before we kill you as you stand there."
As I¢m thinking how to warn the women not to proceed, they turn into the living room and begin screaming.
The leader shouts, "Shut them up and sit them down. We have no patience with your fear and weakness. You¢re all a shame to the human race."
We¢re all extremely confused and no one moves. They¢re sitting there in Stefanos¢ living room drinking his wine, holding guns on us and telling us that we¢re weak and a shame to the human race. This just does not compute.
The one on the right shoots a shot at the ceiling which causes plaster to fall on our head and our hearts are jumping out of our chests. He shouts, "The Boss said sit down. What are you waiting for? Don¢t you understand? Sit down before we kill you."
We still don¢t move. He shoots at the floor next to Stefanos¢ foot. "I¢ll start with your feet and then move up. Sit down. Do you understand?"
I look to the others and motion that we had better do what they want and each moves to find a seat. As it turns out, we¢re sitting with the men on one side and the women on the other.
I break the silence. "Perhaps you can tell us what you¢d like from us."
The Boss shouts angrily, "Shut up and talk only when I tell you to."
He looks at us for some time. His face contains a strange combination of anger, contempt and arrogance but also intelligence. His cronies don¢t seem to have the same features. They seem more superficial, like followers. There seems to be one mind controlling three bodies.
As he speaks, he emanates charismatic self-confidence.
"Whether you live or die is in your own hands. You¢ve been chosen to play the game of truth and acceptance. You¢re sorry excuses for human beings. Your values are false and superficial. You live in lies. You lie to yourselves and also to others. You¢re a burden to the earth. You don¢t deserve to live as you are. I¢m tired of your hypocrisy and your indifference to the truth and others around you."
I speak up. "How do you know this if you don¢t know us?"
He looks at me with flaring eyes. "Shut up! I told you not to speak unless I give you permission. But since you¢ve asked, you answer me. Is what I¢m saying true or not? Do you not live in lies? Are your values not superficial? Are you not living lives of alienation and loneliness? Is what I¢m saying not true?" He looks directly at me. "Tell me, is it not true?"
I answer, "To a certain extent, I have to admit that most people may be living in this way."
"Oh, and you are not? You have no secrets from your wife or these others? You don¢t think about yourself first and then others? You¢re not living a comfortable life while we poor people have nothing? When was the last time you even thought about how we poor are passing our lives? You rich people come up here from the city with your fancy cars and eat in expensive tavernas and ignore how we live. You don¢t give a shit about us or anyone else. You¢re selfish, egotistical and you live in fear. You¢re afraid of death. You fear what others think about you. You fear each other. You cannot even tell the truth to your own wives. And they, too, fear you and cannot tell you the truth. You live in fear ? just like now. You fear us. Is it not true?"
It¢s difficult to argue with someone pointing a gun but, actually, I see his point. "Okay, I understand what you¢re saying and to some degree, agree with you. But why are you sitting in our living room, pointing your guns at us? What do you want from us? Let us give you whatever money we have. There¢s no need to harm us. We¢ll gladly give you whatever we have." As I reach into my pocket, I look at the others and motion to them to do the same and get their money out.
The Boss laughs. "Of course, we¢ll take your money but you¢re not going to get free so easily. Your money is a very small part of what we want. We want to free you from your fear of the truth. If you overcome the fear of truth, we¢ll let you live. If not, you¢ll die here tonight." He smiles as he looks at his friends.
We don¢t kno what to make of this. Stefanos is angry in his fear. "Who gave you the right to come in here and tell us what we have to do? We don¢t need any lessons from you. Our lives are fine and we don¢t fear the truth. What are you talking about?"
The Boss and cronies turn their guns towards Stefanos and he moves back as much as he can. "My gun gives me the power to do what I want with you. I¢m not afraid of you or anyone else. I make my own rules, whether you like it or not. I¢m sure that you have much to tell your wife about yourself that she doesn¢t know. Isn¢t that true, lover-boy?"
As I hear him speak, I can¢t figure out whether he knows something about Stefanos or whether he¢s generalizing or perhaps, in some way, actually has some kind of metaphysical power and knows about Stefanos¢ affair.
Stefanos sits silently and Manolis answers. "Who do you think you are treating us in this way? We¢re people of high values. We go to church and receive holy communion every week and also we feed the poor once a week."
The guns turn towards Manolis. "We¢ll get to you, Mr. Holier-Than-Thou. You¢re trapped in your limited perception of God and reject everyone who doesn¢t believe what you believe. Also, I¢m sure that you too have some dark secrets to share with your wife and your friends here."
This guy is either a very good judge of character or is reading our minds.
After this, no one else dares to speak. We¢re waiting for his next move.
The Boss of this gang is really enjoying himself. "Okay, my friends, it¢s time for the game of your lives. You will now either be freed from your fear of the truth or you will die here tonight. Let me explain. Each of you will take turns telling truths about yourselves that the others don¢t know. The truths that you tell must be ones you feared telling until now."
"Also, because you are all such hypocrites there¢s another prerequisite. You each must be able to accept the others even after having heard their deepest and dirtiest secrets."
"Now, because the person most likely to be upset by your secrets is your spouse, I want you to change your positions and sit as couples. This way, I¢ll have more fun watching the expressions on your faces as you learn the deepest secrets of your spouses. Remember, in order to pass this test you have to be able to accept the other no matter what he or she says. You¢ll need to tell the truth about how you feel when you hear the secrets kept by your partners and friends."
"Just in case you plan to keep some secrets, I think I¢ve already showed you that I know what you¢re hiding." He looks at me. "Isn¢t that right, Mr. Come-Back-From-the-Dead?Spiritual-Seeker?"
This is both scary and comforting. It¢s scary because they have guns which they¢ve already used and seem capable of actually killing us. Comforting because we are obviously in the presence of n exceptional being. I nod. "Yes, but how do you know all this?"
Now that he¢s obviously in control, he¢s speaking with less anger. "Books can only teach you so much. Life and pain are even greater teachers. You are seeking to know yourself through books, seminars and techniques. This is a waste of time. You can know yourself only through total truth and acceptance of all that exists in yourself and others."
This is a very strange setting for spiritual teachings and yet he makes sense. If it wasn¢t for the gun in his hand, I would consider that I¢m in the presence of a spiritual teacher. "I see what you¢re saying. But why the guns?"
He continues. "You need fear of death in order to overcome your fear of truth and your resistance to acceptance. You need energy to overcome these forms of stagnation within you. Your fear of these guns will give you the energy to make this change."
I continue with my questions. "And if we don¢t overcome our fear of truth and cannot accept each other as we truly are, then what? Will you actually kill us?"
He looks penetratingly into my eyes with an eerie self-confidence. "Yes, we will kill you. Why? Because if in this situation you don¢t have the guts to tell the truth and accept yourselves and others as you all are, then you¢ll never do so and your lives are not worth living. You might as well die and start over again."
Manolis looks at him with incredulity. "You believe in reincarnation? That¢s why it¢s so easy for you to kill." He turns towards me. "You see how these ideas are so dangerous? This is where they lead to!"
The Boss moves his gun towards him. "Oh, really, how stupid can you be? How many millions of people have been killed by Christians, Muslims and Jews who don¢t believe in reincarnation? Religion has made you stupid. Wake up from your ignorance. Open your eyes and see for yourself. You see only what you¢ve been told to see. You¢re not seeking but simply projecting what you¢ve been programmed to see. You need to learn to see with your own eyes and not through dogmas. Millions of innocent people have been slaughtered in the name of the various dogmas that didn¢t include reincarnation. So, shut up and learn something."
"You¢re being given a chance to free yourselves from your fear of truth. This is also an opportunity to lose your fear of what others think about you and of what they will think and do if they know the truth about you. If you refuse this lesson, you don¢t deserve to live. Your life has no meaning as long as you live in fear of others. This fear prevents you from being yourself. If you¢re not yourself, you don¢t actually exist. If you don¢t exist, your death doesn¢t remove anything from the world."
This horribly brutal theory of life oddly makes some sense to me. Everything he said, except for the fact that we don¢t have the right to exist, makes sense. We actually don¢t exist when we can¢t be ourselves. He¢s right. We¢re living with false masks that hide who we really are ? all of this because we fear rejection if people really know us. This is indeed a strange situation. We¢re being taught genuine truths from a thief and potential murderer.
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