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Sample Chapters from
The Miracles of Love and Wisdom
Inspired by the Course in Miracles
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This book enables you to:
v Understand and free yourself from limiting and pain creating beliefs.
v Love yourself and others more deeply
v Manifest your creative power.
v Experience inner security and peace
v Perceive the Divine in all and yourself
v Access your inner healing power.
v Manifest your goals in life.
v Enjoy the beautiful life you deserve.
This Book combines the teachings of the
v Course in Miracles
v Universal Philosophy
v Cognitive Psychology
v Christian Values
Thus creating an extremely effective
means of self-transformation
We are presenting you here the:
1. Table of Contents
2. Introduction
3. Sample Chapters from this book
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Click below to be taken directly to the samples:
1. Table of Contents
2. Introduction
3. Chapter 3 ? The Results of Childhood Programming
4. Chapter 7 ? Learning to Love Ourselves
5. Chapter 20 ? I Am Love
May you be well
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Prologue 5
I. The Relationship Between The Mind And The Body 7
Ii. How The Mind Gets Programmed 14
Iii. The Results Of Childhood Programming 20
Iv. The First Steps Towards Freedom 27
V. How To Analyze Your Beliefs 34
Vi. Abilities, Talents And Powers 42
Vii. Learning To Love Ourselves 47
Viii. Opening Our Hearts To Love 53
Ix. Our Relationship With God And Life 57
X. We See Only The Past 64
Xi. There Are No Neutral Thoughts 68
Xii. Life Has A Meaning 73
Xiii. Our Emotions Are Based On Our False Perceptions Of Reality 77
Xiv. All Negativity Results From Identification With The Body And Mind 81
Xv. We Are Not Alone In Experiencing The Effects Of Our Thoughts 86
Xvi. We Do Not Perceive What Is For Our Own Best Interests 92
Xvii. Everything I See Exists For The Liberation Of Spirit From Matter 97
Xviii. I Am Determined To See 101
Xix. Above All I Want To See The Truth 104
Xx. I Am Love 106
Xxi. God Is Everything I See 110
Xxii. My Mind Is A Part Of God's - I Am Divine 114
Xxiii. There Is Nothing My Divinity Cannot Do 118
Xxiv. I Am A Blessed Child Of God 123
Xxv. God Is Wherever I Am 125
Epilogue 128
To Index of Chapters
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INTRODUCTION
Was this book written for you? Are you searching for a way out of your fears, anxieties, and other negative emotions? Are you seeking to understand yourself and the world around you more clearly? Are you interested in realizing your spiritual self? Would you like to bridge the gap between the spiritual truths, which you have been hearing and reading about for so many years, and your daily experience of life, which does not yet verify them? Would you like to feel more inner peace and love and fulfillment? Would you like to make your life a life of miracles, in which you are constantly aware of the presence of the divine, wherever you are and whatever you do? Would you like to get free from negative thought patterns and ideas, which keep you from being as happy as you could be, and from manifesting your full creative potential? Would you like to feel more self-acceptance and self-confidence? Would you like to break free from negative patterns of communication, which exist between yourself and family and friends? Would you like to feel closer to God? To realize your full potential as an immortal spirit, temporarily living in the body which is holding this book? If you would like any one of the above things, then this book is written for you.
It was definitely written for me, and I have gained so much from it at every stage of its development. It is the result of my search for spiritual truth and my attempt to manifest my full potential as a human being. It led me, after 18 years on the spiritual path, and after having written five others before this one, to come to the conclusion that it is extremely important to not to stop at simply reading spiritual books but also to employ them.
In my spiritual journey, I have met many people who have read a lot of books but are living lives which have nothing to do with what they know. There is a huge gap between what they know theoretically and how they live and experience their lives. This book was created to help bridge the gap. It is not a book to be simply read. It must be employed. Each chapter has some exercise for you to perform. Do not be in a hurry. Finish the exercise given in each chapter before going on to the next. It is better to eat slowly, and be able to digest and absorb what you eat rather than eat, quickly without chewing or digesting it, so that your system is unable to take any nutritional benefit from it.
The first chapters present to you a system of self-analysis, which is based on a combination of spiritual psychology and the perennial philosophy of the immortal soul, and its relationship with God and the world. It is called the perennial philosophy by author Aldous Huxley, because it is comprised of the core beliefs which are found at the center of all religions. It keeps popping up like a perennial flower. In these chapters you are presented with a questionnaire. As you work, you will always have new insights, or will remember other beliefs or clues concerning your beliefs, programming and feelings. For this reason, it would be very useful for you to keep a special notebook, which you will use only for this work of understanding yourself more clearly. Try to find a regular time of the week, in which you can sit alone and think deeply about the questions presented to you. The resulting improvement in all aspects of your life will make, whatever you have to sacrifice to find this time, well worth it. Give deep thought to these questions, and answer them as sincerely as you can. You will absolutely not have the same results if you try to do all this in your mind. If you want results, you must write, it is the only way to real objectivity and clarity. Try to overcome any blockages or fears about writing your answers. You will be glad you did. Writing in the third person is usually more effective and more objective. Try to step outside of yourself and see your self as an objective, impartial observer would.
The later chapters have to do with reprogramming the mind with spiritual truths, so that they stick and are meshed with the fabric of our daily experience. The phrases used from chapters 11 to 25 are inspired by the book A Course In Miracles. But the text accompanying the phrases is based on the perennial philosophy which I mentioned earlier. It is suggested that you perform the exercises at the end of each chapter for about one week before going on to the next chapter. This period of one week is relative to each person. I would say however, that it is a good period of exercise for most. If, on the other hand, you find a certain technique particularly useful and pleasant for you, stick with it as long as you like, and proceed when you feel ready. If you are one of those people, who, in spite of all this explanation, is going to read the book continuously, without performing the exercises indicated, then do yourself the great favor when you finish, and your curiosity has been quenched, to start again and work through the book a second time, now performing the various exercises and techniques, so that you can experience the MIRACLES OF LOVE AND WISDOM in your life. Many truths and phrases are repeated frequently in the text in order to aid in the programming process.
I would also encourage you to read my previous books which are an important preparation for this one. The best order for one to read these books is The Psychology of Happiness, Contemporary Parables, The Mystical Circle of Life, The Universal Philosophy These are useful companions to the book you are now about to read. If, in spite of these suggestions, you decide to read this book without the suggested preparations, and like what you read, and would like to make real transformations in your life, then you could read the books in the order in which they are listed, and then read and work with this book again.
We are seeking to liberate ourselves from a feeling of weakness, separateness and powerlessness and to realize and manifest the great power, love and beauty which lie within each one of us. Life is the school in which this process takes place. The various experiences, which we are subjected to, are the lessons in that school. The problems which we encounter are the tests and examinations. There is only one teacher in this school, and he is the invisible divine consciousness, who is guiding us through each and every being and event we come in contact with. We have a choice as to whether to pay attention and learn the lessons which life is trying to teach us, or ignore what is happening and complain about our unhappy fate and bad luck. This book is a handbook which guides us in the way we may use the experiences of our lives more effectively, so as to learn what we have come to learn and proceed on to higher states of consciousness, filled with love, peace and harmony. I wish you a pleasant and fruitful journey to your truly beautiful self. May you live in health, happiness and harmony. May you enjoy the miracles of love and wisdom in your life.
To Index of Chapters
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CHAPTER III
THE RESULTS OF CHILDHOOD PROGRAMMING
The mind is like a video cassette recorder. It records what goes on around it and then plays it back continuously. We mentioned in the previous chapter the role in which past and present play in programming the mind into various tendencies and preconceptions of reality, and how those preconceptions will play a major role in creating our personal reality throughout our lives.
EXPERIENCES AND MESSAGES
In this chapter we will take a look at some specific examples of this process. There are three types of input, which we receive as children in this life. We are talking about the experiences from the moment of conception in the mother?s womb until the age of 12, when the personality becomes rather fixed. Not that changes cannot be made after this age, or that experiences do not affect us after this age, but the initial character is rather established by this age. The three types of input we receive as children are:
1. Childhood experiences Such as illnesses, shocks, traumas, failures, successes, joys, all the events at home and in life in general. These experiences program into the mind of the child his concepts as to what is safe and unsafe, pleasant and unpleasant, good and bad.
2. Direct Messages from the parents such as "you are a bad child. You are no good. You are lazy. You never do anything right. You are disobedient. You are a failure. You don?t know anything. Listen to me, I know better. You have no manners. You will never learn anything. You will never do anything with your life. You are selfish. God will punish you".
Such messages, when heard repeatedly in childhood, create within the mind of the child various images and beliefs with regard to :
a) His image of himself. Who he is. What he is capable of. Whether he is deserving or not.
b) His image of himself in relationship to others. Whether he is "better" or "worse", talented or not, good or bad, loveable or not.
c) His image of others and his perception of their feelings toward him.
d) His image of God and his relationship with God.
These internal images are then projected out onto the outside world throughout the rest of his life, unless he begins to change these false images in some way.
3) Indirect Messages, which the child receives, are a direct result of observing the behavior and mental and emotional attitudes of his parents and other elders. Here are some examples :
a) A child, who receives no attention from his parents, will begin to feel that he is not deserving of attention and love. The child is unable to understand that the reason for the parent not showing attention to the child may be other than a lack of love; that the parent may have to travel for his work, or may have to work many hours in order to feed the family. Even in some cases, where the parents have died while the child was young, the child has interpreted it as being abandoned by the parents, and comes to the conclusion that he is not deserving of love of the parent and thus not deserving of love from anyone. With such a programming, he will never trust in anyone?s love, until life forces him into changing this programming. Of course not all children will react the same way. The tendencies, that they are bringing with them from previous lives, will play an important role in determining the child?s reaction to these external events and situations.
b) If the parents are continually, physically or mentally, ill or unbalanced, this may have various repercussions on the child. On the other hand, because of the unpleasantness of the illness, the parents may express their negativity towards the child and the child may again get the idea that he is no good or not deserving of love. Seeing the parents always ill or emotionally disturbed, the child may get an image of the human body or mind as a weak, vulnerable thing which is susceptible to a wide variety of illness and disturbances. This will act directly on his immune system and sense of mental harmony, weakening them so that the body and mind will create various illnesses and problems, as he projects his inner beliefs into physical and emotional reality. Of course every time he is overcome by some illness, his beliefs about his weakness and vulnerability will be verified. This will not be happening at a conscious, but rather a subconscious, level. He will not be conscious of these thoughts and that he himself is creating these problems with his ideas of himself, which he has formed in watching his parents? attitudes and behavior.
c) Every time he sees the parents anxious, fearful or worrying about something, he will get the message that life is dangerous, and that one must worry and fear and have anxiety about every little thing. He will develop an inherent fear of life. He will distrust events, people, nature, God and even himself. If the parents worry about him, then his very logical conclusion will be that they do not believe in his ability, his power, his intelligence, and his inner guidance to face and overcome some problem. Worrying about a person is a direct message to that person, that I do not believe that you have the ability to overcome this. Otherwise we would not worry. If we could really believe that this person is an immortal soul, which has temporarily taken on a body in order to learn lessons, then we would not worry. That soul has chosen all the lessons it will go through, and has the ability to learn from those lessons. We can help him, but our worry does not help him ; it only undermines his opinion of himself. This is especially true of a child, which has not yet developed a self-image. If he sees his parents worrying about him constantly, every time he is ill, or facing some difficulty in school or in life, then he will get a clear and strong message that "they do not believe in me, therefore I must be week, vulnerable, not very intelligent, not resourceful and not able to face life". Then, of course, for the rest of his life, he projects these beliefs out into reality around him, as illness, weakness, dependency on drugs, tranquilizers, other people and in general as a feeling of failure.
If we really believed that God was in that being, that God was the creator of that being, that God was guiding that being from within, would we worry and have anxiety? Thus the child can only get the message that God does not exist or that he is a far-off, unconcerned entity which has little to do with me. Whatever we may say, however many prayers we may say, however many times we may take the child to church, all this will be meaningless if we worry. When we worry, we create our real belief system in the child, independent of our words and teachings. We are saying: there is no God. Or, if there is, he is not interested in you. He is separate from you. He is not guiding you. He has abandoned us and we are at the mercy of the forces of life, and we have to protect ourselves with our own efforts, with medicines, plenty of money, contacts with people in high social, economic and political positions. This is our protection, not God.
What kind of value system will a child, who has those experiences, develop? Will it be important for him to gain worldly security and power, or spiritual development? Where does the real security lie? Faith and knowledge of the truth cannot coexist with fear, anxiety or worry. So, if we have been programmed into believing that we are weak and separate from the powers of life, then we need to develop our faith and spiritual wisdom.
d) If the parents have any tendency to lie, or be dishonest, in their family, social, professional or business interactions, then the child will get the messages that one must sacrifice the truth, in order to protect his interests, through lying and cheating. He will believe that there is no other way to survive the world. The result is a society of people who are ready to lie for their bread and security, and do not trust anyone else, because they see the others through their own motives. Such a person will not easily find peace of mind or harmony with himself or others.
e) The child will adopt in most cases the security base system of the parents. If the parents look to money for security and show it with their attitudes, words and actions, then the child will believe that the security and happiness is to be found in money. If the parents find security in forming dependency relationships with family and others, that will become the security basis of the child as he grows up. That will become his greatest attachment, for he believes that his security depends on that. If the parents find their feeling of importance and security in cultivating relationships and contacts with "important people" in society and in government, the child will give importance to this. If the parents believe that professional position and education are security, then the child may follow this line. If the most important thing for the parents is the acceptance, approval and esteem of others, then the child will seek these throughout his life. (In some cases the child may react rebelliously by rejecting the security base of the parents. Deep in him, however, there will be this programming.)
It must be remembered that the soul has decided on its parents and their behavior and their value system, so it can develop exactly these characteristics and tendencies in this life, so it can then eventually work through them here on the earth plane in the physical body. According to most sources, this evolutionary process takes place only here on Earth, while in incarnation and not between lives. Earth is the school and testing ground. Thus we create these programmings in our subconscious minds while we are young, and project them onto our personal reality throughout our lives, until we are forced, by circumstances and situations (usually unpleasant), to make some effort to change them, and proceed spiritually.
HOW OUR REALITY IS CREATED
In this way we create our health or illness, strength or weakness, independence or dependence, contentment or discontentment, security or insecurity, acceptance or rejection and our feeling of unity or separateness. The videocassette that we recorded in those early years keeps on playing. These recorded programmings affect various parts of our lives.
1. They create the state of our bodies, whether they are relaxed or tense, whether the energy will flow freely or not. Every emotional blockage stores itself in the body as a blockage of energy flow, inhibiting the flow of energy to some organ, resulting eventually in illness. This brings to mind a woman who came with a pain in her breast, which she had for thirty years since her adolescence. Doctors were unable to find out the cause of the pain, and therefore were unable to cure it. In working with her the thought came that this was some kind of an emotional blockage, some type of rejection of this part of her body. I asked if her breasts had developed earlier than the other girls of her age, and if her peer group had joked with her about this fact. She affirmed the truth of this, and had added that she felt very self-conscious about her breasts and tried to hide them. This rejection of this part of her body blocked the energy flow, and caused a state of stagnancy there which could eventually lead to the development of cysts or even tumors.
These beliefs about the body, and its relative strength or weakness, have an immediate and powerful affect on the immune system. We weaken the defense system with our feelings or weakness, fear, vulnerability and inability to protect or help ourselves. We also suppress this system when we suppress our emotions.
2. Our prerecorded programmings reflect themselves in our relationships with others. Others, in our family and society and even at work, will simply reflect back to us our beliefs about ourselves. One who has no self-acceptance will not attract acceptance from the others. He will feel hurt and bitter that others do not accept him, but will never solve his problem, until he starts accepting himself. Then he will attract acceptance from all those around him. The same goes for various feelings we feel towards ourselves. One who has no self-respect will not feel respect from the others (and likely will not respect others in many cases). Self love will attract love from others, and will enable us to love others. Life is a mirror and it reflects back to us our inner reality so that we may see it, face it, analyze it and, if we are not satisfied, decide to change it, as one more step in discovering our true self hidden under all these false beliefs.
3. Our professional life is also a reflection of our beliefs about ourselves. Self-confidence, and a belief in our ability to succeed, will create success. A lack of confidence will create failure.
Our goal then is to discover the limiting beliefs, which do not allow us to experience the health, peace, harmony, success and happiness which would be so natural and easy if we knew the truth about who we are.
I AM NOT ABLE
There are three categories of limiting thoughts. Let us take a brief look at some examples of each. Not that these examples are in any way an inclusive list of the endless possible variations of limiting thoughts, which a person could create in his mind.
1. The first category of limiting thoughts are those which say "I am not able". There are many variations of this false belief.
a) I am not capable of facing and coping with life alone. I do not have the power, the intelligence, the strength that is required.
b) I am not able to succeed in work. I am a failure. I am lazy.
c) I am not able to communicate my feelings to others. I am not able to communicate my needs to others.
d) I am not able to relax.
e) I am not able to sleep.
f) I am not able to meet new people, especially if they are intelligent, or self-confident, or in some high social or political position.
g) I am not creative ; I cannot dance, sing, write, draw.
h) I cannot protect myself from people and the dangers of life.
i) I am unable to protect myself from microbes that will enter my body and create illness.
j) I am unable to love or express my love.
We have already mentioned how these and many other limiting thoughts enter into our minds, and become the formers of our reality. Every belief that starts with an "I am not able" immediately cuts off our energy flow in relationship with that ability, talent or power so that we consequently manifest in our physical reality the weakness that we believe that we have. The happy news is that all these beliefs are absolutely wrong. They are mistaken concepts about ourselves (like the lion that thought he was a sheep).
We are immortal spirits with unlimited powers of creation. We can never die, nor are we vulnerable to any force in the universe. All of this weakness is a function of the mistaken identity with the physical body and mind, which feel insecure and vulnerable. They can be hurt and can die, but we are not them. They are vehicles for living this temporary life on earth. We put them on like clothing and take them off when we have completed our lessons here on earth. The good news is that, with a little faith, practice, perseverance and patience, we can do absolutely anything that we desire to do. Not that it is worth doing most things which we desire, but in some cases it is best to do them, and get them out of our system, so that we can realize first hand that that, which we desire, will not bring us the happiness which we thought it would. Then our desires can evolve on to other things that we hope will make us happy. This evolution of desires continues until we realize that everything that we desire is within us - God.
Thus these mistaken beliefs must be changed to a confidence in ourselves that we can do all these things which we feel the need to do.
I DO NOT DESERVE
The second category of limiting beliefs are those beliefs which start with the words "I DO NOT DESERVE" or "I AM NOT WORTHY"
a) I do not deserve to be content with myself, unless I do this or that, or achieve this or that. My sense of self- esteem must depend on what I do, or how much I do, in relationship with others.
b) I do not deserve to be healthy.
c) I do not deserve to be accepted and loved by others or by myself.
d) I do not deserve the love and protection of God.
e) I am a sinner and must be punished.
f) I do not deserve to be respected by others.
Depending on the messages we received as children, we all develop a longer or shorter list of various requirements, which must be fulfilled by us and others, in order for us to feel that we are deserving. We need the esteem of others, achievement in various aspects of our lives, the message of love and acceptance from others.
These thoughts too, are a case of mistaken identity. We identify with the body and mind, which are vehicles in a state of evolution. They are, therefore, logically not perfect, and require change, modification and correction. Thus, there are moments in which we feel that we are "good" and deserving, and other moments in which we feel that we are "bad" and undeserving. This is what we have been programmed to believe as children. But the truth is that we are not those imperfect vehicles of the body and mind, but rather perfect souls, which are neither good nor bad, which are beyond this duality. And, even if we identify with the vehicles of the body and mind, it is illogical for us to feel good or bad depending on the conditions or actions of these vehicles, for they will always be imperfect, in that they are in a state of evolution. Something that is perfect does not evolve, and something that is evolving can never be perfect, until it completes its process of evolving. Thus, mistakes and faults are natural in the body and mind, and it is ridiculous to feel undeserving because they are naturally faulty. It would be more logical to accept that we have many weaknesses and faults in our body and mind, and that we make mistakes, but that these mistakes are a natural part of our learning process and thus we are always deserving of all the goodness in life.
When we feel that we do not deserve something, we simply block ourselves from getting it.
I MUST HAVE
3. The third type of limiting thought is that which begins with "I must have, or I need.". These two statements are then followed consciously or subconsciously with the belief," In order to feel security, contentment or affirmation." In other words we believe that we must have some particular objects, substances, situations or people in order to feel secure, content, or affirmed as personalities. A few of the many possibilities are:
a) I must have the love, respect, acceptance or esteem of the other to feel secure, content or affirmed as a personality.
b) I must have the help of chemical substances like cigarettes, tranquilizers, alcohol, drugs, medicines, spices etc, in order to face, or cope with the world.
c) I must have plenty of extra money in the bank, in order to feel secure or successful as a person.
d) I must have a comfortable house and plenty of clothing, in order to feel content or respectable.
e) I must have plenty of expensive objects in my home, in order to feel affirmed as a person.
f) I must have the presence of a particular person (husband, wife, parent, child), in order to feel secure or meaningful in my life.
g) I must have a well-paid job, in order to feel secure or gain the respect of society.
h) I must have plenty of social contacts, in order to feel secure or acceptable and loved.
i) must have sexual contact frequently, in order to feel affirmed of the love of the other.
j) I must have my health, in order to feel secure.
k) I must have my house tidy, in order to be accepted by the others.
l) I must have cigarettes or tranquilizers or alcohol, in order to relax.
The list is endless. The list is of our own creation. As long as there is one person in the world who can feel secure, content or affirmed or loved without anyone of these prerequisites which we have placed on our life, then we too can let go of that prerequisite. As long as there is one being who can be happy and secure without plenty of money, objects, a fancy house, car and social contacts, it means that these are not absolute human needs like air, water, food and shelter, but rather individually (and socially) contrived lists of conditions, which we place on our feelings of security, contentment and sense of self-affirmation. The minute we drop any one of these prerequisites or conditions on our happiness, then we are a little closer to being happy most of the time. As we continue to drop one condition after the other from the list, we become happier and happier more and more of the time, because we do not need anything special to feel secure, content or affirmed. Our own being gradually becomes enough of a source of security and affirmation. We become less dependent on external objects, situations and persons for our sense of happiness. We begin to feel an inner contentment and bliss, which is independent of events and reactions from around us. Then we are free and strong enough to really love, because there will not be any conditions on our love, because we are not requiring anything from the other person. The only person who can really love is one who has become totally self-dependent, and is not looking to take from the others.
All these limiting beliefs must be searched for behind our unhappy and negative experiences of life. Every time we feel unhappy, we will find some limiting belief as the essential cause. We must find them with self-analysis and replace them with the spiritual truths of our immortal, invulnerable nature, and our oneness with all creation and the Creator.
We will start the process of analysis in the next article. In the meantime you would do well to keep a diary in which you will write each evening before sleeping, a description of the stronger emotional experiences of the day, trying to describe exactly what happened, what you felt, and what beliefs, about yourself and the world, caused you to feel that way. This will not be easy but will come with perseverance, daily practice and patience.
To Index of Chapters
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CHAPTER VII
LEARNING TO LOVE OURSELVES
,Christ commanded us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves . If we do not love ourselves, how can we love our neighbors? Today, we live in a loveless society. How can each of us liberate the reservoir of love that lies within? In this chapter, we will discuss how we can learn to love ourselves more. In the next, we will discuss how we can love others more.
WE ARE LOVE
Our basic nature is love. When we let go of body identification, and the personality relaxes and feels completely secure, we will find at the center of our being a reservoir of peace and love for all beings. That is what we really are. That love and peace are the contents of a lake, which exists in the center of our being, but the river, which carries the contents of our interior towards the world around, is blocked with various debris and obstacles. Thus there is little or no flow. How can we clean up that river so that our natural self can express itself in this world?
Discovering what blocks us from loving ourselves will be facilitated by the questionnaire and method of analyzing it presented to you in chapters 4 and 5 of this book. Even if you haven?t worked with that questionnaire, you will understand and benefit from the following analysis, but of course you will get much more benefit if you work first, or even afterwards, with the questionnaire. In that way, you will discover your specific obstacles to loving yourself.
CHILDHOOD PROGRAMMING
Many of us have been programmed in our childhood years to understand that we are lovable and worthy of acceptance and respect from others only if we fulfil certain prerequisites. Depending on our parents and childhood environment, combined with the character we have brought into this life, we have learned to believe that we are acceptable, lovable and worthy only if we fulfil certain conditions. It is absolutely essential to analyze ourselves and discover which conditions we have allowed to be put on our self-love and feeling of worthiness. Otherwise, we will never be able to find lasting peace, satisfaction, happiness, harmony and, in some cases, even health. The lack of self-love, self- acceptance and self-worth undermine all these, as well as rob us of our ability to communicate with, or love others. This leads to many so-called complexes and an inability to feel comfortable or at ease. In such cases, we often feel the need to do something to prove our worthiness of love or acceptability from others.
In those situations, we may think that we are doing things for others out of love, but the truth is that we are acting in that certain way which, we believe, will attract the acceptance, respect and love of the others. We need affirmation of their love and acceptance in order to feel that we are okay, so that we can relax and accept ourselves. Such a person will never feel free to be himself. He will always need to be what others want him to be, so that he can be acceptable to them. But what happens if he finds himself in an environment where three different people want him to act in three different ways? What can he do? He is bound to experience rejection from two of them. Does that mean that he is unworthy? Also, what happens when what, those around us want us to be, is completely in conflict with what we ourselves feel we must be? Unless we have self-love and self-acceptance, we will definitely suffer.
We cannot live our lives based on the acceptance of others, just in order to have their love. We must follow our inner voice as long as we do not intentionally harm anyone through our actions. We are not responsible for the others? emotions when we act according to our inner voice, not wishing harm to anyone, but others around us get upset because what we do does not fit into their expectations, addictions or programmings. If their love is so conditional, and we have to give up who we really are, to be loved by them, then that is not love. It is the manipulation of our lives by the other in order to fulfil his personal desires or expectations. We do not help a person to mature emotionally and spiritually by allowing him to act in this way, or have his way, because we are afraid of being rejected by him. This has nothing to do with the sacrifice of love. It is the result of our fear of rejection and lack of self-confidence and self-acceptance.
WHAT IS SELF - ACCEPTANCE?
We can understand what we mean by self-acceptance if we examine how we feel when we accept and love another person. When we do not love and accept someone, we are not interested in helping him. We do not want him to be successful or happy. We are not interested in his emotional, mental and spiritual development. If our feelings go beyond indifference, we may even want harm to happen to him, or want him to fail generally in life.
All this applies in the same way to ourselves when we do not love ourselves. A person who does not accept or respect himself, does not help himself. He easily gets caught up in self-destructive habits such as over-eating, drinking, smoking, drugs, tranquilizers or other self-demeaning activities. He will not be interested in his health or success. It would be difficult for him to find the energy and discipline to employ techniques for self-improvement, such as healthy eating habits, exercises, relaxation, meditation or positive thinking.
He will not believe that he is worthy of love and harmony with others and will, in subtle subconscious ways, undermine his relationship with others. He will not be able to believe that others can love and accept him, and will create rejection from those around him. If others do manage to love him in spite of his continuous attempts to create rejection, he will test their love to its limits, or just be blind to the fact that that love or acceptance is there, and continue to feel unloved and lonely.
He will undermine his efforts for success in professional, social, family and relationship matters. He will not develop his inner abilities and talents. He may even undermine his own health, since he believes that he is not worthy of being healthy.
But worst of all, he will never be able to love anyone else. A cup cannot give forth what it does not contain. A person who does not have enough love for himself cannot give real love to others. He needs to take love first and fill himself before he will be able to give. All his supposed sacrifices, made until that time, are really attempts to obtain love and acceptance from the world around him.
SOME OF THE OBSTACLES
Let?s look at some of the conditionings that we put on our worthiness and self-love.
1. "I must be like the others in order to be acceptable. I must dress like the others, act like the others." A person who believes this will get caught in the obvious trap, which we have already mentioned, in which he will live his life supposedly for others, but in fact, does so only to get their approval.
2. "I cannot love or accept myself if others do not." In such a case, we are identifying with the role of the child, who does not know if he is "good" or "bad" or worthy or worthless. He needs his parents (now in the form of all the people around him) to tell him if he is okay or not. We are who we are independent of what others think. Does who I am change because some one else has an addiction which conflicts with my way of life? If I am who the other person thinks I am, then I am as many personalities as people I know, because each of them sees me differently through his own conditioning. Then who am I in reality?
3. "I must be perfect in everything to be acceptable." As children our parents tried to help us to perfect ourselves by criticizing us when we made mistakes and applauding us when we were correct (in their eyes). We got the impression that they accepted and loved us only when we were perfect (it may have been true) and thus we got the impression that we were worthy of love only when we were perfect. We then project this belief on the world around us, believing that we are unacceptable to others unless we fulfil the requirement of perfection. But think, do you have that requirement for others? Do you expect them to be perfect? Have you ever met a perfect person? What makes you think that the others too expect perfection from you? Try your best, that is enough. The result does not matter. It is the sincere effort that counts, not the results.
4. "I must achieve many things in life in order to be worthy of the acceptance and respect of others." One who believes this will spend his life trying to prove himself in the eyes of others. He will never be able to do with his life that which he really feels in the center of his being. He will have to realize some day that his worth is not measured by his achievements, but by his motives, efforts and character.
5. "I must offer gifts to others and in general give them more than they give me in order to deserve their love." For people with this programming, love is a bazaar, where the more you give, the more you get. They buy their love with gifts and services that leave the other "obliged"; this is not love, it is currency exchange.
6. "I must do what others ask me in order for them to continue to love me." This is called love with conditions. If the love of my friends requires that I do whatever they ask, even if it contradicts my beliefs, health or basic needs, then this is not friendship. In a real friendship, individuals have the freedom to be honest and open with each other. They accept and love each other independently of such conditions.
7. "I am worthy of love only if I?ve never created pain or problems for anyone in the past." We perform various actions because some motive pushes us to do so. As long as it is not our intent to harm anyone with that action, then we are not responsible for the hurt or problem which the other experiences. Life, in such a case, has used us to bring him an experience, which he needs for his spiritual growth. If we can help him, we should do so to the best of out ability. We must definitely explain to him that we had and have no desire to create any problem for him. Feeling guilt and worry for accidentally, or unintentionally, harming someone is another result of our childhood programming, in which parents accused us of being evil, when our simple curiosity, or some innocent game, caused some breakage or harm. We had no intention, but they still considered us guilty. In this way, we are programmed to believe that we are guilty based on the result rather than on the intent. Guilt and responsibility depend only on the motive.
8. "I must be better than the others in order to be loved." Parents encourage this belief with their continuous comparison of the child with other children in matters of grades, sports and other aspects of life. In this way, they create in the child the belief that the love and acceptance from others depends on his being better than those who compete with him. This will create in such a person a need to compete and not cooperate. He may also develop negative feelings towards those who he feels are threats to his position of superiority. This is a definite obstacle to love.
9. "Others must trust me in order for me to feel worthy of love and acceptance." If our parents did not trust us and rejected our words and our personalities, then we may have associated that condition with lack of love. So when others, who have a basic mistrust towards the world, tell us lies or do not show us that they trust us, we feel unloved.
There are many other possibilities of programmings that may be obstacles to our loving ourselves.
The basic core beliefs that are underlying these programmings are:
1. I am no good.
2. I am a sinner.
3. I must prove my worth to others.
4. My value depends on how others see me.
5. My worth depends on the results of my efforts.
6. I am this body and this personality.
7. My value depends on the appearance and ability of the body and the mind.
SPIRITUAL TRUTHS
Christ said he would introduce us to the truth that would set us free. Spiritual truth is like a light that shines in the darkness and thus removes the ignorance, which is at the basis of all these wrong programmings. Let us examine some of the spiritual truths that will liberate us.
1. "I am who I am independently of the opinion of others." Most of us give more attention to the people around us than the God within us. Each person sees us in a different way. Their various opinions do not change who I am. Each sees me through his own filters, beliefs, fears and programmings.
2. "My value or acceptability depends only on three factors."
a) Whether my thoughts, words and actions are in harmony with my inner conscience. I act according to my true beliefs. I follow the golden rule of doing to others that which I would like them to do to me.
b) The quality of my effort: Whether I put all my heart and mind into it. Is it the best I can do? Then it is okay. Maybe in the future, as I evolve more, I will be able to do better. In the past I have done what I could with the level of evolution I had then.
c) Whether my motives are pure. Am I acting only to seek the fulfillment of my personal desires, or am I interested in helping the people around me? As I evolve spiritually, I will become more fulfilled and my motives will gradually become more selfless.
3. "I am an immortal soul in the process of evolution." I am thus equal to all beings. I am worthy of love, respect and acceptance. All other beings too are immortal souls in evolution and are worthy of my love and respect regardless of their level of evolution. Our bodies and personalities have varying degrees of capability, but as spiritual beings we are all equal. There is no one above or below us.
4. "I am a spark of the Divine Consciousness." I am divine consciousness occupying this body temporarily. St. Paul said that the body is the temple of God. God is the life force that is in this body and personality. We are that divine life force. We are worthy of love always. We are love itself. "God is love. Love is God." says St. John. I am not this body, nor this personality, I am the Divine temporarily occupying this body.
5. "The imperfections in my body and personality are quite normal and acceptable when I consider that they are in a process of evolution". Something which is in the process of evolution can never be perfect until that process stops. As long as we find ourselves on this earth in these bodies, we can assume that the process of evolution is still going on and that we have improvements to make. Thus we can accept and love our bodies and personalities exactly as they are, while simultaneously striving steadily to improve them.
In this way we can also accept and love others exactly as they are, realizing that all their negative habits are simply the result of their lack of evolution and that they require, most of all, love and acceptance from us so that they can feel safe enough to continue their spiritual journey.
Each of you may now want to look deeply into what conditions you have put on your love for yourself and others. These are mechanical programmings that were printed into our minds and must now be removed so that we can experience a life full of joy, health, peace and loving contact with the world around us.
We encourage you to take a look at the previous chapters in this book for help in analyzing yourself more effectively. In our next chapter we will investigate the conditions we place on our love for others.
To Index of Chapters
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHAPTER XX
I AM LOVE
Fear is our greatest obstacle in every aspect of our lives. Love is our greatest asset in overcoming this obstacle. Affirming that I AM LOVE is the key to getting free from the cycle of fear and aggression.
Few of us realize how much we fear. We live fairly protected lives and have managed to shelter ourselves into a daily life-style in which we have little or no contact with that which we fear. We surround ourselves with the familiar and avoid the unfamiliar, so as not to be confronted by that which we fear - which, to a great degree, is the unknown itself. If we knew what was in the unknown, we would not fear it, whether it were an unknown person, place or type of animal, darkness or that which happens after death.
No one who is not enlightened is free from fear. Only completely self-realized beings are totally free from fear. As long as there is the slightest identification with the body and personality, which are vulnerable and mortal, there will be fear towards whatever might endanger their safety. We all have different fears based on our past experiences with various objects, beings and situations. We project those fears into the future. In our process of evolution our consciousness has lived lives in the jungle, both in animal and human forms. We have been programmed, in those incarnations, to the laws of the jungle and the need for fear with the resulting tendency to attack. We have learned attack thoughts as a way of life. These are thoughts in which we assume we are about to be attacked, and follow up in our mind with thoughts of fear, or our own type of attack, in order to protect ourselves.
THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE
This law-of-the-jungle way of thinking has simply been transferred to a new type of jungle - the business jungle, the sexual jungle, the social jungle, the sports jungle, the money jungle, the political jungle and others, in which we assume that the law of the jungle still exists. We assume that others are ready and willing to take advantage of us and abuse us, and thus we are either living in fear, or calculating, in our minds, how to protect our interests or get the upper hand on the other, before he gets a chance to harm us. These are called attack thoughts. We do not have them only in the world of competition, we also have them in relation to various events of the future. When our child, our spouse is late coming home, we start out with a series of thoughts, imagining the worst type of harm that may have come to them, in order for them not to have arrived at the expected time. In this way, we program a reality of danger and injustice, in which it is difficult for one to survive. We project and collectively create a reality in which only the fittest survives and, in our society that unfortunately means the slyest, the one with the least scruples. This type of reality is not the creation of the few who succeed in it, it is our collective creation, which we project onto our children, programming them not to trust strangers. We encourage them to try to be better than the others and compete with them rather than co-operate with them. We teach them that ?some lies? are necessary in order to protect their interests in society, in which no one else will protect them. We teach them the law of the jungle. We create exactly the type of society in which we will never be able to realize our true selves or manifest our inner beauty and power.
We have learned worrying as a way of thinking. We worry about the future, about the weather, about the motives of others, about our financial situation, about our children, our parents, friends; about what might go wrong; about how we are going to protect ourselves in this ?difficult? world, and how we are going to cope with the various problems in life, and how we are going to answer those who criticize us. We pollute the air with all these negative thoughts, which, in general, degrade the quality of our subjective reality. These thoughts keep our energy and consciousness continually locked into the three lower centers of our consciousness concerning security, pleasure and power - affirmation. They keep us locked in feelings of separateness. They perpetuate our feelings of vulnerability, hurt, worry, anxiety, depression, anger, bitterness and, in some cases, revenge. We create needless suffering for ourselves and others.
LOVE IS THE KEY
We can get free from this world, which we are creating, by giving up these negative thoughts. This means giving up all thoughts of how we are going to protect or avenge ourselves. We can free ourselves from this world of imagined, and consequently created danger. We can stop fearing what may happen to us and realize that we are divine beings, and that all the beings that we see are manifestations of the one God. We can stop fearing them and realize that they too live in fear and that if they feel our love, their negative tendencies will be disarmed. On the other hand, if they sense our fear or our aggressive tendencies, they will act accordingly. We affect others with our attack thoughts and our fears . Herein lies the great power of forgiveness. It is essential to forgive everyone (including ourselves) for anything they may have done. Our refusal to forget the past and forgive is actually doing much more harm to us than to the other. Our consciousness is burdened with those negative feelings; we suffer inwardly. Let us bring to mind each and every person towards whom we have negative feelings. Let us remember exactly why we feel hurt or abused. Let us realize that life is giving us a lesson. Let us forgive and get free.
Love is the "soul-ution". It is our way out of this unpleasant situation. Let us remember from now on that we are not the victims of the world that we see; that we are immortal, invulnerable beings. Let us remember that we are the pure eternal consciousness, which can never be harmed and can never die. Let us remember that we are good and deserving; that we are living out a divine plan and that we are protected by that plan, so that nothing can ever happen to us without it being for the benefit of our evolution. Some unpleasant events may occur, but they will be unpleasant only because we interpret them in that way through ignorance and lack of faith and understanding. Let us realize that the one who we really are cannot be attacked. We are divine consciousness. All this harm, danger, hurt and protecting goes on at the level of the body and the personality.
Christ taught us that if we live according to the laws of our Father, then all our needs will be looked after, just as He cares for the birds and the lilies of the field. Few believe this enough to act accordingly. What is the law of our Father? To love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love others as we love ourselves. This means to live a life of helping and serving others in whatever way we are able. If we do this, our needs will be cared for, and we will have no fears.
St. John writes in his first epistle (4.8), "perfect love drives out all fear". One who has the innocent love of a little child walks fearlessly in the world, feeling at ease with everyone, feeling unity with all. Imagine yourself walking down the street feeling that you love everyone who passes by. Could you fear someone you truly loved? Could you have attack thoughts concerning that person? St.John also said "God is love". When we love we are becoming one with God, one with the creative power of the universe. Is there any greater form of protection?
Ken Keys, author of "THE HANDBOOK TO HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS", says that the law to higher consciousness is "to love everyone unconditionally - including yourself". We have already spoken much about loving ourselves and others unconditionally, but perhaps this chapter can be a stimulus to look, even more deeply, into what prevents us from being able to love ourselves and others unconditionally. Look especially at those factors, which involve fear or negative programming about the others? intentions. Look too for feelings of guilt or unworthiness, which may have been programmed into you, causing you subconsciously to expect and fear punishment, suffering, harm or failure. Such guilty programming will definitely cause us to get lost in various types of negative thoughts concerning ourselves and others. When we recognize such programmings, we can free ourselves from them by realizing that we are good and worthy, that we deserve respect, health, happiness and success in life. We can also realize the same and wish the same for others. We can live in love - in fearlessness.
TECHNIQUE
The following technique, in conjunction with your daily spiritual practices, will aid you in bringing this type of love and fearlessness into your daily life.
Every half-hour stop to look around you and mentally repeat this phrase, "I AM NOT THE VICTIM OF THE WORLD I SEE. I AM LOVE". Repeat this only a few times and continue what you are doing with a feeling of love.
In addition to doing this twice an hour, stop for about five minutes and close your eyes and begin to think about the various unresolved aspects of your life. Focus on whatever might be causing you tension, worry, bitterness, hurt, anger, fear etc. After each such thought, repeat the phrase, "THE MIND IS CONCERNED ABOUT_____ ", or if some fear is involved, "THE MIND IS AFRAID THAT___ WILL HAPPEN / NOT HAPPEN. " Then after having expressed objectively what the mind is preoccupied with, repeat silently the phrase, I AM NOT THE VICTIM OF THIS SITUATION, I AM LOVE". Keep affirming, "I AM LOVE". This will lead you to the most effective and harmonious reaction and solution to every situation.
Do this for at least one week before going on to the next chapter.
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