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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy. ********************************* This is Part 4 of your 6 segment weekly email course which you requested on "Aiding the Dying ". These segments are from the book "The Mystical Circle of Lïfe" which has an abundance of useful information on death and dying and which we suggest you order as an ebook (pdf file) at http:HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp. This information is also explained in the book "The Psychology of Happiness" which can be found in your booksores at Amazon.com or for 40% discount at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html May you enjoy it and benefit from it. ********************************** 3) STAGE III : BARGAINING For most, the stage of anger gradually passes. At that point the dying person may enter into the bargaining stage. Here he tries to bargain in two basic ways. a) He bargains with the doctors and loved ones in order to be allowed to have some last pleasurable and enjoyable experiences before his last days; even though these activities may be contraindicated by the therapy in process. b) He may try to bargain with God for more time, for more life to fulfill his goals and desires before he finally has to leave. When our loved one is interested in enjoying some last activities before leaving the physical plane, we can try to do whatever is in our power to help him, as long as these activities do not seriously impair his chances to get well again. He may want to eat a favorite but now forbidden food, or go on a journey to a place he has always wished to see, or visit someone he loves dearly. We cannot underestimate the healing power of pleasant and happy experiences. Laughter and love are by far more healing than most drugs. The patient often has an inner wisdom as to what is good for him, and we should respect that. When the dying person is interested in seeking more time from God, we can use this excellent opportunity to help him develop greater contact with, and faith in, God. We can pray together with him each day. We can teach him how to relax his mind and concentrate it on imagining the divine healing light energy into his body and flowing to the organs which need healing. We can help him to visualize his chosen form of God, i.e. Jesus or the Mother Mary or one of the saints and to feel a closeness or union with them. We can read to him case histories of people who have cured themselves through faith in God or through positive mental projection techniques such as Mind Control. A cassette can be created which will guide the individual into deeply relaxed states and then guide his mind towards communication with God or positive mental visualization. 4) STAGE IV : DEPRESSION If the bargaining doesn¹t seem to be bringing results, the patient may soon enter into the stage of «depression» as he finally faces the fact that most probably will soon be leaving his body. According to Kübler-Ross there are two types of depression: a. Reactory Depression which is based on not being able to perform functions or responsibilities. For example the patient may be depressed that he is not able to earn money for the family, or look after the children or the business or some other function. In response to this type of depression, our best action is to try to help to find practical solutions to these problems. We can try to find ways in which this person can fulfill these functions there in his bed in spite of his illness. This is sometimes the preferable solution because it allows the patient to feel useful and gives him more incentive to live. If it is not possible for him to continue fulfilling his responsibilities, then our next goal is to find a way in which they can be performed by someone else. Then at least the patient will be able to relax that his responsibilities will be cared for. This type of depression is based on a concern for the others and what will happen to them. The other kind of depression is based on the unpleasant feeling of losing everything and requires a different type of reaction. b) Preparatory Depression is a natural type of unhappiness based on the fact that the patient is now experiencing many losses. He may have lost practically all his money on hospital and medical bills. He has lost his dignity, his job, and is about to lose his spouse, children, parents, relatives, friends, possessions and even his physical body. This depression is a preparatory stage in which he gradually faces these losses and learns to accept them. If he does not face them and experience the pain of separation from them, then he will never be able to enter the last stage of accepting what was previously unacceptable. In this stage he does not need to be «cheered-up» but rather allowed to face, experience and live his pain; so that he may eventually accept it. We may listen, nod our head, sympathize with his condition, and share his pain of separation from all that he has loved and depended on for his sense of security, happiness and meaningfulness in life. He will gradually pass through this preparatory depression and arrive to the stage of acceptance. In these latter stages, our presence and loving contact through meaningful glances and gentle strokes are much more important than superficial conversations. 5) STAGE V : ACCEPTANCE After passing through the depression, the patient is tired. He is more relaxed and perhaps more weak, physically and mentally. His energies are not so much directed toward holding on to life any more but rather more towards making a smooth and peaceful departure. He begins to prepare himself, to detach himself from those around him. He wants less contact with people; first with those less close to him and gradually his circle of contact gets smaller and smaller. Towards the end he may choose only one or two very close loved ones as his only remaining contacts. His circle of interest diminishes on all levels. He is not so interested in the material world and what is going on in it any more. He feels more and more distant from all those happenings. He, in many cases, will begin to have experiences of the world to come. He may pass over in his dreams and experience the wonderful after-death states. He may be visited by spirit forms of loved ones who have passed away and are now coming to help him with the transition. He will prefer to sleep more and more or simply to stare off into space. He will not want to talk so much any more. At this time he needs more non-verbal communication. He may dose off to sleep, and we may sit there with our hand on his, or stroke his forehead, or simply sit silent enjoying the deep peace and serenity of a person who has entered this state. We may sit in meditation and visualize the white light surrounding him and protecting him. We may pray to God to help him, to guide him. When he opens his eyes, we are there with a smile, saying with our eyes, «I love you, I am with you, don¹t worry about anything». If he wants to talk about his experiences it might be enjoyable for all concerned. He may have news from relatives who have passed on. These contacts will bring peace not only to the dying patient but also to us, who will have our faith bolstered by these spiritual contacts. Do not imagine that the person in coma is not aware of what is happening or being said in the room. He is most likely hovering in the energy body over the physical body completely aware of what is going on in the room and how each person is feeling. His consciousness is simply not connected with the physical body and with the conscious mind. When a person enters this last stage of «Acceptance», his room becomes a shrine filled with spiritual vibrations. Let us enter it with the respect and joy worthy of such an environment. Let us not fill the air with sorrow, crying, fear and attachment. Our loved one has accepted his departure and we should be happy that he will be experiencing blissful states of consciousness soon. Let us let go of our own fear and attachment and allow these last moments to be filled with peace, love and joy. The dying one will be able thus to leave much more comfortably. During the stage of acceptance those who are being left behind usually need more help than the one who is departing. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross gives an example of a woman who had faced her death and wanted to be able to die in peace, but was frustrated by her husband¹s inability to accept the fact that she could actually want to leave him. First, Elizabeth reports her interview with the woman: «She said that the only reason that kept her still alive was her husband¹s inability to accept the fact that she had to die. She was angry at him for not facing it and for so desperately clinging on to something that she was willing and ready to give up. I translated to her that she wished to detach herself from this world and she nodded gratefully as I left her alone». And then the interview with the husband: «When I asked him about the patient¹s needs rather than his own, he sat in silence. He slowly began to realize that he never listened to her needs but took it for granted that they were the same. He could not comprehend that a patient reaches a point when death comes as a great relief, and that patients die easier if they are allowed and helped to detach themselves slowly from all the meaningful relationships in their lives». We have another case that comes from Dr. Moody¹s files concerning an elderly lady close to death: « I was with my elderly aunt during her last illness, which was very drawn out. I helped take care of her, and all that time everyone was praying for her to regain her health. She stopped breathing several times. but they brought her back. Finally, one day she looked at me and said, «Jean, I have been over there, over to the beyond, and it is beautiful over there. I want to stay, but I can¹t as long as you keep praying for me to stay with you. Your prayers are holding me over here. Please don¹t pray any more! We did all stop, and shortly after that she died». Thus we can see that our own attachments can disturb the natural dying process in these last stages, when the individual himself has been able to make peace with the reality of his departure. We must be careful to avoid this if at all possible. Sometimes a complete stranger, who is sensitive and who has experienced in facing death with people, can be useful guide during these last moments. He cannot, of course replace the closest loved ones during these last moments. He can, however, offer a refreshing, concerned but unattached presence who is familiar with and unafraid of the emotions of facing death. I have had the opportunity to play this role a number of times in the past years and it has always been a beautiful and growing experience for me. I always learned much from those beautiful people with whom I shared their last days on earth. Some of you, who are reading this book, might find yourselves called upon at some time to play this role. You will be able to offer peace, clarity and comfort to the dying one and his loved ones. If you are called upon to play such a role in the future, and the individual involved is able and willing to openly face death, you may find some of the following points useful: Next Segment ************************************ If you like what you are reading, you willãdefinetly want to get the book Mystical Circle of Life by Robert Elias Najemy, which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ******************************** Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Click to subscribe/unsubscribe to Clarity E-zine May you be well on all levels of your being. | |