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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy. ********************************* This is Part 3 of your 6 segment weekly email course which you requested on "Aiding the Dying ". These segments are from the book "The Mystical Circle of Lïfe" which has an abundance of useful information on death and dying and which we suggest you order as an ebook (pdf file) at http:HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp. This information is also explained in the book "The Psychology of Happiness" which can be found in your booksores at Amazon.com or for 40% discount at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html May you enjoy it and benefit from it. ********************************** C) THE PSYCHOLOGICAL STAGES ONE EXPERIENCES AS HE FACES DEATH According to Elizabeth Kübler-Ross there are five basic psychological states which an individual may pass through as he faces his death. It is not necessary that each person will pass through all these stages. Some of the earlier stages may be skipped, while some of the latter ones may not even be arrived at before the person departs. Some patients may experience more than one of these stages simultaneously. She also points out that all of us go through these stages when we experience the loss of anything important in our lives. For example we too, go through the same stages when we are about to lose a loved one, or any other loved object such as a house, a job, a car, or anything else which might be important to us. 1) STAGE I : DENIAL The first reaction to the «bad news» is to deny its validity. The person is unable to accept this fact. The shock is too great and he or she protects himself or herself by denying it to be true. He may seek out other medical diagnosis in order to find someone who will verify his denial. A person in this state is perfectly capable of ignoring obvious facts and medical tests. He is able «not to believe» the most expert medical advice, and is not at all interested in discussing death, or any matters practical or spiritual, which may be related to it. This denial acts as a buffer that allows the individual to adjust inwardly so that eventually he can openly deal with this most unacceptable reality. This type of reaction usually appears in the early stages, when the patient has just been informed of the probable closeness to death. We use the word «probable» because no one can ever be sure that a person will die. Many people have been given one year to live, and have lived ten or twenty more years. Miracles do happen. This denial reaction occurs more frequently when the patient is informed by a doctor or someone not so closely related to the patient. The denial rarely continues until the end. Most patients manage to pass through it onto the other stages. The need for denial is sometimes dependent on the need for denial on the part of the patient¹s relatives and friends. If they are not able to handle accepting the situation and facing it, he too is handicapped in his psychological progress. We must remember that all those who are extremely close to the denying patient will also be going through these stages. They are losing something they love and depend on, just as he is. What should our reaction be during the denial stage? We must allow the patient the freedom to continue with the denial stage as long as he needs to, in order to prepare for the next stages. We may, however, give occasional hints that we are able and ready to face the situation whenever he is. Without pushing him in any way, we can occasionally test his willingness to examine the possibilities of the reality of his impending death. We may also look for his hidden and subtle clues that he would like to talk about his feelings about losing all these people, things and situations that he loves and is attached to. Until the patient is able to open up to the reality of the situation, we can look for other ways in which to make him cheerful, such as bringing him interesting books, music or other activities. In some hospitals they have arts and crafts programs so that those who are able can use their time creatively making things. 2) STAGE II : ANGER When the individual is no longer able to deny the possibility of his impending departure, he is often filled with a certain resentment, bitterness and feeling of injustice which may express itself as anger. He finds it completely unfair and unjust that he, who has tried so hard, who has conducted his life properly, who is still so young, who has not yet had a chance to enjoy the fruits of his efforts, who still has responsibilities to perform, must now suddenly so quickly leave all this behind, and proceed to the unknown world of death. He has worked so hard to create certain situations in his life; money, a house, car, projects, dreams of the future. And now all that seems to be disappearing from him as if he is waking up from a dream or perhaps entering a nightmare. He is disappointed, frustrated and angry with the world, with his doctors, with his family. He is angry with God, who could be so cruel as to allow this to happen. Many, in fact, lose their faith in God at this time. They cannot accept that if there was a just God he would allow such unjust things to happen. This is true not only of those who are about to die, but also of those who are losing or have lost a loved one. They become angry with God, and often doubt His existence, and the existence of a Divine Plan, that can allow such injustice to exist. But our vision is rather shortsighted and subjectively distorted. We are forgetting some basic spiritual realities. a) The spirit continues after death and exists in an environment much more pleasant and rewarding than the earthly environment that it is leaving. b) We, as spirits, have decided even before we entered into these bodies when we would be leaving them. It is our own past and present actions which determine our moment of death; not some mean and insensitive God sitting in Heaven. c) Death is often a spiritual blessing both for he who is leaving and for those who are left behind. He who is leaving will be free of the spiritual blindness created by the physical body. Those who are left behind are being tested emotionally, mentally and spiritually as to how much faith and inner strength they have. They will grow stronger by now finding the inner security to replace the outer security they are losing as their loved one leaves them. The security or pleasure they once found through their loved one, they are now forced to find within themselves or in their relationship with God. d) The Wisdom of the Divine Plan is seldom understood by the average mind. It must be accepted on faith. Gradually, as one evolves spiritually, and the blinding effect of material attachment decreases, the individual is able to see the beautiful wisdom of this incredibly intricate plan, which always gives us exactly what we need in order to grow spiritually. We will seldom see this truth when we are passing through these difficult tests, but years later we will realize the truth of the statement that, «A problem never comes to us without a gift in its hand». Regardless of these particular truths, the patient and his loved ones will find it difficult not to feel some moments of anger at the injustice of it all. This causes the patient to become rather aggressive and demanding, argumentative and seldom satisfied with whatever one may do for him. In a way he is saying, «I ¹m still here, I haven¹t died yet. PAY ATTENTION TO ME». He may not say it in these words, but basically he wants ATTENTION. His anger is not about a particular issue or anything we might have done or not done. He is angry about his situation and simply needs a place to discharge his frustration. The most likely targets are his loved ones, and the doctors and nurses. How can we react to our loved one when he is in this state. The first thing we must do is to put ourselves into his position; to imagine that we are him and that we are about to lose all these things we have loved, dreamed of, and worked so hard for. Immediately our compassion and patience will increase. He needs attention, patience and love. We can simply listen to his negativity and perhaps even accusations without reacting. This may be enough. He may find release in just being able to express his complaint to someone. This, for us, will be a great spiritual opportunity to not identify with our egos, and not take anything that he might say personally. We can imagine that he is talking about someone else and thus not get ego involved. We may also practice active listening in which we try to deeply understand what our loved one is feeling. We continue to «feed back» to him what we believe we hear him saying in order to get reaffirmation from him that this is what he means. This kind of communication can often help the patient get a clear look at his feelings and work through them. Basically, in this stage, our loved one needs an opportunity to communicate with someone who is not emotionally involved, and who is patient, loving and compassionate. ************************************ If you like what you are reading, you willãdefinetly want to get the book Mystical Circle of Life by Robert Elias Najemy, which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ******************************** Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Click to subscribe/unsubscribe to Clarity E-zine May you be well on all levels of your being. | |