Holistic Harmony Network - free articles and books, psychology, relationships, cassettes, self-help and life clarification process

Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy.
*********************************
This is Part 31 of your 34 segment weekly email course which you requested on "Creating Harmonious Relationships".
You can find much more about relationships in the books "The Psychology of Happiness" and "Relationships of Conscious Love" by Robert Elias Najemy - both of which you can order as ebooks (pdf files) or hard copy http:HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp. and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html
May you enjoy and benefit from them.
********************************
Overcoming Obstacles to Communication
Robert Elias Najemy
One of our main obstacles to loving and harmonious relationships is our inability to communicate effectively. I have seen many relationships between love partners, parents and children and siblings where there was mutual love, but many conflicts because of their inability to clearly express their needs, feelings and beliefs.
I will always remember a couple who had been married for 40 years and came to discuss various conflicts. I asked each to share with the other what he or she needed. The man mentioned that it annoyed him that every time he was talking to others about some subject, which really interested him, and she would be rejecting what he was saying by making a sound in her throat. She looked at him in surprise and answered, "I do that because I agree with you." For all these years he had been accumulating feelings of rejection, hurt and anger because he was never able to share this with her.
Let us look at some of the feelings and thoughts, which obstruct our ability to express our needs, feelings and thoughts with others.
OBSTACLES TO MORE TRUTHFUL COMMUNICATION
Under each obstacle we are presenting some possible affirmations for healing those obstacles. These should give you a base to work with but not limit you. If they do not suit you, find the phrases that do.
We might also need to work on childhood experiences which have to do with these emotions .
1. I fear telling the truth because I do not want to hurt him/her.
Examples:
a. That I do not agree with everything he or she does.
b. That I have not always told him or her the truth.
c. That he or she is more ill than he or she thinks.
d. That other people gossip about him or her and do not think well of him or her.

Even though until now I feared telling _____ (name of person) that (subject we are afraid to communicate)_____________ because I did not want hurt him/her, I now realize (feel, believe) that the truth, lovingly expressed, is the best for us all.
2. I fear telling the truth because I do not want to get into a conflict.
Examples:
a. That I do not agree with what the other is doing.
b. That I do not want to do what the other wants me to do.
c. That I have done something that the other does not approve of.
d. That I have made a mistake.

Even though until now I feared getting into a conflict if I told _____ (name) that (subject)_____________, I now feel that the truth lovingly expressed is the best for us all.

3. I feel ashamed to tell the truth.
Examples:
a. That I have not been faithful in our relationship
b. That I have sexual fantasies.
c. That I am afraid to be alone.
d. That I am angry about something.
e. That I have made a mistake
Even though until now I felt ashamed to tell _____ (name) that (subject)_____________, I now feel that this truth will set me free and help us create a more honest relationship.
4. I fear getting hurt if I express the truth.
Examples:
a. The truth about what I do or need.
b. How much I really need the other.
c. My real feelings
Even though until now I feared getting hurt if I told _____ (name) that (subject)_____________, I now express those truths and feel strong enough to deal with any reactions.
5. I fear that I will lose my self-worth.
Examples:
a. My mistakes or weaknesses
b. Anything, which I might have done which, might not be accepted by the other.
e. That I love and need the other.
Numbers five, six and seven have common roots (self-worth) and thus we have united them.
6. My pride does not allow me to express the truth.
a. How much I admire the other.
b. That the other is actually right and I am wrong.
c. To ask for forgiveness when I feel the need.
d. To admit weaknesses and fears.
7. My competitive nature does not allow me to express the truth. (much the same as five and six)
Even though until now I feared losing my self-worth if I told (admitted to) _____ (name) that (subject)_____________, I now feel my self-worth within me and express those truths.
8. I feel uncomfortable expressing positive feelings because:
(Some possible reasons might be)
1. It is not manly.
2. It might go to the other’s head and he/she might feel superior.
3. The other might use that against me in a future argument.
4. I have not learned to do this.
5. I am occupied with my problems.
6. I feel competitive with the other and thus want to be superior.
7. I try to show how I feel with my actions.
8. I sense that that the other does not feel comfortable when I express positive feelings.
Some examples of positive communication we might have difficulty with:
1. That I love you.
2. That I respect and admire you.
3. That you do many things very well.
4. That I am grateful for all that you give me.
5. That I want you to be happy.
6. That you make me happy.
Even though until now I felt uncomfortable expressing my positive feelings and thoughts to (name) _____ because (reason) _____________, I now feel that he/she deserves to hear the truth.
What else can we do?
Given this situation, we can do the following to create a more loving and growth-conducive relationship:
1. Take full responsibility for our reality.
2. Free the other from any responsibility for our reality.
3. Perceive the other as our teacher and learn through both his or her positive and negative attributes. Learn to emulate the positive, and to understand, accept and deal with the negative.
4. See what lessons we need to learn through the other’s behaviors that annoy us.
5. Learn to communicate more effectively with the other through I-messages and active listening
6. Understand the other’s:
a. Needs (such as: affection, love, approval, freedom, respect, unity)
b. Beliefs ( such as: I am in danger, I am not worthy, My freedom is in danger)
c. Reactions
7. Do not speak to others about our loved one, but only directly to him or her (except, of course, a counselor).
8. Participate in groups for the purpose of self-knowledge and creating interpersonal harmony.
9. See a professional counselor together.
10. Participate in each other’s activities.
11. Express love and admiration such as:
a. Gratitude for help and service
b. Acknowledgment of what the other does
c. Recognition of the other’s abilities, qualities and virtues
d. Love and appreciation
12. Meet regularly for communication on all levels. This is best done on a weekly basis.
13. Visualize the other in light and send love on a daily basis.
********************************
Go to http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/courses/index.asp for a list of other email courses you can order - most are for free.
*******************************
(The advertisements in the beginning of the email support the web site which kindly offers us this free autoresponder service and are unrelated to the author or articles.)
********************************
ebooks available by Robert Elias Najemy
at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp
1. Universal Philosophy
2. The Art of Meditation
3. Contemporary Parables
4. The Mystical Circle of Life
5. Relationships of Conscious Love
6. The Miracles of Love and Wisdom
7. Total Emotional Freedom – EFT and Self -knowledge
8. Saram – The Adventures of a Soul and Insight into the Male Psyche
And available also at bookstores near you and also on our site
9. The Psychology of Happiness
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html
****************************************
Robert Elias Najemy is the author of over 600 articles, 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony and 20 books, which have sold over 100,000 copies.
He is the Founder and director of the Center for Harmonious Living in Greece with 3700 members.
His book The Psychology of Happiness is available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html.
You can download FREE articles and e-books from http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also receive guidance on life issues.
****************************************

***********

Become a Holistic Harmony Affliate
Make money while you help others.
You can sell our ebooks from
your site or email list.
And receive 50% of all sales
that take place through you.
It is free!

Click below to help with
World Peace

CHECK OUT THE
FOLLOWING OFFERS

***********

***********

Herbs for Health

AyurCat for Cat Health Care

AyurDog for Dog Health Care

AyurGold for Healthy Blood

Ayurstate for Prostate Care

Ayurtox for Body Detoxification

Cardiofy Heart Care Supplement

ClariMind Memory & Concentration Supplement

Cosmic Joy for Mood Enhancement

Immunice for Immune Support

Joint Mender for Joint Care

Mystic Sleep Supplement for a Good Night's Rest

PMS Lite for PMS Relief

Radiancio - Radiate Beauty from the Inside Out

Rudraksha Healing for Tranquility & Good Health!

Sherpa Strength for Muscle Enhancement

Yogic Slim - 5,000 Year Old Formula for Weight Loss!

Youtharia for Anti-Aging & Longevity

***********

Syndicate Robert's articles
on your site!
Fast, Easy & Free!

***********

MIND POWER STUDIO
Program Your Mind for Success!

***********
Learn EFT Here

***********

Stop Smoking Here

***********

Habit Busting Secrets:
"Learn how to break ANY habit in 21 days (or less) guaranteed!"

***********

How To Conquer Fear.

***********

The Power Of Positive Habits E-Book.

***********

How Much More Could You Get In Your Life.

***********

Burn The Fat Feed The Muscle.

***********

A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO AUTHENTIC POWER

***********

Discover the Fantastic Formula that Brings Wealth, Success and Happiness!

***********

"Self Improvement: The Top 101 Experts That Help Us Improve Our Lives" is the *New Encyclopedia* of self-help.

***********

"Success Factor #1- Create Success

***********

Home Remedies For Better Health.

***********

How To Know Your Higher Self In 7 Steps.

***********

See my Peace Impact