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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy.
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This is Part 15 of your 34 segment weekly email course which you requested on "Creating Harmonious Relationships".
You can find much more about relationships in the books "The Psychology of Happiness" and "Relationships of Conscious Love" by Robert Elias Najemy - both of which you can order as ebooks (pdf files) or hard copy http:HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp. and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html
May you enjoy and benefit from them.
********************************STRENGTHENING OUR CONSCIOUS LOVE
(As in the previous chapter, the basic ideas of this section are inspired by but not limited to the work of Gay and Katherine Hendricks)
We have already presented to you the twelve conscious decisions that are essential for a conscious love relationship. We remind you of them here.
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TWELVE CONSCIOUS DECISIONS TOWARDS A
CONSCIOUS LOVE RELATIONSHIP.
1. I consciously commit myself to being as open and united as possible to you and to removing from myself anything that obstructs that unity.

2. I consciously commit myself to participating fully in my personal development and spiritual evolution.
3. I consciously commit myself to telling all the truth in every situation.
4. I consciously commit myself to empowering you in every way and helping you manifest your latent potential.
5. I consciously commit myself to being 100% responsible for the reality I create through my interpretations and projections.
6. I consciously commit myself to being happy together in this relationship.
7. I consciously commit myself to learning to love you and myself unconditionally.
8. I consciously commit myself to learning to feel and share my emotions with you without blaming you and to being able to listen to your emotions without taking them personally.

9. I consciously commit myself to being self-sufficient and whole unto myself.
10. I consciously commit myself to keeping my agreements with you.
11. I consciously commit myself to learning to communicate effectively (a. Analysis, b. I-message, c. Active listening, d. Love)
12. I consciously commit myself to cultivating my relationship with god
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In this chapter we will work with some questions which will help us clarify where we might have difficulty in aligning ourselves with these decisions. We warmly suggest that you try to answer these questions for yourself as we move on. Do not let the sample answers limit you. They are simply there to help you understand the question. Feel free to answer in any way you prefer.
Most questions can be answered concerning any important relationship such as spouse, parent, child, sibling or good friend. A few of them (for example those concerning sexual issues) have to do only with spouses. Simply ignore them when working with another type of relationships.
Many thousands of people have benefited by answering these questions. I hope that you will too.CLARIFYING OUR CONSCIOUS COMMITMENTS
1. I CONSCIOUSLY COMMIT MYSELF TO BEING AS OPEN AND UNITED AS POSSIBLE TO YOU AND TO REMOVING FROM MYSELF ANYTHING THAT OBSTRUCTS THAT UNITY.
Questions:
A. WHEN DO I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO FEEL CLOSE AND OPEN TO THE OTHER? IN WHICH SITUATIONS, IN RESPONSE TO WHICH BEHAVIORS, ACTIONS OR ATTITUDES?
Sample answers:
1. When they criticize me.
2. When they do not respond to my request or needs.
3. When my energy is low and I am feeling down.
4. When I feel that they want to control me.
5. When I feel that they want to depend on me.
6. When the other is different from me such as from another religion, political party, race or social class.
7. When the other is playing roles such as intimidator, interrogator, victim or aloof.
8. When the other thinks he or she is superior.
9. When the other is ego centered.
10. When the other is not conscientious about his or her agreements or responsibilities.
11. When others do not agree with me.
12. When they do not understand me.
13. When they obstruct me from satisfying my needs.
14. When they do not respect me.
15. When they try to control me or suppress me.
16. When they tell lies or gossip about me.
17. When they harm me or someone close to me.
18. When they have evil intentions or ulterior motives.
19. When they are negative, complaining, whining, criticizing etc.
20. When they think they know it all.
21. When they give me advice I have not asked for.
22. When they play the role of the victim, the poor me and want attention.
23. When they do not take care of themselves or do not carry their load.
24. When they are weak and dependent
25. When they use me or others.
26. When they are cold and insensitive
27. When they are lazy
28. When they ignore my needs
29. When they tell lies
B. WHAT IS IT THAT I FEEL IN THOSE SITUATIONS WHICH CAUSES ME TO CLOSE UP AND RESIST OPENNESS OR BEING CLOSE?
Fear, self-doubt, rejection, insecurity, hurt, bitterness, anger, jealousy, injustice, suppression of my freedom, weakness.
C. WHAT EXACTLY DO I FEAR IN THOSE SITUATIONS?
1. Abandonment.
2. Suppression, restriction of my freedom.
3. Criticism, accusation, rejection.
4. Being hurt.
5. That I will not be able to be myself.
6. That you will ask things from me which I cannot give.
7. That you will ask me to feel things which I cannot feel at that moment.
8. Being used.
9. Other.
D. WHEN I IMAGINE YOU APPROACHING ME;

1. WANTING TO RECEIVE MY LOVE (AFFECTION, HELP), I FEEL:
Some possible answers depending on us and who is asking:
a. Happy that you want my love.
b. Fear that I cannot satisfy your need.
c. Fear that if you get very close to me, you may not really want me.
d. Fear that this will not last.
e. A blockage that as a man I am not supposed to express love.
f. Suffocated by your need.
g. Security and self-worth that there is a person who needs my love.
h. Some combination of the above and other ...
2. WANTING TO CRITICIZE, OR ACCUSE OR REJECT ME, I FEEL
Some possible answers depending on us and who is asking:
a. Fear and the need to protect myself from your criticism.
b. Injustice because this is unfair.
c. Fear for my self-worth.
d. Fear of being controlled by you.
e. Anger towards your tendency to do this frequently.
f. Hurt and insecurity because you do not accept me as I am.
g. Some combination of the above and other...
3. WANTING TO GIVE ME YOUR LOVE OR AFFECTION, I FEEL...
a. Happy and secure because you love me.
b. Uncomfortable because I am not used to this. I am afraid I will be hurt.
c. Fear that you will ask for something in return.
d. Fear of losing my freedom.
e. Fear that you will then abandon me.
f. Peace that I am loved as I am.
g. Some combination of the above and other...

4. WANTING SEXUAL CONTACT WITH ME, I FEEL...
Some possible answers depending on us and who is asking:
a. Happy because I am attractive to you and you desire me.
b. Happy because my sexual needs are being fulfilled.
c. Anxiety that I may not be able to satisfy you.
d. Repulsed because I do not feel that way now.
e. Angry because you approach me sexually but not emotionally.
f. Hurt because I perceive that you see me as an object for your satisfaction.
g. Affirmed that you want me.
h. Some combination of the above and other...
5. WITH THE IDEA OUR BEING TOGETHER FOR EVER, I FEEL...
Some possible answers depending on us and who is asking:
a. Security and peace that I am safe because we will face life together.
b. Happy because we will be able to enjoy each other continuously.
c. Fear that I will feel suppressed and bored.
d. A feeling of being trapped and unhappy.
h. Some combination of the above and other...
E. MY GREATEST INTERNAL OBSTACLES TOWARDS FEELING CLOSE TO YOU IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS ARE...
Some possible answers depending on us and who is asking:
1. I fear being hurt by you.
2. I fear that you will limit my freedom.
3. I fear that you will leave me.
4. I fear that I do not deserve being so happy, something bad will eventually happen.
5. I am angry with you.
6. I have a bad prototype for relationships from my childhood years.
7. Some combination of the above and other...
F. MY FAMILY PROGRAMMING ABOUT CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS IS:
Some possible answers:
1. That one competes with the other.
2. That there is no real communication
3. That someone will be hurt or abused.
4. That no one will listen to my needs.
5. That one will cheat on the other.
6. That a conscious love relationship and a family are the basis of happiness.
7. That this is the purpose of our lives.
8. Some combination of the above and other...
G. FEARS WHICH PREVENT ME FROM FEELING EVEN MORE OPEN AND CLOSE TO YOU ARE:
Already mentioned in the answers to question 4, plus the following:
1. That you will ask from me more than I can give.
2. That I will not be able to be myself in this relationship.
3. That if you really get to know me, you will not want me any longer.
H. WHAT I NEED FROM YOU IN ORDER TO FEEL MORE OPEN AND CLOSER TO YOU ARE
Some possible answers depending on us and who is asking:
1. I need you to accept and love me as I am.
2. To not criticize me.
3. To understand and love me even when I am not in a good mood.
4. To verify your love for me in various spontaneous ways.
5. To be affectionate with me.
6. I need more sexual contact.
7. I need for you to listen to me when I need to talk and respond to my questions.
8. I need for you to respect my need to be alone occasionally.
9. I need for you to allow me a certain degree of freedom of movement.
10.I need for you to express your feelings and needs to me.
11.I need your trust and for you not to doubt me.
12. I need for you to be more independent and self-sufficient.
13. I need for you to be happy about my successes.
14. I need for you to share your problems and concerns with me.
15. I need for you to ask me if I am in the mood or if I would prefer to set up another time soon, before you start talking about something important.
Some combination of the above and other...
I. WHAT I CAN DO IN ORDER TO BE MORE OPEN AND CLOSER TO YOU ARE:
Some possible answers depending on us and who is asking:
1. I can overcome my fear of being abandoned.
2. I can learn to accept and love myself as I am.
3. I can develop inner security and self-confidence.
4. I can realize that freedom is an internal state and not an external situation.
5. I can learn to accept criticism and use it for my personal growth.
6. I can learn to say no when I do prefer not to do something.
7. I can learn to take personal space, when I need it, so that I can be more positive to you.
8. I can learn to listen to your needs and try to support you in them.
9. I can learn to express my feelings and especially my affection, respect and love.
10. Some combination of the above and other
J. THAT WHICH BOTHERS ME MOST ABOUT YOUR BEHAVIOR OR ATTITUDE IS:
Some possible answers depending on us and who is asking:
1. Your smoking
2. Your critical nature
3. Your not cleaning up after yourself.
4. Your spending too much money.
5. Your closing into yourself and not communicating with me.
6. That you are not affectionate or romantic.
7. Some combination of the above and many others ...
K. THAT WHICH I MUST LEARN IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN MY PEACE AND HAPPINESS WHEN CONFRONTED BY YOUR BEHAVIOR IS
Some possible answers depending on us and who is asking:
Here apply most of the answers to question "I" above, and also the following:
1. That my security and self-worth are within me and do not depend on your presence, behavior or opinions.
2. To develop my relationship with God.
3. To love and accept you exactly as you are.
4. To love and accept myself as I am.
5. To remember at every moment that life gives me exactly what I need in order to learn my next lesson in life and continue my evolution.
6. To remember that you are my teacher on the evolutionary path.
Some combination of the above and many others ...
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If you like what you are reading, you will©definetly want to get the book <B> Relationships of Conscious Love</B> by Robert Elias Najemy, which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from <br> <br> http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp <br>
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