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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy.
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This is Part 3 of your 15 segment weekly email course which you requested on "Learning
to Love Others".
For more on this subject we suggest the books "Relationships of Conscious
Love" and "The Psychology of Happiness" which can be found as pdf
ebooks at http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp
and also in your booksores, at Amazon.com or for 40% discount at
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.htmlMay you enjoy it and benefit
from it.
**********************************LOVE VERSUS NEED
The power of attraction which we call love is expressed at many levels and in
countless ways. The most basic level is that of need. We often use the word love
when we really mean "need". We say, "I love you," but if we
analyze more deeply, we learn that what we are really saying is "I need you."
This is the basic message of most love songs. They lament with sadness, pain,
agony and cry out "you left me, I cannot live without you. I need you."
This is not love. It is need, attachment and addiction. If it were love and the
other was happier by leaving us or even happier with someone else, we would be
happy for him or her, not full of sadness for ourselves. Loving others means wanting
others to be happy, healthy and successful in the ways that they are guided to
be. Love does not create the pain we feel when someone leaves us or rejects us.
That pain is generated by our dependency upon that person for our security, pleasure
or affirmation.
Love creates happiness. Needs and attachments create fear, pain and suffering.
Our love is still mixed with a considerable amount of need. Love wants to give.
Need wants to take. Sometimes what we are seeking to take is very subtle and requires
deep inner inquiry. Whenever we feel pain in our relationships, it is because
our needs are in danger of not being satisfied. When this happens, our "love"
turns to hurt, disappointment, fear, loneliness, inferiority, or bitterness, and
sometimes, anger, hate, rage and desire for revenge.
How can love become all these negative emotions? It cannot. The simple truth is
that such an emotion never was pure love to begin with. It was an "attraction"
based to some degree also on need. This does not mean that we should reject ourselves
because we have seldom really loved purely. As we are not yet enlightened spiritual
beings, how could we? It would be like rejecting ourselves because we do not yet
have a university diploma when we are still in the first grade. It is only natural
that we cannot yet love unconditionally. That is our stage of evolution.
FREEING OUR LOVE FROM NEED
The first step towards opening our hearts to real love is to accept and love
ourselves exactly as we are with all our weaknesses and faults. Only then can
we proceed effectively.
The second step is to begin observing the feelings that are stimulated in our
relationships. Through objective self-observation, we can determine in which
situations we love unconditionally and in which we are feeling attached and
"loving" with specific conditions. Following are some examples that
will help.
NEEDING THOSE WHO MAKE US FEEL SECURE
We look to others for security. We look to our parents, spouses, siblings,
children, employers, friends, spiritual teachers and others for security.
We do feel love toward these beings, but often that love is based on the fact
that they offer us a sense of security. If they start behaving in ways that
obstruct our feelings of security; if they decide to leave us or be with someone
else, will we still love them? If our employer fires us, will we still love
him? If our parents throw us out onto the street, will we still love them? Or
is our love tightly woven with the need for security?
If as parents we dream that our children will become economically well off and
socially accepted professionals, will we love them the same if they became street
artists, beggars, or anarchists? Some parents will be able to; others will not.
The basic question is whether or not our feelings of love are steady and consistent
regardless of the various changing behaviors of those we "love". In
each case where we perceive our heart closing, we can look to discover what
we fear in that situation. What might we possibly lose?
Only when we have realized total inner security, perhaps based on an inner spiritual
awakening or on our faith in God, will we be able to love without security attachments.
Only when we know that we can live without others can we really love them constantly.
Society has helped us to completely confuse this matter. We believe if we love
others, we must be totally dependent on them and should fear that our world
would fall apart if something happens to them. This is insecurity. This is a
lack of faith in God. It is a lack of faith in our own spiritual nature and
our ability to deal with life. It has nothing to do with love.
Perhaps this is why the Apostle John wrote, "Where there is perfect love,
there can be no fear".
To be continued ...
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Go to http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/courses/index.asp for a list of other email
courses you can order - most are for free.
*******************************
(The advertisements in the beginning of the email support the web site which
kindly offers us this free autoresponder service and are unrelated to the author
or articles.)
********************************
ebooks available by Robert Elias Najemy
at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp
1. Universal Philosophy
2. The Art of Meditation
3. Contemporary Parables
4. The Mystical Circle of Life
5. Relationships of Conscious Love
6. The Miracles of Love and Wisdom
7. Total Emotional Freedom – EFT and Self -knowledge
8. Saram – The Adventures of a Soul and Insight into the Male Psyche
And available also at bookstores near you and also on our site
9. The Psychology of Happiness
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html
****************************************
Robert Elias Najemy is the author of over 600 articles, 400 lecture cassettes
on Human Harmony and 20 books, which have sold over 100,000 copies.
He is the Founder and director of the Center for Harmonious Living in Greece
with 3700 members.
His book The Psychology of Happiness is available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20
and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html.
You can download FREE articles and e-books from http://www.HolisticHarmony.com
where you can also receive guidance on life issues.
****************************************

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