FREEING OUR LOVE FROM NEED

The first step towards opening our hearts to real love is to accept and love ourselves exactly as we are with all our weaknesses and faults. Only then can we proceed effectively.
The second step is to begin observing the feelings that are stimulated in our relationships. Through objective self-observation, we can determine in which situations we love unconditionally and in which we are feeling attached and "loving" with specific conditions. Following are some examples that will help.

NEEDING THOSE WHO MAKE US FEEL SECURE

We look to others for security. We look to our parents, spouses, siblings, children, employers, friends, spiritual teachers and others for security.
We do feel love toward these beings, but often that love is based on the fact that they offer us a sense of security. If they start behaving in ways that obstruct our feelings of security; if they decide to leave us or be with someone else, will we still love them? If our employer fires us, will we still love him? If our parents throw us out onto the street, will we still love them? Or is our love tightly woven with the need for security?
If as parents we dream that our children will become economically well off and socially accepted professionals, will we love them the same if they became street artists, beggars, or anarchists? Some parents will be able to; others will not.
The basic question is whether or not our feelings of love are steady and consistent regardless of the various changing behaviors of those we "love". In each case where we perceive our heart closing, we can look to discover what we fear in that situation. What might we possibly lose?
Only when we have realized total inner security, perhaps based on an inner spiritual awakening or on our faith in God, will we be able to love without security attachments. Only when we know that we can live without others can we really love them constantly.
Society has helped us to completely confuse this matter. We believe if we love others, we must be totally dependent on them and should fear that our world would fall apart if something happens to them. This is insecurity. This is a lack of faith in God. It is a lack of faith in our own spiritual nature and our ability to deal with life. It has nothing to do with love.
Perhaps this is why the Apostle John wrote, "Where there is perfect love, there can be no fear".
To be continued ...
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1. Universal Philosophy
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Robert Elias Najemy is the author of over 600 articles, 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony and 20 books, which have sold over 100,000 copies.
He is the Founder and director of the Center for Harmonious Living in Greece with 3700 members.
His book The Psychology of Happiness is available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html.
You can download FREE articles and e-books from http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also receive guidance on life issues.
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