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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy. ********************************* This is Part 18 of your 18 segment weekly email course which you requested on "Learning Through Relationships". These segments are from the books "The Psychology of Happiness" and "Relationships of Conscious Love" " which we suggest you order as an ebook (pdf file) at http:HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp. This information is also explained in the book "The Psychology of Happiness" which can be found in your booksores at Amazon.com or for 40% discount at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html May you enjoy it and benefit from it. ********************************** The Roles of Parent, Savior, Teacher and Super-responsible Robert Elias Najemy You may see someone you know in Anthony perhaps even yourself. Anthony plays the role of "the savior." He feels responsible for just about everyone¹s reality. He believes he must rescue them and keep them well and happy. . He feels he has failed in his "role", and cannot rest, as long as someone he feels responsible for is not well and happy. Others easily use or control him by making him feel responsible for the fact that they are not well or happy. When he is with others, he has difficulty identifying his own needs. In this role "others¹ needs are more important than his." He avoids expressing needs that would prevent others from getting what they want. Playing the savior often causes him to become the "victim" of those he is trying to "save." He is so preoccupied with other people¹s problems that he seldom recognizes or confesses his own. His family, however, complains that he gives more time to solving other people¹s problems than theirs. He does care about his family, but receives greater satisfaction of recognition and self-worth from solving others¹ problems. He often feels used, tired and resentful that he spends so much time on others while they rarely reciprocate. He worries about others and becomes stressed about their situations and difficulties. He advises them and he tries to control them, exerting pressure on them (for "their own good," or to "prevent them making a mistake" and thus possibly ruining his "results"). He criticizes and rejects others when they make mistakes or when they do not follow his directions or orders. He gives advice even to those who do not ask for it and feels disappointed when they do not follow it. He attracts to himself people with problems and rejects himself for not being able to "save" them. He finds it difficult to confess or express his weaknesses, needs, fears or his own problems. He fears, that in doing so, others will see his faults and lose respect for him. As a child, he was programmed to believe he was responsible for his siblings, a role his mother had also played. Some beliefs that engage him in this role are: 1. I am responsible for others¹ reality. 2. Without me, others cannot progress - cannot be well. 3. It¹s my fault if others are not well. 4. If I am not able to create a perfect reality for them, I have failed in my role and am not worthy. 5. If others are not happy with me, I have failed and I am not worthy. 6. If others do not trust me, I am not worthy. 7. If others do not listen to me, do not obey me, do not follow my advice, I am incapable in this role and I am unworthy. 8. If I am no good in my role, I will not be respected and will be unworthy of their esteem. I will end up alone and will be in danger. 9. If I am not in control of things around me, anything can go wrong. I cannot trust others. If I am not in control, I am in danger. 10. If I show weakness or need, or if I have vices, I am in danger because: a. I will be rejected, unwanted, and in danger. b. My weaknesses will be used as a means to hurt me. 11. I am worthy only if I am in the position of authority, i.e. teacher, savior, parent. Only then can I feel safe and secure. 12. If I am needed (as a teacher, parent, savior), I will not be abandoned. I will not be alone. Some beliefs which can free him from this role: 1: We are all is 100% responsible for our own reality. 2: We are all guided from within. 3: The others are totally responsible for the reality they create. 4. My self-worth is totally independent of what is happening with others. 5. My self-worth is independent of other people¹s ability to trust me or not. 6. I am responsible only for my efforts and not for the results of my efforts. 7. I deserve love and respect exactly as I am. 8. I trust others and the Divine. 9. I feel united with others when I share my weaknesses and faults with them. 10. I am worthy of love and respect because of my being, not because of any role I play. Those around Anthony can: 1. Understand that he is seeking his self-worth and inner security by playing this role. 2. Take responsibility for their own reality. 3. Lovingly refuse to allow him to overwhelm them and take control of their own lives. 4. Lovingly assert their need to take responsibility for their own decisions and accept the consequences of those decisions. May you be well on all levels of your being. ************************************ If you like what you are reading, you willãdefinetly want to get the book Mystical Circle of Life by Robert Elias Najemy, which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ******************************** Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Click to subscribe/unsubscribe to Clarity E-zine May you be well on all levels of your being. | |