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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy. ********************************* This is Part 1 of your 18 segment weekly email course which you requested on "Learning Through Relationships". These segments are from the books "The Psychology of Happiness" and "Relationships of Conscious Love" " which we suggest you order as an ebook (pdf file) at http:HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp. This information is also explained in the book "The Psychology of Happiness" which can be found in your booksores at Amazon.com or for 40% discount at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html May you enjoy it and benefit from it. ********************************** COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS Anna enjoys sharing her feelings with her husband Paul. She also needs to know what he is feeling and thinking in return. When she is unable to communicate with him, she feels neglected and unloved. Although Paul does love Anna, he does not enjoy communicating as much as she does and feels very uncomfortable sharing his feelings, mostly because he is not very familiar with them. Also, when he is aware of his feelings, he is ashamed to share them because he fears this will lessen his "manhood". This constructs a conflict of needs. The more Anna pressures Paul to open up and communicate, the more he withdraws and avoids her. If she pressures him too much, he angrily pushes her away. As a result, Anna feels rejected and unloved, while Paul feels pressured and suppressed. The more Paul avoids Anna and does not fulfill her needs, the more negative, critical and accusatory she becomes. In response to Annašs negative reactions, Paul avoids her even more. He feels she does not understand his needs and refuses to accept him as he is. She feels he does not love her and that he rejects her as a woman and a partner in life. Anna is unhappy and completely unsatisfied with her marriage. Her needs are not being fulfilled. Paul directs his attention to other activities, such as work, sports and recreation with friends. Both are susceptible to others of the opposite sex who they believe will truly "understand" them. In this case, two individuals, who actually love each other, have become victims of their own programming and needs. Their attachments, fears and lack of communication skills are destroying their relationship and their happiness. They both need to understand the beliefs creating their fears and attachments in order to put themselves in the other's position, understand the otheršs needs, and communicate more openly and clearly. The key to creating our reality is what we believe. If we can change our beliefs we can improve our reality. Let us examine what they might believe which is causing them to have this problem and then what positive beliefs they could develop so as to create a more positive reality. POSSIBLE NEGATIVE BELIEFS Anna might be limited by some of the following beliefs: 1. I need to share my feelings with people I love in order to feel safe and also to feel close to them. 2. In order to feel close to others, I must know what they are thinking and feeling. 3. If others do not want to share with me, there must be something wrong with me. 4. If others do not want to communicate with me, I feel that they do not love me. 5. I cannot feel safe with someone I do not know emotionally. 6. I must share my problems with my loved ones and receive their input and support. 7. I am the victim and have suffered a great injustice. 8. I am responsible for Paul's happiness. 9. My self worth and security are dependent upon how much my husband cares for me and shares his feelings with me. Paul might be limited by some of the following beliefs: 1. I am in danger when communicating feelings. 2. Emotions are for women. Action is for Men. 3. I am in danger if I have feelings of weakness. 4. I must never show weakness. 5. She is suppressing my personality and I am losing my freedom. 6. She does not accept me as I am. I am in danger because she wants to change me. 7. I am the victim of her criticism. 8. I must avoid her in order to preserve my freedom. POSSIBLE POSITIVE BELIEFS Anna might benefit from developing some of the following beliefs: 1. I feel close to my husband regardless of how much he can share with me. 2. I am safe and loved even when my husband is unable to communicate. 3. Life provides me with exactly what I need in order to learn my next lesson. 4. I dynamically create my reality with or without my husband. 5. I accept and love myself regardless of his behavior. 6. I understand his difficulty to communicate and love him as he is. Paul might benefit from developing some of the following beliefs: 1. I feel safe and comfortable communicating my feelings to my wife. 2. I accept my feelings and share them with my loved ones in order to create deeper love relationships. 3. I am free to be myself in every situation. 4. I enjoy sharing my inner world with my beloved wife. 5. In each moment life provides me with exactly what I need to learn my next lesson. ************************************ If you like what you are reading, you willãdefinetly want to get the book Mystical Circle of Life by Robert Elias Najemy, which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ******************************** Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Click to subscribe/unsubscribe to Clarity E-zine May you be well on all levels of your being. | |