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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy. ********************************* This is Part 1 of your 18 segment weekly email course which you requested on "Understanding and Managing Emotions". For much more on this subject we suggest the book "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Elias Najemy which can be found as pdf ebooks at http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp and also in your booksores, at Amazon.com or for 40% discount at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html May you enjoy it and benefit from it. ********************************** REJECTING OTHERS, CRITICIZING, CONDEMNING, BLAMING Rejecting or criticizing others is not actually an emotion, but rather a reaction or behavior caused by our emotions and beliefs. Being that they occupy a considerable place in our lives, both in the form of our criticism toward others and as the criticism we receive, it will be useful to examine this emotional reaction. In general, we criticize, blame or reject others when they behave in ways that bother us or prevent us from fulfilling our needs. Another reason we reject others is that because we believe that, in that way, we establish our own self worth in relationship to them. Still another reason is that by criticizing and finding fault in others, we can place the blame for our problems and our reality directly upon them. They are to blame and we do not need to look at what we might need to learn in a situation where we are not satisfied with what we are creating in our lives. We might criticize others because they do things we do not allow ourselves to do, and thus we feel a type of injustice because we are trying so hard to be "good" or "correct" and the others are not. Thus, they are wrong. We also often criticize whatever we do not understand, whatever we fear or whatever is different. As Christ said, "Judge not, that you be not judged." " You will be judged by the measure with which you judge." "Let he who has not sinned, throw the first stone." "Look not at the sliver in the others eye, but the log in your own." In other words, do not judge or criticize. The following list may help some of us discover what we tend to criticize in others so we can then discover why we feel the need to criticize. Behaviors which we tend to criticize or reject in others or perhaps in ourselves: If we tend to be critical in any of these situations, we will want to ask ourselves what we believe causes us to do so: 1. For their egotistical behavior 2. For their immorality 3. For not being consistent with their word 4. For being late for appointments 5. For trying to control us or others 6. For telling lies 7. For being false or two faced 8. For wanting to be the exception to the rules 9. For being weak 10. For acting as if they are superior 11. For thinking they are very important 12. For not living by the rules 13. For being aloof. 14. For not acknowledging our presence 15. For rejecting us 16. For not being correct 17. For wanting to project themselves 18. For seeking affirmation through what they do 19. For being hypocrites 20. For not working conscientiously 21. For not keeping our agreements 22. For ignoring our needs or the needs of others 23. For being inconsiderate 24. For hurting or harming us or others 25. For gossiping about us or others 26. For the way they dress 27. For the way they express themselves 28. For the way they work 29. For the following behavior ________________ 30. Because they do not ___________________ 31. Because in the past they ________________ 32. Other reasons ________________________ Now we can look through the same list and change the word "they" to "I" and discover which behaviors we reject in ourselves. In this way, we might search for answers to three questions. 1. Whether we tend to reject ourselves for the same behaviors and thus perhaps our rejecting the other is a projection of our self-rejection? 2. Whether we allow ourselves the freedom to do some things for which we reject others, and thus have a double standard? 3. Whether we reject in our selves aspects which we accept in others and why? Positive antidotes to rejection and criticism could be: 1. Understanding and accepting others as they are. 2. Remembering that we are all in a state of evolution and that our fears and weaknesses control us. 3. Loving others and ourselves unconditionally. 4. Remembering that we would not like others to criticize or reject us. Now that we have discovered the kinds of behaviors that annoy us, we can look at the possible reasons why they affect us this way. The idea here is that, since life is a process of spiritual evolution and each event and situation is a lesson in that process, each behavior, which bothers us or causes us to criticize, contains within it something we can learn. Understanding Our Criticizing, Condemning and Blaming This is a part of a series of articles with questions, which will help us understand our emotions and how we can free ourselves from unwanted ones. The questions here will refer to "blaming" but you can replace this word with condemning or criticizing or any other word which suits you. 1. Why does the otheršs behavior annoy me so much? 2. What is the other preventing me from having by his/her behavior? 3. What do I believe which makes this behavior so unacceptable to me? 4. Do I feel in any way that my security, self-worth or freedom are in danger? 5. What do I gain by blaming, condemning or criticizing the other. 6. What am I protecting by blaming the other. 7. What would I feel and what would happen is I did not blame the other. 8. What is there in me which is attracting that behavior from the other (or from life)? 9. What is my lesson here? a. Which beliefs do I needed to change in order to not attract this any more? b. Which beliefs do I need to change in order to be able to be at peace with myself and the other, even if I come into contact with this behavior in the future. 10. Which actions do I need to take here in order to prevent myself from this behavior? How can I do this as assertively and loving as possible? Now you may like to describe how you would like to think, feel and respond in future situations. You may find it more powerful to write your description in the present tense as if it is already a reality. For more on dealing with emotions you might want to check out these sources: http://www.holisticharmony.com/eft/index.asp http://www.holisticharmony.com/ezines/index.asp http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/research/emotions.html http://www.emofree.com ************************************ If you like what you are reading, you willãdefinetly want to get the book The Psychology of Happiness by Robert Elias Najemy, which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ******************************** B> ********* Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Click to subscribe/unsubscribe to Clarity E-zine May you be well on all levels of your being. | |