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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy. ********************************* This is Part 11 of your 18 segment weekly email course which you requested on "Understanding and Managing Emotions". For much more on this subject we suggest the book "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Elias Najemy which can be found as pdf ebooks at http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp and also in your booksores, at Amazon.com or for 40% discount at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html May you enjoy it and benefit from it. ********************************** JEALOUSY - ENVY These two emotions are born from our lack of acceptance of who we are and what we have. When we do not accept ourselves, as we are, we envy others for traits or achievements that we wish we possessed. We probably believe we will be more respected and admired or considered more successful if we had those traits. On the spiritual path, we might envy the other for his ability to meditate, serve, fast, etc. When we cannot accept what we have or do not have, we feel envious towards those who have it or perhaps are taking it from us (such as love or attention from our parents, spouse, children or friends). Our most intense jealousy has to do with being given exclusivity of an important personšs love and attention, and in the case of a spouse, sexual contact. As children, jealousy is one of the major emotions we experience when a newborn sibling enters the family and our exclusivity, or percentage of attention, is lost or diminished. We might also feel anger at this other being who now receives what we had been getting and still desperately want. The same happens when we fear that our spouse may be interested in someone else. We are more vulnerable when we have identified our survival, security, satisfaction and self worth with another personšs attention. The fear that we may not be safe or worthy without them creates what we call jealousy. Positive alternatives to jealousy and envy could be: 1. Acceptance of onešs life and self as are. 2. Recognition of our inner self worth. 3. Acknowledgement of all that we actually do have. 4. Faith that we each create our reality and that we have exactly what we need for our next step in our evolutionary process. 5. Loving others and feeling happy for their successes. Understanding Jealousy and Envy This is a part of a series of articles with questions, which will help us understand our emotions and how we can free ourselves from unwanted ones. The beliefs behind these jealousy and envy are: 1. I would be happier and more secure and worthy if I had what the other has. (This could mean the otheršs spouse, house, appearance, abilities, knowledge, power etc.) 2. Life is not giving me exactly what I need in order to grow and be happy. In the case of relationship jealousy we might believe the following: 3. I am safe only if I have someone who loves only me. Only then can I be sure that he of she will always be with me when I need him or her. I am not safe alone. 4. I am worthy (as a person, as a man, as a woman) only if there is at least one person whom loves only me and no one else. If he loves anyone else, the way he loves me, then I lose my self worth. Herein lies the difference between human and divine love. Human love demands exclusivity, whereas divine love demands that we love all beings, as we love ourselves, because the divine itself is in all beings. (We are not talking about the sexual level here.) Thus the problem of envy and jealousy will be solved when we free ourselves from the doubts about our safety and self-worth. Some questions which will help. 1. "What is it that the other has, which you would like to have, or believe you must have, in order be happy?" 2. "Why do you need that? What do you gain if you have it and what do you loose if you do not?" 3. "What do you believe about yourself which makes you want to have what the other has, or be like the other?" What will happen if that does not happen?" 4. "Which beliefs do you need to change in order to be happy just as you are, or with any outcome, regardless of what the other has or is?" 5. "Which beliefs do you need to change in order to more effectively manifest in yourself, or for yourself, what you envy or are feeling jealous about?" (We must not ignore the possibility that we envy something because the time has come in our evolutionary process to seek that. The emotion may not be pure, but it may instigate beneficial energies if they are directed towards self-improvement.) 6. Is there anything you would like to communicate with the others concerning what you are feeling?" What would you like to communicate. Now you may like to describe how you would like to think, feel and respond in future situations. You may find it more powerful to write your description in the present tense as if it is already a reality. For more on dealing with emotions you might want to check out these sources: http://www.holisticharmony.com/eft/index.asp http://www.holisticharmony.com/ezines/index.asp http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/research/emotions.html http://www.emofree.com ************************************ If you like what you are reading, you willãdefinetly want to get the book The Psychology of Happiness by Robert Elias Najemy, which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ******************************** B> ********* Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Click to subscribe/unsubscribe to Clarity E-zine May you be well on all levels of your being. | |