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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy. ********************************* This is Part 8 of your 18 segment weekly email course which you requested on "Understanding and Managing Emotions". For much more on this subject we suggest the book "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Elias Najemy which can be found as pdf ebooks at http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp and also in your booksores, at Amazon.com or for 40% discount at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html May you enjoy it and benefit from it. ********************************** Dealing with Emotional Pain Robert Elias Najemy (Hurt - Bitterness - Injustice - Abused Pain) We feel emotional pain when we do not get what we want, need, or expect. We might feel hurt, rejection, bitterness, abuse, injustice or simply emotional pain. In such cases, we have not received the behavior or outcomes we expected or believed we deserved. We feel this kind of feel pain in cases when * people * do not behave to us in the ways that we had expected as well as in situations where * life * does not give us what we feel we need or deserve. We believe, "I cannot feel happy unless I get that which I believe I need." We have associated our security, satisfaction, self-worth or freedom with something that we are not getting from persons, society, God, or life as a whole. Some examples might be when: 1. Others lie to or deceive us. 2. They do not support us when we need them. 3. They reject or criticize us. 4. We fail at some task, which we feel that we should have succeeded at. 5. We loose a loved one. 6. Our loved one shows preference to another. 7. People important to us do not show us the respect we expect. 8. Others do harm to us or our loved ones. 9. We are accused of doing or saying something we did not do. 10. When are falsely suspected of having ulterior motives. 11. "Friends" gossip about us behind our backs. 12. We are not given the raise of promotion we believe we deserve at work. 13. Others do not keep their agreements with us. 14. We are robbed. 15. We lose our fortune in some way. You can add many more situations in which we feel hurt because we have not received the respect, love, affection, loyalty, truth, kindness and justice that we were expecting. *** Positive Alternatives to Feeling Hurt *** Positive alternatives to feeling hurt, bitterness and injustice could be: 5. * We can have Faith * in divine wisdom and justice. We are all in a process of evolution and nothing can happen to us, which is not exactly what we need in order to learn our next lesson. So rather than be overwhelmed by negative feelings, we can seek to discover what we can learn through this experience. Our lessons usually have to do with discovering the strength, security and self-worth, which are within us. As souls in the process of evolution, we are constantly being directed to contact and bring to the surface our spiritual self. This means realizing that we are whole within and can feel safe, worthy and fulfilled regardless of what is happening around us. Thus, every event which might cause us to feel pain is also a great opportunity to contact our inner spiritual self and move on and beyond this pain. 2. We are the sole creators of our reality. We as souls create our reality through: 1. Our past choices, thoughts, words and actions. 2. Our present conscious and subconscious beliefs, feelings and needs. 3. The lessons we have chosen to learn at this stage of our evolutionary process. 4. How we subjectively interpret what is happening. Thus others are simply actors in the scenarios of our life the script of which we have written. We can create a happier reality by: 16. Transforming our conscious and subconscious beliefs. 17. Learning our life lessons. 18. Interpreting events in a different way as opportunities for growth rather than as injustices. 6. Forgiving and forgetting the past. In light of what we have said above, others are not responsible for our reality and thus can easily be forgive. Such forgiveness frees us from negative feelings and allows us to transcend pain. Thus we can overcome emotional pain by: 1. Realizing that every event is exactly what we need for our evolutionary process. 2. Learn the lessons involved. 3. Forgive others and ourselves. Understanding Hurt, Bitterness , Injustice and Pain This is a part of a series of articles with questions, which will help us understand our emotions and how we can free ourselves from unwanted ones. Here we need to direct our questioning towards: 1. "What is it that I believe that I must have here in order to be happy?" 2. "Why do I need it?" What will be missing from myself, if I do not have it?" 3. What do I believe which makes this experience so painful? What do I believe about myself which makes this situation so painful? 4. "Can I believe that life gives me exactly what I need in order to continue my evolution and that it is giving me now exactly what I need? 5. If I can accept that (3), then why is life giving this situation about which I am not happy? What is life asking me to do or learn here?" The above answers will lead to two basic questions: a. What beliefs do I need to change in order to be able to accept what Life is giving me, and be happy with things as they are, even if they never change. b. What beliefs do I need to change in order to initiate various actions and changes of behavior so as to create more effectively what I need and want from life. In the case of the second category, frequently one of the actions we need to take will be to communicate more effectively and assertively to those around us concerning what we need and expect from them. In such a case, we need to clarify for ourselves exactly what we want to express to the others. We can practice this in the form of a psychodrama, in which the we express our feelings and needs to another who is pretending that he or she is the person whom we want to communicate with. Having practiced with another, we may then be ready to communicate our needs, feelings and beliefs to those with whom we have the problem, without accusing or rejecting. Now you may like to describe how you would like to think, feel and respond in future situations. You may find it more powerful to write your description in the present tense as if it is already a reality. For more on dealing with emotions you might want to check out these sources: http://www.holisticharmony.com/eft/index.asp http://www.holisticharmony.com/ezines/index.asp http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/research/emotions.html http://www.emofree.com ************************************ If you like what you are reading, you willădefinetly want to get the book The Psychology of Happiness by Robert Elias Najemy, which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ******************************** B> ********* Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Click to subscribe/unsubscribe to Clarity E-zine May you be well on all levels of your being. | |