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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy. ********************************* This is Part 9 of your 15 segment weekly email course which you requested on "Codependency and Cocommitment". These from the "Relationships of Conscious Love" which we suggest you order as an ebook (pdf file) at http:HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp. May you enjoy and benefit from it. ********************************** THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EFFORT AND RESULT We need to make an important distinction here between making an effort to help someone, or accepting heir effort to help us and responsibility for each otheršs reality. We all obviously are together to help and support each other on all levels. This is what relationships are all about. But we cannot create anotheršs health, happiness, success or satisfaction. Only they can create or allow their wellbeing and only we can create or allow ours. Thus in returning to others the keys to their own responsibilities we are not stopping to help them, but are actually serving them in a much greater way, by allowing them to discover he power and wisdom within themselves. This step of course will need to be made with discrimination. If someone is very ill or incapable, then we obviously cannot leave him or her on their own. We will serve them in every possible way doing for them, whatever they cannot do for themselves, but we will not be responsible for the result. Neither will we be responsible for their satisfaction. We will offer whatever our discrimination guides us to offer, but will not be evaluating or self-worth in relationship to their satisfaction. Also our self-worth cannot be increased or decreased by othersš behavior. We are who we are independently of how others behave or what they think. Also we have the inner power and wisdom to create exactly the reality which we need in order to proceed in our spiritual development. If that means at times that we will not have support from others, then that is not by chance. It is an opportunity for even greater growth. PREPARATION FOR THE PUTTING IN ORDER OF THE KEYS The next step in this process is to decide which of the above mentioned keys we want to return or take back. This is important because this confusion concerning who is responsible for what creates negative feelings for us and the others involved. We may discover that, although we love someone very much, and want very much for him or her to be happy and well, our feelings of responsibility for their well being causes us to feel anger towards them for not trying. Also it makes us feel that we are being done injustice to. We might also realize that because we have based our feelings of self-worth on someone elsešs behavior or their opinion of us, that we are frequently hurt and angry with them for not giving us the affirmation we need from them. This also works as a mirroring process. When we need repeated affirmation from a specific person, life often prevents that affirmation from coming, so that we can learn to base our self-worth our own being, and not on the othersš programmings. We might find that we can love this person much more purely and steadily if we free ourselves from needing his or her affirmation, by taking back the "key to our self worth". Most of us find that we need to take the keys to our self-worth back from our parents, while many of us also from our spouses and children. Once we are able to do so, we are then able to love and serve those persons much more purely, because we are not doing so now because we need their approval, in order to feel our self-worth, but because we simply love them. Cases of "emotional blackmail" are based on the fact that the one who is being blackmailed into doing things he does not want to do, is forced to because he feels guilty and responsible for the otheršs reality. In addition, our ability to forgive others, or to get on with our lives and manifest our innate abilities, is obstructed by the belief that others are responsible for our reality or that we cannot proceed without them. In such case we will want to take back the keys to our happiness and success, forgive these persons and get on with our lives. The next step is to decide from whom we want to take back our keys and to whom we want to return keys that belong to them. The following questions (next segment)\ will help us analyze why we want to put order to the keys. The same analysis can be done for our attachments or dependency on possessions, positions, situations and even to society as a whole. Continued ************************************ If you like what you are reading, you willãdefinetly want to get the book Relationships of Conscious Love by Robert Elias Najemy, which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ******************************** B> ********* Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Click to subscribe/unsubscribe to Clarity E-zine May you be well on all levels of your being. | |