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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy. ********************************* This is Part 4 of your 15 segment weekly email course which you requested on "Codependency and Cocommitment". These from the "Relationships of Conscious Love" which we suggest you order as an ebook (pdf file) at http:HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp. May you enjoy and benefit from it. ********************************** SENSITIVE ISSUES Another problem of co-dependence is that we tend to function unconsciously or mechanically in relationship to certain issues, often getting sucked into the roles of the intimidator, interrogator, victim and aloof. Some of those issues that can trigger those roles are: a. Whether we can trust the other or not. "She might abandon me. He might cheat on me. She might hurt me. He might try to suppress me." As a result we get locked into control games, functioning unconsciously without love of real communication. b. The question of authority, power and control. Who will decide what will happen? Who will get his or her way? Whose will is going to prevail? We unconsciously engage in games for power and control, so that we can satisfy our needs. c. Our feelings of self-worth are always very fragile and easily shaken by rejection or otheršs behaviors. We then become defensive in our attempt to protect our self-image. d. We have feelings which have been repressed in us for many years. Some may be from this relationship and others from much earlier in our lives. These feelings are unpleasant for us and we thus seek to conceal them. All of these unconscious reactions dampen our vitality and obstruct honest communication. e. Sexual issues are often difficult to deal with because we have an inherent feeling of shame about our sexual needs, and also because much of our self-image as men or women are tied up in being wanted physically by our partner. These issues are seldom discussed in a mature and honest manner so that they can be solved. We often try to get what we want by accusing, threatening, criticizing, avoiding, playing the victim etc. We need to be able to discuss these needs and issues openly and maturely so that each can get what he or she needs from this conscious love relationship. We need to be able to communicate about our fears of our being hurt, the games we see we are playing for control, our doubts about our self worth, our deeper suppressed feelings and our sexual needs or lack thereof. Thus we have a choice to make. We can allow these and other issues to silently destroy our happiness, our relationship and often our health. Or we can begin to face them directly in the following way: a. Discover what we really feel, need and think. b. Examine, analyze and seek to understand exactly why we feel, need and think what we have discovered. c. Take responsibility for our needs, feelings and our life situation. The other is not responsible for what we are feeling or creating in our lives. d. Taking responsibility, we share what we have discovered with our loved one without criticism or blame. d. We work internally on getting free from anything we feel is obstructing our happiness or love. e. We work with the other on finding solutions that satisfy both of us. RECREATING OUR CHILDHOOD Another aspect of moving from codependence to co-commitment is to free ourselves from our childhood programming. Many of us tend to recreate one or both of our parents in our spouse or even in our children. We unconsciously chose persons who are very similar or opposite to our parents. In this way we work through various dramas which were initiated in our childhood years. If we function unconsciously in relationship to these issues from our past, then they will simply fester and poison our happiness and relationship. So many times, while counseling persons having difficulty with their loved one, we have come to the very clear conclusion that he or she is simply recreating what happened with one or both of the parents, and that, if he or she does not work on transforming what happened in the past, the possibilities for harmony in the present relationship are slim. Continued ************************************ If you like what you are reading, you willãdefinetly want to get the book Relationships of Conscious Love by Robert Elias Najemy, which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ******************************** B> ********* Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Click to subscribe/unsubscribe to Clarity E-zine May you be well on all levels of your being. | |