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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy. ********************************* This is Part 1 of your 15 segment weekly email course which you requested on "Codependency and Cocommitment". These from the "Relationships of Conscious Love" which we suggest you order as an ebook (pdf file) at http:HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp. May you enjoy and benefit from it. ********************************** CO-DEPENDENCE OR CO-COMMITMENT? Recently two new words have become very popular in Psychology of Relationships. They are codependence and co-commitment. They describe two totally different types of relationships. CODEPENDENCE Codependence describes a situation in which two people are dependent or addicted to each other. We lose the ability to be happy within ourselves and become dependent on each other for our feelings of safety and self worth. Both are limited by the relationship rather than helped to grow within it. Codependence breeds antagonism and games in which one tries to control the other, often through various roles by intimidating, questioning, criticizing, playing the victim or by retreating into one self and becoming aloof. Such relationships often result in vicious circles in which no one changes and no one is happy. We might even undermine our own happiness and power because we are afraid to be happy or strong when the other is not. Promises or perhaps even threats that serious changes are going to take place seldom become reality. We feel responsible for the others reality and cannot let him or her feel unhappy. We try to change the otheršs mood. And until the other changes, we cannot feel happy our selves. Our state of mind is dependent on the otheršs behavior and attitude. In codependence our fears prevent is from telling the whole truth to the other and sometimes even to ourselves. Criticism is a major form of communication and arguments recycle over and over. Most arguments have to do with the ancient game of "who is right." When we are dependent on someone, we often will deny our own needs, and even our values, in order to ensure the otheršs acceptance and / or approval. We might find our selves not only ignoring our needs but also doing things that we do not really want to do. CO-COMMITMENT In co-commitment, we feel close to each and want to share our lives, without feeling dependent or that we cannot be happy alone or with someone else. We want the other to be happy and we do whatever we can in order to help him or her be happy, but do not believe that we are responsible if he or she is not. We can continue being happy even when the other is not. We see the relationship as a growth process and know that essential to that growth is being able to be truthful with ourselves and other. We learn to be truthful about needs, thoughts and feelings. We love the other and want him or her to blossom and succeed in whatever he or she chooses. There is no antagonism, but rather mutual support and encouragement. We feel joy rather than jealousy when the other succeeds. In co-commitment we take 100% responsibility for our reality and allow the other to do the same. We do not expect the other to solve our problems or make us happy. That is our responsibility. Also we realize that we cannot make the other happy. We can help and support each other, but cannot create the otheršs reality. Continued ************************************ If you like what you are reading, you willãdefinetly want to get the book Relationships of Conscious Love by Robert Elias Najemy, which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ******************************** B> ********* Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Click to subscribe/unsubscribe to Clarity E-zine May you be well on all levels of your being. | |