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Dear Friend,

May this find you well and happy

*********************************
This is Part 7 of your 12 segment weekly email course which you requested on The "CELESTINE PROPHECY" and Roles We & Others Play from the book "Relationships of Conscious Love"by Robert Elias Najemy which can be found as a pdf ebook at
http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp

May you enjoy and benefit from it.
**********************************

D. Sample analysis for coping with Aloof persons:

1. What role or behavior annoys you on the part of the other?

When he remains silent and doesnıt communicate with me.

2. How do you usually react?

a. At first?

I put up with it for some time and then feel hurt and get angry. I alternately play the intimidator and the interrogator.

b. And afterwards?

I am sorry about getting angry but feel alone and cheated in this relationship and I continue to complain - I get into the role of the victim.

3. Do you almost always react in the same way, or do you sometimes react differently? What is the cause for these different ways of reacting?

When I am feeling good about myself I let him have his space without taking it personally.

4. What emotions do you have which cause you to react in those ways?

Rejection, ignored, loneliness, fear that I have done something wrong, unloved, injustice, hurt, frustration, anger.

5. What do you believe which causes you to feel that way and react in those ways?

a. When the other does not communicate with me, he does not love me, respect me, trust me or care for me.

b. When the other does not communicate with me, I have done something wrong.

c. I need to communicate with him in order to solve problems and make decisions.

d. I cannot be happy without communication.

e. I need the othersı attention in order to feel their interest and my self-worth.

f. No one cares for me.

g. I am alone in the world.

h. This is unfair and unjust.

i. If he cared for me he would communicate with me.

j. A person who is not paid attention to is lacking in self-worth.

6. How would you like to react? What would be your ideal reaction?

I would like to remember that he has a problem and is closed up because he fears being open. I want also to remember that I am not to blame for this reaction. I want to remember that I am worthy and safe and can solve my problems even if he never opens up.

I will stop pressuring him and give him space to be alone so that he will gradually begin to feel his own need for contact with me.

I will explain to him that I need and want more communication but that I see the negative results of pressuring or nagging him about it. I will also explain that I will be overjoyed if he would approach me when he feels the need to communicate more deeply, but that, until that time, I am going to start taking responsibility for my needs and my life.

I am going to stop feeling that I am to blame for his silence and am going to start engaging in various activities which fulfill me and give meaning to my life. I will also explain that I would be very happy for him to partake in any of those activities with me, should he wish.

I am going to stop waiting for him to open up and will start paying attention to my responsibilities, to my creativity, to my learning and growth process. I have so many other things in my life that can give me happiness. And when he is in the mood, I will enjoy my communication with him.

7. What would you have to believe in order to be able to react in your ideal way?

a. Life gives me exactly what I need at every moment so that I can learn my next lesson in my growth process.

b. I am not responsible for the otherıs silence.

c. He loves me and cares for me even if he cannot express it.

d. His aloofness is a result of his fears and anxieties.

e. Giving him his freedom and space, is the best way to allow his opening.

f. He is not my only source of happiness in life.

g. My self-worth is not dependent to his ability to open to me or not.

h. I can be fulfilled within myself even without some one to communicate with.

i. I can fulfill my needs by communicating with God daily.

j. I have many good friends and family members with whom to communicate.

k. Being loving, allowing his freedom and accepting him as he is, are the best ways to encourage his opening.

8. What changes do you want to make in your belief system so that you can react in your ideal way and be true to your ideals even when the other reacts in that way?

I want to free myself from all the beliefs listed in question 5 and strengthen all the beliefs in question 7.

YOUR TURN

I would suggest that you now begin to answer these questions for yourself concerning the othersı roles and behaviors, which bother you. You will get most benefit by not referring again to these samples until you have finished your analysis. You can then check the samples to see if they have something to offer you, which you might have forgotten.

(This book can be read in three ways. The first is to answer all the questionnaires as you read it. The second is to read it through once and then come back to answer the questionnaires. Here, of course, there is always the danger that, having completed the book, you will never give time to go back and answer them. The third is to read the book without answering them at all. This third possibility of course gives the least results.)

MAKING THE CHANGE

Now that we have analyzed and understood the beliefs that bind us to these mechanical reactions, we can begin to change them.

1. One very good start is to share with the others in a loving and non-critical way, what we have discovered about ourselves (Not about them). We can explain to them the changes we are going to try to make, and ask for their support in that effort. We must also be very careful not to use this knowledge egotistically, by telling the people around us what roles they are in or placing them in categories. This analysis is for our own transformation and not for controlling or hurting others.

2. Another important aid is, while in deep relaxation, to imagine ourselves being able to act in these alternative ways.

3. We can also write twenty times a day the positive beliefs we want to strengthen.

4. We may need to work on our childhood years in order to get free from some of the beliefs that were programmed into us then.

Other methods will be supplied as we go on.

To be Continued

******************************** From the book "RELATIONSHIPS OF CONSCIOUS LOVE" by Robert Elias Najemy which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from
http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ********************************

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