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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy ********************************* This is Part 3 of your 12 segment weekly email course which you requested on The "CELESTINE PROPHECY" and Roles We & Others Play from the book "Relationships of Conscious Love"by Robert Elias Najemy which can be found as a pdf ebook at http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp May you enjoy and benefit from it. ********************************** ALOOFS In the role of the aloof we distance ourselves from others, avoiding meaningful or honest emotional contact. In this way, we are less likely to be hurt or controlled by peopleıs negative emotions, requests or demands. 1. We hide from the intimidatorıs attack, the interrogatorıs inquisition and the victimıs complaints. 2. In addition to protecting our selves by distancing ourselves, and not expressing much of our selves, either positively or negatively, we also gain self-worth by making others seek out contact with us. Some of us aloofs are secretly hoping that someone will approach us and secretly desire our attention. We secretly desire their attention but cannot get free from our role enough to approach them. The approached receives energy and affirmation from the one who approaches him seeking his or her company. If the victim controls others through their feelings of responsibility and guilt, the Aloof controls others through their need for contact with or attention from him as he denies his attention and emotional exchange. We can help the aloofs in our lives by first getting free from any ideas that they are not communicating with us because we have done something wrong. If they want to wear a long silent face, let them, they have the right to. Let them have the responsibility for the reality, which they chose to create. I message to an Aloof We can then communicate with them perhaps something like this. "Dear, I have something important which I would like to express to you and if you want to answer me that would be fine. There are times in which you are silent, inexpressive or even seem sad or angry. At those times, when I do not know what you are feeling or thinking, I sometimes think that perhaps I have done something which has offended or hurt you, or perhaps you do not love me any more. I also get into thinking that you do not have enough trust in me, or do not feel close enough to me so as to share with me what you are feeling. Then I begin to doubt my self-worth as a spouse (or perhaps parent or other role). "When I see you like this and make those interpretations, then I sometimes approach you trying to find out what is happening. Sometimes you respond and others you do not. That bothers me even more. I feel hurt and believe that you do not care about me and our relationship. "I now realize that it doesnıt help to pressure you to communicate with me. I am going to try to leave that to you. I just want you to know that I love you and I want and need to know more about what you are feeling and thinking, but that I am going to leave that up to you. And if, in fact, I have done or do something that has offended or hurt you, I very much want to hear it. Do not protect me by not telling me if something I do bothers you. "I will try to leave you all the space you need to feel from within if you want to communicate with me more deeply. "Do you have anything you would like to tell me now?" POSSIBLE REACTIONS We and our loved ones may play a combination of these roles in our attempts to get what we need from others. In general we play these roles in order: 1. To protect our energy and gain more energy from others if we can. 2. To be able to control others and have their attention when we want. 3. To get what we want from others. 4. To affirm our self-worth and sense of security. 5. To protect our freedom to do what we want. 6. To prove that we are right. 7. To avoid being controlled by the other. 8. Out of habit and childhood programming. The roles we play are often in response to the roles our loved ones play. And vice verse, the roles they play are usually mirroring our roles. For example, if we play the Victim, the other may protect himself by playing the intimidator so we do not get what we want. Or he or she may play the interrogator so as to change the balance of power between us. Or a third may play the aloof and protect him or her self by simply ignoring us. If we play the Interrogator, the other may play the same role as we go on and one like lawyers, trying to prove the other wrong. Or he or she might play the victim so we will stop. Another might become aloof and ignore us so as to find his or her peace. Or he or she might become an intimidator to stop us. If we play the Intimidator, the other may play the same role as we fight a battle to the death to see who will get his or her way. Or he or she may play the interrogator and defuse our weapons by making us answer to his criticism. Another may play the victim so that we will have mercy or feel guilty and stop. The aloof will find his peace by ignoring us. If we play the Aloof, the other may do the same and we will simply never communicate. More likely, however, he or she will play the intimidator or interrogator in order to get our attention by addressing themselves to our fears and need for approval. Victims may try to get our attention by playing on our guilt. When we use the words "playing these roles", we do not mean that we are consciously playing them but rather that they have become subconscious mechanical reactions which function automatically. To be Continued ******************************** From the book "RELATIONSHIPS OF CONSCIOUS LOVE" by Robert Elias Najemy which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ******************************** B> ********* Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Click to subscribe/unsubscribe to Clarity E-zine May you be well on all levels of your being.
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