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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy ********************************* This is Part 2 of your 12 segment weekly email course which you requested on The "CELESTINE PROPHECY" and Roles We & Others Play from the book "Relationships of Conscious Love"by Robert Elias Najemy which can be found as a pdf ebook at http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp May you enjoy and benefit from it. ********************************** INTIMIDATORS Others of us play the role of the Intimidator. 1. As intimidators we control others by making them fear us. We keep them from requesting from us or controlling us in any way, by making them afraid to approach us. We do this by shouting, intimidating, accusing, threatening perhaps even physical violence. We use other people¹s fear and self doubt to control them. 2. For us the others are always wrong and, if they do not start shaping up, we have every right to punish them. We are simultaneously the police, judge, jury and execution squad. 3. Another benefit we gain in this role is that we never have to look at our selves or change anything about our selves, as "we are perfect" and the others are all wrong. Now some can combine the role of the victim and the interrogator and thus get the double benefit being right for two reasons. The misconception here is that whoever is the victim is right and whoever is angry is right. Thus, in order to cope with the intimidators in our lives, we will need to overcome our fear. This fear has its basis in childhood when a shouting parent was a real threat for many reasons. First of all, there might be punishment and thus emotional or physical pain. Secondly, all our security and survival were dependent on this person who was shouting and intimidating us. Thirdly, if this person was shouting in such a belittling way, this must mean that we are wrong, evil, a bad child, and thus not worthy of love and respect. Now, even as full grown adults our subconscious reaction tends to be fear and self-doubt when someone shouts at or accuses or intimidates us. I have seen comic situations a small-sized woman intimidates a man twice her size with her threats. I message to an Intimidator A possible communication with an intimidator might be the following. "I need to discuss something with you. You know, there are times when I am afraid of you. When you raise your voice and threaten me, you stimulate old fears from my childhood years. When that happens, I back down from confrontation with you. I retreat from confrontation suppressing my needs and sometimes my values. When this happens I lose my self-respect, and feel injustice and then angry at you. My heart closes and my love for you diminishes. There are even times when I think of revenge. "With the way you act, you may get what you want from me at that moment, but you lose my love and respect. "I have decided to try to overcome my fear and be more honest with you. I am going to try to express my needs and values even when you shout or intimidate me. "I would like to ask for your help with this effort. "I am very interested in helping you fulfill your needs. I believe that we can both get what we want together. I would like to ask you to express your needs without threatening me. Simply tell me what you need from me. I, in response, will also express my needs to you. I believe we can find solutions without my fearing you and retreating when you threaten me. "How do you feel about this idea?" INTERROGATORS Others of us prefer the role of the Interrogator. 1. In this role we control others by addressing ourselves to their need for our approval. We do this by criticizing, doubting, giving advice and, in general, creating doubt about the others¹ ability or correctness in what they are doing. We are always ready to criticize how they have done something, or question why they have done it in a particular way. 2. We get their attention and can control them by making them answer to our questions about what they are doing. We play the game of who is right or more knowledgeable. If we want to free ourselves from the interrogators in our lives, we will need to get free from the need for their acceptance or approval. We will need self-acceptance and self-confidence. I message to an Interrogator One possible communication with an Interrogator could be the following. "Dear, I would like to discuss with you a problem which I have with our communication. I feel myself continuously in the position of answering to your questions and doubts about what I am doing. I feel that you are frequently correcting and doubting me. This puts me on the defensive and sometimes I get into the role of the victim and at others I become an intimidator, or do the same to you and become your interrogator. "This way of communicating saddens me. I believe that we can communicate much more honestly and harmoniously. For this reason, I am going to try to accept myself even when you have doubts and criticize. I am going to stop answering your questions and apologizing to your accusations. I am going to try to be happy even when you are not satisfied with me and when you criticize or accuse me. "Please do not misunderstand this. I love you and want you to be happy and want us to be happy together, but we cannot be happy this way, with your playing the lawyer and my playing the guilty one. I cannot lose my self-respect any more in this game. "I want you to know that I love you even when I do not try to get you to agree with what I do. "How do you feel about this?" To be Continued ******************************** From the book "RELATIONSHIPS OF CONSCIOUS LOVE" by Robert Elias Najemy which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ******************************** B> ********* Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Click to subscribe/unsubscribe to Clarity E-zine May you be well on all levels of your being.
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