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Dear Friend,
May this find you well and happy ********************************* This is Part 1 of your 12 segment weekly email course which you requested on The "CELESTINE PROPHECY" and Roles We & Others Play from the book "Relationships of Conscious Love"by Robert Elias Najemy which can be found as a pdf ebook at http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp May you enjoy and benefit from it. ********************************** From the book "RELATIONSHIPS OF CONSCIOUS LOVE" by Robert Elias Najemy. Having grown up in unique environments, experiencing different messages about ourselves, others and life, each of us has developed a personality with differing needs, desires, beliefs, habits, attachments and roles which we play. Many of the behaviors we have developed are defense mechanisms, or ways of thinking and acting, which we hope will protect us from various dangers. Some people have "introverted" defense mechanisms that cause them to retreat into themselves, or into some kind of non-inclusive activity, when they are not feeling safe. Others become aggressive, antagonistic or competitive when they do not feel safe. These various ways in which we have been programmed to react to situations, especially those which threaten us, make up to a great extent the basic fabric of our interpersonal conflicts. Such automatic defensive reactions create conflict with others, especially if their methods of "coping" clash with ours. When we free ourselves from these mechanical reactions, and act consciously, we will have much greater chances of harmony and real communication. The best seller "The Celestine Prophecy" has successfully described a simplified analysis of these coping mechanisms. The author, James Redfield, has simplified the various coping mechanisms into four roles. Let us take a brief look at these roles, which we and our loved ones might get locked into as we battle for energy, self-affirmation, security and control. We must keep clear in our minds that most of us play all of these roles to some degree. We might play the "victim" with one person and the "intimidator" with another. Or we might be both the interrogator and victim with the same person. Also our relationship partners will embody a combination of these roles. VICTIMS The role of Victim (poor me) is a favorite with many of us. There are so many benefits we can ensure by playing the role of the victim. 1. We automatically gain self-worth. Follow this reasoning closely. As a victim, we are the one to whom injustice is being done. Thus the others are unjust, incorrect, not okay, wrong in what they do and consequently we are just, okay, good and right. We are worthy and they are not. Many of us, who do not have sufficient self-esteem, find this as the only way we can establish our self-worth, by being the victims of others¹ wrong doings. 2. As victims we can play on the others pity and guilt. When they are angry at us, we can diminish their rage and aggression by playing the weak abused person. When we want something from some one, we can play on their guilt, by making them feel to blame for our unhappiness or our problems. 3. We "as victims" are not responsible for our reality and thus not to blame if we or our lives are not in good condition. We have an excuse for not being okay or manifesting our potential. Thus, as victims, we gain what we want from the others, by making them feel responsible for our reality, and by making ourselves seem weak, incapable and in need of help. When confronted with loved ones who are playing the role of victim, we need to free ourselves from the illusion that they are so weak and incapable, and that we are responsible for their reality or that we can create their happiness, health or success in life. We need to express our love to them in ways that they can feel it, without getting caught up in feeling responsible or guilty for their reality. This requires a combination of love, effective communication and clarity of mind. We need to help them find another way of getting what they need. A way free from self-pity and unnecessary suffering. The victim is "needs" to being unhappy. He or she will find daily reasons not to be happy. Those reasons also need frequently to imply that the others around them are to blame. The victim finds it difficult to say, "what a wonderful day it is", or "how happy I am", or "thank you for being such a nice person to me" (unless you are new in their lives, and "different from all the insensitive people" already in their lives). A possible honest communication with a Victim might go something like this. I message to a Victim "Dear, I want you to know that I love and care for you and want very much for you to be happy and healthy and satisfied in your life. I want that very much. However, I am beginning to realize that I cannot create that for you. I realize now that I have been feeling responsible for your reality and some times guilty because you are not as happy and satisfied as we would both like you to be. "I now realize that I do not help you by feeling responsible or guilty. These feelings just make me angry with you because you do not do what you could be doing to create a happier life for yourself. Also you do not see how wonderful your life really is, when you focus on what you do not have, rather than all the wonderful things you do have. "Thus I am no longer going to try to create your happiness or get your approval through your expression of satisfaction. I am going to love you and offer you whatever I can, without doing more than I believe I should and without getting angry with you because you are not satisfied. "Is there something you would like to share with me concerning this?" To be Continued ******************************** From the book "RELATIONSHIPS OF CONSCIOUS LOVE" by Robert Elias Najemy which can be downloaded as an ebook pdf file or ordered from http://HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp ******************************** B> ********* Membership is free and you can access 600 articles, chapters and ebooks for free.Become a Member********* Our Free ezine Claritygreater health, happiness and harmonious relationships. Click to subscribe/unsubscribe to Clarity E-zine May you be well on all levels of your being.
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