The Psychology of Happiness

Concepts for a Happier more Harmonious life

Published every 7th and 21st of the month

June 21st , 2004 Circulation 2900 Issue # 65

Focus - Overcoming Loneliness - Part 2

• * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

• * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/

• * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

• * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

• ************************************************

EXTREMELY BENEFICIAL AND INTERESTING MEDIA

• ************************************************

1. Free Audio clips with Lectures and relaxation techniques:

Download them for free at

http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/audioclips/index.asp

• ************************************************

2. Free Articles on health, happiness, relationships, communication, etc.:

Download them for free at

http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ezines/index.asp

• ************************************************

3. Books and ebooks at:

Download or order them at

http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebookscb/index.asp

• ************************************************

4. Learn About Energy Psychology at:

Download information for free at

http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/eft/index.asp

• ************************************************

5. Become Trained as a Life Coach over the internet at:

http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/introholisticcoach.asp

• ************************************************

6. Free Teleclasses and lectures as audio files:

Download information for free at

http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/teleclasses/index.asp

• ************************************************

7. Free email courses

http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/courses/index.asp

• * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

FACING AND OVERCOMING LONELINESS

- part 2

click here to read part 1 of this article on site:

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity64.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

METHODS OF FACING AND OVERCOMING LONELINESS

• * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

1. Thomas Merton has said, "Depression is the height of self-indulgence." Although his statement is obviously a generalization and there are clearly other causes of depression, some chemical and /or environmental, there is some degree of truth here. We tend to feel lonely and depressed when our attention is focused on ourselves, our problems, our unfulfilled needs and desires, our sense of injustice, and our unhappiness. Basically, depression becomes stronger when we are unhappy with what we are or what we have and feel helpless to change them. Depression is an extreme form of loneliness in which nothing brings us happiness. But, what about the others? We might benefit by thinking about how many other people are lonely, blind, handicapped, widowed, orphaned, seriously ill, mentally retarded, poor, homeless or on the verge of starvation. If we do this for a moment, we will instantly recognize how egotistical our feeling of loneliness is. We can realize everyone feels lonely and desires more contact with others at some point in life.

Rather than concern ourselves with what others can offer us, we can think about what we can offer others who need us.

2. We can approach others rather than wait for others to approach us. This requires us to overcome any blockages or complexes that prevent us from easily approaching others. Some of these may be:

a. A fear of rejection, if we put ourselves in the position of the one who opens up first to the other.

b. A fear that we are not lovable or acceptable to others.

c. A feeling of pride; we cannot approach the other, but the other must approach us.

d. A feeling that we have nothing to offer others.

e. A feeling of superiority which makes us look down on others, consider them unworthy of our company, or fear the loss of our self worth if we keep company with them.

f. A lack of love and patience on our part.

g. A general fear and mistrust of others.

We must overcome such programmings, open our hearts and allow more harmonious contact with others.

3. Remember that everyone needs love, affection and caring. In remembering this, we realize that our need is legitimate. On the other hand, we also realize that everyone around us desires the same thing, and thus we are no longer afraid or too proud to approach them.

4. When walking the street or circulating in public, we can look into others’ eyes, smile and nod our head, acknowledging their presence. We can focus on feeling our contact with others. When we talk to someone, we can look into his or her eyes, and focus on the real self behind those eyes. We can remind ourselves that all the personalities we know are actually immortal spirits presently occupying physical bodies.

5. We can develop a relationship with our inner Self which exists before and after our short physical life. This is who we are when all fear subsides and we become aware of an inner voice, inner strength, and inner power. When all emotions and thoughts subside, we are in a state of being rather than becoming. This is the part of ourselves which feels whole and complete in the present moment and is not overcome with bitterness about the past and expectancy or anxiety about the future. This inner self is in a state of latent potentiality just as the almond tree is latently potential within the almond seed. We simply need to nourish and attend to it, so that it may grow stronger within us. Some ways in which we can nourish this inner self are through self-analysis, recording our dreams, prayer, meditation and creative self-expression. Techniques such as physical exercises, breathing techniques and deep relaxation may help to calm the disturbances of the mind so that the presence of the inner self is more deeply felt.

6. When we develop a relationship with the power, which we might call God, life or nature, that organizes and sustains the universe and even our own particular body, then we seldom feel alone anymore. That power or being is present wherever we are. Loneliness disappears when truth is experienced just as darkness disappears when a light is turned on. According to some philosophies, it is difficult to distinguish between our own inner self and this power: they are sometimes considered to be the same, i.e., the "God within us". It is a matter of personal preference as to whether we choose to develop a relationship with this divine power as something outside or inside ourselves. In either case, we considerably reduce loneliness by realizing that we are always in the presence of, and in relationship to, the Divine Being which is omnipresent in all beings and creation.

7. We can join with others who have similar interests. As we grow, we may find that our old contacts no longer satisfy us to the same degree. Our interests and needs may have changed while theirs may have remained the same. Thus, we may need to seek out new contacts with common interests. This can be done to the extent that it does not prevent us from fulfilling our duty to our family. Our family is our responsibility, which we cannot ignore, but we can choose our friends according to our interests and needs. One reason we may feel lonely is that we are seeking to make contacts with people who do not share our ways of thinking and feeling. Rather than look for some specific person to fill our loneliness, it might be better to join together with a group of other people who are pursuing similar goals. We will be in the presence of people with whom we can communicate.

8. We can face loneliness by arranging to be alone some days each year. One of the most effective ways to overcome the fear of something is to confront that which we fear. If we fear loneliness, we can arrange occasionally to be alone and get to know ourselves. In this way, we can learn to love, accept, and respect ourselves. We can discover our inner fullness. We can take a more objective look at how we are doing, where we are going, and what we want to do with our lives in the near future. Many of us run around like madmen chasing after so called "necessities" without stopping to ask, "Is it absolutely necessary? Is it worth it? Is there any other way to achieve that which I want from life?" Occasionally retreating from our daily activities at some home or hotel in the countryside can give us the deep rest and perspective we need in order to put order and clarity into our lives.

In conclusion, we all feel loneliness or incompleteness to a certain extent. This feeling is increased by our sense of insecurity, vulnerability, mistrust of others, and lack of self-confidence and self-acceptance. On the other hand, the world situation contributes to those feelings, creating an epidemic of alienation and loneliness. We try to assuage those feelings by owning objects, pursuing sensual pleasure, creating relationships, belonging to organizations, seeking knowledge, and burying ourselves in work and creative self-expression. These activities bring momentary relief from that unpleasant empty feeling, but do not eradicate it completely.

Only Self- knowledge or the experience of unity our Divine Source can completely satisfy that need within us. We can work towards that goal while, at the same time, opening ourselves up to others more and more, as we develop greater inner security, self-confidence, self-knowledge and love for all beings - including ourselves.

• * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Visit us at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com or subscribe:

• You are receiving this biweekly newsletter because you have become a member of the Holistic Harmony Network or you or a friend have requested a subscription for you.

To subscribe go to:

http://www.holisticharmony.com/smusermanager/login.asp?action=maillist

To be removed from our list send us an email to

unsubscribe@holisticharmony.com

with the word åRemove" as the subject.

• * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

May you be well and happy