|
+++ Back To CLARITY +++ Back to Index +++
CLARITY The Psychology of Happiness Concepts for a Happier more Harmonious life Published every 7th and 21st of the month December 7 , 2003 Circulation 2200 Issue # 52 Focus - HELPING OTHERS TO DEPART PEACEFULLY AND CONSCIOUSLY Part 2 We suggest that you read part 1 Forward or Print and share this with those who will benefit. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You can view this and previous issues with greater ease by clicking here http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You are receiving this because you have requested it. Removal instructions are at the end. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * All articles are by Robert Elias Najemy, unless stated otherwise * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * HELPING OTHERS TO DEPART PEACEFULLY AND CONSCIOUSLY Part 2 From the book Mystical Circle of Life at: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * C) THE PSYCHOLOGICAL STAGES ONE EXPERIENCES AS HE FACES DEATH According to Elizabeth K?bler-Ross there are five basic psychological states which an individual may pass through as he faces his death. It is not necessary that each person will pass through all these stages. Some of the earlier stages may be skipped, while some of the latter ones may not even be arrived at before the person departs. Some patients may experience more than one of these stages simultaneously. She also points out that all of us go through these stages when we experience the loss of anything important in our lives. For example we too, go through the same stages when we are about to lose a loved one, or any other loved object such as a hous, a job, a car, or anything else which might be important to us. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 1) STAGE I : DENIAL * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The first reaction to the «bad news» is to deny its validity. The person is unable to accept this fact. The shock is too great and he or she protects himself or herself by denying it to be true. He may seek out other medical diagnosis in order to find someone who will verify his denial. A person in this state is perfectly capable of ignoring obvious facts and medical tests. He is able «not to believe» the most expert medical advice, and is not at all interested in discussing death, or any matters practical or spiritual, which may be related to it. This denial acts as a buffer that allows the individual to adjust inwardly so that eventually he can openly deal with this most unacceptable reality. This type of reaction usually appears in the early stages, when the patient has just been informed of the probable closeness to death. We use the word «probable» because no one can ever be sure that a person will die. Many people have been given one year to live, and have lived ten or twenty more years. Miracles do happen. This denial reaction occurs more frequently when the patient is informed by a doctor or someone not so closely related to the patient. The denial rarely continues until the end. Most patients manage to pass through it onto the other stages. This need avoid the truth is sometimes dependent on the need for denial on the part of the patient¢s relatives and friends. If they are not able to handle accepting the situation and facing it, he too is handicapped in his psychological progress. We must remember that all those who are extremely close to the denying patient will also be going through these stages. They are losing something they love and depend on, just as he is. What should our reaction be during the denial stage? We must allow the patient the freedom to continue with the denial stage as long as he needs to, in order to prepare for the next stages. We may, however, give occasional hints that we are able and ready to face the situation whenever he is. Without pushing him in any way, we can occasionally test his willingness to examine the possibilities of the reality of his impending death. We may also look for his hidden and subtle clues that he would like to talk about his feelings about losing all these people, things and situations that he loves and is attached to. Until the patient is able to open up to the reality of the situation, we can look for other ways in which to make him cheerful, such as bringing him interesting books, music or other activities. In some hospitals they have arts and crafts programs so that those who are able can use their time creatively making things. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 2) STAGE II : ANGER * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * When the individual is no longer able to deny the possibility of his impending departure, he is often filled with a certain resentment, bitterness and feeling of injustice which may express itself as anger. He finds it completely unfair and unjust that he, who has tried so hard, who has conducted his life properly, who is still so young, who has not yet had a chance to enjoy the fruits of his efforts, who still has responsibilities to perform, must now suddenly so quickly leave all this behind, and proceed to the unknown world of death. He has worked so hard to create certain situations in his life; money, a house, car, projects, dreams for the future. And now all that seems to be disappearing as if he is waking up from a dream or perhaps entering a nightmare. He is disappointed, frustrated and angry with the world, with his doctors, with his family. He is angry with God, who could be so cruel as to allow this to happen. Many, in fact, lose their faith in God at this time. They cannot accept that a just God would allow such unjust things to happen. This is true not only of those who are about to die, but also of those who are losing or have lost a loved one. They become angry with God, and often doubt His existence, and the existence of a Divine Plan, that can allow such injustice to exist. But our vision is rather shortsighted and subjectively distorted. We are forgetting some basic spiritual realities. a) The spirit continues after death and exists in an environment much more pleasant and rewarding than the earthly environment that it is leaving. b) We, as spirits, have decided even before we entered into these bodies when we would be leaving them. It is our own past and present actions that determine our moment of death; not some mean and insensitive God sitting in Heaven. c) Death is often a spiritual blessing both for he who is leaving and for those who are left behind. He who is leaving will be free of the spiritual blindness created by the physical body. Those who are left behind are being tested emotionally, mentally and spiritually as to how much faith and inner strength they have. They will grow stronger by now finding the inner security to replace the outer security they are losing as their loved one leaves them. The security or pleasure they once found through their loved one, they are now forced to find within themselves or in their relationship with God. d) Divine Wisdom is seldom understood by the average mind. It must be accepted on faith. Gradually, as we evolve spiritually, and the blinding effect of material attachment decreases, we are able to see the beautiful wisdom of this incredibly intricate plan, which always gives us exactly what we need in order to grow spiritually. We will seldom see this truth when we are passing through these difficult tests, but years later we may realize the truth of the statement that, «A problem never comes to us without a gift in its hand». Regardless of these particular truths, the patient and his loved ones will find it difficult not to feel some moments of anger at the injustice of it all. This causes the patient to become rather aggressive and demanding, argumentative and seldom satisfied with whatever one may do for him. In a way he is saying, «I ¢m still here, I haven¢t died yet - pay attention to me». He may not say it in these words, but basically he wants attention. His anger is not about a particular issue or anything we might have done or not done. He is angry about his situation and simply needs a place to discharge his frustration. The most likely targets are his loved ones, and the doctors and nurses. How can we react to our loved one when he is in this state? The first thing we must do is to put ourselves in his position; to imagine that we are him and that we are about to lose all these things we have loved, dreamed of, and worked so hard for. Immediately our compassion and patience will increase. He needs attention, patience and love. We can simply listen to his negativity and perhaps even accusations without reacting. This may be enough. He may find release in just being able to express his complaints to someone. This, for us, will be a great spiritual opportunity to not identify with our egos, and not take anything that he might say personally. We can imagine that he is talking about someone else and thus not get ego involved. We may also practice active listening in which we try to deeply understand what our loved one is feeling. We continue to «feed back» to him what we believe we hear him saying in order to get reaffirmation from him that this is what he means. This kind of communication can often help the patient get a clear look at his feelings and work through them. Basically, in this stage, our loved one needs an opportunity to communicate with someone who is not emotionally involved, and who is patient, loving and compassionate. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 3) STAGE III : BARGAINING * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * For most, the stage of anger gradually passes. At that point the dying person may enter into the bargaining stage. Here he tries to bargain in two basic ways. a) He bargains with the doctors and loved ones in order to be allowed to have some last pleasurable and enjoyable experiences; even though these activities may be contraindicated by the therapy in process. b) He may try to bargain with God for more time to fulfill his goals and desires before he finally has to leave. When our loved one is interested in enjoying some last activities before leaving the physical plane, we can try to do whatever is in our power to help him, as long as these activities do not seriously impair his chances to get well again. He may want to eat a favorite but now forbidden food, or go on a journey to a place he has always wished to see, or visit someone he loves dearly. We cannot underestimate the healing power of pleasant and happy experiences. Laughter and love are more healing than many drugs. The patient often has an inner wisdom as to what is good for him, and we should respect that. When the dying person is interested in seeking more time from God, we can use this excellent opportunity to help him develop greater contact with, and faith in, God. We can pray together with him each day. We can teach him how to relax his mind and concentrate it on imagining the divine healing light energy into his body and flowing to the organs which need healing. We can help him to visualize his chosen form of God and to feel a closeness or union. We can read to him case histories of people who have cured themselves through faith in God or through positive mental projection techniques. A cassette can be created which will guide the individual into deeply relaxed states and towards positive mental visualization or communication with the Divine. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 4) STAGE IV : DEPRESSION * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * If the bargaining doesn¢t seem to be bringing results, the patient may soon enter into the stage of «depression» as he finally faces the fact that most probably will soon be leaving his body. According to K?bler-Ross there are two types of depression: a. Reactory Depression which is based on not being able to perform functions or responsibilities. For example the patient may be depressed that he is not able to earn money for the family, or look after the childrenor the business or some other function. In response to this type of depression, our best action is to try to help to find practical solutions to these problems. We can try to find ways in which this person can fulfill these functions from his bed in spite of his illness. This is sometimes the preferable solution because it allows the patient to feel useful and gives him more incentive to live. If it is not possible for him to continue fulfilling his responsibilities, then our next goal is to find a way in which they can be performed by someone else. Then at least the patient will be able to relax that his responsibilities will be cared for. This type of depression is based on a concern for the others and what will happen to them. The other kind of depression is based on the unpleasant feeling of losing everything and requires a different type of reaction. b) Preparatory Depression is a natural type of unhappiness based on the fact that the patient is now experiencing many losses. He may have lost practically all his money on hospital and medical bills. He has lost his dignity, his job, and is about to lose his spouse, children, parents, relatives, friends, possessions and even his physical body. This depression is a preparatory stage in which he gradually faces these losses and learns to accept them. If he does not face them and experience the pain of separation from them, then he will never be able to enter the last stage of accepting what was previously unacceptable. In this stage he does not need to be «cheered-up» but rather allowed to face, experience and live his pain; so that he may eventually accept it. We may listen, nod our head, sympathize with his condition, and share his pain of separation from all that he has loved and depended on for his sense of security, happiness and meaningfulness in life. He will gradually pass through this preparatory depression and arrive to the stage of acceptance. In these latter stages, our presence and loving contact through meaningful glances and gentle strokes are much more important than superficial conversations. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 5) STAGE V : ACCEPTANCE * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * After passing through the depression, the patient is tired. He is more relaxed and perhaps weaker physically and mentally. His energies are not so much directed toward holding on to life any more but rather more towards making a smooth and peaceful departure. He begins to prepare himself, to detach himself from those around him. He wants less contact with people; first with those less close to him and gradually his circle of contact gets smaller and smaller. Towards the end he may choose only one or two very close loved ones as his only remaining contacts. His circle of interest diminishes on all levels. He is not so interested in the material world and what is going on in it any more. He feels more and more distant from all those happenings. He, in many cases, will begin to have experiences of the world to come. He may pass over in his dreams and experience the wonderful after-death states. He may be visited by spirit forms of loved ones who have passed away and are now coming to help him with the transition. He will prefer to sleep more and more or simply to stare off into space. He will not want to talk so much any more. At this time he needs more non-verbal communication. He may dose off to sleep, and we may sit there with our hand on his, or stroke his forehead, or simply sit silent enjoying the deep peace and serenity of a person who has entered this state. We may sit in meditation and visualize the white light surrounding and protecting him. We may pray to God to help and guide him. When he opens his eyes, we are there with a smile, saying with our eyes, «I love you, I am with you, don¢t worry about anything». If he wants to talk about his experiences, it might be enjoyable for all concerned. He may have news from relatives who have passed on. These contacts will bring peace not only to the dying patient but also to us, who will have our faith bolstered by these spiritual contacts. Do not imagine that the person in coma is not aware of what is happening or being said in the room. He is most likely hovering in the energy body over the physical body completely aware of what is going on in the room and how each person is feeling. His consciousness is simply not connected with the physical body and with the conscious mind. When a person enters this last stage of «acceptance», his room becomes a shrine filled with spiritual vibrations. Let us enter it with the respect and joy worthy of such an environment. Let us not fill the air with sorrow, crying, fear and attachment. Our loved one has accepted his departure and we should be happy that he will be experiencing blissful states of consciousness soon. Let us let go of our own fear and attachment and allow these last moments to be filled with peace, love and joy. The dying one will be able thus to leave much more comfortably. During the stage of acceptance those who are being left behind usually need more help than the one who is departing. Elizabeth K?bler-Ross gives an example of a woman who had faced her death and wanted to be able to die n peace, but was frustrated by her husband¢s inability to accept the fact that she could actually want to leave him. First, Elizabeth reports her interview with the woman: «She said that the only reason that kept her still alive was her husband¢s inability to accept the fact that she had to die. She was angry at him for not facing it and for so desperately clinging on to something that she was willing and ready to give up. I translated to her that she wished to detach herself from this world and she nodded gratefully as I left her alone». And then the interview with the husband: «When I asked him about the patient¢s needs rather than his own, he sat in silence. He slowly began to realize that he never listened to her needs but took it for granted that they were the same. He could not comprehend that a patient reaches a point when death comes as a great relief, and that patients die easier if they are allowed and helped to detach themselves slowly from all the meaningful relationships in their lives». We have another case that comes from Dr. Moody¢s files concerning an elderly lady close to death: « I was with my elderly aunt during her last illness, which was very drawn out. I helped take care of her, and all that time everyone was praying for her to regain her health. She stopped breathing several times. but they brought her back. Finally, one day she looked at me and said, «Jean, I have been over there, over to the beyond, and it is beautiful over there. I want to stay, but I can¢t as long as you keep praying for me to stay with you. Your prayers are holding me over here. Please don¢t pray any more! We did all stop, and shortly after that she died». Thus we can see that our own attachments can disturb the natural dying process in these last stages, when the individual himself has been able to make peace with the reality of his departure. We must be careful to avoid this if at all possible. Sometimes a complete stranger, who is sensitive and who has experienced in facing death with people, can be useful guide during these last moments. He cannot, of course replace the closest loved ones during these last moments. He can, however, offer a refreshing, concerned but unattached presence who is familiar with and unafraid of the emotions of facing death. I have had the opportunity to play this role a number of times in the past years and it has always been a beautiful and growing experience for me. I always learned much from those beautiful people with whom I shared their last days on earth. Some of you, who are reading this book, might find yourselves called upon at some time to play this role. You will be able to offer peace, clarity and comfort to the dying one and his loved ones. If you are called upon to play such a role in the future, and the individual involved is able and willing to openly face death, you may find some of the following points useful. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * From the book "THE MYSTICAL CIRCLE OF LIFE" http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp by Robert Elias Najemy * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Testimonials About our Life Coach Training For testimonials at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/#2 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You can benefit by removing the energy fields of negativity and fear with Energy Psychology as described in the book Free to be Happy with Energy Psychology. (Also titled Remove Pain.) http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/eft/index.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Free email courses * * * * * * * * * * We have created for you FREE email Courses for improving your health, relationships, self esteem, love, forgiveness, happiness etc. Go to http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/courses/index.asp and click on the courses you would like to follow and you will receive one lesson a week for free. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * SEE IMAGES FROM OUR CENTER AND SEMINARS at http://www.holisticharmony.com/Myrrinounda/index.asp Over 85 photos for your interest * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You can view a shorter version of the EFT tapping procedure by downloading the file http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/EFT-Short-version.mov (File size 2.2 MB - Right Click to download to your computer) View this with QuickTime and leave in original size in order to see details. For more information about how to do EFT, go to: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/eft/index.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ebooks by Robert Elias Najemy View them at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp 1. Universal Philosophy 2. The Art of Meditation 3. Contemporary Parables 4. The Mystical Circle of Life 5. Relationships of Conscious Love 6. The Miracles of Love and Wisdom 7. Remove Pain - Physical and Emotional with Energy Psychology by Tapping on Acupuncture Points 8. Saram ? The Adventures of a Soul and Insight into the Male Psyche And available also at bookstores near you and also on our site 9. The Psychology of Happiness http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * => 1. Guided Relaxation CD's and cassettes * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Guided Relaxation CD's and cassettes You can order them at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/store/cassettes.html Relaxation CD no. 1 with four guided relaxations for only $8 1. Light Healing - This wonderful relaxation guides through the process of filling your body and mind with light, and thus bringing healing and rejuvenating energy into all your being and especially those areas which need help 2. Self Acceptance - We all need to increase our self-esteem and self-confidence. In this relaxation we cultivate feelings of love and acceptance towards ourselves and others. We also focus on self-confidence. 3. Inner Security - In this relaxation we imagine ourselves in situations which in the past have caused us to fear or feel anxiety but now we visualize and feel ourselves with inner peace, self-confidence, inner security while in touch with or dealing with that situation. 4. Inner Guidance - We focus on any particular question or dilemma and move through a process which allows us to get guidance on that issue. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Relaxation CD no. 2 with four guided relaxations for only $8 1. Inner Security - In this relaxation we imagine ourselves in situations which in the past have caused us to fear or feel anxiety but now we visualize and feel ourselves with inner peace, self-confidence, inner security while in touch with or dealing with that situation. 2. Inner Guidance - We focus on any particular question or dilemma and move through a process which allows us to get guidance on that issue. 3. Improving Relationships - We bring to mind a person with whom we would like to improve our relationship or communication and visualize ourselves loving this person and communicating openly and honestly. We create the mental image of a positive relationship. 4. Decision Making - This is also a wonderful relaxation in which we take a trip into nature to discover three doors each of which represents a possible future depending on the decision we have to make. We sense how we feel with each decision and then contact our higher self for further guidance. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * - - - - - - s t a r t - - - - - - Please rate this Ezine at the Cumuli Ezine Finder http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/ra22185.rate http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/ra22185.rate"> AOL Users - - - - - - e n d - - - - - - - * * * * * Incredible Offer * * * * * NEW Announcing An Amazing Comprehensive CD from Holistic Harmony Network with 1. All nine ebooks by Robert Elias Najemy on CD You get the following for FREE 2. Hundreds of articles free (almost all of our site) 3. Free eCourses 4. Free Video Clip on how to perform EFT with Gary Craig, 5. An audio deep relaxation "Light Healing" for those whose computers support it.- click below to learn more! http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/holisticharmonycd.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ***** MEMBER INTERACTION ***** Share with us your ways of understanding life. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Recommend Clarity - The Psychology of Happiness to a friend! http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/clarity.ezine http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/clarity.ezine"> AOL Users Click Here * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ***** - SPECIAL OFFER - ***** ** This book has enhanced over 20,000 lives ** A 40% DISCOUNT "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Elias Najemy Click here http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html Thus you will be receiving the book at your home for only $ 10.80 plus $ 5 shipping = $ 15.80 or from Amazon.com at 30% discount http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The Psychology of Happiness by Robert Elias Najemy The Psychology of Happiness penetrates to the heart of the subject of human happiness in a deep and yet simple, clear and understandable manner. It offers a variety of techniques, questionnaires and guidelines for creating happiness. It covers many subjects including: Psychology of Evolution, Managing Emotions, Overcoming Fear, Loving Ourselves, Facing Loneliness, Stages of Love, Reconciling Inner Conflicts, Healing Our Inner Child, Forgiveness and Freedom, Coping with the Death of Loved Ones. Included are 23 case histories - real life situations and the possible lessons, which we can learn from such and similar situations. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Over 100,000 of Robert E. Najemy's 19 books have been sold in Greek, an impressive number considering the small population and reading tendencies of the Greek public. Some are translated into Portuguese, Persian, Polish, Arabic and German. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * SEMINARS For information about ongoing and also weekend seminars in the following areas email us or call the following numbers GREECE: (in Greek) - Continuously - call 210 6818220 or 210 6818151 CYPRUS: (Greek) call 5- 431616 or 2-772808 or 9 626198 LEBANON (in English) call 03 819818 USA: If you are interested email us at ren@holisticharmony.com If you would like to organize a seminar in your area or If you are interested in attending a seminar in English at our retreat Center in Greece, communicate with us at ren@holisticharmony.com * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Visit us at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com or subscribe: * You are receiving this biweekly newsletter because you have become a member of the Holistic Harmony Network or you or a friend have requested a subscription for you. to subscribe or unsubscribe go to: http://www.holisticharmony.com/smusermanager/login.asp?action=maillist Careful because the same button adds or removes you. Just click once and be sure that it has performed the function you want. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Those of you who are being confronted with serious Life Issues at this time are encouraged to try out our Life Clarification Process at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Articles in this and previous issues can be viewed at http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Again we wish for you to be well and hope that you will care for yourself and your loved ones. |
