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CLARITY
The Psychology of Happiness
Concepts for a Happier more Harmonious life
Published every 7th and 21st of the month
August 7th, 2003 Circulation 2100 Issue # 44

Focus - Learning Life's Lessons- part 1

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All articles are by Robert Elias Najemy, unless stated otherwise

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Past issues of Clarity - links - see below

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Dear Friends,

May this find you well.

Some of you have expressed an interest in joining our Life Coach Training which will be starting in October 2003 when we will send you your first lesson.

We are pacing a few testimonials here so that you can get an idea of the course. More will be explained in the next two issues.

We have trainees from all over the world including the USA, Australia, England, India, Croatia, Cyprus, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, Sweden and Greece.

This has been wonderfully satisfying experience for those who have participated and one in which all learn much about ourselves as well as how to effectively help others.

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Testimonials About our Life Coach Training

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The first stage of the Life Coach course has taught me more than I could ever imagine. I learned so much about myself and why I react the way I do...and about others and their emotions. I can't wait to start the second stage.
Michele Murphy (USA)(Female)

I have found the course excellent in terms of content as well as structure. It treats the entire subject of human relationships - and why they fail, and what can be done to enhance them - in a manner that is direct and concise while at the same time not lacking in any way. It is a revelation, in more ways than one, of the cause-and-effect nature of the workings of the human mind that produce different kinds of realities or relationship situations. Understanding the subject and the process, and putting it into practice, leads to greater harmony. It actually expands your consciousness!!!
Thanks once again, Robert.
Vivian
(Indian)(Male)

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LEARNING LIFE?S LESSONS - part 1

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The ultimate question in all of any psychological search is "what is my lesson here?" "What do I need to learn from this situation which is limiting my happiness or my effective functioning?"

Throughout the book, we have presented you with various situations, which we have observed throughout the years, which cause pain and suffering for us and those we connect to. In this chapter we will learn a method for discovering what our lessons are in those situations.

The key to discovering what we need to learn is the faith that everything that happens to us is a result of processes called mirroring, sympathetic attunement, resonance or projection. This means that whatever we are experiencing from the outside world, and especially through the behavior of those close to us, is a mirroring, a reflection, a sympathetic resonance with, or a projection of, some aspect of our being. Our beliefs, emotions, expectations, fears and behaviors are mirroring, reflecting, projecting or resonating in our external world creating the behaviors and events which we experience.

Those events, behaviors or situations which cause us to feel unpleasant feelings are specifically mirroring parts of ourselves which are ripe and ready to be transformed.

This is a very powerful tool for self-discovery because it gives us a very clear understanding of what we need to change while simultaneously freeing us from negative feelings towards the others. We realize that we ourselves attract the behaviors and events that create our reality. It is through exactly those stimuli that we will be motivated to evolve out of our old limiting beliefs into new beliefs, more aligned with the truths of our real spiritual nature.

Some readers might not be able to accept these basic tenants. This life-philosophy is based on the following basic tenants

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BASIC BELIEFS OF THE PHILOSOPHY OF THE LESSON OF LIFE

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1.
We are totally responsible for the reality we experience.

2. We are immortal, inherently divine beings in a process of evolution.

3. This evolution and our emotional and spiritual maturation occur through a learning process stimulated and sometimes forced upon us by life's events and circumstances, and to a great degree, others? behaviors.

4. The unpleasant events, circumstances and behaviors reflect parts of us that need transformation. They are exactly what we need to trigger our growth. This is often, but not always, painful and confusing. It is also sometimes pleasant.

5. There are three variations of the force within us, which attracts these life stimuli:
a. Our past actions and behaviors.
b. Our present psychosynthesis: beliefs, emotions, expectations, behaviors, fears, attachments, internal conflicts, roles which we play etc.
c. The specific lessons we have come to learn as souls in evolution.

6. There are four areas of our lives in which we receive most of these lessons:
a. Our close relationships (parents, spouse, children, siblings).
b. Our health and physical appearance.
c. Our work environment.
d. Various events such as accidents, marriage, divorce, loss, gain, war, natural disasters and changes in general.

7. Most often our lessons are to be found in those aspects of the above-mentioned areas which bother us, which are not to our satisfaction, or are painful to us.

8. The lessons we need to learn in these areas can be varied and multiple but fall the following general categories:
a. To transform our conscious and subconscious beliefs.
g. To change our attitudes and behavior.
c. To communicate more clearly, assertively and effectively.
d. To change our way of life.
e. To make efforts to improve the world around us.

9. In general, our lessons involve transforming beliefs and fall into categories:
a. Beliefs which we need to change in order to cease attracting or creating a situation, which bothers us.
b. Beliefs which we need to transform in order to be able to accept the situation exactly as it is.
c. Beliefs which we need to change in order to communicate more effectively with others concerning what is happening.
d. Beliefs which we need to transform in order to be able to actively improve the external situation.

10. In order to discover what we need to learn and transform, we need first discover what there is in our own nature which is reflecting or projecting here. These reflections and projections are often multiple but falling into the two categories.
a. Aspects of ourselves (beliefs, behaviors, emotions) which attract and sustain this behavior, event, or circumstance.
b. Beliefs which make those particular behaviors, events, or circumstances unacceptable and painful for us.

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SOME EXAMPLES OF POSSIBLE LESSONS

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In relationship to factor 5.c. above concerning possible lessons we have chosen as souls to learn, here are some possibilities.

a. If, as a soul, I need to learn to gain self-confidence, it would be only natural to create a situation in which my personality could not find external support, forcing me to depend upon myself.

b. If I need to learn self-acceptance, then it would be natural for me, as a soul, to create a situation in which I pass through a period of not being accepted by the others, so as to develop an inner base for my self-acceptance.

c. If I have come time overcome a fear, then the obvious way to do this would be to subconsciously create or attract exactly what I fear, so that I may overcome it.

d. If I need to overcome an aspect of my character such as selfishness, what better way to see my selfishness, than to confront it in others.

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MIRRORING AND PROJECTING

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There is a small difference between mirroring and projecting. When another?s behavior "mirrors" something inside us, that means that their is a resonance and that the other is behaving in a way which reflects some of our beliefs, emotions or expectations. There is a silent resonance between us, which causes one to mirror the other?s aspects.

"
Projection" means that we are seeing things in the other?s behavior, which are not there, at least not to the extent that we see them. We are subjectively interpreting and often magnifying aspects of the other?s behavior so that we "project" on to his behavior our own beliefs, needs, fears, emotions and expectations, and guilt.

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BEHAVIORS WHICH ANNOY US

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The following questionnaire can be answered in various ways:
1. In written form.
2. Verbally with someone asking us these questions.
3. Mentally in a state of deep relaxation while someone asks us these questions. Whoever reads these questions should leave at least one minute between each question so that we can receive answers. We receive the answers and do not search for them. The answers may come not only as words in our mind, but also as feelings, physical or energy phenomena such a pains, heat or release etc. or even as images, memories.
This last method usually allows us access to deeper answers.


In all cases, however, we will need to make our discoveries more conscious by writing them.
Before attempting to do this work, we first have to decide which of the other?s annoying behaviors we want to work with. We will not be analyzing the other but our own selves. We need to realize what the other does or does not do that bothers us and diminishes our peace and happiness and thus the harmony and happiness of our relationship. We have something to learn from this situation. Now we have a chance to discover what that is.
Some possible behaviors which might bother us might be found in this list:
a. When she criticizes me.
b. When he does not respond to my request or needs.
c. When she asks me many questions.
d. When he shouts and accuses.
e. When she plays the role of victim and cries.
f. When she blames me for what has happened.
g. When he ignores me.
h. When he doesn?t listen to me.
i. When he looks at other women.
j. When she is not conscientious about our agreements or responsibilities.
k. When he does not agree with me.
l. When he does not pay attention to me when I talk.
m. When she is late for our appointment.
n. When he doesn?t help out with the cleanliness.
o. When he tell lies.
p. When they ignore my needs.
q. When she gossips.
r. When he does not tell me what he is feeling.
s. When she complains too much.
t. When he thinks he knows it all and does not listen to my point of view.
u. When she gives me advice I have not asked for.
v. When he threatens me that he will leave.
w. When he does not take care of himself or does not do his share.
x. When the other is weak and dependent.
z. other_______________________

There are many other possible behaviors which might bother us, and diminish our peace and love for the other. The analysis we will make below will enable us to be happy regardless of what the other does and thus also free up our love for him or her. I would suggest that you first read through all the questions and the explanations which come after, before you go ahead and answer the questions for yourself.
We have found the most amazing results with this questionnaire. Most of us have discovered that we each contain quite a number of factors that are mirroring in the other?s behavior. Through this exercise we see very clearly that we ourselves create our reality and that
only we can change it.
Let us very briefly explain the reason for each question.

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EXPLANATION OF THE QUESTIONNAIRE FOR DISCOVERING OUR LESSONS

This explanation will be continnued in our next issue

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Past issues of Clarity - links

Many of you were not with us from the beginning and have missed some very useful and interesting issues of Clarity. We are presently links to them here for your convenience.

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http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity1.asp = Clarity No. 1
What We Can Do Concerning the Present International Crisis (September 11. 2001)

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity2.asp = Clarity No. 2
More about September 11th

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity3.asp = Clarity No. 3
Manifesting Our Inner Potential
Keeping Our Energy High And Harmonious
Finding Our Life Purpose
What We Can Learn From Illness

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity4.asp = Clarity No. 4
What Does It Mean To Be A Christian?
Lessons of an Interrogator and an Aloof -
The River Grasses

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity5.asp = Clarity No. 5
The Power Within Us
Truths Which Aid Forgiveness
Natural Solutions For Frequent Colds

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity6.asp = Clarity No. 6
Women?s Complaints about Men and Men?s Complaints about Women
Why Your Needs Do Not Get Meet
Understanding the Sexes

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity7.asp = Clarity No. 7
Accepting Ourselves and Others
Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement
Self-Acceptance, Growth and Learning
Positive Thought Forms - Beliefs Concerning Self-Worth
Learning to Love Ourselves

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity8.asp = Clarity No. 8
Intro about life lessons
She is an Interrogator and He is Aloof
Fear that He is Having an Affair
Anxiety About Grades

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity9.asp = Clarity No. 9
The Roles We Play With Each Other
Dealing with Interrogators
Dealing with Intimidators
Communicating With Those Who Play the Role of the Victim
Dealing with "Aloof Persons"

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity10.asp = Clarity No.10
Keeping our Energy High and Harmonious
Ensuring Sufficient Blood Flow to the Brain
Headaches - Effective Natural Solutions
Digestive Problems - Natural Solutions
More Articles on Health Issues at Our Site
HEALTH SUGGESTIONS - For Specific Problems

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity11.asp = Clarity No.11
Laser Power Mind
The Lion Cub
The Blind Village and the Elephant
Spiritual Weight Lifting
Hidden Problematic Communication
Purifying Gold - Love
Ice ? Water ? Steam = Body ? Mind ? Spirit


http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity12.asp = Clarity No.12
12 Ways of Dealing with Emotions
Anger - Solutions
Disappointment - Disillusionment - Discouragement
Overcoming Anxiety
Jealousy
Inner Emotional Pressure

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity13.asp = Clarity No.13
What do you Fear?
The Results of Fear
The Causes of Fear
Facing our Fears
Healing our Fears
Objectifying our Fears and Emotions
Fear - Faith - Wisdom - Love

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity14.asp = Clarity No.14
Remembering Experiences
Mistaken Conclusions
Beginning Transformation
Positive Affirmations

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity15.asp = Clarity No.15
What is Happiness ?
Table of Contents for the book The Psychology of Happiness
I Went Out to End my Life and Found it.
You Are not the Target
Coping with Emotions in the Present
Attachments, Addictions, Preferences and Happiness

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity16.asp = Clarity No.16
What are Inner Conficts ?
Reconciliation of Inner Conflicts
Roles We Play and What We Believe Which Makes Us Play Them.
What we can do about Inner Conflicts
Examples of work with Inner Conflicts

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity17.asp = Clarity No.17
We Create Our Reality
The Belief That "I Cannot"
How We Change Our Beliefs
A Technique In Self Observation
Visualizing Positive Realities
A Vote For Our Preferred Reality
Behavioral Therapy
Connecting To Spiritual And Logical Truths
A Five Pronged Approach


http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity18.asp = Clarity No.18
Focus on More Effective Communicaton
More Effective Communication
Ineffective Communication
I-Messages
Declarative & Responsive I-Messages
Preventive I- Messages
Example «I Message»
Confrontive I- Messages
General Solutions For Relationships
Inner Solutions
Emotional Freedom Techniques

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity19.asp = Clarity No.19
Communicating With Children
The Basis of Communication
How We communicate Now
Self-analysis
"I - Messages to Children"
Active Listening
The Blaring Stereo
A Note from the Teacher
The Messy House
The Daughter Arrives Home Late
The Children are Fighting Over a Game

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity20.asp = Clarity No.20
Focus on Energy Psychology
Editorial - Free to be Happy
What is EFT?
How we employ EFT
"EFT and Overcoming Fear "
Table of Contents


http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity21.asp = Clarity No.21
How we can Develop our Spiritual Qualities
When I love you Purely
True Faith
Sincerity
Email Course on Spiritual Qualities

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity22.asp = Clarity No.22
Relaxation Techniques
Why Relaxation Techniques ?
Guided Relaxation CD's and cassettes
Guidelines for Relaxation Techniques
Working on your Own
Self-therapy and Prevention of Illness

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity23.asp = Clarity No.23
Creating Happy Relationships

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity24.asp = Clarity No.24
Working with Need Conflicts in Relationships

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity25.asp = Clarity No.25
Co-dependency or Co-commitment ?

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity26.asp = Clarity No.26
The Seven Centers of Consciousness

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity27.asp = Clarity No.27
Special Christmas Gift - Giving

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity28.asp = Clarity No.28
I forgive easily when ...

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity29.asp = Clarity No.29
In Celebration on Christ

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity30.asp = Clarity No.30
How to Deal with Negativity Part 1/2

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity31.asp = Clarity No.31
How to Deal with Negativity Part 2/2

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity32.asp = Clarity No.32
Parables and Models

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity33.asp = Clarity No.33
The Positive Side of Life

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity34.asp = Clarity No.34
Romantic Rejection - Dealing with It

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity35.asp = Clarity No.35
Seven Steps to Making a Difference in an Indifferent World

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity36.asp = Clarity No.36
Seven Truths - Perceiving this War Differently

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity37.asp = Clarity No.37
I am Love

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity38.asp = Clarity No.38
Bless Your World - Part 1

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity39.asp = Clarity No.39
Bless Your World - Part 2

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity40.asp = Clarity No.40
Understanding Meditation through Models

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity41.asp = Clarity No.41
Learning to Love Ourselves

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity42.asp = Clarity No.42
Opening Up to Love

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity43.asp = Clarity No.43
God is in Everyone

http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/clarity44.asp = Clarity No.44
Learning Life's Lessons - Part 1

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You can benefit by removing the energy fields of negativity and fear with Energy Psychology as described in the book
Free to be Happy with Energy Psychology. (Also titled Remove Pain.)

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* * * * * Free email courses * * * * * * * * * *

We have created for you FREE email Courses for improving your
health, relationships, self esteem, love, forgiveness, happiness etc.

Go to
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/courses/index.asp

and click on the courses you would like to follow and you will
receive one lesson a week for free.

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You can view a
shorter version of the EFT tapping procedure by downloading the file http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/EFT-Short-version.mov
(File size 2.2 MB - Right Click to download to your computer)
View this with QuickTime and leave in original size in order to see details.
For more information about how to do EFT, go to:
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/eft/index.asp

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ebooks by Robert Elias Najemy
View them at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp

1. Universal Philosophy

2. The Art of Meditation

3. Contemporary Parables

4. The Mystical Circle of Life

5. Relationships of Conscious Love

6. The Miracles of Love and Wisdom

7. Remove Pain - Physical and Emotional with Energy Psychology by Tapping on Acupuncture Points

8. Saram ? The Adventures of a Soul and Insight into the Male Psyche

And available also at bookstores near you and also on our site

9. The Psychology of Happiness

http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html

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=> 1. Guided Relaxation CD's and cassettes
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Guided Relaxation CD's and cassettes

You can order them at
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/store/cassettes.html

Relaxation CD no. 1 with four guided relaxations for only $8

1. Light Healing
- This wonderful relaxation guides through the process of filling your body and mind with light, and thus bringing healing and rejuvenating energy into all your being and especially those areas which need help

2. Self Acceptance - We all need to increase our self-esteem and self-confidence. In this relaxation we cultivate feelings of love and acceptance towards ourselves and others. We also focus on self-confidence.

3. Inner Security - In this relaxation we imagine ourselves in situations which in the past have caused us to fear or feel anxiety but now we visualize and feel ourselves with inner peace, self-confidence, inner security while in touch with or dealing with that situation.

4. Inner Guidance - We focus on any particular question or dilemma and move through a process which allows us to get guidance on that issue.

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Relaxation CD no. 2 with four guided relaxations for only $8

1. Inner Security
- In this relaxation we imagine ourselves in situations which in the past have caused us to fear or feel anxiety but now we visualize and feel ourselves with inner peace, self-confidence, inner security while in touch with or dealing with that situation.

2. Inner Guidance - We focus on any particular question or dilemma and move through a process which allows us to get guidance on that issue.

3. Improving Relationships - We bring to mind a person with whom we would like to improve our relationship or communication and visualize ourselves loving this person and communicating openly and honestly. We create the mental image of a positive relationship.

4. Decision Making - This is also a wonderful relaxation in which we take a trip into nature to discover three doors each of which represents a possible future depending on the decision we have to make. We sense how we feel with each decision and then contact our higher self for further guidance.

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***** MEMBER INTERACTION *****
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The Psychology of Happiness
by Robert Elias Najemy

The Psychology of Happiness penetrates to the heart of the subject of
human happiness in a deep and yet simple, clear and understandable
manner. It offers a variety of techniques, questionnaires and
guidelines for creating happiness. It covers many subjects including:
Psychology of Evolution, Managing Emotions, Overcoming Fear, Loving
Ourselves, Facing Loneliness, Stages of Love, Reconciling Inner
Conflicts, Healing Our Inner Child, Forgiveness and Freedom, Coping
with the Death of Loved Ones. Included are 23 case histories - real
life situations and the possible lessons, which we can learn from such
and similar situations.
^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
Over 100,000 of Robert E. Najemy's 19 books have been sold in Greek, an
impressive number considering the small population and reading
tendencies of the Greek public. Some are translated into Portuguese, Persian,
Polish, Arabic and German.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
SEMINARS
For information about ongoing and also weekend seminars in the
following areas email us or call the following numbers

GREECE: (in Greek) - Continuously - call 210 6818220 or 210 6818151

CYPRUS: (Greek) call 5- 431616 or 2-772808 or 9 626198

LEBANON (in English) call 03 819818

USA: If you are interested email us at ren@holisticharmony.com

If you would like to organize a seminar in your area or

If you are interested in attending a seminar in English at our retreat Center in Greece,

communicate with us at ren@holisticharmony.com

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Visit us at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com or subscribe:
* You are receiving this biweekly newsletter because you have become a
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a subscription for you.
to subscribe or unsubscribe go to:
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* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Those of you who are being confronted with serious Life Issues at this
time are encouraged to try out our Life Clarification Process at
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Articles in this and previous issues can be viewed at
http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Again we wish for you to be well
and hope that you will care for yourself
and your loved ones.





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