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Forward or Print and share this with those who will benefit. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You can view this and previous issues with greater ease by clicking here http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You are receiving this because you have requested it. Removal instructions are at the end. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * All articles are by Robert Elias Najemy, unless stated otherwise * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Book Signing with Robert 6/21 ? FREE TO BE HAPPY WITH ENERGY PSYCHOLOGY & THE PSYCHOLOGY OF HAPPINESS. Lecture and Book signing at Tatnuck Bookseller, 335 Chandler St.,Worcester, MA at1pm. Tel.508-756-7644. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Friends, May this find you well. We are presenting you a chapter from the book Miracles of Love and Wisdom. You can access more chapters of this book at: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * CHAPTER VII LEARNING TO LOVE OURSELVES * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Christ commanded us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. If we do not love ourselves, how can we love our neighbors? How can each of us liberate the reservoir of love that lies within? In this chapter, we will discuss how we can learn to love ourselves more. In the next, we will discuss how we can love others more. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * WE ARE LOVE * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Our basic nature is love. When we let go of body identification, and the personality relaxes and feels completely secure, we will find at the center of our being a reservoir of peace and love for all beings. That is who we really are. That love and peace are the contents of a lake, which exists in the center of our being. But the river, which carries that love towards the world around is blocked with fear. Thus there is little or no flow. How can we clean up that river so that our natural self can express itself in this world? Discovering what blocks us from loving ourselves will be facilitated by the questionnaire and method of analyzing it presented to you in chapters 4 and 5 of this book. Even if you haven?t worked with that questionnaire, you will understand and benefit from the following analysis, but of course you will get much more benefit if you work with the questionnaire. In that way, you will discover your specific obstacles to loving yourself. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * CHILDHOOD PROGRAMMING * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Many of us have been programmed in our childhood years to understand that we are lovable and worthy of acceptance and respect from others only if we fulfill certain prerequisites. Depending on our parents and childhood environment, combined with the character we have brought into this life, we have learned to believe that we are acceptable, lovable and worthy only if we fulfil certain conditions. It is absolutely essential to analyze ourselves and discover which conditions we have allowed to be put on our self-acceptance. Otherwise, we will never be able to find lasting peace, satisfaction, happiness, harmony and, in some cases, even health. The lack of self-love, self-acceptance and self-worth undermine all these, as well as rob us of our ability to communicate with, or love others. This leads to many so-called complexes and an inability to feel at ease. In such cases, we often feel the need to do something to prove our worthiness of love or acceptability from others. In those situations, we may think that we are doing things for others out of love, but the truth is that we are acting in that certain way which, we believe, will attract the others? acceptance, respect and love. We need affirmation of their love and acceptance in order to feel that we are okay, so that we can relax and accept ourselves. We will never in this way feel free to be ourselves. We will always need to be what others want us to be, so that we can be acceptable to them. But what happens if we find ourselves in an environment where three different people want us to act in three different ways? What can we do? We is bound to experience rejection from two of them. Does that mean that we are unworthy? Also, what happens when what, those around us want us to be, is completely in conflict with what we ourselves feel we must be? Unless we have self-love and self-acceptance, we will definitely suffer. We cannot live our lives based on getting others? acceptance and love. We must follow our inner voice; as long as we do not intentionally harm anyone through our actions. We are not responsible for the others? emotions when we act according to our inner voice, not wishing harm to anyone If their love is so conditional, and we have to give up who we really are, to be loved by them, then that is not love. It is the manipulation of our lives by others in order to fulfil their personal desires or expectations. We do not help others to mature emotionally and spiritually by allowing them to act in this way, or have their way, because we are afraid of being rejected by them. This has nothing to do with the sacrifice of love. It is the result of our fear of rejection and lack of self-confidence and self-acceptance. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * WHAT IS SELF - ACCEPTANCE? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * We can understand what we mean by self-acceptance if we examine how we feel when we accept and love others. When we do not love and accept them, we are not interested in helping them. We do not want them to be successful or happy. We are not interested in their emotional, mental and spiritual development. If our feelings go beyond indifference, we may even want harm to happen to them, or want them to fail generally in life. All this applies in the same way to ourselves when we do not love ourselves. When we who do not accept or respect ourselves, we do not help ourselves. We easily gets caught up in self-destructive habits such as over-eating, drinking, smoking, drugs, tranquilizers or other self-demeaning activities. We will not be interested in our health or success. It will be difficult for us to find the energy and discipline to employ techniques for self-improvement, such as healthy eating habits, exercises, relaxation, meditation or positive thinking. We will not believe that we are worthy of love and harmony with others and will, in subtle subconscious ways, undermine our relationships. We will not be able to believe that others can love and accept us, and will create rejection from those around us. If others do manage to love us in spite of our continuous attempts to create rejection, we will test their love to its limits, or just be blind to the fact that that love or acceptance is there, and continue to feel unloved and lonely. We will undermine our efforts for success in professional, social, family and relationship matters. We will not develop our inner abilities and talents. We may even undermine our own health, since we believe that we are not worthy of being healthy. But worst of all, we will never be able to love anyone else. A cup cannot give forth what it does not contain. If we do not have enough love for ourselves, we cannot give real love to others. We need to take love first and fill ourselves before we will be able to give. All our supposed sacrifices, made until that time, are usually attempts to obtain love and acceptance from the world around us. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * SOME OF THE OBSTACLES * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Let?s look at some of the conditionings that we put on our worthiness and self-love. 1. "I must be like the others in order to be acceptable. I must dress like the others, act like the others." If we believe this, we will live our lives so as to get others approval. 2. "I cannot love or accept myself if others do not." In such a case, we are identifying with the role of the child, who does not know if he/she is "good" or "bad" or worthy or worthless. We need our parents (now in the form of all the people around him) to tell him if we are okay or not. We are who we are independent of what others think. Does who we are change because some one else has an addiction which conflicts with our way of life? If we are who the other person thinks, then we are as many personalities as people we know, because each of them sees us differently through their own conditioning. Then who are we in reality? 3. "I must be perfect in everything to be acceptable." As children our parents tried to help us to perfect ourselves by criticizing us when we made mistakes and applauding us when we were correct (in their eyes). We got the impression that they accepted and loved us only when we were perfect (it may have been true) and thus we got the impression that we were worthy of love only when we were perfect. We then project this belief on the world around us, believing that we are unacceptable to others unless we are perfect. But think, do you have that requirement for others? Do you expect them to be perfect? Have you ever met a perfect person? What makes you think that the others too expect perfection from you? Try your best, that is enough. The result does not matter. It is the sincere effort that counts, not the results. 4. "I must achieve many things in life in order to be worthy of the acceptance and respect of others." If we believe this, we will spend our lives trying to prove ourselves to others. We will never be able to do with our lives what we really feel in the center of our being. We will have to realize some day that our worth is not measured by our achievements, but by our motives, efforts and character. 5. "I must offer gifts to others and in general give them more than they give me in order to deserve their love." For people with this programming, love is a bazaar, where the more you give, the more you get. They buy their love with gifts and services that leave the other "obliged"; this is not love, it is "exchange". 6. "I must do what others ask me in order for them to continue to love me." This is called love with conditions. If the my friends? love requires that I do whatever they ask, even if it contradicts my beliefs, health or basic needs, then this is not friendship. In a real friendship, individuals have the freedom to be honest and open with each other. They accept and love each other independently of such conditions. 7. "I am worthy of love only if I?ve never created pain or problems for anyone in the past." We perform various actions because some motive pushes us to do so. As long as it is not our intent to harm others with that action, then we are not responsible for the hurt or problem which they experience. Life, in such a case, has used us to bring them an experience, which they need for their spiritual growth. If we can help the others, we should do so to the best of our ability. We must definitely explain to them that we had and have no desire to create any problem for them. Feeling guilt and worry for accidentally, or unintentionally, harming someone is another result of our childhood programming, in which parents accused us of being evil, when our simple curiosity, or some innocent game, caused some breakage or harm. We had no intention, but they still considered us guilty. In this way, we are programmed to believe that we are guilty based on the result rather than on the intent. Guilt and responsibility depend only on the motive. If in fact we have intentionally harmed someone, then this is another case. See the books The Psychology of Happiness and Free to be Happy with Energy Psychology for work on that issue. 8. "I must be better than the others in order to be loved." Parents encourage this belief with their continuous comparison of the child with other children concerning grades, sports and other aspects of life. In this way, they create in us the belief that the love and acceptance from others depends on our being better than those who compete with us. This creates competition rather than cooperation. We may also develop negative feelings towards those who we feel are threats to our position of superiority. This is a definite obstacle to love. 9. "Others must trust me in order for me to feel worthy of love and acceptance." If our parents did not trust us and rejected our words and our personalities, then we may have associated that condition with lack of love. So when others, who have a basic mistrust towards the world, tell us lies or do not show us that they trust us, we feel unloved. There are many other possibilities of programmings that may be obstacles to our loving ourselves. (See the Psychology of Happiness) The basic core beliefs that are underlying these programmings are: 1. I am no good. 2. I am a sinner. 3. I must prove my worth to others. 4. My value depends on how others see me. 5. My worth depends on the results of my efforts. 6. I am this body and this personality. 7. My value depends on the appearance and ability of the body and the mind. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * SPIRITUAL TRUTHS * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Christ said he would introduce us to the truth that would set us free. Spiritual truth is like a light that shines in the darkness and thus removes the ignorance that is at the basis of all these wrong programmings. Let us examine some of the spiritual truths that will liberate us. 1. "I am who I am independently of others? opinions." Most of us give more attention to the people around us than the God within us. Each person sees us in a different way. Their various opinions do not change who I am. Each sees me through his/her own filters, beliefs, fears and programmings. 2. "My value or acceptability depends only on three factors." a) Whether my thoughts, words and actions are in harmony with my inner conscience. I act according to my true beliefs. I follow the golden rule of doing to others that which I would like them to do to me. b) The quality of my effort: Whether I put all my heart and mind into it. Is it the best I can do? Then it is okay. Maybe in the future, as I evolve more, I will be able to do better. In the past I have done what I could with the level of evolution I had then. c) Whether my motives are pure. Am I acting only to seek the fulfillment of my personal desires, or am I interested in helping the people around me? As I evolve spiritually, I will become more fulfilled and my motives will gradually become more selfless. 3. "I am an immortal soul in the process of evolution." I am thus equal to all beings. I am worthy of love, respect and acceptance. All other beings too are immortal souls in evolution and are worthy of my love and respect regardless of their level of evolution. Our bodies and personalities have varying degrees of capability, but as spiritual beings we are all equal. There is no one above or below us. 4. "I am a spark of the Divine Consciousness." I am divine consciousness occupying this temporary body. St. Paul said that the body is the temple of God. God is the life force that is in this body and personality. We are that divine life force. We are worthy of love always. We are love itself. "God is love. Love is God." says St. John. I am not this body, nor this personality, I am the Divine temporarily occupying this body. 5. "The imperfections in my body and personality are quite normal and acceptable when I consider that they are in a process of evolution". Something which is in the process of evolution can never be perfect until that process stops. As long as we find ourselves on this earth in these bodies, we can assume that the process of evolution is still going on and that we have improvements to make. Thus we can accept and love our bodies and personalities exactly as they are, while simultaneously striving steadily to improve them. In this way we can also accept and love others exactly as they are, realizing that all their negative habits are simply the result of their fears and that they require, most of all, our love and acceptance, so that they can feel safe enough to continue their spiritual journey. We may now want to look deeply into what conditions we have put on our love for ourselves and others. These are mechanical programmings that were printed into our minds and must now be removed so that we can experience a life full of joy, health, peace and loving contact with the world around us. In our next chapter we will investigate the conditions we place on our love for others. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Free email courses * * * * * * * * * * We have created for you FREE email Courses for improving your health, relationships, self esteem, love, forgiveness, happiness etc. Go to http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/courses/index.asp and click on the courses you would like to follow and you will receive one lesson a week for free. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You can view a shorter version of the EFT tapping procedure by downloading the file http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/EFT-Short-version.mov (File size 2.2 MB - Right Click to download to your computer) View this with QuickTime and leave in original size in order to see details. For more information about how to do EFT, go to: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/eft/index.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ebooks by Robert Elias Najemy View them at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp 1. Universal Philosophy 2. The Art of Meditation 3. Contemporary Parables 4. The Mystical Circle of Life 5. Relationships of Conscious Love 6. The Miracles of Love and Wisdom 7. Remove Pain - Physical and Emotional with Energy Psychology by Tapping on Acupuncture Points 8. Saram ? The Adventures of a Soul and Insight into the Male Psyche And available also at bookstores near you and also on our site 9. The Psychology of Happiness http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * => 1. 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Inner Security - In this relaxation we imagine ourselves in situations which in the past have caused us to fear or feel anxiety but now we visualize and feel ourselves with inner peace, self-confidence, inner security while in touch with or dealing with that situation. 4. Inner Guidance - We focus on any particular question or dilemma and move through a process which allows us to get guidance on that issue. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Relaxation CD no. 2 with four guided relaxations for only $8 1. Inner Security - In this relaxation we imagine ourselves in situations which in the past have caused us to fear or feel anxiety but now we visualize and feel ourselves with inner peace, self-confidence, inner security while in touch with or dealing with that situation. 2. Inner Guidance - We focus on any particular question or dilemma and move through a process which allows us to get guidance on that issue. 3. Improving Relationships - We bring to mind a person with whom we would like to improve our relationship or communication and visualize ourselves loving this person and communicating openly and honestly. We create the mental image of a positive relationship. 4. Decision Making - This is also a wonderful relaxation in which we take a trip into nature to discover three doors each of which represents a possible future depending on the decision we have to make. We sense how we feel with each decision and then contact our higher self for further guidance. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * - - - - - - s t a r t - - - - - - Please rate this Ezine at the Cumuli Ezine Finder http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/ra22185.rate http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/ra22185.rate"> AOL Users - - - - - - e n d - - - - - - - * * * * * Incredible Offer * * * * * NEW Announcing An Amazing Comprehensive CD from Holistic Harmony Network with 1. 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It offers a variety of techniques, questionnaires and guidelines for creating happiness. It covers many subjects including: Psychology of Evolution, Managing Emotions, Overcoming Fear, Loving Ourselves, Facing Loneliness, Stages of Love, Reconciling Inner Conflicts, Healing Our Inner Child, Forgiveness and Freedom, Coping with the Death of Loved Ones. Included are 23 case histories - real life situations and the possible lessons, which we can learn from such and similar situations. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Over 100,000 of Robert E. Najemy's 19 books have been sold in Greek, an impressive number considering the small population and reading tendencies of the Greek public. 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