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* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * KNOW SOMEONE who would benefit from this important information? Forward it or Print it for them. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You can view this and previous issues with greater ease by clicking here http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You are receiving this because you have requested it. Removal instructions are at the end. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Continued from previous issue LEARNING TO BE HAPPY ANYWAY * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * What is it that causes us to get upset when someone criticizes us, accuses us, blames us or condemns us? Why does it bother us? This may seem a foolish question to most of you. You might say in surprise, "is there any other way one could feel? Isn?t it natural, only human?" Yes, I would agree with these comments. But I also believe something else, that we are in a process of evolution, and that our behavior can gradually change. At one time all the people on the planet believed that the Earth was flat and that the sun revolved around the Earth. Today, few if any, still believe this. Forty years ago the various countries of Europe were at war with each other. Today it seems an impossibility to happen again. I like to believe that we are all evolving as persons and eventually as a society. There are some more emotionally mature individuals who do not get upset when they are subjected to such negative behavior. Take our Lord Jesus Christ. You may say that he was not a man. Well then how about Socrates, Gandhi, Martin Luther King and a wide variety of other spiritually evolved souls. Can we learn something from their example? Can we become more emotionally mature? Can we become free enough from our own fears and self doubts so that, when we are submitted to the others? negativity, we will not be affected? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I AM WHO I AM * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Who I am does not change because someone has a different opinion of me. I am who I am. I am not who the other perceives me to be. Each person sees me through his own beliefs, needs, expectations, programmings, addictions, fears, desires, and his past in general. His image of myself is distorted by all this. When something about me does not fit with his beliefs, needs, expectations, addictions, programmings, he may start shouting and blaming me. That does not necessarily mean that I have done something wrong. I may, however, have actually done something which may not have been correct, and thus I would do well to listen to what he is saying and analyze myself. If I see that he is right, I can thank him for his observation, ask his forgiveness and learn from this situation not to repeat this mistake. There is no need to condemn my self, or feel guilty or defensive towards him. On the other hand, his aggressiveness may be a result of his own fears and distorted vision, and have nothing to do with some mistake we have made. In such a case we need not get upset. The problem is his and we would best allow him to retain ownership. There is no need for argument, or rebuttals, or anger from our side. We need not protect anything, because we are not in danger. We can wait until he has calmed down and then ask him about what he feels, and what he believes, which causes him to feel that way. If he refuses to talk and wants only to shout and accuse us, then let him continue as long as he needs to. Remain calm, you are a child of God. You are OK, even if you are at fault. We all make mistakes. If we have made a mistake, we will ask forgiveness. If we have not, then we will allow the other to keep his problem, unless and until he wants to discuss it. This requires that we keep some basic truths clear in our minds: 1. Each person creates his reality from within. Other people are the actors which we use in order to give ourselves opportunities to learn lessons. The same holds in reverse. The other has chosen us to be there, in order for him to learn through his relationship with us. This does not mean that we will teach him, by giving him advice, or telling what to do. It does mean that we will allow him to be responsible for his reality. If he chooses to create anger, rejection, and separateness, we can accept that. We can try to help him by approaching him with love, by embracing him or by expressing our desire to have a closer, more loving, relationship with him. We can express our desire for him to be happy and healthy. But we cannot take responsibility for his health, happiness or success in the world. We can help him in various ways, but we can not give him health, we cannot force him to be happy. Thus we can learn to be able to be happy even when the other is not. We will be able to be happy when we realize that we have done whatever we can to help this person and yet he chooses not to be happy. This could be our lesson, to continue to be at peace with ourselves even when people we love are unhappy or even when they are blaming us for it. We can do this when we have clean conscience and a clear mind. I have seen this attachment to the other?s being happy work in exactly the opposite way. Many of us take responsibility for the reality of those around us, and cannot be happy if they are not. Then we try to pressure them into doing "what is right" what will "solve their problems". The others resent our pressure which in reality has a "selfish motive". We are trying to change them so that we ourselves can feel well. We cannot accept ourselves if anyone, for whom we have taken responsibility, is not well. We are playing the role of the mother, father or savior to those around us. And then we irritate them with our constant nagging and meddling and the others do exactly the opposite of what they "should". We are then left feeling abused and cannot understand why others do not respond to our "love" and "good intentions". We need to have enough clarity to know when to respond to people?s call for help and when to leave them alone to grow through their struggle with life and with themselves. 2. I am not a child. I am an adult, free to function in life as I please, as long as I do not harm anyone else and do not do to anyone that which I would not like them to do to me. I do not need to live my life according to the needs and expectations and addictions of other people. I can say no and still be loved by them. I can be myself and still be loved by them. I can have differing opinions and needs and ways of life and still maintain loving relationships with them. Because someone is shouting that does not mean that he is right. He who shouts the loudest is not more right. He who shouts is unhappy. His addictions, needs, desires, programmings are not being fulfilled. There is no reason to feel like a child who needs to defend himself when I am shouted at. I am not a child. I am an immortal soul in the process of evolution. I am a child of God. I can face people, who are angry with me, with love and peace, for I have nothing to hide, nothing to protect, nothing to gain, nothing to loose. All of this requires that I free myself from the role of the child, who feels guilty or threatened every time someone shouts at him. When we were children we could not understand that many times when we were shouted at, it was not because we were not worthy or inherently evil, but because our parents had problems of their own and released their negativity on us. But we have remained with the programming that we were at fault. When someone accuses us or criticizes us, we lock into the role of the child, we doubt our self worth and then need to protect ourselves. Our self worth is not diminished by a shouting person. His is. We have nothing to fear and nothing to protect. Let him shout. Understand one thing; HE IS UNHAPPY, and listen to what he is saying. When he calms down, try to comfort him and help him understand what is bothering him and why it is bothering him. Do not argue about who is right and wrong, and whose behavior is acceptable and whose is not. You may have to choose between your need to be labeled as the "right one" and your need to have a harmonious relationship especially if the other has the same need. Isn?t it all very silly? We are wearing these huge adult bodies but we have the emotional maturity of small children. Perhaps even less so because children forget and forgive quickly. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * RESPECT AND SELF-RESPECT * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * People tend to not respect us in three situations. One is when we do not respect our selves and thus do not inspire them to respect us. Another is when we do not respect them and thus they mirror our behavior towards them. A third is when we fear their not respecting us. Thus one way of helping to prevent negativity from others is to simultaneously cultivate respect for them and for ourselves. This means that we give them the message overtly and with our attitude and actions that we have no intention of harming or demeaning them, and that we also do not expect such behavior from them. This means that we are not afraid of confronting them about their behavior. This means that we are not ready to allow them to get what they want simply because they shout, or cry, or intimidate us with various warnings. We are ready to listen to their needs and help them fulfill their needs, but not to be abused by demeaning behavior. Continued below ************************** Work at home FOR yourself but not BY yourself!! No Selling/inventory/home parties Join an ethical family-focused company that values financial security, social consciousness and complete health: http://www.moms-connection.com/momsforlife.htm Subscribe to newsletter: moms-subscribe@moms-connection.com 2/4 ************************** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * STRENGTH AND LOVE * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * We will need a combination of strength and love. Strength to help them respect us and love to help them to feel secure and cared for. In this type of "responsible love" we express and employ our love but allow each of us to maintain responsibility for our own realities. We cannot create happiness or security or health for the other. We can help the other, love and offer various services, but we cannot be responsible for the internal realities which he creates in his life. This means that there will be times when we will have to see the other suffer and not worry and not rush in to take responsibility for solving his problem. If we do, we will bee doing him great harm, and in some cases he may eventually hate us for having removed his self esteem, rather than thank us for solving his problem. His problem may not have been what we thought. His problem may be that he does not have the self-confidence to take responsibility for his life. We do not help him to take responsibility for his life when we solve his problems. We often lower his self-confidence even more. We wonder, then, why this person responds negatively towards us and does not express to us the love and gratitude which we deserve, with all the sacrifices we are making. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * SOUL OR PERSONALITY * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * It will be helpful in such cases to be able to discriminate between the immortal soul, which is living in that body, and the personality, which is temporarily confused or lacking inner strength. Each individual is an immortal powerful spiritual being who has the ability to face the various difficulties and tests of life. We would do best to have faith in the other?s power, intelligence and ability to face life and take responsibility for his health, success and happiness. This attitude may sometimes seem to conflict with our previous concepts about what love means. But in the end you will find that, from a spiritual point of view, this is love for the soul, rather than an attachment to the personality. Our stance then can be, "I love you. I want you to be happy. I am willing to do whatever is in my power to help you and support you in your life; but I cannot take responsibility for whether you are happy or not. Nor am I willing to accept the blame for your dissatisfaction, nor am I willing to accept abusive behavior from you. I am willing to discuss and develop a deep relationship of love and mutual support, but with respect and responsibility, from both sides". * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * CONFRONTATION DOES NOT MEAN CONFLICT * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The above mentioned attitude may occasionally bring about confrontation. But that does not have to mean conflict. Unfortunately we have learned to confuse these two words and situations. We will need to learn that we do not help our selves, or other by not confronting the differences or problems which exist between us. When we have eventually learned effective communication techniques and have learned to take responsibility for our reality and allow the other to do the same for himself, then we can confront our differences in needs, values, beliefs or opinions without coming in conflict. We can learn to act with maturity. This means that we will have to overcome the fear of confrontation, the fear of rejection, or disapproval, and the fear of being hurt or losing in a conflict. It means that we will have to have faith in the other and in ourselves. We will have faith that the relationship can work if it is allowed to be honest. Thus coping with the negative behavior of those around us depends on a delicate and often difficult balance of loving compassion and spiritual detachment and clarity. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * CONTINUE YOUR SPIRITUAL GROWTH * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * You will remember that we are affected by the other?s negativity to the degree that we still have fear or negativity within us. Thus, from the spiritual point of view, we need the others as a testing mechanism which helps us to determine whether or not we have overcome that particular fear or negativity within ourselves. After we have tried every other solution and we still have not found peace of mind, we are eventually forced to grow spiritually in order to overcome our own fears and negativities, so that we will be not affected by the others. Then the others will change as we do not need the test anymore. How can we do this? By developing inner security, inner contentment, self-confidence, self-acceptance and inner strength. In this way our security, self worth and sense of fulfillment will not depend on how the other is, or what he does, or does not do. We can then react to him out of real love and not out of our need for him to be the way we want him to be physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * OUR CHANGE IS OUR GREATEST OFFERING * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Our inner transformation is the greatest gift that we can offer to those around us. Some may not like this gift at first, because they may be locked into various ego games which they have been playing with us until now. As we change and stop playing those games, they may become fearful, defensive and even aggressive. This is natural and is another test for us and our inner security. If we are able to remain firm in our decision to improve ourselves, the other will gradually relax and accept, and even enjoy, our transformation and this will be an excellent stimulus for his growth. I have seen this happen so many times over the last years. One member of the family starts making changes in his life. The other family members react out of fear and become perhaps aggressive or rejecting. After some time (could be months, could be years), the others begin to see the logic and beauty of a life based on these simple spiritual truths and techniques for physical, emotional and mental harmony. It is wonderful when we can share the path of growth with our loved ones, but pushing them into it and giving them sermons is the surest way to delay or prevent forever this possibility. Let your changes be mostly internal. Do not try to make the others follow your own steps. Do not talk to them about what you are doing, unless they ask and are really interested. You will save yourself a lot of problems in this way. When they see your changes, your improvement, your inner peace, your understanding, your inner strength, your unconditional love for them, then they will get the message very quickly, much more quickly than with thousands of words and hundreds of articles or books. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * LOVE AND ACCEPT YOUR SELF AND OTHERS * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Unconditional love and acceptance for yourself and others is the best solution for any type of negativity which you may encounter. It is difficult for negativity to maintain its existence in the face of real love (not love with fear, or love out of attachment or need - but real love without need), when we love the other and can maintain that feeling of love, even when he is criticizing us or rejecting us. That love will quickly heal that pain, or fear, which is causing him to act in this way. It will be much easier to keep on loving the other if we have developed unconditional love for ourselves. We usually are affected by the other?s negativity because it undermines our feelings of self worth. When our sense of self worth is based on an inner relationship of love and understanding with ourselves, and cannot be disturbed by the other?s negativity, then we can continue loving him, despite his behavior, because it is not threatening us anymore. We are threatened by the other?s negativity to the degree that we have not overcome our self-doubt. When we no longer doubt ourselves, we will be free from fear concerning his reaction to us. This does not mean that we believe that we are perfect and have no faults. It means that we can accept that we have faults, and that we are in a process of discovering them, and gradually overcoming them. It means that we have the right to love ourselves during that process, even though we are not perfect. This means that we can listen to other?s criticism without fearing, because we can only gain by hearing his perception. He may be right, and thus we can see ourselves more objectively and grow more quickly. Or, what he says may not be true, but only his own subjective distortion of reality; in which case, there is no reason to doubt ourselves. In both cases I can remain calm, understanding and loving. All this depends on my ability to love and accept myself in all situations regardless of the other?s behavior, or opinions. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * YOU ARE NOT THE TARGET * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * It will help to remember that, in most cases, you are not the target of the other?s negativity. The other does not really want to hurt us. He has some inner problem. He is unhappy about something. He cannot handle the way he feels inside and wants to get rid of his negative energy. What is the most simple and usual solution? Blame those, who are closest to us, for our unhappiness. Thus he will find any excuse to throw his negativity at you. It is not meant for you. He does not hate you. He does not want to hurt you. He just wants to get rid of this "hot potato" he is holding, which is burning him emotionally, or mentally, or perhaps even physically. Now you can play the "hot potato" game by throwing it back at him or at the children, or someone else. Then they will in turn throw it back at you or at someone else. In this way the potato moves around, getting hotter and hotter, creating a lot of unhappiness and a lot of misunderstanding for a lot of people (some of which may take many years or even lifetimes to be corrected and healed). Or you can do something else. You can realize that you are not the target. You can keep the potato, let it cool and eat it, digest it, take the energy which it can offer you and discharge it. You can learn to work effectively with emotions and with active listening and I-statements, open and honest communication, without suppression and without aggressiveness. This can cool the potato for everyone and they can all enjoy eating it and enjoying it and laughing about it. You can do this by being conscious and not mechanical. By remembering that whenever anyone acts towards you in a negative way, that "he is not happy". Remembering this you will not need to be hurt by what he is saying or doing, or not doing. You can be more interested in helping him to feel better - not by the suppression of your own feelings or needs, that only by simply being understanding and respecting his problem at this moment. We all have negative moments in which we need to discharge negativity. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * AVOID CHILD-PARENT ROLES * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Many problems are created when we function through the roles of the child or parent. These roles are rooted in some basic misconceptions which create many negative feelings such as disappointment, hurt, fear, anger, injustice, revenge, antagonism and even hate, between people who, actually, deep inside love each other. The basic misconception which creates most problems in these relationships is that one person can create, or can be responsible, for the reality of another. The parent believes that he is responsible for the health, success, happiness or state of the child. He believes that the child is unable to take on these responsibilities. The parents believes that he is successful in that role if the child is "successful". On the reverse side, the parent feels that the child is to blame for his unhappiness when he does not cooperate with the parent?s needs. The parent needs the child to be successful, in order to feel successful, relaxed or at peace in the role of the parent. Thus he believes that the child is creating his unhappy reality. The child accepts this reasoning and works under these subconscious beliefs, that the others are responsible for creating his own reality (regardless as to whether the child is 5 or 55) and that he "needs" the others, and that they are to blame for his inability to create the life he wants. He feels repressed and limited but he cannot break free and create his own reality, because he believes that the others must do that for him. This sometimes works in reverse, especially as the child grows up. He is made to believe that he is responsible for the reality which his parents experience and thus made to feel guilt that they are not happy with his life, or his choices, or accomplishments. This chains him to the wheel of seeking success in the eyes of others, often never receiving the reward of "Bravo, well done my child, I accept you, you are OK in my eyes". In such a case he will put various persons in the role of his parent (lovers, spouse, employers, friends) and seek recognition from them. He will feel that all these others are responsible for his unhappiness. They are not giving him what he needs - self-recognition. This however, is something which only he can give to himself. If he doesn?t free himself from the role of child, he will never be at peace and he will always be at the mercy of what others think about him. He will waste tremendous quantities of energy and time trying to get the others? approval. He may however, react in the opposite way. He may rebel, often with self-destructive habits. "So you want success from me, in order to accept me. I?ll show you. I will never succeed. I will undermine every success, even my own health". And thus the parents? conditional love forces the child exactly into the behavior which they feared. Again the child is not taking responsibility for creating his own reality but is creating a reality in reaction to the expectations of his parents, or boss, or spouse or society. We can see that these roles, when they continue beyond adolescence, are destructive for both the child and the parent. We must see these roles in a more expanded sense here. We play these roles and their corresponding games with spouses, friends, employers, teachers, spiritual teachers etc. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * NO ONE ELSE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR REALITY * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * We are creating our reality through our past and present beliefs, thoughts, words and actions. No one else is creating how we feel. We are creating our emotions through the way that we see ourselves and the world around us. Although others may have been the means for instilling these beliefs in us as children, only we can free ourselves from their grip. Blaming the others for our childhood or for what they are doing now will not set us free. Observing our emotional reactions and analyzing the beliefs and mechanisms which are at their roots, WILL set us free. No one else can make us happy. No one else is responsible for our unhappiness or our health. That is important to remember. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE OTHERS? REALITY * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * In the same way we cannot create health or happiness for others. We are responsible for TRYING to help them to be healthy or happy, but we cannot MAKE them happy, if they don?t want to be, or if their life situation does not allow them to be at this moment. We are not responsible for their unhappiness. We can and must help, but we cannot take responsibility for the results. Those depend on the fate they have brought into this life and their own desires and efforts. When we understand this, they will finally be able to take responsibility for their reality and proceed. We will not obstruct them any more by projecting the thought (verbally or subconsciously) that we are responsible for their happiness, and not they. These thoughts run counter to a lot that we have of the programming we have received from society about the roles of parents and children. It may be difficult to free our selves from them. But it is possible; I have seen many do so. I have seen wonderful results for all concerned, when they did so. I have seen parents inevitably give up trying to solve their children?s problems, and thus quickly and miraculously the child (stopped being a child) and solved his own problems. We keep people in their problems by taking responsibility for solving them for them. We undermine their own sense of power. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ADULT TO ADULT or SOUL TO SOUL * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Thus we can gain much by getting free from the roles which are based on the illusion that we are these physical bodies. We are all immortal souls. We have lived thousands of lives (if you can believe that). This is not the first time any of us has faced the problems of physical or emotional existence. We and all the others are capable of facing life. We are all-powerful spirits which have temporarily lost the awareness of our greatness. We are certainly able to face and overcome the difficulties of life, and so are our loved ones. Let us see others as brother and sister souls enrolled in the same school of life. There are no children, no parents, no age, no sexes, no nationalities or religions. There are billions of immortal souls taking on various roles in each life continuing their evolutionary process. When I can see myself and those around me in this way, it will be much easier to handle any negativity which I encounter, because I will realize that this soul is learning something from that which he is encountering and that I too am to learn something here. Thus rather than wasting time trying to find out and announce who is right and who is wrong, I will spend my energy trying to find out what I need to learn here. Then life will become a beautiful university which leads each limited individual into a universal being. Continued below * * * * * Free email courses * * * * * * * * * * We have created for you FREE email Courses for improving your health, relationships, self esteem, love, forgiveness, happiness etc. Go to http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/courses/index.asp and click on the courses you would like to follow and you will receive one lesson a week for free. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * KEEP A HIGH LEVEL OF ENERGY * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * When our energy is low, when we do not feel well, when we are tired, worn out, needing rest or sleep, we do not have a high tolerance level. We loose our aura of resistance, of understanding. We loose our ability to handle stressful situations or the negativity of people in our environment. When our energy is high and we are feeling well, physically and thus also mentally, the same events or negative stimuli have much less, if any, affect on us. A high level of energy is an invaluable asset in confronting a negative world with negative people. When our energy is high we are automatically surrounded by a protective aura of energy which deflects much of what is going on. We are not insensitive, but we simply do not feel threatened by what is going on, because we feel that we have enough energy, enough resources, and enough inner strength to handle whatever is happening. Thus we would all do very well to employ various techniques and ways of life, which protect and boost our energy level such as: 1. A healthy diet based on whole grains, beans, nuts and fresh vegetables and fruits as well as dairy products. 2. Occasional purification of the body?s organs (for more effective functioning) by fasting on liquids 24 hours each week. 3. Daily exercises for at least 20 minutes. 4. Breathing exercises daily for about 10 minutes. 5. Deep relaxation techniques with positive thought projection daily. 6. Enough sleep, preferably broken up into two shorter sleep sessions rather than one long one. 7. Many other activities will also help, such as meditation, prayer, creative activities such as singing, dancing, painting, gardening, selfless service work etc. When we suggest such a program to people, their first response is, "how will I find time for all that?". This does not take as much time as one may think. A beginner would spend about 40 minutes to an hour a day. If he does not feel that he can dedicate so much tome, let him start out with 15 to 30 minutes doing just relaxation techniques or physical exercises and gradually add the rest. Another factor to consider is that energy equals time. How much time do we loose because we need to rest, because we make mistakes, because we simply cannot function effectively at this moment and simply want to space out in front of the TV or sit and do nothing?". Having more energy gives us much more "time" in the form of clarity and effectiveness and endurance. We never lose time in caring for our energy system. We gain time. You will have to try it to believe it. It may take a few months, however, to experience the results clearly. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN THE OTHER AND HIS BEHAVIOR * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * When we are annoyed by other people?s negativity we often tend to reject them and have in general negative feelings towards them. This leads to a deeper and deeper misunderstanding between us. It may take years or even centuries to remedy this situation between us. This is not necessary. A simple solution is to make a clarification in our mind between the person and his behavior. The person is an immortal soul in the process of evolution. The fact that he is in a process of evolution means that he is obviously not perfect (even if he believes he is or claims to be). Thus it is illogical to expect him to be perfect and to not make behavioral mistakes. Only an enlightened master will not make behavioral mistakes. But even he may do things which are offensive to our programmings, expectations and fears, since we are not yet enlightened. Thus we must also make the discrimination between what the other does, and how we feel about it. We interpret what the other does through our subjective programming, expectation, fears, beliefs, desires and needs. They distort to a great extent what is actually happening, they distort our mental perceptions of others and their motives. We see danger where there is not. In many cases we misinterpret what other people are trying to do. You cannot conceive the extent to which we do this. I never would have believed it, if my work didn?t force me to see it. How often I have seen people make the most illogical assumptions as to why others are doing what they are doing. They tend to believe that the other is trying purposely to harm them. But the simple truth is that the other is simply trying to satisfy his needs, or fulfill a role programming, and has no desire whatsoever to harm us. He is not free to act differently and is often very unhappy that we are taking this personally and harming ourselves through his actions. If we can see the other as a soul in the process of evolution, we will be able to accept that his actions can not yet be perfect. He does not yet have inner security, inner peace, inner fulfillment, self-confidence, self-acceptance, and thus he will obviously be driven toward self-centered activities which may annoy us. If we can separate this person from the activity and say to ourselves and to them, "I love and accept you as a person but this particular behavior makes me feel unhappy, insecure, angry or whatever", then we will be able to keep a loving contact with the other without suppressing our needs or his. We can let him know, with an I-message, that his action is functioning as a stimulus for our programming, which is creating unhappiness or suffering for us. We can ask him to try as much as he can to modify this behavior. We can listen to him and ourselves to understand the basic need or belief which is motivating his behavior. We can continue to love him and accept him even though he is unable at this time to make that change. One factor which often discourages us from communicating with the other in such situations is when they take the stance, "I am perfect. I have nothing to change. You are the one at fault. The problem is yours". We must realize that this too is a form of defensive behavior, which must be separated from the person and understood. He is not feeling secure, happy, satisfied. He is not sure of himself and thus must wear the mask of the "perfect one" or the "aggressive one" so that others will avoid putting him in the unpleasant situation of seeing himself. If you have close contact with such a person, it means that you have something to learn from him. One lesson is to love and accept him and be patient and understanding, waiting for the proper moment, when he feels relaxed and secure, to communicate. Another is to love and accept him, but to be more assertive and less yielding, so that he is forced to find another way of communicating. In some rare cases it is to accept and love him, but to leave him so that he can face himself, and wake up from the sleep he is in. In each case, the key is to continue to operate out of a feeling of love and acceptance for who he can be at this moment, independent of what further steps we may decide to make. Discrimination between him as a being and his actions will help. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * REALIZE YOUR OWN FAULTS * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * This was one of Christ?s main messages. Do not condemn. Look at your own faults. Do not be bothered with the other?s. Forgive them for whatever they have done. Forgive and you shall be forgiven. Realizing our own faults helps us have greater understanding for the others? faults. This is especially true if we have gone through a process of self-analysis and have discovered the beliefs and programmings which cause us to be negative. Anyone who has done such work on himself has realized that he becomes negative inwardly and outwardly basically when he fears, when he feels insecure, and when he doubts his self worth. Thus when he encounters this negative behavior in others, he remembers his own personal experience and is able to be more understanding, knowing that the other is not feeling secure, that he is acting out of ignorance at this moment. Understanding ourselves is the first step towards understanding others. Accepting ourselves with our own faults, is the first step towards accepting others with theirs. Our happiness depends very much on the quality of our relationships with those around us. It is a shame to be less happy simply because we are too lazy to work on these relationships. We have everything to gain, including much self-knowledge, spiritual evolution and, of course, a loving and joyful life. © Copyright ? Robert Elias Najemy ? http://www.HolisticHarmony.com v You may share this with others as long as you keep this copyright statement ************************************************************ ebooks by Robert Elias Najemy View them at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebooks/index.asp 1. Universal Philosophy 2. The Art of Meditation 3. Contemporary Parables 4. The Mystical Circle of Life 5. Relationships of Conscious Love 6. The Miracles of Love and Wisdom 7. Remove Pain - Physical and Emotional with Energy Psychology by Tapping on Acupuncture Points 8. Saram ? The Adventures of a Soul and Insight into the Male Psyche And available also at bookstores near you and also on our site 9. The Psychology of Happiness http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Get this ebook at 50% discount on this book "Project Serenity - How to gain happiness and peace" at http://members.rediff.com/project_management/ebooks/s01-subs.htm * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * => 1. Guided Relaxation CD's and cassettes * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Guided Relaxation CD's and cassettes You can order them at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/store/cassettes.html Relaxation CD no. 1 with four guided relaxations for only $8 1. Light Healing - This wonderful relaxation guides through the process of filling your body and mind with light, and thus bringing healing and rejuvenating energy into all your being and especially those areas which need help 2. Self Acceptance - We all need to increase our self-esteem and self-confidence. In this relaxation we cultivate feelings of love and acceptance towards ourselves and others. We also focus on self-confidence. 3. Inner Security - In this relaxation we imagine ourselves in situations which in the past have caused us to fear or feel anxiety but now we visualize and feel ourselves with inner peace, self-confidence, inner security while in touch with or dealing with that situation. 4. Inner Guidance - We focus on any particular question or dilemma and move through a process which allows us to get guidance on that issue. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Relaxation CD no. 2 with four guided relaxations for only $8 1. Inner Security - In this relaxation we imagine ourselves in situations which in the past have caused us to fear or feel anxiety but now we visualize and feel ourselves with inner peace, self-confidence, inner security while in touch with or dealing with that situation. 2. Inner Guidance - We focus on any particular question or dilemma and move through a process which allows us to get guidance on that issue. 3. Improving Relationships - We bring to mind a person with whom we would like to improve our relationship or communication and visualize ourselves loving this person and communicating openly and honestly. We create the mental image of a positive relationship. 4. Decision Making - This is also a wonderful relaxation in which we take a trip into nature to discover three doors each of which represents a possible future depending on the decision we have to make. We sense how we feel with each decision and then contact our higher self for further guidance. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * - - - - - - s t a r t - - - - - - Please rate this Ezine at the Cumuli Ezine Finder http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/ra22185.rate http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/ra22185.rate"> AOL Users - - - - - - e n d - - - - - - - * * * * * Incredible Offer * * * * * NEW Announcing An Amazing Comprehensive CD from Holistic Harmony Network with 1. All nine ebooks by Robert Elias Najemy on CD You get the following for FREE 2. Hundreds of articles free (almost all of our site) 3. Free eCourses 4. Free Video Clip on how to perform EFT with Gary Craig, 5. An audio deep relaxation "Light Healing" for those whose computers support it.- click below to learn more! http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/holisticharmonycd.asp * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ***** MEMBER INTERACTION ***** Share with us your ways of understanding life. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Recommend Clarity - The Psychology of Happiness to a friend! http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/clarity.ezine http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/clarity.ezine"> AOL Users Click Here * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ***** - SPECIAL OFFER - ***** ** This book has enhanced over 20,000 lives ** A 40% DISCOUNT "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Elias Najemy Click here http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html Thus you will be receiving the book at your home for only $ 10.80 plus $ 5 shipping = $ 15.80 or from Amazon.com at 30% discount http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The Psychology of Happiness by Robert Elias Najemy The Psychology of Happiness penetrates to the heart of the subject of human happiness in a deep and yet simple, clear and understandable manner. It offers a variety of techniques, questionnaires and guidelines for creating happiness. It covers many subjects including: Psychology of Evolution, Managing Emotions, Overcoming Fear, Loving Ourselves, Facing Loneliness, Stages of Love, Reconciling Inner Conflicts, Healing Our Inner Child, Forgiveness and Freedom, Coping with the Death of Loved Ones. Included are 23 case histories - real life situations and the possible lessons, which we can learn from such and similar situations. ^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Over 100,000 of Robert E. Najemy's 19 books have been sold in Greek, an impressive number considering the small population and reading tendencies of the Greek public. Some are translated into Portuguese, Persian, Polish, Arabic and German. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * SEMINARS For information about ongoing and also weekend seminars in the following areas email us or call the following numbers GREECE: (in Greek) - Continuously - call 010 6818220 or 010 6818151 CYPRUS: (Greek) call 5- 431616 or 2-772808 or 9 626198 LEBANON (in English) call 03 819818 USA: In May and June 2003, Robert will be giving seminars in the USA again in May and June of 2003 in Hubbardston, Mass. and White River Junction, Vermont and perhaps in California. (see above) If you are interested email us at ren@holisticharmony.com If you would like to organize a seminar in your area communicate with us at ren@holisticharmony.com * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Visit us at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com or subscribe: * You are receiving this biweekly newsletter because you have become a member of the Holistic Harmony Network or you or a friend have requested a subscription for you. to subscribe or unsubscribe go to: http://www.holisticharmony.com/smusermanager/login.asp?action=maillist Careful because the same button adds or removes you. Just click once and be sure that it has performed the function you want. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Those of you who are being confronted with serious Life Issues at this time are encouraged to try out our Life Clarification Process at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Articles in this and previous issues can be viewed at http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Again we wish for you to be well and hope that you will care for yourself and your loved ones. May you be well on all levels of your Being. |
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