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The Psychology of Happiness Concepts for a Happier more Harmonious life Published every 7th and 21st of the month April 7, 2002 Circulation 1100 Issue # 12 Focus - Dealing With Emotions This ezine is a work of love. May you enjoy it and benefit from it *********************************************************** *May this issue find you well and happy on all levels of your being.* If you are not yet a member become one (FREE) at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com & ** Benefit from over 600 FREE articles, ebooks, ** * Discounts on books and cassettes * * and our Life Clarification Process.* KNOW SOMEONE who would benefit from this important information? Forward it or Print it for them. ************************************************************ ******* ATTENTION ******* You can view this and previous issues with greater ease by clicking here http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/ *********************************************************** Unsubscribe instructions are at the end of this newsletter. * If you are receiving in duplicate, please let us know. ************************************************************ * Forward this ezine or a particular article to a friend. * ** He or she may be * very grateful * to you. ** ************************************************************ IN THIS ISSUE - Focus on Dealing With Emotions The emotion of fear will be dealt with separately in the next issue Gain Insight into your emotions at: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/research/questionnaires.html ************************************************************ =>=> Editorial - 12 Ways of Dealing with Emotions ************************************************************ => 1. Anger - Solutions ************************************************************ => 2. Disappointment - Disillusionment - Discouragement ************************************************************ => 3. Overcoming Anxiety ************************************************************ => 4. Jealousy ************************************************************ => 5. Inner Emotional Pressure ************************************************************ => 6. Special Offer - If you find these writings useful, You will want The Psychology of Happiness at 40% discount. http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html ************************************************************ => 7. Subscribe/Unsubscribe information ************************************************************ => Editorial - 12 Ways of Dealing with Emotions ************************************************************ 12 Ways of Dealing with Emotions Robert Elias Najemy In addition to the various specific questions for each specific emotion offered on our web site, ( http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/research/questionnaires.html ) there are some universally beneficial techniques that can be employed. These techniques will be described in more detail in our next ezine on overcoming fear. They very briefly are: 1. Learn to accept yourself and your emotions as they are. 2. Objectify the emotion by: a. Writing a letter to it, b. Dialoguing with it, c. Drawing it, d. Speaking to it, e. Dancing it. The same can be done by writing to or dialoguing with the part of us that feels that emotion, rather than writing to the emotion itself. There is a slight difference. Try it. 3. Keep up a high level of energy through proper diet, exercise, breathing, relaxation, meditation, etc. 4. Visualize yourself feeling safe and worthy in those situations, which usually cause you to feel unpleasant emotions. 5. Make more dynamic efforts towards changing your reality so that it is how you would like it to be. 6. Develop faith in the Divine, universal justice and in our own ability to deal with life. The following will require an experienced guide: 7. Participate in discussion groups where you can share thoughts and feelings with others. 8. Learn to transform the form of the emotion in the subconscious. 9. Get help with transformation regressions to past experiences where you relive past events with the knowledge of the present. An alternative would be to get help from a EMDR practitioner. 10. Do Psychodrama with an experienced counselor concerning emotions which have to do with others. 11. Learn to do Dialoguing between "personas" or parts of us that have conflicting emotions. 12. In addition to the above we suggest that you learn to employ Emotional Freedom Techniques for specific emotions you might have at any given time. http://www.emofree.com We suggest that you photocopy the above list and have it on you so that when you are controlled by a negative emotion you can refer to it for a technique to employ. We remind you that you can find specific questionnaires designed to aid you in discovering the roots of each emotion at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/research/questionnaires.html . (Adapted from the "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Najemy available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html. This book and other writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.) You can gain insight into your emotions at: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/research/questionnaires.html Fear will be dealt with separately in the next issue. ************************************************************ => 1. Anger - Solutions ************************************************************ *** Anger - Solutions *** Robert Elias Najemy Rage is an advanced form of anger, just as panic is to fear, a state in which we are even less in control of our words and behavior. Hate is a condition in which we think very badly of someone, avoid contact with him, and probably wish the worst for him, perhaps even hoping that he might experience a tragedy. All three of these emotions, which from here on in we will simply call "anger", are secondary emotions in the sense that they arise from other emotions, such as hurt, fear, guilt, injustice, disappointment, etc. In general we are controlled by two beliefs here: 1. We believe we must have something that the other is obstructing us from having. This could be anything from sleep, food and shelter, to our peace of mind, our spouse or other persons to whom we are attached. 2. We believe this person toward whom we feel this anger is responsible for our reality. We believe that if it were not for him or her, we would not be unhappy. He or she is "responsible" for our pain and unhappiness. Anger can also be a starting point for major change for an individual, or even an entire society. Anger can be a source of energy and dedication toward transforming the negative and unjust circumstances around us. Many of us first need to learn to acknowledge, accept and express our anger before we can regain our self-esteem and empowerment. (We need not vent our anger toward others. We can learn nonviolent ways to express this energy. There are various catharsis techniques for this, which have nothing to do with others.) Also, there are some cases in which we may need to express anger in order to get a result for which we are responsible. This can be done, however, without demeaning or hurting the other. Hate, on the other hand, is based on weakness and has few redeeming qualities. A strong person seldom hates. Thus, we are not interested in suppressing our anger, but rather in recognizing it, accepting it, expressing it in non harmful ways, understanding it and focusing its energy in positive directions toward self empowerment and social change. Here is a brief list of some common reasons we might feel anger towards someone: (You may want to check those which tend to bother you.) 1. When others do not agree with us. 2. When they do not understand us. 3. When they obstruct us from satisfying our needs. (A need could be psychological, such as the need for acceptance, respect or self-esteem) 4. When they do not respect us. 5. When they think they are superior. 6. When they try to control or suppress us. 7. When they criticize us. 8. When they tell lies or gossip about us. 9. When they harm us or someone close to us. 10. When they have evil intentions or ulterior motives. 11. When they are negative, complaining, whining, criticizing etc. 12. When they think they know it all. 13. When they give us advice we have not asked for. 14. When they play the role of the victim, the "poor me," and want attention. 15. When they do not take care of themselves or carry their share of the load. 16. When they make mistakes. 17. When they do not keep their promises or appointments. 18. When they are weak and dependent. 19. When they act in an egotistical and selfish ways, disregarding our or others? needs 20. When they use us or others. 21. When they are cold and insensitive. 22. When they are not responsible to their word or responsibilities 23. When they are lazy. 24. When they ignore our needs. 25. When they reject us. Other reasons____________________________ It would be interesting to go through the same list replacing the word "they" with the word "I," making the analogous changes in the wording, so as to determine when we get angry with ourselves. This exercise may also reveal that some of the anger we feel toward others is actually a projection of anger that we feel toward ourselves. If we could understand and accept ourselves in those situations, we might also understand and accept others. Positive alternatives to anger or hate could be: 1. We can understand the others? weaknesses and negative traits. We all have faults and moments in which we are not conscious, loving or respectful of others. 2. If we have faith that nothing happens by chance and that life gives exactly what we need at every moment for our growth process, we will be able to take responsibility for what is happening and stop blaming the other. 3. We need to realize that we are the sole creators of our reality and that we are attracting from life and others whatever corresponds with what we feel and think within ourselves and with whatever we have to learn. 4. We can direct our energy toward changing or correcting that, which makes us angry. 5. We can recognize and understand our own weaknesses and negative traits and thus develop understanding for others? weaknesses. 6. We can learn forgiveness and love others and ourselves as we are. (Adapted from the "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Najemy available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/holisticharmo-20 and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html. This book and other writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.) ************************************************************ *** The Psychology of Happiness *** ** This book has enhanced over 20,000 lives ** *** EVEN MORE Testimonials about this book *** " I have now learned to live at peace with the society and see humanity with love. I am freed from hate, aggression and negative emotions. I have found my self and have become an honest citizen." Spyros Kontopoulos 45yrs. Architect You have so much to gain by ordering this book with a 30% DISCOUNT from Amazon by clicking here: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 Or here for a 40% DISCOUNT by clicking here: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html Or ask your local bookstore to order it with ISBN number 0-9710116-0-5 ************************************************************ ========================== Balance. Success. Joy. They're yours when you subscribe to the New Leaf. It's like having a free personal coach in your in box. Subscribe in seconds at http://www.mollygordon.com ========================== 5/9 ************************************************************ ==> 2. Disappointment - Disillusionment - Discouragement ************************************************************ *** Disappointment - Disillusionment - Discouragement *** Robert Elias Najemy A wise teacher once said, " No appointments, no disappointments." We experience these somewhat similar emotions when we have created expectations concerning what we will receive from others, God, life or even from ourselves. We might also feel such emotions concerning our own abilities or efforts when we are unable to achieve the goals we desire. We feel this way when things do not happen the way we expected, or more often, when others are not who we expected them to be. We develop expectations, and then feel cheated when we they are not fulfilled. Also, when we do not achieve the results we desire, we feel disappointed and disillusioned in ourselves, others or God. When we succumb to such feelings, we often give up making any further effort, which in turn obstructs our growth. Positive alternatives to disappointment and disillusionment could be: 1. Understand that we are all in a process of evolution and that no one is perfect. It is unreasonable to expect of demand perfection from ourselves or others. We would not be here in this evolutionary process if we did not have much to improve. 2. Faith in the flow of life. There is a wisdom greater than ours. We usually want to get our desired results immediately if not "yesterday". We need to learn that change, manifestation and creation are usually slow organic processes like a plant growing. There are, however, moments of quantum leaps. 3. Confidence that with patience, practice and perseverance, we can manifest the changes we seek. We can develop greater trust in our ability to manifest our goals and life purpose with or without the help of specific person. 4. Greater self-sufficiency will allow us to need less from the other and thus not be so dependent on them, expecting so much from them. When we feel secure, worthy and fulfilled within our selves we need much less from others and experience disappointment less frequently. 5. A larger sense of time, in which we realize that, any efforts made for less than fifty years, are actually small in relationship to the immensity of our being. It is important that we do not allow such feelings of disappointment to diminish our efforts towards creating a better life for ourselves, our loved ones, society and the world as whole. Understand and accept the present limitations of your universe as you use them as a stepping stone to move out of and beyond them. ************************************************************ Have a happier, healthier and more energetic you! Treat yourself and your family with good times, healthy, energizing ideas and great potential income. www.moms-connection.com Subscribe to newsletter: http://www.moms-connection.com/subscribe.htm Join the Momsteam: http://www.moms-connection.com/themomteam.htm ************************************************************ => 3. Overcoming Anxiety ************************************************************ *** Overcoming Anxiety *** Robert Elias Najemy In order to create the healthy, happy and harmonious reality we all desire, we will need to create emotional harmony. This process can be divided into six basic steps: 1. Recognize our emotions. 2. Accept them as they are. 3. Release them when necessary. 4. Understand how they are created. 5. Transform the negative ones through understanding and create more positive ones. 6. Transcend them. Here we will present a short profile of some of the basic emotions. We have developed specific questionnaires for understanding each one. As this book would have become prohibitively large if we included them here, those who are seriously seeking to understand themselves can download these questionnaires from our web site at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/research/emotions.html. (for members ? but membership is free) Answering those questions will help you discover how those emotions are created and how you might transform them. ANXIETY AND WORRY Anxiety and worry, although obviously forms of fear, have become so common that it is worth looking at them separately. Anxiety often concerns the factors of time and results. We are anxious because we fear that we will not have enough time to complete all that we have planned, or that the result will not be successful, perfect or acceptable to the others. We worry often for the same reasons, but also when we fear something may not turn out as we hope. That "something" may concern ourselves, our children, or our parents or spouse, which of course, ultimately, through our attachment to these people, has to do with ourselves. We learn to worry as children, and this becomes a habit causing us to search for issues to be anxious or worrisome about, even when there is nothing really important enough to merit such a concern. We may wonder at times why our mind thinks so much about a particular matter, creating anxiety and worry, when in reality that matter is not so important to us. Anxiety and worry contain a feeling of danger, that we are unable to achieve what we want or protect ourselves from others or events. It is a form of self-doubt and lack of faith in ourselves, others and the Divine Laws of the universe. "Soul-utions" For this reason, we would do well to employ a daily program of: 1. Exercises 2. Breathing techniques 3. Deep relaxation with positive projection, 4. Meditation 5. A healthy diet 6. Creative self-expression. These activities will help reorganize our energy patterns, freeing us from the hold of negative thoughts. Positive antidotes to anxiety and worry could be: 1. Faith in divine wisdom and justice; that all will occur as is necessary and beneficial for our growth process. This belief allows us to surrender to the wisdom of the universe and feel secure even when externally we are being challenged by difficult situations. This does not mean that we do not seek to create the reality we prefer, but simply that we feel sure that the results of our efforts will be the best for our growth regardless of whether they are what we prefer. 2. Confidence in our ability to deal with whatever life brings us. Why should we doubt that we can deal with whatever comes? We have encountered so many tests in life, and here we are ? alive and reading this. We have survived. We, as spirit, are greater than any possible human experience. 3. Realizing that we are worthy of love and acceptance as we are. Much of our anxiety has to do with our doubts about our self-worth which we tend to measure by what others think and by the results of our efforts. Accepting ourselves as we are removes much anxiety. 4. Living in and enjoying the present moment. Our fears, regrets, anxiety and worry seldom have to do with the present, but rather with the past and future. But neither actually exist. The past exists only to the degree that we carry it in our minds. The future is equally an illusion. Focusing on what we are doing in the present moment releases us from anxiety and worry. (Adapted from the "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Najemy available at http://www.Amazon.com and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. This book and other writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.) *********************************************************** ***** MEMBER INTERACTION ***** Share with us your ways of understanding life. *********************************************************** - - - - - - s t a r t - - - - - - Please rate this Ezine at the Cumuli Ezine Finder http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/ra22185.rate http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/ra22185.rate"> AOL Users - - - - - - e n d - - - - - - - *********************************************************** => 4. JEALOUSY ************************************************************ *** JEALOUSY *** Robert Elias Najemy Bill is very jealous of Efi and does not want her to ever leave the house without him. He is afraid that some man might approach her, and he cannot stand the idea of another man even looking at her. Although she has given him no concrete reason to fear, for some reason, he does not trust her. He feels intense fear, self-rejection and anger. His sense of self-worth as a man is highly associated with his being only man whom Efi could possible care for. He does not know why, but he totally loses control, intimidates and even threatens physical violence when Efi goes out of the house for a reason other than shopping. Ironically, Bill?s eyes tend to follow attractive women whenever they pass. His mind is very focused on women. Perhaps this is because his mother gave him very little attention, or perhaps she never breast fed him, or she herself had a tendency to flirt, something which demeaned his father and made Bill feel ashamed. He may have, at that time, made a vow never to be demeaned like his father. Efi, on the other hand, comes from a family that allowed very little freedom. She was free to go on her first date only after the age of eighteen. Now with Bill?s problem, she is experiencing the same restrictions and clashes she?d had with her parents. She is living a personal reoccurring nightmare. At first she tried to avoid conflicts by not going out at all, but she nearly went crazy. She tried to plead and reason with Bill, but the subject was a source of great pain and anger for him and he inevitably ended up threatening her. Efi is not interested in other men, but she cannot stand this suppression and distrust. She has begun to go out ever more often and their conflicts have become more frequent and intense. What can they do to get out of this vicious circle? What do they need to learn to solve this problem? Bill: 1. Does he need to work on his childhood years and get free of that image of his mother flirting? 2. Does he need to let go of his self-doubt? 3. Is his lesson to feel his self-respect and self-worth as a man independent of what his wife does? 4, Does he need to learn to care more about Efi and her needs? 5. Does he need to learn to trust her more? 6. Does he need to communicate differently, expressing his needs and fears and not his anger and threats? 7. Perhaps he needs to become more self-sufficient. Efi: 1. Is her lesson to understand Bill and help him feel safe? 2. Is it to go out anyway and let him deal with his emotions? 3. Does she need to overcome her programming from her childhood years so she can feel her right to be independent and also free herself from fear of suppression or conflict? 4. Does she need to respect his needs more and feel her freedom while helping her loved one? 5. Does she need to respect her own needs more? 6. Does she need to find a different way of communicating with him? 7. Does she need to overcome guilt? Both need to work on their childhood programming for which we would suggest our book The Psychology of Happiness and also our web site www.HolisticHarmony.com, and of course, personal work with a some type of counselor. (Adapted from the "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Najemy available at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html. This book and other writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.) *********************************************************** => 5. Inner Emotional Pressure ************************************************************ *** Inner Emotional Pressure *** Robert Elias Najemy The Pressure Cooker Each person is like a pressure cooker with its cap on. As long as the cap is on, no one can know how much pressure is built up inside us. Very often even we ourselves are not aware of how much pressure has built up in our system until it explodes the top off or starts to seep out of some weaker points in this «cooker». This release of pressure may take occur as an psychosomatic illness or an «accident»; which to the untrained mind seems to be an event which is caused by some external force and which has nothing to do with the pressure building up in that person. Or the pressure may release through various pains, such as headaches, stomach aches, ulcers, colitis or breathing problems such as asthma or allergies or even as cancer, or heart problems. In others, the pressure flows out emotionally perhaps in the form of a depression, perhaps through complaining, crying, criticizing, rejecting, or perhaps through anger, aggressiveness, violence or in general an antagonistic behavior. Many manage to keep the cap on for many years so that they do not have to deal with the unpleasantness of facing and working with the «pressure». Some keep the cap on through overeating, others by drinking or taking tranquilizers or other drugs. Others by watching television, or going regularly to the movies, reading one book after the other, smoking one cigarette after the other, or by never ever being alone or by working continuously and not ever leaving free time to look inward. In other words we manage to avoid confronting our inner «pressure» by keeping our awareness either dulled or continuously focused outward on something else. If you have the courage and want to see the truth concerning yourself, designate a time every day in which for 20 to 60 minutes you will look into yourself and learn about your real Self in various ways. Some possible ways might be breathing techniques, deep relaxation, prayer, meditation, self-analysis and in any other way that helps you create a healthy more intimate contact with your inner self. When you do start to employ such techniques, be careful not to overdo it at first, with excessive enthusiasm. Just as damage may be done when by taking the cap off the pressure cooker when there is much pressure built up within, in the same way we may do harm to our selves by overdoing such techniques in the beginning. Touch the cap on a regular basis letting the steam out daily and slowly. Thus the pressure will be reduced to the level where you can take the cap off completely and open up the vessel with no danger to anyone. Start releasing your pressure today. *********************************************************** ***** - SPECIAL OFFER - ***** A 40% DISCOUNT "The Psychology of Happiness" by Robert Elias Najemy *** THE BOOK THAT HAS CHANGE 20,000 LIVES *** Click here http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/psychofhappiness.html Thus you will be receiving the book at your home for only $ 10.80 plus $ 5 shipping = $ 15.80 or from Amazon.com at 30% discount http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0971011605/holisticharmo-20 *********************************************************** The Psychology of Happiness by Robert Elias Najemy The Psychology of Happiness penetrates to the heart of the subject of human happiness in a deep and yet simple, clear and understandable manner. It offers a variety of techniques, questionnaires and guidelines for creating happiness. It covers many subjects including: Psychology of Evolution, Managing Emotions, Overcoming Fear, Loving Ourselves, Facing Loneliness, Stages of Love, Reconciling Inner Conflicts, Healing Our Inner Child, Forgiveness and Freedom, Coping with the Death of Loved Ones. Included are 23 case histories - real life situations and the possible lessons, which we can learn from such and similar situations. ************************************************************ Over 100,000 of Robert E. Najemy's 19 books have been sold in Greek, an impressive number considering the small population and reading tendencies of the Greek public. Some are translated into Portuguese, Polish, Arabic and German. ************************************************************ RESPONSES FROM READERS You are welcome to send in your thoughts ************************************************************ SEMINARS For information about ongoing and also weekend seminars in the following areas email us or call the following numbers GREECE: (in Greek) - Continuously - call 010 6818220 or 010 6818151 CYPRUS: (Greek) call 5- 431616 or 2-772808 or 9 626198 LEBANON (in English) call 03 819818 - Robert Najemy will be visiting the USA in August and September 2002. If you would like to organize a seminar in your area communicate with us at ren@holisticharmony.com ************************************************************ Visit us at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com or subscribe: * You are receiving this biweekly newsletter because you have become a member of the Holistic Harmony Network or you or a friend have requested a subscription for you. to subscribe click: subscribe@holisticharmony.com to unsubscribe click: unsubscribe@holisticharmony.com Those of you who are being confronted with serious Life Issues at this time are encouraged to try out our Life Clarification Process at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com ************************************************************ Articles in this and previous issues can be viewed at http://www.holisticharmony.com/clarity/ *********************************************************** Articles to look forward to in forthcoming issues: 1. What is Selflessness? 2. What is Real Love? 3. Forgiving Ourselves 4. DEALING POSITIVELY WITH THE LOSS OF LOVE ONES 5. ANXIETY ABOUT GRADES 6. Creating Harmony in our Hormones 7. Dealing With Criticism and Difference in Opinion 8. Positive Thought Forms - Beliefs Concerning Self-Worth 9. Breathe Freely by Removing Excess Mucus from the Body 10. Keeping the Vision Alive 11. WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE 12. Create Happiness with a Positive Life Outlook *********************************************************** Again we wish for you to be well and hope that you will care for yourself and your loved ones. May you be well on all levels of your Being. |
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