a. What am I not getting here which I believe that I need?

b. What are my needs here?

c. Why do I need that?

d. What will happen if I do not get what I want? If things do not happen the way I want them?

A. Is there a part of me which has come to expect this?

b. Is there a part of me which feels that I do not deserve something better?

c. Is there a part of me which has gotten used to it being this way?

d. Does this situation remind me of other situations in the past? Perhaps the same emotions or situations?

1. From 0 to 7 2. From 8 to 12

3. From 13 to 20 4. From 21 to now

a. Is there a part of me which is perhaps receiving something from this? What?

b. Am I verified in some way by what is happening?

c. Am I punishing myself in any way?

d. Do I receive some type of satisfaction in not getting what I want, or in being the victim?

e. Do I receive any sense of being affirmed by what is happening - perhaps that I am right or good and the others not?

f. Do I receive any feelings of security through what is happening?

g. Does what is happening help me to get the others' attention?

h. Do I get anything from complaining or criticizing about this? What ?

i. What will I lose if this situation disappears forever?

a. What roles am I playing here?

1. Perfect 2. Strong 3. Weak 4. Unable 5. Victim 6. Good guy

7. Bad guy 8. Teacher 9. child 10. Parent 11. Rebel 12. Right 13. Smart 14. Other?

b. Which roles am I putting others into?

1. Are they playing the same roles?

2. Are they playing the opposite roles?

3. What are the opposite roles?

a. Is there a part of myself which wants what is happening to happen?

b. Is there a part of myself which agrees with the others even a little?

c. Is there a part of myself which would like to be like the other?

d. Am I pressuring myself to be like I am? How would the other part of myself which is being pressured like to act?

e. Is there any part of myself which doubts what I am doing?

f. Do I fear taking decisions on my own?

g. Am I looking for others or life itself to affirm my decisions or actions?

A. What I am afraid might happen here?

b. What am I afraid of losing here?

c. Am I afraid of asking clearly or confronting for what I want?

d. What will happen if this situation is never solved? What is the worst?

e. What fear must I overcome in order to solve this problem internally or externally?

f. Does any part of me actually to some degree simultaneously fear exactly what I want here?

A. Have I ever acted the way the other is in the past?

b. Have I ever criticized or laughed at or rejected others who were once in the situation I am in now?

c. Have I ever ignored others who were in the situation I am now?

d. Are there parts of myself which would like to act in the way the other is?

e. Do I have a sense of pride here or a feeling of superiority which is being intimidated by what is happening?

f. Have I ever looked down on others who are now in my present position?

g. Do I ever have similar emotions to those who are now interacting with me?

h. What do I do which bothers the others in this situation?

i. If I were the other, how would I feel in this situation?

J.how must the other feel in order to act in this way?

k.what do I do which might make him feel this way?

l. Am I criticizing others in this situation?

m. Am I criticizing myself?

A. Can I see my past being mirrored here?

b. Have I experienced this before?

c. Have I been in the opposite position in the past?

a. Do I have any guilt here?

b. Is my guilt asking for punishment?

c. Is my guilt preventing my from feeling that I deserve something better?

d. Do I have anger here? Towards whom am I angry and for what?

e. Am I feeling rejection?

f. Am I feeling bitter, abused, hurt?

g. Do I find it difficult to forgive here?

A. Is there a part of me which believes that this is actually what I can expect from life?

b. Is there a part of me which believes that this is what I deserve?

c. Is there a part which believes that I must be unhappy for some reason?

d. Is there a part of me which fears being happy?

e. Are any of the following beliefs working to some degree in me:

1. I am responsible for the other's happiness, health, satisfaction

2. I am a failure - not a good person if those for whom I am responsible are not well, happy and satisfied.

3. If I ask for something and am rejected, I lose my self worth.

4. Others do not love me.

5. I am not lovable.

6. My self worth depends on being loved and accepted by others

7. There is no justice. I am a victim.

8. People want to use me.

9. I cannot trust others.

10. I am in danger.

11. I am not safe alone. I need someone close to me.

12. I should not be happy if my loved ones are not well and happy.

13. I need someone to protect me, to guide me , to tell me what to do.

14. Others want to suppress, control me, limit my freedom.

15. If they loved me, they would do what I ask of them.

16. I must be perfect.

17. Others must function the way I want them to.

18. I must do what others ask or expect from me.

19. No one understands me.

20. In order to feel safe and secure I need ________________

21. In order to feel my self worth, I need ________________

22. In order to feel free I must________

23. If I forgive others, they will think that they are right and I am wrong

24. If I forgive others, they will do the same things again.