QUESTIONNAIRE FOR DISCOVERING OUR LESSONS IN WHAT BOTHERS US IN OTHERS' BEHAVIOR

The specific behavior on the other's behalf which bothers me and which I would like to analyze here is_________________________________ (Remember that the same analysis could also be done concerning other matters such as an illness or financial situation of event)

1. The emotions which I feel when the other behaves in this way or when I think of him behaving in this way are...

2. I feel this way because I have the following beliefs which make feel that way...

3. Have I ever behaved in this way towards this person or towards others in the past?

4. Is there a part of myself which fears something here? What do I fear here? Why does this bother me? And that which I fear in this behavior, what if it happens, what do I fear in that?

5. Is there a part of myself which has learned to expect this behavior, which has come to believe that this is the way this person or others will behave?

6. Is there a part of myself which believes that I for some reason I deserve this behavior?

7. Is there a part of myself which behaves towards my own self in the way that this person behaves to me?

8. Is there a part of myself which occasionally would like to act or behave in that way but something stops me?

9. Does this behavior remind me of any thing which I experienced as a child?

10. Am I perhaps playing some role here which is attracting this behavior from the other?

A. The victim? B. the abuser C. The teacher D. The parent E. The child F. The intelligent one

G. The righteous one H. The rebel I. The strong one - without needs J. The just one K. The Good person L. The one Responsible for all M. The server N. The weak one O. The spiritual person P. The judge Q.. Some other role?

11. Which are my needs or attachments which are being intimidated by this behavior?

12. What will I lose if I do not get the behavior I want from that person?

13. Do I have any feelings of guilt here which might be being mirrored? Are feelings of guilt or responsibility for the other making me vulnerable to this behavior?

14. Am I being critical, judgmental or rejecting here?

15. Do I have any internal conflicts which are being played out here? Is there a part of myself which doubts my own self and agrees with the other?

16. Are there emotions, needs and beliefs which I have not communicated in a clear way to the other?

17. What is my lesson here? What do I need to change in order to stop attracting this behavior and in the case that it appears, not be bothered by it?

18. What do I need to do to maintain my happiness?

19. Now imagine that the other person actually changes and behaves exactly as you wish, and becomes a perfect friend respecting your every need, and that this problem has completely disappeared. Notice how you feel with this idea.