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Back To Index Life Story no. 17 - PARENTAL PRESSURE
Steven is a student at a well-known university. He is not happy. He has lost interest in his major and does not want to continue. His parents will not even discuss the possibility of his not completing his degree. He is fast approaching a depressive state, as he sees no solution. He is not interested in what he is studying and does not want to pursue this occupation, and yet he feels very much responsible for his parents' happiness and cannot bear the idea of their disappointment and pain. They have given him so much in life. Yet, now, responding to their needs is a painful experience. He feels obliged and also fears their rejection. They, on the other hand, cannot think of any reason why he would not want to continue. They believe that such a degree will be a great asset in establishing himself professionally, economically and socially. "What else could he want?" Stevens wants to do something that gives meaning to his life. For him, professional, economic and social success without meaning have no value. What can they all learn from this? Some lessons that Steven might have to learn are: 1. To love others without believing that he is responsible for their happiness or reality. 2. To realize that love does not require that we sacrifice our values and interests in life. 3. To overcome any blockages which prevent him from being interested in and completing his major. 4. To clarify his life goals. 5. To get free from the role of the child (emotionally, materially and financially). 6. To love others even when they make demands on him. 7. To love himself even when he cannot satisfy their expectations. 8. To discover what he might be doing which might make others continue to perceive him as a child. 9. To make a more serious effort at learning and overcome any possible laziness or fear of failure. 10. To express more clearly, assertively and lovingly his needs, beliefs, values and goals. 11. To overcome any fears of facing life alone. 12. To accept that his parents may need to grow and learn through this pain and not feel responsible for that. (But also to help them with his love through this period.) Some beliefs that might help Steven find a solution: 1. I love and accept my parents without feeling the need to fulfill their expectations. 2. I am lovable and acceptable even when I cannot fulfill the others' expectations. 3. I am an immortal soul with equal rights and powers with all other beings. 4. My life is my own creation and I have the right to make my own mistakes and live with and grow through their consequences. 5. I am able to study and get this degree which will always be useful I some way. 6. I have the right to live a life with meaning. 7. I can find meaning in these studies. 8. It is only a short period of time before this period of study is over and then I can move on to something else if I feel the need to. 9. I understand my parent's beliefs and needs and accept them as they are. Some beliefs that might help his parents relax: 1. Our child's happiness is more important than any diploma. 2. We trust in our child's inner guidance. There must be a reason he is being guided in another direction. 3. Social, economic and professional success are not always equivalent with health, harmony and happiness. 4. He can always return to these studies later if he chooses to. 5. We trust our child to God's Divine wisdom. 6. We express our beliefs clearly and loving and allow him to make his own decisions and live with those consequences. Our responsibility for his economic and social survival is ending. 7. We love and accept him as he is, no matter what he chooses to do. 8. Many have gone through such crises and eventually made much of their lives. 9. Having competed our responsibility to give this soul a start in life, we now release him to his own powers and to God's guidance. | ||