At work, she prefers to execute projects rather than allocate them. She does not have much trust in how others will perform. Basically She trusts only herself.

In addition to an 8-hour day at the office, she does all the cooking and house work as well as taking care of any car repairs and driving the children back and forth to their various extracurricular activities. She has plenty of energy, sleeps only about four hours and is usually very positive, except in relationship to her husband Louie whom she rejects for his "laziness, lack of responsibility and indifference to the fact that she does so much and he so little".

A year ago she and her family learned that she has cancer. No one in the family seems to have digested this. They can not conceive that she might not be well or that she might need help. They have all become so used to and dependent on the idea that she is strong and without needs, that they cannot hear her needs. No one can hear her needs, because she has not yet accepted that she herself is allowed to have them. She has identified with the role of the strong and conscientious person and has never allowed her self to feel or express weakness.

Louie was not always so inactive. He has become much more so since he has been with Janet. Her speed and stamina, have given him an inferiority complex and he reacts by simply withdrawing and letting her do everything. Even if he did something, she would find some reason why it was not good or fast enough. He has lost his self-esteem. He has lost his inner sense of self-worth and is not interested in doing things at her pace, and thus, does nothing in addition to his eight-hour day except watch television.

The children too have become used to being taken care of and have not learned that they can also help out in the home. Louie and the children simply cannot perceive her as a weak or needy. Neither can she.

But now her cancer demands changes from all of them. How can they approach these changes more harmoniously?

Janet might have to learn some of the following:

1. To accept others as they are.

2. To learn to express her needs and what she expects more clearly assertively and lovingly.

3. To explain more clearly to others how she feels when their agreements are not kept.

4. To detach her sense of self-worth from the results of her actions. Not to be attached to the results of her actions.

5. To allow others the time and space to be motivated to do their work.

6. To have more faith in others and their abilities.

7. To listen to others so as to understand what their problems are.

8. To love and accept others even when they are unable to be conscientious.

9. To accept need and weakness in herself and others.

10. To feel worthy of love and respect even when she is in need of help.

11. To understand how others' and also her needs can obstruct their effectiveness.

Some beliefs which might help her:

1. I love and accept others as they are, along with their faults and weaknesses.

2. I accept and love myself regardless of the results of my efforts.

3. I have faith in the divine being in each, and allow all to execute their own responsibilities.

4. The world can function without me.

5. I offer whatever I can, but allow others to maintain responsibility for their realty.

6. I care for myself creating a healthy body and a peaceful mind.

7. I feel safe and worthy even when I am not able to complete what I have to do.

8. My self worth is based on my being and not on what I achieve.

Some beliefs that might help Louie are:

1. I love Janet and I want to help her, regardless of her attitude.

2. I am capable and enjoy being useful and helpful.

3. I accept and love myself exactly as I am.

4. I understand my wife's needs and wish to help her.

5. My wife needs me at this time and I want to be there for her.

6. I am capable of handling any responsibility.