She gets what she wants from others, by making them feel responsible for her reality, and by making herself seem weak, incapable and in need of help.

She is limited to being unhappy. She needs to find daily reasons not to be happy. Those reasons frequently imply that others around her are to blame. She finds it difficult to say, "what a wonderful day it is", or "how happy I am", or "thank you for being such a nice person to me". When she meets someone new, she is often excited because she has "finally met a good and sensitive person" - but eventually she manages to find a way to mentally transform that person into an insensitive uncaring person, once again proving to herself that she is the victim.

Since her husband left his body, some years ago, she has been living with her daughter Jane who is married with one child. Both Jane and her husband have difficulty dealing with Martha's role-playing.

What can they do to improve this situation?

Some beliefs that might cause Martha to play the role of Victim are:

a. I am the victim. I am weak.

b. Others create my reality. Others are to blame for my situation.

c. I cannot create the reality I want. I need others to help me.

d. If I am the victim, then I am a good person and the others are bad.

e. No one knows how much I suffer.

f. People will pay attention to me only if I have problems.

g. If I am fine, no one will care about me.

h. Since I am the victim and weak they must not pressure me, shout at me or ask much of me.

i. Since I am the victim, the others must change.

j. Since I am weak, others must serve me.

k. Others are required to satisfy my needs.

l. If others do not satisfy my needs, that means that they do not love me and do not care for me.

m. I am the center of the universe and all must address themselves to my needs.

n. I do not have the right to express my needs. They will never be paid attention to. Better not to express them and then complain later.

The following beliefs might help Martha get free from this role:

a. I accept and love myself exactly as I am.

b. I accept and love others exactly as they are.

c. Life gives me exactly what I need at each moment in order to keep learning and growing.

d. I am 100% responsible for my reality.

e. I am 100% responsible for solving my problems.

f. I am 100% responsible for my health, happiness, economic situation and satisfaction in life.

g. I am interesting to others as I am, without my problems.

h. I would prefer to have people's pure love rather than to force them to pay attention to me or do what I want by blackmailing them, by playing with their guilt.

i. I would not like anyone to play with my guilt or blame me for his or her unhappiness.

j. I express my needs in a clear way and expect that they will be recognized and respected.

k. My needs and beliefs deserve to be respected.

l. I deserve happiness, health and success.

Some beliefs that might make Jane susceptible to her mother's behavior are:

a. I am responsible for her reality.

b. I am worthy only if my mother is satisfied with me and with what I offer her.

c. I am to blame when she is not happy or satisfied.

d. I must have her approval and recognition for what I have done and am doing for her.

e. She is weak and needs my help.

f. I am the savior. I know better and can help others.

g. The more people I save, the greater my self worth.

h. I am being done injustice to, as I have offered so much and she is still not satisfied.

i. She is using me. I am the victim's victim.

Some beliefs that will help Jane free herself from being so vulnerable to her mother's behavior:

a. We each create our own reality.

b. I cannot create anyone else's reality.

c. I am not responsible for what others experience in their evolutionary process.

d. Others are not to blame for what I feel or create.

e. I can love someone without being sad when they are not happy, since each of us has what we need to be happy, if we could only see it.

f. It is okay to be well and happy when our loved ones are not.

g. I love, serve and help my love ones create the reality they want, without getting into the role of the savior.

h. No one can use me, if I choose to give. What I give freely cannot be taken from me since I am giving it.

i. If I feel used, then I am not giving from my heart but I am seeking something in return.

j. There are times when the greatest help we can offer is to allow the other to stand on his or her own two feet.

k. Others will continue to love me even if I cannot, at times, respond to their requests.

l. Life gives me exactly what I need at every moment so that I can learn my next lesson in my growth process.

A possible honest communication from Jane to her mother might go something like this.

"Mother, I want you to know that I love and care for you and want very much for you to be happy and healthy and satisfied in your life. I want that very much but I am beginning to realize that I cannot create that for you. I realize now that I have been feeling responsible for your reality and sometimes guilty because you are not as happy and satisfied as we would both like you to be.

"I now realize that I do not help you by feeling responsible or guilty. These feelings just make me angry with you when you do not do what you could be doing to create a happier life for yourself, or do not see how wonderful your life really is, when you focus on what you do not have, rather than all the wonderful things you do have.

"Thus I am no longer going to try to create your happiness or get your approval through your expression of satisfaction. I am going to love you and offer you whatever I can, without doing more than I believe I should or getting angry with you because you are not satisfied.

Do not misunderstand or believe that I do not love you. I do love you but I cannot make you be happy. Your happiness is your own creation.

"I would very much like to know how you feel about what I have explained to you. Is there something you would like to share with me concerning this?"