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Life Stories and Lessons
CASE NO. 5 - MOTHER-IN-LAW
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Phillip's mother- in- law Olga has moved in. She tends to intrude into their lives, telling them what they are doing wrong and criticizing their behavior; especially concerning how they bring up their children. She is an endless source of unasked-for advice. She also plays the victim and is very successful at making both Philip and his wife Kiki feel guilty that they are not making her happy. She is never satisfied and almost always finds reasons why she is being treated unjustly.

Phillip would like to make her happy, but she simply doesn't seem to want to. Fortunately both he and his wife agree that there is a problem. But neither knows what to do. The children are starting to rebel and have come into conflict with her a number of times lately.

If in fact life gives us exactly what we need, what might he and his wife and children be able to learn from this situation?

Possible Lessons:

1. To love and accept Olga as she is and forgive her for her weaknesses and negativity.

2. To express to her their needs and feelings more clearly, more lovingly and more assertively.

3. To free themselves from feeling guilty when they are not able to satisfy her needs or agree with her opinions.

4. To be able to say "no" without feeling guilty or believing that there will necessarily be a conflict, or that the she will stop loving them.

5. To cultivate the idea that the she can hear the truth and discuss any situation maturely like an adult.

6. To free themselves from childhood experiences in which they were programmed to believe that:

others would not respect their needs, or

would criticize them, or

would not be able to communicate peacefully.

7. To cultivate more positive feelings towards her.

8. To look for her positive qualities and see her as a test of their ability to love unconditionally.

9. To workout some types of practical agreements in which all feel that some of their needs are being fulfilled.

Some beliefs that will help them cope with the situation:

Phillip, his wife and children may benefit from some of the following beliefs:

1. Each and every person is an expression of God sent to me to learn to love unconditionally.

2. Love requires honest communication.

3. I express my needs and feelings assertively, clearly and lovingly and deserve to be loved and respected when I do.

4. I am lovable and acceptable even when I cannot fulfill other's expectations.

5. Each is responsible for his or her own reality.

6. I am not responsible for her reality.

7. She is not responsible for mine.

8. I love and help her as much as I can without getting caught up in how she responds.

9. I love her and understand her needs for attention and affirmation and give them to her in positive ways.

10. When she is negative, I perceive her need and fear and respond to them, and not to her negativity.

11. I am safe and worthy of love and respect regardless of her behavior.

Olga may benefit from some of the following beliefs:

1. I deserve love and respect exactly as I am.

2. I feel safe and secure within my self.

3. I love and respect others and encourage them to follow their inner voice.

4. Just as I do not like to be criticized, I do not criticize others.

5. I feel my family's love even when they are not paying attention to me.

6. I fill my life with my own interests rather than with others' responsibilities.

7. I and no one else, am totally responsible for my reality.

8. I allow others to maintain responsibility for their reality and their choices.

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