Except for brief moments when alone and he can see and accept it, most of time he is in denial. For him, everyone around him is responsible for his reality and his unhappiness. He feels very wronged and hurt. He is the gentle hurt victim who when drunk becomes the raging intimidator, breaking things and sometimes beating his wife and children.

Whenever he can remember what happened, he feels guilty and asks for forgiveness. But mostly he is in denial of what is happening. So is everyone else in his family. They prefer not to talk about it. They would just like the problem to go away.

Although Manos externally gives the impression that he believes that everyone around him is wrong and to blame for his problem, deep in himself he does not love himself, rejects him self and subconsciously wants to destroy himself.

All this has to do with his childhood years and the abusive behavior which he received from his father which totally destroyed his feelings of self worth.

His family alternates between trying to help him, to cursing him, to avoiding and ignoring him and trying to get on with their lives. But this is difficult as his behavior is often unpredictable, and irresponsible.

What could their lessons be?

Manos: Does he need to accept that he has a problem and participate in a 12 step group? Does he need to work on his childhood years and remove the pain and anger? Is his lesson to learn to love and accept himself as he is and see that he is a good person who deserves a much better life? Does he need to forgive his father ? Is his lesson to see that his family loves him and wants him to be well? Is his lesson to have greater faith in God's ability to help him out of something which he himself seems unable to overcome?

His wife and family: Could their lessons be any of the following: To believe that they deserve respect and love? To get free from childhood experiences in which each might have been conditioned in some way to believe that he or she is not worthy of love and affection, happiness or freedom? To learn to love and accept Mano with his weaknesses and negativity? To be able to see him suffering and to want to help him without losing their own self respect and without making him even weaker? To free them selves from the idea that they are responsible for his reality or cure? To allow him to have responsibility both for his happiness and his therapy? To realize that they have the right to be happy even if he is not? To not take what he does personally, and to realize that their self worth is not diminished by his actions? To search for what they may not be giving the him which he may need, such as love, acceptance , affection? To free themselves from the role of the parent or savior in relationship to him? To learn to express their needs and rights clearly, lovingly and assertively? To overcome any shame which they might feel towards the others because he has this problem? To realize that life is giving them exactly what they need moment for their evolutionary process?