by the fact that his wife is out of the house so much.

He has expressed his displeasure in a number of ways including reasoning with her that her place is in the home, criticizing her, accusing her of being a selfish and irresponsible person and even threatening her in various ways. She acts like an adolescent, reacts aggressively, threatens to ask for a divorce and leave him.

He does not want her to leave, but he is extremely unhappy about her adamant refusal to comply with his wishes. Besides the fact that many of his needs are not being fulfilled in this relationship, he also feels that he has lost his self worth as a man, since he cannot "control" his wife. He feels castrated by her behavior.

His mother would never have thought of going out of the house for her own needs. She existed only for her husband and children. She had no other interests except for her family. This is why Panagiotis reacted so negatively when Antigoni first started to go out to attend a class which interested her while he was at work. He could not comprehend that she could be interested in something else besides himself and her children. He feared where this unfamiliar behavior might lead. Thus he commanded her to stop. He thought that with that command everything would end. How could she possibly not obey his command as her husband? But this only made her more determined to assert her freedom and she not only did not stop , but added even another class the next year.

Antigoni had had enough suppression and a child and was now determined to protect her freedom. All of the rebelliousness which she did not express as an adolescence was being released now on poor Panagiotis. She was fighting for her freedom. Panagiotis was fighting for his image of what a wife should be like (his mother), and also for his self worth as a man and as a husband.

The more Panagiotis tried to control her, the more Antigoni reacted and became less reasonable. The more she reacted, the more angry he became. They were two intimidators in deadlock. She threatened leaving, he threatened no money and physical violence.

The truth is that Antigoni was not exactly happy with what she was doing. She also had some of those same programmings about what wife and mother should be like and felt a considerable amount of guilt which she never expressed to Panagiotis. Of course, Panagiotis on the other hand, expressed only his anger and never his feelings of rejection or fear.

Perhaps if Antigoni could talk about her fears of being controlled and her doubts and guilt, and Panagiotis could talk abut his fears and self doubt, they could transform this problem into a learning experience for both of them and address the real issues.

What could their lessons be here?

Panagiotis: Could he need to learn some of the following lessons: To feel happy and fulfilled and worthy even when Antigoni is not there? To communicate his need for her to be there more clearly, assertively and lovingly? To love and accept her as she is? To search (perhaps with her) for what he might be doing which might be causing her to want to be out so much? To not take this personally and realize that Antigoni's need in not an expression of rejection nor lack of love towards him, but simply a need or interest which she has? Not to measure his self-worth by the attention which he receives from her? Not to nag about this, but to discuss it openly and without accusations? To learn to have more personal interests to fill his own time? Perhaps to join her in what she is doing? To get free from beliefs that he does not deserve something better.? Or that he cannot expect something more satisfying? To get free from childhood experiences in which have created the expectations which he has? To express his needs more frequently and to think of interesting things which they can do together?

Antigoni: Could she need to learn some of the following lessons: To work on her feelings of suppression from her childhood years so that she does not feel so limited by her home and her husband? To realize that freedom is internal and not external? To see that freedom means also to be free enough from her own needs so as to be free not to go out of the house, or to be free to consider her husband's needs? To express her love to her husband in other ways so that he does not interpret her behavior a a lack of love? To learn to communicate more clearly with him so that he does feel rejection because of her behavior? To find a balance between her need for external activities and her need to be there for her husband and her family? To be able to express to Panagiotis what is going on inside her and what he does which brings those reactions to the surface? To remember that she would not like to be in his position and that he is not responsible for her childhood years which have created this reaction? That her happiness and fulfillment are within her and not in her external activities? To not be offended or hurt by Panagiotis behavior, to understand him? To decide which is more important, her harmonious family life and her family΄s feelings or her "freedom"?

Both need to start a process of self analysis, revaluation of old programmings and more honest communication.