He has proposed marriage. What she should do?

She admires many of his qualities. He is honest, caring, responsible, talented, organized, clear thinking, ethical and has many other qualities which a woman would logically want in a man. But she does not feel that spark of Eros for him. This is important for her. She needs to feel this erotic spark. It makes her alive, it gives her meaning, a reason to live. This spark awakened her and brought her joy. The only problem is that it never lasted.

Now thirty six, she had experienced eros five times on her life. She even married once based on that feeling and it lasted only five years, and that mainly because they had a child. What should she do? Should she wait for that feeling again? Should she settle on the love and respect which she feels for Stellios? And, if after she gets married, someone appears who sparks that feeling in her, will she regret marrying Stellios? Will she be able to be faithful?

She thought, "why couldn't Stellios be a little less organized and programmed, a little crazier, perhaps less connected to his responsibilities? Perhaps even less under standing, even mean and angry at times? I think then I could feel that way towards him."

She even told him these thoughts jokingly. He laughed but didn't give much thought. For him "Eros" was an illusion which lasted only a short period of time and then either needed to be transformed into a stable love and respect relationship, or else it will end up in unhappiness and usually separation. Now forty he had felt it a number of times in his life and allowed him self a few times to act on that feeling. It never worked out for him.

He was now interested in a conscious love relationship in which two people would share life and its ups and downs, and yes, its responsibilities.

All this made Argyro afraid that she would be bored with Stellios. What should she do? Should she accept this offer of a relationship would satisfy almost all her needs except for that feeling this spark of eros, or should she wait and see if she might meet someone who make her feel that way again? But that never worked out before! She was really confused, and Stellios, and of course, her parents were pressuring her.

Stellios was clear about what he wanted, but hurt by Argyro's hesitation. This made him, too, doubt whether she was right for him. He wanted someone who would be suitable for a stable relationship. On the other hand, he was attracted to her vitality and freedom of expression, something which was lacking in his character. She made him alive. Although she was very different from him and he could not be like her, he was attracted to her and wanted to be with her.

What do they need to learn? What are their lessons here?

Argyro: Has it come time to chose love over eros, or is eros the way to go? Is her lesson to wait for that special feeling, or that that feeling will never last and that she will have to find an internal stimulant to fulfill that need? Perhaps she needs to be able help Stellios become more free in in his expression? Perhaps she needs to let go of old perceptions and needs? Is her lesson to ignore this pressure from Stellios and her parents and do what she wants? Does she need to become more responsible in life? Is she addicted to external stimuli? Does she need to develop a deeper relationship with herself? Is she offering Stellios what he needs on order for him to be who she wants him to be? Is she afraid of commitment? Does she need to overcome her fear of being limited in a relationship? Is she afraid of abandonment or being hurt and is simply hiding behind this eros excuse? Does she need to learn to be happy alone? Does she need to perk up her relationship with Stellios?

Stellios: Does he need to find his own source of vitality ad expression and not look for it in Argyro? Does he need to stop pressuring her and let her decide when she is ready? Should he look for someone else more compatible and more ready? Is his lesson to be more complete in himself, and perhaps cultivate those feminine aspect of his own being? Should he become more carefree, more like Argyro would like him? Is he, too, afraid and thus is choosing someone who is not sure? Does he need to approach Argyro in other ways and develop other aspects of himself so that they will be more similar? Should he reconsider being attracted to someone so different from him who also has doubts?

Let us pray that each of them makes the necessary inner work so as to make the right decision. Chapter 11 is exactly what they need to clarify many of their doubts.