His wife Miriam is quite upset and hurt that she does not feel accepted by her mother in law and also because she feels that Elias does not protect her from her mother in law's criticism and budding into their lives. He does not draw the line for his mother, limiting how much say she can have in their lives. He does not put her in her place.

Of course, his mother has the same complaint about Elias's not forcing his wife to be more respectful. Is he in control or not? She thinks he should be more the man of the house and not let his wife control him.

His wife feels that he should grow up and not let his mother control him.

Miriam wanted to be accepted into his family, but not controlled by his mother. She is happy to serve her and help her, but not keep her house or raise her children or live her life according to his mother's ideas. She feels insecure. She feels that he is being constantly doubted, that no one has faith in her ability to raise her children, cook or keep a household.

His mother on the other hand, is just trying to help. She has had many years of experience raising four children who turned out fine. Why wouldn΄t Miriam want her advice? She loves her son Elias and wants the best for him, and that is why she tries to help Miriam be a better wife for her Elias.

Elias is afraid of both of them. He does not want conflicts. He cannot communicate effectively with either of them. He wishes they would just solve the problem between them and not involve him.

He can find no solution, because whenever he speaks to his wife of them, she sounds right, but when he goes to speak to his mother, she also sounds right. Thus he avoids them both as much as possible.

Both women alternate between the roles of "victim" and "interrogator" and he the "aloof" as much as he can. There are times however, when he cannot stand it any more and shouts at them, but they seldom take him seriously, because he himself is afraid of conflict.

What does each of them need to learn from this situation?

Miriam: Does she need to learn some of the following lessons: To love and accept her mother in law as she is and forgive her for her weaknesses and negativity? To express to the others her needs and feelings more clearly, more lovingly and more assertively? To free herself from feeling guilty when she is not able to satisfy her mother in law's needs or opinions? To be able to say "no" without feeling guilty or that there will necessarily be a conflict, or that the other will stop loving her? To believe that her mother in law can hear the truth and discuss any situation maturely like an adult? To free herself from childhood experiences in which she was programmed to believe that others would not respect her needs, or would criticize her, or would not be able to communicate peacefully? To cultivate more positive feelings towards her mother in law? To look for her positive qualities and see her as a teacher there to test her ability to love unconditionally? To workout some types of practical agreements in which all feel that some of their needs are being fulfilled?

Elias: Does he need to learn some of the following lessons: To overcome his fear of conflict? To learn to express his opinions and needs clearly without fearing that there will be conflict? To let them work it out for themselves? To see if there is apart of himself which is being expressed by his wife towards his mother and by his mother towards his wife? To learn to love and accept them as they are? To not be bothered by their conflicts? To be more assertive with one of them or with both?

His Mother: Does she need to learn some of the following lessons: That her daughter in law needs to learn by herself and not through her advise? To let go of her son? To have more confidence in her daughter in law, and give advice only when asked for? To occupy herself with other interests so that she does not dwell so much on her son's family?

Let us hope that they find the maturity necessary to analyze themselves and see what their lessons are and decide to change themselves so that they can find harmony and love again. The next chapter may help.