Programmed in an aristocratic family, she has learned to give much importance to etiquette and to the sharpness and refinement of a person's mind. She has a university degree. Her husband Andreas does not. She has money. Andreas did not. She likes to read. Andreas does not. She is proud of her intellectual abilities. She admires people with a sharp and fast thinking mind. For her intelligence and sharp thinking are what make a person worth respecting and admiring.

Andreas is a good hearted, simple person who enjoys the simple things in life. He works with his hands all day and that allows his mind to rest. He likes a beer with his friends. He likes to play with his children. He enjoys a good movie on the TV, a weekend in nature, swimming in the sea, playing racket ball. As much as Despoina is intellectual, Andreas is experiential. He cares for his wife and children, and within the limits of his humble means, is a good provider.

But recently he has felt much pain as he has realized that Despoina does not admire him, and that there are times when she wishes he were different. This hurt sometimes causes him to feel the "victim" and at others makes him an angry "intimidator" as his self worth is being doubted. He would think, " She gives attention only to those who have a university degree or a quick tongue. She doesn΄t care if the person is ethical or kind or loves his children. She does not care if he can create with his hands or cares for her feelings."

Lately, Andreas has been pulling away from Despoina as he feels ever more rejected by her. As time goes on Despoina covers less her desire to be in the company of the "intelligentsia and cultured".

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Then Despoina met a man who she could admire and started having coffee with him and discussing for hours. This was very stimulating for her. Their mutual admiration gradually led to physical contact. She was a divided woman. She loved her husband but could not feel this attraction which he felt for the other man.

Andreas started to to sense what was going on and found him self more and more in the role of the intimidator. His feelings of self worth were being ground to nothing. He was very vulnerable and needing in love, affection, and most of all, someone to respect and admire him. It was in this condition that he met another woman who respected and admired him for his simplicity and creative abilities. Now, he too, was in great inner conflict. This was not his style. He did not want to cheat on his wife, but his need for affection and affirmation were too great.

Both were cheating on each other and both were miserable. Neither wanted to cheat and neither wanted to separate, but both were being controlled by needs greater than their wishes. They both sought affirmation of their self worth. Despoina through a relationship with a man who admired her intellectually and whom she could admire intellectually, as if she were worth more because she was with someone worthy of admiration. Andreas by being admired by a woman who respected him.

What can they do? What lessons do they need to learn in order to find their love for each other again and continue their spiritual growth without these inner conflicts?

Despoina: Does she need to realize that a person's self worth is not measured by his intellectual ability? Does she need to learn to admire other things in a person, such as ethics, love, creativity, good heartedness etc.? Is her lesson to free herself from the programmings of her aristocratic upbringing? Should she leave Andreas for this man she admires more? Will she be happy with the other man, will he treat well as Andreas did? Does she need to learn to express her love to Andreas? Is her lesson that her self worth is not related to whom she keeps company with or what others think of her? Does she need to realize how her programmings are affecting Andreas?

Andreas: Does he too need to learn that his self worth is not in anyway measured by what other thinks about him? That the solution to his crisis of self worth is not another woman? Or since Despoina does not respect him, should he leave her? Is his lesson to forgive her and help her? Does he respect himself more so as to attract Despoina's respect? Is she perhaps reflecting his own feelings of inferiority about not having attended university? Does he too have the same beliefs about who is worthy and who is not and thus Despoina is reflecting that back to him? Does he need to accept and love himself a he is?

Do both of them have to learn the following?

1. To love and accept themselves and the other exactly as they are.

2. That their self worth is divine and cannot change or be dependent on external factors.

3. That they are all equally children of God containing the same spiritual value.

4. That God is the inner consciousness of every being they meet - including themselves.

We certainly hope they learn their lessons and come together in mutual love, respect and admiration.